“I am amazed at how different it is for my son with you here,” I told the soldier. “You only had to be around for a few hours for it to become very clear how much he lacks… there is no male energy here.”

He didn’t say anything.

“For example he’s got a problem with this pack of boys. He’s struggling with that and I mention it to you and you explain this whole thing… how one chicken gets pecked by all the other chickens. You outline bullying and know how to combat it. Basically you know what to do in a pack of boys where I don’t know much about being in a pack of boys. And even if I do have some idea I still don’t know how to handle the situation as a boy.”
Continue reading Astrology And Single Parenting: Problems Providing Access To Venus And Mars, Yin And Yang Energy

Dear Mother,

I hate to say it but I think you are up a creek. It is obvious from your post you place high value on your hotness and your sex. With your Sun in Aries and ruler Mars in Scorpio, this is confirmed in your chart so there is nothing you are going to be able to do about that.

Now you have a Libra Moon so a strong desire to be partnered and with the Sun and Moon in Cardinal signs you also want control. Saturn’s in there so that goes double.. er… triple.

Jupiter in Cancer (more control) wants a family and security however that Aries Sun of yours likes the thrill of the chase the Sagittarius provides. If you get him to commit… submit and conform to what you want, what do you think will happen to the sex you are having? Think it would change?

You also have an Aquarius rising which wants no man issuing orders and a seventh house Uranus confirms this and I hope you are getting an idea here. You are a bundle of conflicting drive and desires so what are you going to do?

If you dump the Sadge and get a more docile man, will you like him, or kill him? Good question I think.

I don’t know what you are going to do but I would try real hard to get over the fact you are 41. Women who are hot are 41 are hot at 51 and even 61 if they still give a damn to be, past menopause. Don’t let your fears drive your decisions.

Secondly get conscious of your own need for challenge and freedom because if you dump this guy denying these things, ooh baby, the boredom.

I am not meaning to plead his case. I am just saying you may be more like him than you care to admit.

Good luck.

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Dear Mom,

I just knew when I looked at your chart I was going to see a whole bunch of Libra and sure enough, you have your Sun, Moon, Mercury and Pluto in Libra and bottom line, you do not want to be alone. You were born to partner and I do not mean to upset or insult you but you have got to get your son out of your bed if you want any hope whatsoever of solving this.

You see, by sleeping with him you are treating him as if he is your man… your partner so no wonder he hates the idea of you with another man. It’s as if you are cheating on him! Do you expect him to step aside and have this other man take his place? Why in the world would he do that? He may be 10 but he is a 10 year old man and you are his territory!

You absolutely have to get this kid out of your bed for his sake and for yours and beyond that, establish clear boundaries where you are the parent. You are the the adult, who perhaps sleeps with an adult man. He is the child who can sleep with a woman when he grows up and finds one that is not his mother!

I am sure he will raise holy hell when you send him to his own bed (the couch, a blanket on the floor, whatever) but the longer you wait the worse your problem is going to get. I am very sorry but there is just no other way to begin to put this right because the reason he does not accept your authority is because in his mind, you are his woman and I bet you you’re dealing with some machismo here as well.

I appreciate the two of you are here together and need each other very much but you must recognize your own need a partner and your partner CANNOT be your son.

Good luck.

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Dear Virgo,

You sound tired and I’m not surprised considering you are alone with a 4 month old baby. I think it may help if you can draw some lines, so this is the tack I am going to take.

First there’s a line between the past which you can do nothing about, and the future which you can affect. Based on this, I would recommend you focus forward, because you have no energy to waste or even to spare. What is done is done. You have a baby, this man is the father and you go from here - because you have no choice.

There’s another line between you and him. How he can not tell his girlfriend that he has a child is none of your business. And this is good, because it means you don’t have to worry about it. The fact is that people do all kinds of strange, unfathomable things and it is not your job to figure out why. Further, what other people do is completely outside of your control. So on that note, you cannot force this man’s hand so this is another thing you can quit thinking about. How do you force someone to be a parent, anyway? You don’t. But there are some things you can do.

You can arrange for him to pay child support if you haven’t already. If you sleep with him when he comes over angry at his girlfriend, you can stop that as well because I can’t imagine it’s good for you.

What would serve you and your daughter best is for you to focus on building a strong base for the two of you. Because obviously her father is a flake. Will he always be a flake? We don’t know. But I would suggest you assume he will, and that all energy you spend focused on him will result in a loss.

Think of it like a slot machine in Vegas. You dumped your money in and nothing came out. How long are you going to stay in this casino? How long are you going to keep dumping money into that same machine, thinking it’s going to pay out?

I say cut our losses. This man is not concerned with you or your daughter’s welfare and it’s your job to surround yourself with people who are. So how about get busy doing that and to hell with this guy. But get the child support. Call for help… it’s there. You are in the US and virtually every state will pursue these resources for you. You only need give them his name.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Single,

Your son is not respecting you and I think that fixing this should be your first order of business. Because if he doesn’t respect you, he is not going to respect women in general and he’s going to grow up to be everybody’s problem.

So how about I tell you a few things and then you can tell him? Things about life, this is.

Ten year olds do not run the show. Mothers are people. They are human beings and they want company… they need company besides their kids.

And I don’t care how this makes the kid feel. The kid does not own the parent any more than the parent owns the kid. The parent is responsible for the kid. But this does not mean the parent does not get to kiss someone when she wants to kiss someone, provided the kid has been fed, clothed and reasonably entertained.

Now I really think you can resolve this. You don’t have a wimpy chart! I imagine you’re just tired. The fact is single parenting is incredibly draining and no one who knows anything about it can blame you for wanting to take the path of least resistance. But this is one of those situations you simply must correct. So that’s what I’d do.

Decide there is going to be a new deal in your house, introduce it to your kid and then enforce it. And the new deal is this:

Mom is a human being with rights who does not take orders from ten year olds. You can take away privileges if your son groans when you kiss your boyfriend goodbye, you know. Ask your son if he wants to hear you groan when he grows up and wants to kiss someone. Mutual respect, see? That’s what you want to shoot for.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Aquarian,

I’ll come right to the point as well. When you have a pattern in relationships that is this profound and longstanding, the chances that you are going to wake up one day to find it magically resolved is zero. You can compare it to being an alcoholic, or to being obese, or to being friendless, or to whatever. There is no passive solution to something like this. Life circumstances of this type only resolve when the person suffering commits to change and then follows through.

So you have two choices here. You can either leave things the way they are, or you can be a hero, willing to fight for a better life. And since there is free will, I have no idea what you’re going to do. So consequently I have no idea when or if you will ever meet a “good man who wants to marry you”.

It is possible, though. You’re only doomed if you continue to make the same choices you’ve always made. I’d say get a therapist, sit down and tell them this:

“I’m in my forties and I have always chosen lousy horrible men. Please help me stop.”

Because like you say, time is flying. And the current Saturn transit to your planets in Aquarius beg you to take responsibility and do something (the right thing) about your life.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Single Mother,

No, of course it’s not going to last. And the separation from friends when you have your first baby is so common, it may be universal. Having a baby is all consuming and when the baby is born, you’re so busy and tired and obsessed with your child it makes it very difficult to relate to your old single, child-free friends.

And it’s easy to see why! They’re going out. You’re wondering when you’re going to be able to sleep through the night. They’re playing around. Your baby is vomiting and you’re scared to death, overwhelmed and not sure you’re equipped to take care of this little human being.

And if you stand back and look at this, you can see that friends who can make this kind of transition with you would be so exceedingly rare, they may not exist. So I hope this gives you some perspective. The old you died to give birth to this baby, but now it’s time for you to resurrect yourself. It’s time for you to rise from the ashes and can you do this? Of course you can!! You have a Scorpio Moon!

So on the guy… call him up if you can. I mean, I don’t know the situation. If he’s married or something, then forget about it. But if you think he’s out there floating around and he’s someone you could connect with, reach out because you’ve got to start somewhere. You’re an Aquarian with Venus in Sagittarius and you know how to be friend with old lovers. And if that won’t work, take another tack. But you do need to get out there in some form.

As for meeting people, if you’ve been isolated it can sometime be daunting but you can start online. Look for message boards. Hang out on the Elsa blog! Because you have energy and if you put it out there, eventually you will be spotted. What you say will resonate with someone and this is how relationships begin.

As for dating, you need to do that too. Do you have a baby-sitter? You need one. If you are loathe to leave your baby alone… well, as new parents we all go through that. You’ve just got to sit through dinner with your heart pounding in your chest the first few times, but it gets better, I promise. Just get out of the house. And be ready to offer your phone number to anyone you might meet who seems appealing. You get the idea. Wake up and venture out. It’s time.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Single Mother,

I am sorry for all you’ve been through. You sound as if you’re depressed so keep an eye on that because if you start to drop lower you may want to see a professional. Meantime, I’ll sort this out for you and try to answer some of the questions dogging you, in the hope it helps you to get through this patch so you can move along.

I think your ex is right when he says he does not see this working out, but the reason has nothing to do with you. The fact is, he is a 20 year old boy, whereas you are a 20 year old woman / mother and I think it will help if you can get this clear in your mind.

See, you’re a Capricorn rising with a Capricorn Moon. This describes a mature person and it’s obvious from your post, your sense of responsibility to your daughter, etc. that the chart is accurate. And I bet if you look back over the course of your relationship, you will see this guy was a baby all along… and you were the mother figure.

As to why he does what he does and has done what he has done, it’s because he can. Do babies have to be responsible? Of course not. They’re babies. No one expects anything of a baby, most of all not the baby themselves and this is what you need to absorb.

Because it’s the rejection that’s killing you. Capricorn is so sensitive to rejection and I think it will help if you can see you have not been rejected by a man. You’ve been rejected by someone utterly incapable of relationship and it doesn’t matter who this guy ends up with. What girl, I mean. Whoever gets him is going to have a baby on her hands and what good is that when you’re looking for a man? Which is the key by the way, so please listen up.

With a chart full of Capricorn and Cancer on the 7th house, you’re a natural parent and so you’re going to be looking for children. And you found one with this guy! But now you have a real baby so no use for a baby-man!

And if you can understand and internalize this, you can be done with baby-men forever. And that would be a hell of a trick for a 20 year old, so this is my advice and here is your map:

1) Get it through your head that this guy is a baby.
1) Cop to the fact that you mothered him so you can identify your pattern.
2) Understand he is not going to grow up anytime soon (probably never).
3) Commit to mothering your child/children… from now on, real babies and nothing but
4) Look for real, grown up MAN who can partner with you
5) Have a happy life

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Mom,

First off, you should know that anyone in your situation would have a struggle. You have been joined with your baby for close to two years. How could you not be anxious? So relax about the feelings you’re having. Something would be dramatically wrong if you were not experiencing them.

Now regarding the fear, it may help if you can better define it. Considering you have found a caregiver you trust (no small feat for a Scorpio), just exactly what is it you’re afraid of? How about I take a guess?

Are you are afraid what people might think of you? Are you afraid people might think you are a bad mother? Well then, just say it right out. That’s what scares you! And then you can deal with it rationally and I can help.

First, you’re a single mother. You have to support your baby!! Going to work is making her a priority! But further, these are facts:

There are people who are cut out to be stay-at-home moms. They love it! They love every minute of it. They like to homeschool. They thrive in this role and guess what? You’re not one of them! You are you, and I assure you that your daughter has the right mother, not the wrong one. So your main job as a parent is to manifest yourself completely, to set an example for your daughter so she is empowered to do the same. Sound right?

And so what I think is happening here is this: Your Scorpio “feels” taking the job is the best path (and I agree). However, your Capricorn side - which is pronounced by the way - feels guilty for wanting to achieve in the world… something beyond parenting. And bottom line, you are going to have to accept yourself. Your nature, that is.

It’s really too bad women judge each other. The ones who work outside the home assume the ones who don’t are lazy. The ones who work inside the home think similar about the ones who go to work. You know. They are escaping their family duties.

The fact is some women don’t have a choice one way or the other. Lack of money can force either situation into being, but more importantly every woman is an individual! And some of us thrive in the workplace while others thrive at home. And the only thing that matters for our sons and for our daughters, is that we thrive, period. So here’s my advice:

Go to work. If people judge you, assume they are ignorant. Because they are.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Wanting,

Congratulations on successfully navigating such a delicate situation to this point. You sound incredibly sincere and well intentioned. You sound as if you are acting from the heart, in as thoughtful a manner as possible, so you can be proud of that and further, this is really all you can do.

I appreciate your fear around your ex-husband’s reaction but his reaction is out of your control. However, as smart as you are, there are some subtle adjustments you can make before you speak with him that may help tilt the scales in your direction and make it more likely he absorbs this news without lashing out.

On that, I would look at your language. “Let the chips fall” suggests a cavalier attitude. You know. Roll the dice and fuck it! It is what it is! But I don’t think this is your best play.

See, right now you’re winning. What you’ve successfully orchestrated here… the opportunity for your son and his bio-dad to come together and heal, is incredible. And you managed this by being cautious and sensitive - so I think you’d be well advised to keep doing what you’re doing.

See, to contact the bio-dad Ms. Pisces, you had to transcend your feelings about the past interaction between the two of you. Can you do the same with your ex-husband? I think you should try.

Because if you “let the chips fall” and they fall badly, you may have regrets. But if you continue to act with the utmost integrity and heart… well, then it won’t matter what he does. You will be able to look in the mirror and know you did your best.

If you want a clear picture of where you’re going off track, re-read your post. You’re all good until the last paragraph when you write about your ex-husband. And if I figure if you can forgive the bio-dad, it’s only a matter of time before you do the same with your ex-husband. So how about you rush that process and get yourself a Grand Slam here? Because it sounds like you’ve done a stellar job for sixteen years. No need to drop the ball now.

Good luck.

~~
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