“If you were with me right now you’d be pissed,” the soldier said from the road.

“Why?”

“Oh, the whores are on the radio trying to drum up some business.”

“Yeah? What are they saying?”

“It a beautiful day in Nevada,” he said in a whore’s voice. “Do you need a break? I’m a blonde with 38 double D’s,” he said with his voice shrill. “Alllllll natural! And I’ve got hardwood floors with tongue and grooooove!”
Continue reading Voice Of Taurus - Known For Being Cheap…

The soldier woke up after an hour nap on the couch. “I’m ready for a double deluxe chocolate cake now,” he said.

I just stared, he supposed to be dieting.

“I think I ought to start a cake delivery service. Don’t people just sometimes want a cake brought to them?”

“P, I won’t be able to leave the house in the winter if I don’t lose this weight,” the soldier explained.

“What do you mean?”

“Because if I go out all the kids will think I am Frosty. Yeah, they’ll think I am Frosty the Snowman when they see this belly and they’ll want to climb on me, sit on my belly and slide down the hill.”

I stared.

“Yep, they’ll want to ride down the slope on my belly like they do with him and I am not going to have it.”

Some of you know the soldier likes math a lot. He has taken every math course that is taught and some years ago started working on his own math… his theory of math. Today I came in from a walk and he announced he’d discovered a phenomenon.

He sat me down and showed me his calculations, he was both giddy and scared. “Too bad this is going to go to waste,” he said.

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to forget it. I’ve got nothing to do with this, I was just figuring these trusses and it came about.”

“You should write it down.” (swearing below the break)
Continue reading Voice Of Taurus… With Extreme Aptitude For Mathematics

“Oh that’s not what you did,” I said. “I know what you did because your whole life you’ve done the same thing. You wanted a wife so you went out like a cave man with a big stick. A club. First woman you saw you got ‘em, drug ‘em home, tried to marry ‘em. Just put a ring on their finger fast as you can and be done with this! You started this when you were 10 and have been doing it ever since!”

“P, I did not do that,” he said, blushing. “I did not, did not, I did not, didn’t do that!”

“You did.”

“Did not. La la la la la la la, didn’t do it, can’t hear you, la la la, I can’t hear what you’re saying, P.”

“La la la, did do it and now you’re doin’ it again. Here I am, better marry me! No wonder you get slaughtered!”

“P, we’re not talking about that. I did no such a thing as you are suggesting,” he said with his eye wide and his face beet red but grinning. “Did not happen, did not not not and I don’t want to talk about it.”

Any other cavemen out there? How about cavewomen?

“Did you know I was going to wind up looking like this when we were kids?” the soldier asked when I admired his muscles.

“Yes, I did. You were already going to go in SF and you started working out. You started bulking up then.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to look like Rambo but instead I just turned into this big barrel thing.”

I laughed. “There was no Rambo back then.”

“Yeah, but you know what I mean. I wanted to have a body women like the way Rambo has but noooooooooo. Instead I turn into a bucket of cement. Look at me, P!”

“You look good.”

“I look good, my ass. I look just like a bucket or a barrel and you know it. If I were in the Navy, I’d be a buoy. Yeah, I’d be a buoy just out there bobbing up and down, stopping ships from running into things.”

P snorted. “Well that’s an important job.”

“No, I want to be a Scorpio!” the soldier said.

“But why? I already told you that you are a Scorpio (Moon). Why do you want to be a Scorpio?”

“Because I don’t want to be a bull!” he shouted.

“But why not?”

“P, do you think I like looking like this? Do you? There is something to that. You yourself said you did not want to look like me.”

“Well I don’t but that’s not what I meant. I meant I want to have a waist! I am a woman!”

“Well I am a man but maybe I’d like a waist too. I want to have a waist and I want to be mf Scorpio and that’s all I have to say on the subject!” he bellowed.

Are you mad about your Sun sign?

Er… I have been informed the soldier does not want a “waist”. He said he was being a smart ass… which is now obvious to me.

“P, I think I have the classic 5 gallon bucket filled with concrete body. You know how they fill up 5 gallon buckets with concrete and set them around?”

“I do.”

“Some drunk comes out… wants to kick somethin’, he’s all drunk. Kick a wall, kick something. So he sees one of those buckets, kicks it and boy then he’s sorry. Gets a broken foot out of the deal. Anyway, that’s my body type. Classic, 5 gallon bucket of concrete shape.”

“Hmm.”

This morning the soldier and I were headed for the gym, stopping on the way for an early morning blindness check at his eye doctor.  I came in the bedroom with his breakfast the way I do. The Rhino comes to the edge of mud hole (bed) to eat each day. I joke with Vidroid, never seen another person in my life who rolls over from a dead sleep, grabs a fork and starts eating. Food first, coffee second, it’s incredible.

Continue reading Speaking Of People Not Changing…

The other night the soldier said he would like to be Scorpio. “Yeah, that’s what I wish I was,” he said.

“Well you are Scorpio,” I said. “Your Moon is in Scorpio.”

“My Moon? I want everything in Scorpio! Everything there is, I want all of it to be in Scorpio and nothing else in any other sign but that one!”

You’d think his life is intense enough, apparently not.

What sign would you like to be?