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The Truth About Addiction And Recovery

With Venus squaring Pluto some are finding themselves in relationship triangles. This does not mean it’s nasty, for example the soldier, his son and I are triangulated at the moment with good result. However some of you are not faring as well so take this lesson from my gal, Betty if you need too. And keep in mind the other entity is not necessarily another woman. Could be porn… cocaine, his mother… you get the idea.

Dear Gemini,

You sound like an inordinately mature 20 year old to me. Your ability to see and articulate your very painful situation without becoming hysterical is impressive so keep you cool head it will serve you. I also like that you have (obviously) educated yourself about addiction, that you know that there is a person inside your body and you have sophisticated awareness as to how this is effecting you emotionally. Since you are already so competent I am just going to add what I know and trust you to parse it.

As to getting your fiance to see what you see, I don’t think you are going to be able to do that. It would be like getting an alcoholic to see their drinking has a negative affect on other people. They are not going to see that because they do not want to see that. What they want to do is get at the bottle and what your fiance wants to do is get at the skinny tanned girl which is no reflection on you.
Continue reading Pregnant 20 Year Old - Her Fiance Is Addicted To Porn: Astrology-Based Advice

Dear Wife,

I don’t blame you for not trusting your husband because he has been lying and with a stellium in Sagittarius, the truth and your spiritual beliefs are very important to you. You sound very clearheaded about who you are, how you feel and what kind of parent you want to be - so let that sink in. It will help lead you to a decision.

Though “addiction” may be overstating the situation, it is clear your husband is repeating a pattern that existed before you came into his life. This shows that without a doubt his porn use has nothing to do with you or your desirability although we know he likes to place blame. Let that sink in as well.

Now you know I can’t make this call for you but with all your Sagittarius you have an innate eye on the future and I think you can see what is coming if no change is made. Unfortunately your husband is the one who has got to change and this is not likely at least in the near term when his main way of addressing this is to lie, deny and make counter allegations.

That’s a pretty solid position by the way. It’s a very strong defense and I do not think you will be able to defeat it without some kind of intervention. A therapist for example or maybe someone from your church. And considering you have a baby on the way I surely wouldn’t break up your family without taking this step. And I know there are people who would say that your husband has the right to look at all the porn he wants and this is true. But you have rights as well. You have the right to be in a relationship that supports your self esteem and you have the right to raise your daughter in an environment you think is appropriate and you definitely have the right to a husband who does not lie to you.

I would also add, the fact he told you he didn’t love his ex-wife and this is why he used porn plays here. Since he still uses porn, you must wonder how he feels about you and this probably exacerbates your bad feelings. If you go back up and read what he said to you… every time he looks at porn he is sending you a subconscious message that he does not love you and is not attracted to you. I am not sure this is actually the case so just be aware what is being triggered here.

Good luck.

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Pluto’s shift from Sagittarius to Capricorn is sure to bringing new focus and sweeping change. What would you like to see be done like dinner?

Personally, I am sick of gossip and celebrity death and/or weight-watching. I don’t care what these people are doing. Real people are more interesting by far.

I am also sick of looking at everyone’s crotch. For Godsakes put your clothes on. What is it that makes everyone think they have to had a naked picture of themselves on the internet? I’m sick of it! It was something to see in 1980 but with the sea of flesh out there now, you’d get way more attention keeping your clothes on, duh.

Those are my main two - now you go.

Elsa, I am sick of…

Dear Mom,

Yes there is something in your chart that explains this. You have Uranus (experiment) in Scorpio (sex) square a 10th house (conservative) Sun in Leo (who me, the Queen?), and that’s just for starters. Your chart is full of this contradiction, so what to do?

Well first, a new frame will help. Quit calling yourself “dual-natured”. You’re no Gemini. What you are is an upstanding citizen with a wild streak. See? All one person. But one person who judges themselves rather than accepting themselves and here’s how to fix that:

You know how when you go to the eye doctor, they show you two images and you are supposed to merge them together? Overlay them? This is your task. Because there is such a thing as a mother who loves sex. There better be because if not, then what am I?

As to your husband, if he is completely unaware of your proclivities, I would slowly introduce yourself to him. I am sure the thought is terrifying but much less frightening then living a dual life when you’re one person. And here’s some reassurance:

People don’t meet by mistake. I doubt your husband freaks out especially if you are sensitive about how you go about this. Matter of fact, the way you are living now: part of being ‘wonderful” means he has to hold up your fa§ade and while this may seem okay on the surface, on a deeper level it is oppressive to him, I am sure.

So bottom line, I think relief lies in merging the two personas rather than trying to balance, which is what you’ve been attempting.

Good luck.

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Dear Aries,

I think it’s terrific you are on to this at 21 years old and I will try to help. It appears your boyfriend has a problem with porn and is in denial about the situation and there is virtually nothing you can do about it so let’s focus on you.

You have a snooping problem. With Mars conjunct Neptune in your chart, you have a sneaking problem that probably stems from deep feelings of insecurity. And while I don’t think you are exacerbating his problem, I do think his habit is probably feeding yours.

That does not mean you won’t have the problem with someone else because we already know you will. I am just wanting you to see how the two addicts are feeding each other. In other words if you want to get “sober” as in learn not to snoop, the odds of pulling this off are going to be very low if you are partnered with this man.

Just imagine the various scenarios you could be in if you wanted to try and fight your craving to snoop around. You know. The rush you get invading another person’s privacy. The satisfaction you get by proving they in fact SUCK, just as you imagined. Would you have an easier time doing that with this guy, or the one before him that could be trusted?

The answer is obvious so if you want to try to find a way out of this (and I definitely think you should), then I would cut ties with the other addict who is basically enabling you. And when you find yourself struggling, you are going to have to do like any other addict who manages to curb their addiction. You are going to have to root around for what is driving you on a deep level and bring it to light. Get a therapist to help if you can. It would be a terrific investment at your age and I have a lot of faith in you because it’s a rare 21 year old who can and will admit this:

“And still I snooped through everything, his phone, dressers, computer, etc. Never found anything and yet it was like I wanted to…’

That’s key right there. Men are dogs and you want to prove it. You want this validated.

Who told you that? Figure out who told you that and nuke them in your psyche so you can heal. There are scads of people who can be trusted. There are many, many, many people you can trust and half of them are men.

Good luck.

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Dear Wife,

I wish I could make this easy for you but I don’t think it’s possible. The fact is, you are in a long term marriage with kids and while I don’t blame you for wanting to bolt, I don’t think you are going to be able to manage this and I’ll explain.

Right now you are confused. And leaving a marriage is very hard especially with children. So if you are going to do this, you have your mind completely set. Unless you are 100% committed, the odds are overwhelming you will initiate this process only to return to the marriage - initiate, return, etc. - which will not only trash you but your children as well. So I am afraid you are going to have to stay put and suffer through the mulling over of this, until something definitive emerges from the muck.

Now astrologically you have a stellium in Virgo in the 8th house which rules sex, psychology, joint property, etc. And Saturn (your chart ruler) will soon be transiting these planets, in essence waking you up to reality.

And you can see this is coming in because you report your husband is emotionally unavailable and it looks as though you have stumbled onto a key to this. And though it is clear you would rather not use that key and delve into these waters, I do not think you will be able to avoid it.

In fact, these type of issues - sex and all things deep and hidden from view - are going to be front and center in your life for the next two years. And will this be good for you?

It will. I believe you are heading straight into hell - how can you not be? However, when you come out the other side, you are going to be empowered and energized like you never thought possible.

As for immediate coping skills early in this process, I would forget about him. Let him worry about his problem (his wife is going to leave him?) while you get to the library or the bookstore and start reading about psych. I think you will be surprised how you take to the subject and I also think you are going to be fine once you commit to facing this head on. In other words, the major distress right now is in your erroneous thinking you can avoid dealing with this.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Had It,

You do not get back your “investment” in relationships and thinking in these terms is what is keeping you stuck. You want to come out okay, or “even” somehow and while you sit there thinking about this, you lose another day, another week, another month, another year. The only way to win is to cut your losses! And if you want out of this, you absolutely have to stop thinking about him.

How about you sit him down in front of his computer, put his dick in his hand, and leave him there. Let him play with himself to his heart’s content… until the end of time if he likes and while he does that, you go think about what you’re going to do about the rest of your life. Because he’s going to beat off, okay? That’s what he is going to do, so what are you going to do? What do you want to do?

I am sure you have no idea. I am sure you’ve spent all these years thinking about him and thinking about your kids but if you want get out of this mess and make a life for yourself then you are going to have to do this. THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.

Think about what you would like to do. Think about where you would like to be in five years and then start to take whatever steps you need to take to manifest your goals. Stop focusing your energy on how bad it is and start putting your energy towards finding your way out and you will feel better almost immediately. Because see, here’s the trick:

Your husband makes you feel bad. Never mind why or how he does it. You feel miserable thinking of him so why think of him? Why not look away? Why not look towards a brighter horizon and head there?

Will it be hard? Sure? But not as hard as staying where you are. There is a path to happiness you know. Get on it and once you get on it, stay on it and don’t you look back. Because if you do, all you’ll see is “you know who” doing “you know what” and didn’t you say you’ve had enough?

One step a time and don’t look back. Try it and I think you’ll be very surprised how far you can get.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Girlfriend,

I don’t know if your boyfriend has a problem or not. I do think it’s possible a person could be curious… about anything. I think a person who has been molested may even be especially curious, and their curiosity just may get the best of them.

By that, I mean they may momentarily lose sight of the fact anything they look at or download exists because a child was exploited and while they’re at it: they may also ignore the fact that child porn is ILLEGAL.

So is it possible your boyfriend just wanted to see what was out there? It is. But does that mean you should not be questioning your relationship? No. I think you should be questioning your relationship. Because look…

You’re twenty years old! Do you really want to be “monitoring” this man’s porn consumption like this? I wonder because when I was 20 years old I was having all kinds of fun. I was having great times and look at you. Are you having fun? It sure doesn’t sound like it.

So these are the type questions you should be asking. Am I happy? Because I don’t think the other questions you have are answerable. Your boyfriend is obviously in the process of some kind of discovery. He may be exploring what happened to him, or he may be discovering he is pedophile himself. And for the record, that he told you he was not stimulated by what he saw means nothing as he is known to be a liar and how many people are going to admit something like that anyway?

So here’s the thing: I don’t think you are happy. It sounds as if your boyfriend’s porn usage drains and weighs on you and you’ve got ask yourself if the grass might not be greener… much greener, somewhere else.

So I would think about that, but also search your feelings around how you feel about the exploitation of children, seeing as you are an exploited child yourself. Because although he deleted the pictures… what will you do if you catch him again? Will you notify the police?

The parents of the kids in those pictures would probably appreciate that very much. And if it is the parents themselves taking the pictures? Well those parents belong in jail.

And how do you feel about turning a blind eye to this… to what you are already aware of? Because I imagine that one of the reasons this has come up in your life is to allow you to ask and then answer these questions for yourself.

And the astrology? You’re a Cancer and you are mothering this guy. You’re trying to control and keep him in line and I don’t know what to say besides it sounds like a bore. 20 years old? I say go get yourself a man who shows you a good time. The man you have now is more like job or a charge of yours. Ugh.

And one more thing. Your snooping? It sucks. I say change your life.

Good luck.

~~
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