The soldier and I on the phone…

“Well yeah, we didn’t have much money at all but we always seemed to have what we wanted.” he said. “Of course neither of us wanted much. What did we want?”

“I don’t know? Have a good time?”

“Yeah. And we didn’t need much money for that did we, P? As long as we were together we were happy as hell. Didn’t make any difference where we were at or what we were doing. Do you remember this?” Continue reading Astrology, Love And Money: Venus in the Natal Chart

Perhaps I am old, or perhaps it’s just a matter of taste but try as I might, I just don’t like the music my daughter is listening to these days. And this is difficult because I thought I could and should love whatever (and whoever) my kids loved but turns out I can’t manage and the truth comes out instead.

“What don’t you like about him?” she asked. She has a spectacular crush on the band’s lead singer.

“Well honey I’m sorry. I’m sorry but I just think he’s tiresome.”

“Tiresome? You think he’s tiresome?” She was shocked but curious. Your basic Plutonian Gemini.

“Yes, he bores me. And I am sorry to say that. I mean to like him and I try to like him but instead I am just bored by him.”

“Why bored?”

“Well what’s he do? All he does is go on and on about how bad his parents are and I don’t know,” I said with a chuckle. “I just think that’s boring. It does not interest me after a point. I want to know what you’re going to do. I want to know who you are. I don’t want to hear yet another dramatic way to say, I am mad at my parents. Good God.Song after song after song. Blah, blah. Can you see how that could be boring? I am bored to tears with that.”

“I could talk about that subject all day and all night,” she said.

“How bad your parents are?”

“Yeah.”

“Well go ahead. There are others out there who want to do the same thing but I’m not one of them. In fact I’d rather do anything but.”

“We have different tastes?”

“We have different tastes. And I am sorry. I will try to like your next crush, okay? I swear I will. And I wish I liked this one but I do not. However, I understand you do and I understand why and it’s fine with me. I got you the black makeup didn’t I? Rock on, babe. Do what you want; I am glad you are moved by the music.”

She has Venus/Pluto I have Venus/Neptune. No wonder…

Is there music that bores you? Where is your Venus?

pictured - Sleeping Venus, c. 1510, Giorgione b. 1477, Castelfranco, d. 1510, Venezia, Oil on canvas

Dear Torn,

You’re not really torn. You clearly prefer the first man, in spite of reporting experiencing bliss with the Sagittarian. Because bliss is bliss and I know bliss! And when you are blissfully in love with a man, you are not bugged out and obsessed with the man you had prior. The one you attempted to replace in what did you say? Two days! ::Laughs::

Look. It is very easy to find a lover. It’s much harder to find someone you love. Sounds like you have a lover with the Sagittarian. And there is nothing wrong with that.

And if you think I am going to say I think you’re in love with the Aquarian, well I’m not. I don’t think you love him, either. Sorry! Want him fiercely? Yes. But why?

Well you have a lot of Leo in your chart and I think you want him like a prize. And you have a packed 7th house, so you sure as hell don’t want be alone. But I suspect the real reason you are obsessed with the Aquarian is that he had the audacity to leave you. To leave the Queen. So here is my advice:

Come down to earth. Seriously, man. You’re a Virgo! And further, Saturn is in Leo, BAM on your Venus (love). Not only that, it’s headed for 7th house (relationships) and believe me you are not going to be able to keep cruising like this. You’re going to hit a wall and in fact you are hitting it now.

Because when a relationship ends, it takes more than two days to process it. Sorry, but this is REALITY. And when you lose someone you want, it hurts. And getting yourself some passing-by Sagittarian may stave off the pain short term but as you can see it’s not going to hold.

What’s happened here, is you’ve been rejected. That’s a Saturn thing. And if you want to grow and get anywhere, you are going to have to slow down, feel your feelings and figure out why. And I can give you a clue.

The Aquarian basically told you that you were too high maintenance, which makes sense for a gal with a lot of Leo in her chart. But rather than look at that, you find fault (Virgo) with his story and with a Saturn transit underway, you are not going get away with this.

See, it’s not the Sagittarius you are unhappy with. It’s you that you are unhappy and all this inflation and drama around your relationships is merely a diversion from that.

And I am not trying to be mean. I am just trying to get you on deck, here. Because the way your chart is set up, learning to be a grownup in relationships… learning humility is going to be your number one job for the rest of this decade. And the longer you try to postpone facing these issues, the more it’s going to hurt.

Good luck.

~~
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The New York Times reports:

“…The American Community Survey, released this month by the Census Bureau, found that 49.7 percent, or 55.2 million, of the nation’s 111.1 million households in 2005 were made up of married couples - with and without children - just shy of a majority and down from more than 52 percent five years earlier.”

I’ve been thinking about the dropping marriage rate. The first thing I thought was if they would allow gay marriage the rate would go right back up. But other than that, it’s a bit if a relief. Because although marriage does suit a percentage of people very well, some of us just plain, strain under contracts in general. I know I do. I have been married twice and was miserable from day one, both times! And it had nothing to do with the men.

The problem is that “marriage” is a shoe that does not fit my foot. At all! I have Venus square Neptune in my chart which describes a very leaky situation when it comes to “love”. My love is going all over, all the time so standing there promising to corral and contain it creates a complete disconnect. And that’s just the beginning of my woes.

So I’m standing there getting married… I’m saying the words I’m supposed to be saying and it’s a complete “sacrifice” because the words have nothing to do with my soul. And I have to say it’s a great relief to get a little older and have the ability to communicate this.

I am either in love with you, or I am not! I am devoted or I am not! I am loyal to a degree that is astonishing and all a marriage license does is make me miserable to a degree that is nearly supernatural. So in many ways I am glad to see there are fewer marriages. Because I know via astrology there are gobs of people who feel akin to the way I do and this is very liberating.

On the other hand, I think it is hell on the kids! And single parenting is so incredibly hard. But so is living a life that is mismatched to your nature. And people who aren’t suited to marriage wind up divorced anyway!

So what if there were no stigma of any kind attached to being married or single? Would you say marriage suits you? Or are you more like me, cramming your foot into an uncomfortable shoe, the moment you say “I do”?

And where is your Venus? It’s sign and it’s aspects.

Dear Married,

It may help you get your feet on the ground and be less confused if you remember this is only going to go where you want it to go. Do you want to have an affair? If you do, it sounds like one is on offer. I don’t condone that, and here’s the astrology… I think it might help you out.

You have no major transits at this time so I doubt your marriage is going to crack up and blah, blah, blah. I don’t think this guy is going to change your life. But you do have Venus in Pisces in the 12th house, square Neptune and here’s what I think is happening.

I bet this guy has planets in aspect to your Venus Neptune which is notoriously permeable, seducible and prone to fantasy. In other words, this thing is lying there in your chart, waiting to happen and this guy comes along and WHOOSH! The thing comes out to live.

But here’s the key. It’s your energy. He may be triggering you, but it is your energy and you can do whatever you want with it. For example you can feed this thing. You can dream this guy up into some kind of Prince Charming who can screw like ten men, or you can just as easy, fantasize around your husband and go home and screw him like ten women.

I like the second idea. No one gets hurt, but even more importantly, you discover this fabulous talent of yours rather than projecting it on to the guy.

Good luck.

~~
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Bereft,

Having established yourself yesterday as an upright, stand-up human being who acts with integrity in relationships, what now?

Well, you have to decide. How pervasive is your obnoxious behavior? Do you need therapy or can you get on top it yourself? I have no idea. But as you move ahead, if you think you might benefit from therapy, get it. And you don’t have to be perfect. You only need to be doing your best. You need to try.

And when you commit to this, help arrives. Look for Saturn figures because you’re going to see them everywhere. Saturn figures are people with authority. Generally they are older than you and more experienced. Teachers, cops, judges, old men and Capricorns for the most part.

You will meet these types repeatedly throughout this transit and it is via them you will know how you’re going. It’s very simple. If you encounter the police and they let you go, you’re doing ok! If not, you’ve got trouble. If the teacher acknowledges your effort, you’re on track. If you get a D in the class, maybe not.

And slowly you pull through. And later, when you look back at this time in your life you’ll see it was a turning point. It will be the time you became real. You will be grounded and authentic as opposed to flitting around in your life, in some kind of pie in the sky denial.

And this is what you want. Because people who are not real can’t love. Is it love to eat your lover for lunch? To consume them? Is it love to fling your shit onto others rather than grow up and take responsibility for it? Of course not.

So you can see how critical it is you resolve this. It’s because love will come to you again. And when it does, you’ll know what to do. You’ll have the ability to act in a way that is appropriate and build (Saturn) a relationship (Venus) that lasts and because of this you will never have to feel what you are feeling now ever again. And just so you know, you are not alone.

I had this exact experience. I had a great man once upon a time. And I was such a punk! I was an incredible punk and I just could not get my head out of my ass and eventually I lost the relationship.

I suffered a tidal wave of pain, just as you describe and in this process promised God and whoever else if I ever had another chance I would…

I would do the right thing! No matter what! And love came again. And I stuck to my promise. And I have a great love because of it. And in fact, all of my relationships flourish and it would not be this way had I not gotten killed way back when. I’d still be a clueless punk, see?

And although it may take years (it did for me) eventually you will see this guy you lost was not the one for you. Because it’s this simple: Relationships that are meant to last, do not fall apart. They just don’t. So this is my advice:

The right man is coming. Get ready.

Good luck.

~~
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Bereft,

When it comes to Saturn transits, there is a process and I will outline it for you. In your case, Venus (love) is conjunct Saturn in your natal chart, so the whole transit will focus on relationships and you see the set up here. Your man is gone and he is gone because of you. And when you move through the pain and begin to accept reality, a humbling takes place.

“Okay, maybe I am not a hotshot. Maybe I’m a mere human being and maybe I need to try not to suck! Maybe I need to get my ass in gear and keep it there. Maybe I need to take responsibility…”

And this is the beginning of healing. When you decide to face reality, define the problem and commit to a plan of action, things ease. Not a lot, but it’s noticeable. It’s the difference between lying under the covers wishing to die, and sitting on the edge of the bed, knowing you’re going to live and deciding to have some say about how the rest of your life is going to go.

And once you get here, it is generally very obvious what you need to do. The path is there! You know you’ve got the right path if it seems completely daunting. Sorry, but this is how it is.

And I don’t know what you need to do. It’s not for me to decide. You are the one who is laying the foundation for the next thirty years of your life, so what is it that you want to build? I can’t decide for you, but I have some suggestions.

The best buildings have integrity. And the foundations are sunk into the ground. Which means you may have to go back (dig in) before you can go forward (build). So what about this guy? Are you clear there? Have you apologized? Have you taken responsibility for what you put him through?

If not, I would. With this done, you’ll be at ground zero. You will be no one with nothing, but you’ll have your integrity. And some class, although I doubt you’ll feel that. But you will be a person who does right by others even if you haven’t in the past, and it’s right here that you’re positioned to promise that you will never compromise yourself again.

Part three

~~
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Dear Bereft,

If I could wave a wand and help you through this next year, I’d do it just to ease your pain. But it’s just as well I can’t. Because although it would do you some good short term, longer term it would leave as empty as you are now. And what would be the point? You’re much better off to face this… your Saturn Return, head on.

Now in astrology the Saturn Return marks the start of real live adulthood. What kind of adult are you going to be? And without fail, people at Saturn Return age (28-30 years old) see their lives slow down and get very serious.

In your case, this failed relationship is key. You plainly state you were possessive and controlling and now it’s cost you big time. And I don’t point this out to hurt you. I point it out because it is time for you to decide what you’re going to do about this. Have you had enough pain?

Have you had enough pain to decide to never, ever, ever, ever behave this way in relationship again? What if you have? What if it hurts so awful bad you say ‘uncle”? What if you say, okay I will do the work? I will do what I need to do to be a decent partner to someone?

That right there will mark the turning point. At that point, you’ll be off your back and with your feet on the ground, staring up at a big honkin’ mountain which you will be forced to climb over this next year.

And though I cannot climb it for you, I can definitely provide a map. And I think you deserve one, so think about this tonight and come back tomorrow and it will be here.

Part two

~~
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Dear Confused,

I think your sister has the right to feel hurt or any other way she pleases. But you did nothing wrong. The thing is: with families like yours, boundaries are often very weak. And this seems the situation here. Everybody is in everybody else’s business and nobody knows how to draw lines.

And this is frequently why families break apart the way yours did. People do it to survive. No one can seem to exist without falling into the very painful family stew so they amputate in the hopes of starting fresh and faring better. So now you’re back in and things are starting to constellate and I have some ideas that might help.

First, understand that your boundary was completely appropriate. And your Venus (money) Neptune (sacrifice) conjunction in Scorpio is a very leaky combination so I think you should be congratulated on managing to make it. And from here all you have to do is stick to guns… and hope.

Hope your sister runs through her emotions, which I am sure are complex. And hope she runs through her process whatever it may be, and she comes back to you in saner form. And there is agreement on all fronts I know of, how to best facilitate this which is nice because it makes it very simple.

The 12-steppers remind you to watch your side of the street. That means, keep yourself on track and leave others to do the same. And I have heard another analogy, about a well. Your whole family is in a well! They’re in there, man. And the idea is to get the fuck out of the well. Get yourself out!

And it’s virtually impossible to climb from the well if you keep reaching back in to grab the hands of family members in an attempt to pull them up when they do not want to go. Never mind, half of them want to pull you back in. So no! You’ve got to get yourself out and on to solid ground before you can even think about throwing them a line or no one is going to get out of there!

So with this in mind, I’d advise you stand strong and leave your sister to figure it out. Because these are facts:

Dear Scorpio,

Your question doesn’t really fit the format of my blog as it’s akin to a personal reading. Further, your issues are obviously complex and probably not well suited to being addressed on advice blog.

However I am going to answer your question anyway, because I feel for you and because your chart strongly interacts with mine and leads me to think I may be able to help you which I think you strongly deserve. So I’m just going to talk straight and my editor can look the other way for a day.

On the thwarted Mars energy, my position on this is very clear. Repress your sex and anger (Mars) at your own peril and in your case this is especially the case. For one, you’re a Scorpio rising, so Mars rules the chart. Nothing is more important to you than Mars! And the rising is your physical body, so when you fail to express your Mars, your body is getting jacked beyond belief.

Now consider your Mars is in Aries which obviously want to go, Go, GO and further, it is conjunct both Venus and Mercury… opposite Pluto and I have to say this is one hell of a motherfucker you are trying to suppress. And how do you think this is going to play?

It’s going to play where it sits, in the 6th house, for good or ill.

Use your Mars = excellent health. Repress your Mars and you’ll see it turn inward and eat you alive.

What do you think Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is? It’s 6th house (daily routine / the mind / Virgo stuff) run amok! Helllllo! You need to fuck! You need to fuck and fight and be heroic and you need to do this every day just to maintain your health. So let’s talk about what happened when you were 15.

15 is puberty, you know. That means there is a flood of hormones. And have you looked at the astrology back then? I did. And Uranus (experimentation) was squaring all that Mars mess in Aries. Comprendo? So apparently when those dogs got out, they went so crazy they scared the hell out of you - so let’s address that.

First, if this is something as simple as homosexuality, well for Godsakes get over it. You have plenty of company. There are legions of homosexuals out there who will be happy to have you join them, and if it’s otherwise?

So what? At fifteen years old, you think you’re the first person who ever thought of it. Well take it from a fellow Mars Mercury, okay? You’re not! And some of this taboo stuff… try it once. Face your big fear about it and what you find out is it’s not that compelling after all. You get it out of your system!

So here’s my theory:

You’re innately very sexual but there are still periods where things will flare. Like during a Uranus transit, obviously. Uranus wants to break rules! So unfortunately you encountered one of these times in conjunction with puberty which was akin to a “perfect storm” and you became overwhelmed.

And being sensitive somewhat puritan with your 6th house, you nixed this whole deal and you are now suffering OCD due the stress of repression with more ailments on the horizon, no doubt if you do opt to own this energy.

So there you go. And PS, not all Scorpios are aggressive and vindictive.

Good luck.

~~
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