Double Gemini and astrologer Claire-France Perez befriends the repulsive - Me!

On the phone with a friend last night regarding the situation with my family…

“I am not very comfortable, I don’t know how else I might characterize it. I was numb for awhile there and have moved past that or at least out of that at the moment to a place of horror, I guess. It’s a horror because I can see all the angles but I can’t communicate them because there are too many, and to who? I am also not triggered.”

“No you’re not triggered,” she said.

Continue reading Broadcasting The 8th House And My Un-Comfort Zone

The soldier on the phone last night:

“I’m a baby, that’s what it is. I used to be a hardened man but now I’m a baby and I don’t like it.”

I laughed.

“Yeah, I’m a silly school boy now. That’s the kind of love I have for you. I have love like a silly school boy love. I want to carry your books home from school,” he said. “I want to carve your initials in a tree with mine. I want to sing you love songs with bluebirds flying around my head, P. And something ain’t right. Because I’m a Green Beret. We aren’t supposed to do things like this. These are not the feelings of the hardened man I used to be.”

“Well I don’t know. Can you survive it? Can you?”

“Oh yeah, I’ll survive it. I’m just not happy is all. I’m not happy at all. I’d much rather have people trying to kill me. You kill them first and it goes away but this? You can’t get rid of this. There is just no way.”

“What a lament. I’ll try not to exacerbate the situation but you know. There’s not much I can do. I cause you all the trouble I can and it doesn’t seem to do anything. I feel very sorry for you though, does that help? Does it?”

I could tell he was shaking his head.

“Damned, P.”

The Sun in Gemini is moving away out of aspect with Uranus and applying to Pluto so there is a shift from “shock” to “awe”. ::smirk::

I figure the Sun illuminates and if you’re like me with planets in the late degrees of the Mutable signs then and you have brilliant awareness at the moment, the depth of what you’re dealing with around your current Pluto transit.

How you fare with the information depends on how comfortable you are in your un-comfort zone.

For the rest of you, well you just have to be around those of us who are disturbed.

The Pluto transit to my Moon is almost exact to the minute and I noticed when talking to Albert the other day my Progressed Moon is also exactly square Progressed Pluto. What are the odds?

I was surprised when I saw this but not really. My natal chart is like this, with themes repeated so why wouldn’t that carry over?

I have to say I’m feeling pretty good for a gal in the throes of these type transits but every now and then I become conscious of the magnitude of what is going on in my life and it’s unnerving. And what I notice most about the Pluto transit to my Moon as opposed to Pluto transiting my Sun is no one knows anything!

When Pluto transited my Sun the whole world witnessed the (merciful) death and transformation of Elsa as they knew her and it was agonizing for all involved. No one wants to burn in the fire but watching someone you love burn can be even worse.

The transit to my Moon has been far more manageable in that the process is private and unless you catch me on a very specific day when I feel I need to spew, it can be completely concealed. But now these transits are TIGHT. I am starting to leak and besides that, people can sense things.

I feel relatively comfortable even though I am racked with energy. I feel confident and today I figured out why.

The last time Pluto transited my Moon I was about 10 and I used to play cards with father. I was his Pinochle partner, we also played poker and he used to take me to town to play in these various games with various characters.

I was initially intimidated. The players were invariably adult men and you can just imagine the energy. The cards we played with had naked ladies on them, if this makes it any clearer for you, but anyway I would go into these small rooms to play cards and I would feel just like I do right now. At times I could feel my skin crawl but you know the end of this story, right?

I would win those games. Eventually I realized that 90% of the time I left with the money. And though I never managed to walk into one of those rooms without my stomach in my throat, or the impulse to vomit, I did know I was likely to win and I feel very similar now.

If you can relate to this, you are probably familiar with Moon Pluto. So can you relate to this?

Other posts - “Pluto transit to the moon - Mine“

Dear Plutonian,

Yes I can. It is true you are an intensely intense person and I think your focus on this is what has you stuck. You might say the un-comfort zone is your comfort zone, so there you are and there you stay.

With a stellium in Virgo in the 8th house, you want to help. You’re a trauma nurse who wants to mix it up and heal the wounded. And though I have no doubt you stay very busy and are very good at this, meanwhile your (unattended) leg is rotting off.

Your unattended leg is the Venus Saturn aspect in your chart. This and everything it signifies is your real un-comfort zone. Being deprived of relationship. Delay. Control issues in relationship.

For example, you want to define (Saturn) your partner (Venus) as if you know best what you need. Are you sure about that?

And this last guy. He would not do what you thought he should do in the way you thought he should do it. Damn him!

And why are you waiting? He’s not waiting. See what I am getting at? This is your problem and it’s huge. And I put it that way to hopefully whet your appetite. You know how keen you are to fix things, so fix this:

Fix the fact you obsess over your upper body when it’s your rotting leg causing all the problems. Start by looking at the parent/child theme in all your relationships. This should get you to the meat very directly.

Good luck.

~~
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The Moon, past full in Scorpio moves to form a T-Square with the Saturn Neptune opposition. Meanwhile, Venus creeps up on Pluto.

If you’re comfortable in your un-comfort zone this is your kind of day.

If not, try denial.

::smiles::

The soldier on the phone tonight. He’s not been on my blog since I started writing about him. Thank God I can blot out reality…

“I was on your blog today,” he said.

“Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no.”

“What? You don’t want me to go there and read? I won’t go there if you don’t want me to. You just sent me that one thing to read so I decided…”

“Ohhh crap!”

“What? I love you, P. That’s what you do. You can say anything you want.”

“Oh brother. Oh for chrissakes. Ohhhhhh… I am intensely uncomfortable.”

“Why? It doesn’t matter.”

“I was going to print that stuff and give it to you.”

“Oh, I didn’t read…”

“Don’t tell me! Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. La la la la la la.”

He just laughed.

“Oh my God, I need some heroin. Heroin, some valium and some pot too. On top the other stuff, I’ll need some pot. Put it right into my vein.”

He snorted.

“Okay, well I’m glad you had some fun. But please don’t tell me anymore. Because I can’t handle the truth,” I said. “I CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH.”

“You can’t handle the truth?”

“La la la la la….”

I state (in Ben’s voice) that he does not like attention and savetonight asks:

“How does he feel about the attention he’s getting on here?”

Great question! I’ll tell you exactly how he feels and I’ll elaborate. Because although his position is simply stated, Ben is a Scorpio (part of a stellium) and everything that comes out of him is very deeply rooted and his distaste for attention is real.

I remember the first time Ben got a standing ovation for playing his cello and he would tell you that it just about killed him. He’s a Scorpio, yes? How many arachnids do you know, comfortable in the bright light? He was standing there, heaving as the applause thundered down.

This incident (many years ago) sent him home to hole up in his apartment for three days and three nights, not answering the phone with the blinds shut tight. But he loves music and he loves playing with the symphony, and these days they use his image / energy to raise money. Continue reading Ben In The Spotlight… His Un-Comfort Zone: Stellium in Scorpio Supporting The Arts

CK writes on the previous blog about abuse, torture and alchemy:

“Good Luck getting me in the box, to get out if necessary I’ll chew one or all my limbs off (?!)”

~~

When I read this comment I was thrilled because it was completely unexpected and just of left field from my perspective. My first thought was that everyone will go through a “dark night of the soul” at some point, like it or not. We all have a Pluto transit eventually. But as the day and the week went on I continued to think about this.

And CK apparently represents the other end of the spectrum from my friend who is looking for the absolute edge of the edge when he signs on for torture school, never mind, goes on one mission after another after another, after another where his being killed is the most likely outcome. And both ways of being seem completely valid to me.

Where are you on this continuum when it comes to seeking (or not seeking) intense transformative experience? 1 = CK, 10, the Special Forces soldier.

And what’s the Pluto / Scorpio situation in your chart?