I feel it’s important to write this if for no other reason than no one else will.  I tried to offload the job myself, on to satori but the fact is her perspective is not my perspective.

I did the strangest thing about 10 days ago. I bought my son an entire new wardrobe. This may or may not seem strange to you but it was strange to me and strange to him and I want to tell you how this came about.

My son had a bad day in school.  How is irrelevant as is why. The fact is he had a bad day and he is surely not the only kid out there this happens to.

Continue reading Defining Tastes And Working To Be Attractive With Saturn In Libra aka How To Dress Your 12 Year Old Boy

Chart is approximate. This gal is 17 years old. She reports being born, “PM” so I placed the time @ 6 PM.

Dear Elsa,

I have a problem and need some advice. There is a teacher at my school he stares at me a lot. Whenever I enter the classroom he makes an eye contact with me. I feel like he’s attracted to me. I heard he even got married a few months ago. The way that he stares at me it’s really bothers me. I have NO relationship with him and never will be. He hasn’t act inappropriately around me. Please help me, what should I do? should I report him?

Uncomfortable Student
Canada

Dear Student,

I would confront this teacher for sure in whichever way you are most comfortable. You can “report him” or alternately you can just tell him directly that his staring at you makes you very uncomfortable.

Tactically the latter is preferable because if you suffer any backlash after the confrontation, you still have the option of reporting him. Slick, huh?

But I understand this may be too demanding so if you go the other route, I would only recommend you change your language. You are not “reporting” him, you are letting a counselor know that one of your teachers is making you uncomfortable and he/she is taking it from there.

Good luck!

Can anyone else help? Please do.

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Hi Elsa,

My older children live with their father during the school year and have for the last five years. This was a compromise on my part because he was willing to go to court over custody issues and I had either the resources nor the inclination to put them through that kind of drama at that time. It was hard but I have accepted it as the east evil.

Last spring my son called me sobbing and telling me he’d ad a fight with his dad. When I picked him up I learned that his
father had struck him during this argument. It required quite a bit of juggling on my part but there was no question in my mind. If he needed to be with me, I would make that possible. He stayed with me or about three months and then chose to return to his dad’s house as soon as the school year ended because it turns out I expected the same kind of behavior his father did but his dad’s house offers more luxuries.

Now when my son comes to visit he is withdrawn, unbelievably lazy and he avoids most family interaction. He is very overweight and is allowed to eat anything he likes at his dad’s house which tends to be mostly junk food. We have a fun, busy and chaotic household and he isn’t expected to do more than his share of the work. Just clean up after himself a bit and participate with us. When he was here after Christmas his behavior was so bad that I told him he had to decide
whether to act like a member of this family or call his dad to pick him up. His father was at the door within an hour.

I am at my wit’s and and am really grieving for this situation. I live in a neighborhood where most of the people work very hard to have a nice ife. He is so fortunate and so spoiled. His father refuses to communicate about this with me and always has. Everyone around the situation on his father’s side pamper my son and fix his mistakes for him. I fear that the only thing that will make him grow up and act like a decent human will be some real tragedy or adversity.

I feel completely helpless and hate to watch my son destroy himself from a distance. Is there anything I’m missing here that might change his course he’s on?

Mom

Dear Mom,

I think you have a generic rebellious teenager here, milking it for all it is worth. You can’t save him, he is going to have to grow up and out of it (or not) and the less you try the more he will have to. He’s pissed off and all this is a power grab. Your ex husband, same thing.

I agree with what you did and would tell him to piss off until he can treat you with some respect. It won’t work short term but there is nothing that is going to bring him around any faster. In a word - detach.

And on the “watching you son destroy himself” find some new words for what is going on. “Watching him go through something… watching him grow up,” come to mind. In a perfect world all our kids get on a straight path and stay there but in this real world, that almost never happens.

I say the best thing you can do is stick to your guns. It’s important there is someone he cannot manipulate and never, ever underestimate your power as his mother, even if you are at the moment, a void.

Anyone else?

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Dear Sagittarius,

Is masturbating a lot harmful to your health? No I don’t so. In fact I think it’s enormously healthy and good for you especially considering you have Mars conjunct Pluto in Scorpio and various other sundries that need to find expression… or else.

I can see why you would worry about this though. You’re 19 and you look around and it seems you are far more sexual that your peers. You are far more interested in fantasy and sexual experimentation that your peers and guess what. You’re right! If there is a continuum of sexual interest along which all people fall, you are going to be towards the end of it but so what? This is who you are.

Forget the worry. Unless this is interfering with your work or school… unless you have crossed the line into a bona fide addiction (where your masturbating is causing problems outside of “worry” which is a false thing ala “manufactured fear”), then I think you should continue doing exactly what you’re doing because you need the release. It’s actually healthy for you… when you have a muscle, you ought to flex it.

I say accept and embrace your sexuality because it is part of your nature. And for people who gawk at you like you are some kind of freak… never mind them because they have monkeys of their own to deal with, don’t let them tell you otherwise.

Good luck.

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Dear Love,

I am very sorry for how the way you are hurting and I do not think that because you are young (almost 18) that you do not know anything about love. It is clear you are a sensitive young woman with an open heart and that is all it takes to feel love. That said, you’ve got a real problem with your Dad.

Now it’s not clear if he is typically violent. I don’t know if he beats you, if he beats others, or if he went off on some kind of crazed attack in a misguided attempt to protect his daughter. What is clear is you are not going to be able to date with your father around, unless some changes are made.

If you have some semblance of a relationship with your father - which is sounds like you might - then please try to reason with him. Try to get him to see that you are growing up and he must step aside and allow you to develop. Perhaps this is possible. Does he have remorse what he has done? If he does, then you probably have a chance to reason with him.

On the other hand, if he is beating you and if he is just an incorrigible controlling tyrant, then I am afraid you are going to have to plot your way out of there so that you can conduct your life and have a boyfriend without fearing violent attack.

There is a third scenario. It is possible this boy broke the rules of your culture by seeing you without first securing your father’s permission. If this is the case, your father obviously overreacted but it is worth noting.

As for the boy… people may not like it but I am disappointed in him for abandoning you. I acknowledge it is possible he did it to protect you. You did not tell us if your father beat you or not, see. But let me answer your direct question:

Is there a chance the boy will come around? There is a chance. If you are meant to be with him he most certainly will, but his not answering your calls suggests he is not as serious about you as you are about him. And let’s not forget this boy reported having troubled relationships in the past. He seemed to be telling you in advance there was going to be a problem.

Will he forgive you and your father? You are not responsible for your father’s violent act so you do not need to be forgiven, you’ve done nothing wrong. As to how he feels about your father, it does not appear he wants to negotiate this, but rather he would like to escape the situation, leaving you holding the bag.

You sound like a very nice, very loving young woman and your chart is grand. I say figure out how you’re going to manage your father if this is possible, or otherwise how you are going to get out of that house and have a life.

And if this is cultural… well the next boy you meet, please tell him what he’s got to do to garner your father’s permission to date you. And if he won’t do it, you will know he’s the wrong boy.

Good luck and again I am very sorry for your pain.

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Dear Nineteen,

If there was ever a habit in this world that you should try to avoid picking up, it would be the habit of ignoring your feelings! Puleeese. Your feelings and your intuitions are one of the finest things on earth and if anything you should look to expand them not shrink them down!

Now it sounds to me as if this guy has a crush on you and he is communicating this the best way he can without risking rejection. And you are doing the same thing. So it seems to me all you need to is a little more… which will lead him to do a little more, which will encourage you and pretty soon I bet you go dancing with this guy. Don’t know what to do?

Try an extra wide smile. A glance held a little longer than usual. Drop one of your shoulders. You know. Girl stuff! I think this will work!

Good luck.

~~
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It’s my daughter, she’s ridiculous. She’s 11 years old but in 7th grade so with older kids and today I dyed her hair jet black (it’s usually dark brown) to go with her new emo haircut.

She’s also got her fingernails painted black and she is writing dark poetry… lots of death and knives and suicide in it, however she can’t seem to read it without grinning.

I told her to go ahead with her black eyeliner when she reminded me, “you had fads when you were a kid” so here she is all decked out, stack of suicide poems in her hand, looking as morose as Pluto in Scorpio rising can look which is pretty morose. But it only lasts a few seconds.

Because my daughter has a 9th house (happy) Moon trine Jupiter (happy) in Sagittarius (happy). And I’m sorry but I don’t care how deep your soul is, with a configuration like that you are only going to be able to dip down so far and for so long.

So this morning, she’s got her look together (her costume, because her Moon is in Leo) and I find her in her room with her brother watching this: “Tickle Me Emo” which mocks the whole emo movement. And they’re both laughing their heads off at Elmo, who has gone emo. I watched this with them… it’s funny and clever. He lives on Depress-esame Street.

“Yep, that’s what happened to your sister,” I said to my son. “Tell everyone your sister has gone emo along with Elmo and you’re sure to follow because black hair is just so nice.”

They both roared.

“Okay,” I said as I stood up to leave. “I’ll help you two out of your depression and your suicidal tendencies (my son has the Moon Jupiter opposition… he ain’t going down either) just as soon as you quit laughing. Call me if you need me, I’ll be around. I’ll be here and catch you two right before you hit the grave so if you get close, you just let me know.”

Two snorts.

Isn’t astrology a trip?

Dear 17,

A friend who goes after the guy you want is no friend at all. However, does she know how you feel? It doesn’t sound as if you have told either your friend or this guy how you feel. And if this is the case, I’m not sure she is doing anything wrong! Other than being driven by her hormones that is, which happens.

Try this: tell your friend that you like this guy and her pursuit of him is making you feel uncomfortable. If at that point, she still wants to pursue him, then I would step out of the way. Let her go after him… withdraw from the guy and you can be sure if he’s interested in you, he will duck and dodge her and come in your direction. And if not?

Well then you need to know if he’s not interested so you can let can let go and find a guy who is. And the astrology?

You have Venus and Mars in Pisces and I don’t think anyone knows what you’re up to. And it’s okay to be somewhat vague about your intentions but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing - so I’m hoping the plan outlined above will honor your nature but move things along.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Bored,

Yeah, I have advice. Dump this guy! He’s not the one for you. Not even close. Plus I think he is subtly manipulating you. He knows damned well he can’t hold you. He knows he’s not the one for you but he is exploiting your co-dependency… and your good nature to hold you as long as he can, anyway.

But look. You are 17! And you have every right and reason to go out and have all the fun you possibly can. And ADHD? It sounds to me like anyone would merit this diagnosis standing next to this guy - so stop standing next to this guy! ::smiles::

Seriously, though. If this guy is really “sweet” then when you tell him you are unhappy and want to leave the relationship… he will be sad, but hold the door for you and wish you luck.

But if he’s actually sorry and manipulative, then he will try to keep you by making you feel guilty and perhaps even going as far as to threaten suicide (he can’t live without you).

Now I don’t know if he will go that far and I hope he doesn’t, but I want you to be prepared in case and I have been through this so I can tell you exactly what to do.

“I think I may kill myself if you leave,” he said.

“I am very sorry,” I said. “I hope you don’t die, but I am still going to leave.”

Now that may sound heartless but you can’t spend your life tied to someone in order to keep them alive, right? So take this tack and if he threatens again (highly doubt he will be serious) be prepared to call the police and tell them you have a friend threatening suicide… they’ll do the rest.

But you? Get out. Go have some fun. If this guy is a true friend, he will still be your friend and if not? Well then that is his problem. And making “the biggest mistake of your life”? Uh uh. You’re unhappy, hon. You’re dyin’ on the vine with this guy. Go out and live… you’ll be setting an example for him and for others.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Venus,

Yes it is possible to for someone to enjoy feeding off their imagination. You just did it and your awareness and ability to articulate your experience at 17 years old is impressive!

As for defining what is right or wrong as far as relationship goes, this is an individual matter as you are finding out. I am sure your boy, with his Venus in Capricorn, feels it is right to define your relationship because this is his nature. He may very well feel that having it known that you are his girlfriend would increase his status and there is nothing wrong with that either. A lot of people would be proud their boyfriend is proud for example. If you wonder, just compare to a boy who tells his girlfriend to come through the back door at night so no one sees her…

Now on the flip side, you have Venus mashed up with Pluto, Neptune and Jupiter and you can go just about anywhere with this combo. Fantasy, depth and breath, you can access all of this - so at 17, I would just advise you to continue to try different things in relationship and note how they make you feel.

This is very important because although there is no normal, most of us do want to eventually be loved. And to achieve this, you have to discover who you are as an individual so you can go out in the world in an authentic way which has the consequence of attracting the right partner.

So just keeping doing what you’re doing with this minor adjustment: forget trying to judge what is right and wrong, because it’s a fruitless pursuit. Besides the fact one person cannot judge for another, people and things and attitudes are always changing. They are constantly in motion so see if you can focus less on drawing lines between right and wrong and more on just living… happily.

Good luck.

~~
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pictured - Sleeping Venus, c. 1510, Giorgione b. 1477, Castelfranco, d. 1510, Venezia, Oil on canvas, GemÆ’