Today I had the strangest experience. I feel ultra fortunate for this little tiny exchange so I’m going to put it out here. I could assign all kinds of astrology, but I’m going to chock it up to Mercury in Scorpio because it was potent as can be (Scorpio) and involved my neighborhood (Mercury)… and hands (Mercury) and healing (Scorpio).

I had a massage today. The therapist was an African woman who I’d never met. I don’t go for massage very often so I don’t have a regular therapist. I like a deep tissue massage so I just ask for someone who likes to do this kind of work when I schedule and this is how we collided. Continue reading Bigotry Undone

The Soldier and I, talking in 2003.

“So you ate dinner with this guy after this?”

“Yeah. I was outside with my boyfriend’s… well he was my fiance. And I was outside with his brother there, standing by the car telling him jokes. I was trying to let him know I was okay and also just keep him distracted. Because this was a living hell for him. He looked like he was going to explode, or maybe implode right on the spot. So I made jokes.”

“Like what? How do you joke about something like this?”

“Easy. As far as I was concerned the guy was a cartoon so I just exploited that. I mocked him. Did you seen the veins sticking out, I asked. I’m sorry your father is a freak. Has he always been a freak or did this just start today?”

We both laughed.

“Yeah, I got him laughing and feeling better right away to the extent I could because he was reeling. Eventually my fiance came out and filled us in on the situation.”

“And then you went in there and ate dinner?”

“Yeah. We had a pow-wow about this. We were traveling together and we had a powerful synergy which I think it unusual for a trio but it was there. So we had these various options… splitting up, all of us leaving, all of us staying, etc. And in the end we decided to maintain our united front and go to dinner.”

“Hmm.”

“See, they were both trying to take care of me. They felt bad, you can imagine. But I told them not to take a stand on my behalf because the whole thing was meaningless to me. Don’t go defend my honor because I am not dishonored. And since I was the supposed victim, once I explained that there was no injury and it was clear this was true the whole air just went out of this thing. You know. There is a bag of hot air in there… he’s your father. Do you want to eat with him or no? Do you want to fight him and if so, do you want to do it today? Do you want to drive away? You guys figure this out and whatever you want to do, I’ll do it with you.”

“I see.”

“Yeah. It was all for one and one for all. We were The Three Musketeers. We really were like that, so we just stayed like that and we all went to dinner.”

“Well that does sound like you.”

“Yeah. I am a loyal and stanch ally. I am not going to cave on you just because someone calls me a nigger or any other kind of name. I may have dimples but I am not a flake. And you better believe this guy didn’t like it when he saw the three us heading back in all nonchalant, to eat his food.” I laughed. “I thought it was funny as hell. I actually walked in and shook his hand. Hi, I’m Elsa, I said with my regular grin.” I snorted. “I had his two sons, one on each side of me and I was defying him I suppose. I guess you’re going to find out what it’s like to eat dinner with a nigger, aren’t you?” I laughed. “I didn’t say that last part, I just thought it. And that’s exactly what happened. Dinner was served.”

Have you ever been part of a united front?

skip to: Brothers and Mercury in the Birth Chart

I’m talking to the Soldier here… 2003.

“Okay, so tell me why being called a nigger didn’t bother you,” he said.

“Well, I just thought it was stupid. I thought the guy was an idiot. It’s always easy to tell who is an idiot and who is not.”

“How do you tell? Tell me,’ he said.

See the Scorpio? See how he probes?

“Well I’m sure you have heard this, we all have. They say you should always know who you’re talking to, right? Before you go shootin’ your mouth off, find out who you’re talking to? You’ve heard this, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that.”

“Well so have I. And when I heard it, I listened. So whenever I meet someone I assume they are way smarter than I am. I assume that I am the fool in the equation.”

“I see.”

“So if someone is going to take one look at another person, judge them, call them a nigger or whatever it is they do without first finding out who they are, then as far as I am concerned what you have right there is an idiot.”

“I’d have to agree with you, E.”

“Yeah, because I’m right,” I said with a snort. “So this guy starts yelling I’m a nigger. Get that nigger out of my house. And it has nothing to do with me. What I am is the woman who had made his son very happy. He was bringing me home. This guy hadn’t shown up with a woman to meet his family in YEARS. So don’t you think someone with a brain would be a little curious? You know. Who is this gal?”

“Yeah, I do think that.”

“Well so do I. But someone with no brain is going to do what this guy did as soon as he did, he showed himself stupid. And from then on he was only good to dissect.”

“Dissect?”

“Well, yeah. Because I had the charts on these people. Astrology, I mean. I know you don’t know anything about astrology but I do and this is all very interesting to me. So I was happy to eat dinner with this guy. You know. Study the dumbass up close and in his habitat. What’s better than that for someone like me?”

Do you find out who you’re talking to?

skip to Jupiter Rising and Dimples…

The Soldier and I talking… this was 2003.

“I can’t believe it didn’t bother you to be called a nigger.”

“Well it didn’t.”

“Why not? Why didn’t that bother you, E? I don’t know what I’d do if someone called me a nigger. No one ever has,” he said. “Been called everything but a nigger,” he said.

“Well then you missed your chance. Because these people would have called you a nigger too.”

“I’m a nigger?”

“Yes. You’re my color aren’t you? So yeah. We’re both niggers and I am sure you’d have reacted the same way I did,” I said. “You don’t react when people call you all other kinds of racist things, so I bet if this happened… if you got called a nigger it would be no different. You wouldn’t care. What do you care? If someone wants to fight with you calling you, spic, or guinea or any of that is not going to do it. You’d just laugh at them. On the other hand if they tell you you’re not a man, well that may be the last thing they ever say. They will certainly regret it, I am sure of that.”

“You got that right, E. That would set me off. Probably be the last thing they’d ever say with teeth in their mouth, anyway.”

What are “fightin’ words to you?

skip to ‘The 8th House Infiltrates”

Talk about the shadow. I was talking to the soldier about a man I knew some years ago…

“So we were getting married. We were engaged and now I was going home with him to meet his family. They were rich. They were quite wealthy but he was more like me. He was eccentric I guess you could say. He was also very philosophical… he was environmental and this sort of thing. He wasn’t worried about status, that’s for sure. He was involved with his beliefs which were all high-minded and spiritual but anyway, he was talking me home so I could meet his family and we were both really happy. I was happy but he was ecstatic.”

“Well, he was with you.”

“Whatever. That’s not the story. The story is he was happy and we were going to meet his family and we were traveling to do it, which we both liked. And his brother was coming with.”

“His brother came with you?”

“Yeah. He had a brother and I’ll tell you this: You could not ask for a better brother-in-law. I really liked him. He was grand, and he was traveling with us. And we always had a good time, the 3 of us but going home, he was nervous.”

“Why was he nervous?”

“Well that’s the story, isn’t it? He was nervous but my fiance was not. He thought everything was going to be fine. See, he hadn’t taken a woman home to meet his family in years. Since high school! So everyone understood this guy loved the hell out of me. He had finally found someone he wanted to marry so hooray and all that. Happy day.”

“So what happened? Did you meet his family?”

“I did. We pulled up in front of the house. The three of us flew East and then we were driving through three states to meet everyone. So anyway, we walked up to the door, knocked, and walked inside.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And the father who looked all tense, looked at me. Hi, he said. It was strange. I need to talk to my son.”

“That’s what he said?”

“Yeah. In the other room, he added. So I just shrugged. I had no idea what was going on. But my fiance took off with his father and one minute later I hear all this screaming.”

“What screaming?”

“Well the father wanted to know what his son was doing… how he could have the audacity to show up at his house with a nigger.”

“A what?”

“A nigger. Me. He meant me. I am the nigger and he was screaming it too.”

“HOW DARE YOU BRING THAT NIGGER TO MY HOUSE!! YOU KNOW I HATE NIGGERS! I HATE NIGGERS AND NOW I’VE GOT ONE STANDING RIGHT OUT THERE IN MY LIVING ROOM!”

He gasped.

“Yeah. Well it didn’t bother me that much. I’d have thought it was funny if not for the brother.”

“Why, what did he do?”

“Oh God, he was mortified. He was embarrassed. He would have liked to protect me I guess but there was nothing he could do. He was apologizing. He was beside himself. He as shaking. You know. He was saying, oh God, oh God, I was afraid this would happen. I told him this would happen… oh Elsa, I am so sorry..”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. I told the brother not to worry about it. I see you father is an asshole, I said. It’s not your fault so don’t worry about it. Say! Why don’t we go outside so we don’t have to listen to this?”

“What did he do?”

“He went outside with me. He was so upset. He was triggered I would say so he seemed really grateful someone had some idea what to do. And I did know what to do. I was very calm. I mean, he didn’t know it but fact is I know all about bigots so I was able to process the situation really quickly. Almost instantly.”

“I’ve never heard of anything like this in my life. I have no idea what I’d do in a situation like that,” he said.

“Well I don’t know how to live in the bush and sleep on a rock so I guess we’re even. But here’s the thing: When someone acts like that, you know everything about them. Everything. You have seen all their cards and what do they know about you? Nothing. And to me this is amusing. I think it’s funny as hell, so you know. I told that guy his father was an asshole and I told him in such a way, pretty soon we were standing out there laughing about him.”

“Laughing? You were laughing about this.”

“Oh yeah. I was in my element. Plus I knew something was going on. You know. Why was the brother so nervous? Ah ha! This is why. That poor guy. He really liked me. And I am sure he knew something like this would happen.”

“Why didn’t your fiance know?”

“Denial. He thought because he loved me and he was so happy, his family would love me. He said that repeatedly but turns out it was mere wishful thinking. I was the nigger-astrologer coming to the Thanksgiving party and that was all there was to it. I was the dark side and I didn’t even have to talk to achieve that,” I said with a chuckle. “So when you’re this good at something, don’t think you don’t know all about it because you do. And the thing you know all about is the light side that’s projecting. Because what’s this guy know about me? He knows I’m a nigger. So just what exactly is that, anyway? What’s a nigger anyway? To look at someone and call them a nigger is to know absolutely nothing. You cannot possibly be stupider than you are in that moment.”

Skip to “Then What Happened”

So understanding that I have this thing with the African men, I decided to give my kids a similar imprint. Like everybody else, I want my children to have an edge and the edge I wanted them to have was the ability to form friendships with anyone. I wanted the whole world open to them, see. So 12 years ago when I was pregnant with my first baby, I put my money where my mouth is and I moved.

I moved to the most integrated city in the United States at the time. And I don’t know if we still hold that title but if we don’t we’re right up there. Because everyone of every color lives here.

And I don’t mean they live in various segregated neighborhoods. The neighborhoods here are completely, utterly integrated. In short, I just don’t think it would be possible to be a bigot and live here because you would just be uncomfortable all the time.

So my kids grew up with… everyone. It’s a bit of an a social experiment, but I am pretty sure this is going work. I am pretty sure when my kids go out in the world, they will expect to be able to bond with whoever they see, since they grew up this way.

And I’m betting that because they have this expectation… the odds they will be able to connect will be very high for the same reason I connect with these older African men. Especially when compared to the person who has not had exposure and consequently, has not had positive experiences with people of other races.

And I reinforce this all the time. Because my kids are old enough now, they encounter bigotry.

“Yeah? Well you don’t have to pay attention to that. It has nothing to do with you. As you’are well aware, you can get along with all people. You always have. And if these other people have a problem, then they have a problem. And that’s too bad. But you don’t have this problem. So just ignore this other stuff you hear, why don’t you?” ~~Erase/Neptune Reality/Saturn~~ “It has nothing to do with you. Live your own way! Our family gets along with whoever we like. And we don’t care about anything else… race, sexual orientation, money or any other thing you can think of. We like whoever we like and don’t worry about things that are stupid and have no basis at all, like skin color for Godsakes!”

And this is Saturn Neptune on many levels. Besides believing something into reality, it’s the erasing (Neptune) of boundaries (Saturn) and limitations (Saturn). And here’s the thing:

I find that when I am proactive and work (Saturn) to use my Saturn Neptune energy, I am far less likely to be plagued by hologram fears and the other negative manifestations of these two planets when they combine.

Keep reading -> Fear Of Various Types

~~
pictured, my daughter (the Italian looking one) with variou kids on the block, circa 1998.

When something comes up three times in a week, it usually warrants writing about and in this case, it’s my criminal mind. I have one, I absolutely do and I mentioned this to another astrologer a few days ago.

He seemed surprised or something because he made me repeat myself.

“You say you have a criminal mind?”

“Well, yes. How could I not?” I answered.

I couldn’t tell if he was surprised I had a criminal mind, or that I was actually copping to it but in whatever case, I discussed this with him briefly and that was that.

I’ve written about this extensively, so I didn’t think about the conversation after I had it until a few days later when the AMF brought the same thing up. I had tricked him for about a week and he was sort of pissed off when he found out.

See, I had gotten this steroid shot in my back (hip) and he sometimes slaps my ass. So when he did this, I yelped and acted like it hurt me, “My shot! Ow! Ow! That’s my shot!” I shouted. And of course he got all discombobulated. “Oh Bean! Did I hurt you? Sorry, honey, are you okay?”

“I’m okay. But Jesus! Don’t be hitting my shot!” I said.

Now actually the slap had no effect at all, but fuck him. I figure he shouldn’t be slapping me anyway, so it serves him right. Plus he’s always claims to be waaaaay smarter than me so you can see this why this is irresistible.

So anyway, this goes on for a few days. Or a week. Because his patting is a habit. So he keeps doing it and I keep yelping and he keeps getting distraught.

And then one night he pushed me or something. He has that Aquarius and I think he was pushing me away on the bed to get himself some space. But anyway, he pushed my shoulder and I yelped. “My shot! Ow! That’s my shot, for godsakes!” And I started laughing of course. Like the banshee I am as I watched the realization come to his face. And then a couple nights ago, this came up.

“The look on your face. It’s…it’s priceless. When I’m found out,” I said.

“Well, yeah. That’s your criminal mind,” he said. “You’re a total criminal and I’m not. I’m a nice guy and it’s not easy for someone like me to be around a criminal like you.”

And I was so surprised at that. But then I remembered the day we met. I just wrote about it. He was there early. He’s a Scorpio and he’s a man. But I was there waaaaaaaaaaaaay earlier, because I’m a criminal.

But then came the clincher. What made me write this.

I was talking to Scott today about the immigration issue. Scott is a super-liberal, I don’t think he’d mind me telling you. He also has terrific guilt. His guilt is legendary and some of it centers on me. Because Scott has always enjoyed a sort of material security and I am from the other side of the tracks.

He is also a total UN-bigot. He actually feels anyone who is racist has a psychological problem. “They had to have been brainwashed, or something, because there is no logic to it at all.” And I agree with him, but back to today’s conversation:

“Invariably when you see someone waiting for the bus, or walking they are African or Latino,” he said. “It never changes.”

“Yeah I know. That reminds me of a story.”

“What?”

“Back when I didn’t have a car…when I was looking for a job, when I was kid? I would always have a car. I was trying to be a waitress and on the way in to interview, I would be sure to memorize a car in the parking lot. Then if they asked, do you have a car, I’d say, yes. And I’d point to one, through the window of the restaurant. That’s my car right there. Because come on. They aren’t going to hire me if I don’t have a car. They’ll think I won’t make it to work. But you know I never missed work, so what the fuck. Do I want a job, or not?”

He explained most people wouldn’t do that. They wouldn’t think of it. He said a few things, but while he was talking all I could think was there goes my criminal mind…

So I know where I got it. I was raised by a criminal!

But then I thought of the astrology. Where does this show up in my chart? Because it would have to be there. And it would have to be Mercury….it rules the mind.

And sure enough, it fits. I have Mars conjunct Mercury and I would say this is the Scorpio side of Mars. It’s some sneaky shit.

But the conjunction is in the 9th house (Sagittarius) so I broadcast it. I tell the truth about my criminal mind! I will testify!

So what about you? Are you a criminal? Or an innocent?

~~
criminal mind - take two…