Dear Ex,

I am sorry to say it sounds as if a pretty severe chasm has formed between you and your friend. And I am not sure if you can salvage the relationship or if she will flow back to you at some point but I do think you should take some steps to get yourself clean in this. And I chose the word “clean” deliberately, because you have Venus (relationships) in Virgo and you will never feel right leaving the things mussed up and askew. So here’s a plan. Take a lesson from my Virgo editor, HQ:

Like you, HQ really values his relationships. And he’s lost a few friends along the way, a couple to sudden, unexpected suicide and this has led him to develop a philosophy around friendship.

These days he gives everything he has to his relationships and he considers himself to be a very good friend. However, if someone doesn’t want him for a friend, he accepts this and he copes with the loss by knowing that he did the best he could.

Not the superficial best. Not the pointing-fingers-at-the-other-person, best, but his authentic best. And if he’s done this - if he’s given his all - then he can move on peacefully knowing there was nothing more he could have done.

So in your situation, never mind your friend’s pathology. I would suggest you dig deep and make one final statement. You know. Communicate!! Let her know exactly how you feel and what she means to you, leaving out any comment about what you think her flaws may be. When you get it right, send it to her and then let it go.

She’ll either be back or she won’t and with time it will make sense. For example, if you do wind up with a best friend void, eventually the universe will fill it. And wait’ll you get a load of what the new gal brings!

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Dear Material,

This is a great question but very hard to answer because you are asking me to make a judgment for another person - which I can’t do. For example, I wouldn’t marry you, but so? I bet you wouldn’t marry me either!

You sound like a total pain and your chart reflects this. You’re cold, critical, argumentative, bleating, arrogant, and probably blunt to the point of rude. But so what? This doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. This doesn’t mean you aren’t her dream guy, and the man she wants. Some people like spice!

So I think this is a very good question, but the person you need to ask is your fiance. You’re aware of your limitations, but is she similarly aware? Does she realize this is your personality? Because this is your personality.

Are you going to all the sudden become tactful? Not with Mars in Aries (fight) square Mercury (your mouth). Are you going to become un-critical or unwilling to say what you think? Not with Venus in Virgo square a Sagittarius Moon! And I could go on, but you get the point.

I think you’re fine to marry, as long as she knows she is marrying a man who is not going to change all that much. And believe me, people can be very happy with a disagreeable spouse. I have seen it many times. Perhaps they know how to transcend or generate their own happiness. Or the cranky spouse may stick in their craw just right. So this is totally her call and as for your happiness…

Well, like I said. You will be you, married or otherwise. So if you’re not happy now, marriage is not going to fix that even one little shred. Not getting married won’t fix it either because you embody the chaos and strife. So this is a better question to be asking:

Do you want to be someone who functions well in relationship, i.e. “marriage material”? If so, you have some work to do. If not, then carry on.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Dear Depressed,

I am sorry you’re feeling like crap! And I would like to be able to say something sweet to you but I don’t think it will help - so instead I will be candid.

Let’s just say I’m your man, and you decide you don’t like my method. You don’t like the way I operate, so you decide to stand on a chair and scold me.

When I don’t respond to that… when I refuse to fight with your ignorant ass… you call me a dickless wonder and then you wonder why I quit screwing you.

::smiles::

Hmm. Let’s think about this. All is good with your man until you figure out he does not like to be challenged. So what do you do? You challenge him! And you motherfucking insist he take the challenge. Why? Because you said so!!!! Are you getting the picture here?

This is the astrology:

You have Venus in Virgo, that’s your angel side. And that’s your love. But Venus in Virgo finds flaws. And wants to “fix” the lover. And when that happens your Mars kicks in. Mars is how you fight. And your Mars (your gun) is in Sagittarius square (cocked and pointed) right at your Venus, and you see the result. You fire your gun at your love and guess what? They die!

Now one more thing. Go back and read your post. In the first relationship, you claim the man was “angry, jealous and emotionally controlling but, also, passionate and charismatic.” That sounds a lot like you, in the second relationship. Getting this?

The whole conflict is inside of you. If you detect there is something your lover prefers to avoid, must you shove this very thing down their throat? If so, you can expect a high degree of animosity in all of your relationships.

On the other hand, if you are willing to alter your behavior and fire your gun at something besides your lover’s head… well if you did that, you’d be getting laid right now, you know?

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!