It’s Wednesday, the day I was supposed to recover something I lost long ago as mentioned on My Daughter, The Loss You Can’t See

Turns out this is going to have to be postponed and you’ll never guess why.

The woman I have to meet has to go to a funeral…

::shakes head::

Heather writes on Strength, Weakness, Projection and Crap

“I grieve for Mosta and Vid and you and the soldier for the loss of those dreams, but I’m so thankful to have had a small piece of your daughter through Mosta quotes and her beautiful smile that shows through her eyes in every picture…”

This is very strange thing and it came up in another form this weekend.  It has to do with loss in a void… it’s very personal and because of this comment, I’m going to explain.

I started writing online in 2000 and introduced my daughter as “Mostacciolia” (her chosen screen name) in 2001 when she  5. My daughter is inordinately bright, she is arguably a genius having tested in the 99% percentile and she like everyone else in my family, the girl has a mouth on her.

Continue reading Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: My Daughter, The Loss You Can’t See

Vidroid started 3^rd grade and when he did, something inside him had shifted like a gear. Whatever gear he had been in before he was now in 5^th and he was driven to stay there. I really have never seen anything like it. It was as if he woke up one day and decided he was going to kick ass. HE decided he was going to raise his bar as high, High, HIGH as it could go and this is how he was going to live from now on.  From day one of 3^rd grade, Vidroid was a model student. (swearing below the break)

Continue reading Vidroid And His Quirky Aquarian Friend: Worse, Much Worse

This new Moon I felt sick as I have in almost 10 years. I know exactly the last time I felt this sick (from emotion), it was in 1997, the night Princess Di was killed. I was just wigged that day and I mean I was TWEAKED.  The same thing happened this weekend and I was quite the crazy pain in the ass to the soldier.

I was and I wasn’t because at least I knew I was crazy. I took responsibility is what I am saying but still, I was just crazed.  For example I was just so sick. My stomach felt cramped and I told him several times I would be best off to vomit…  just puke everything out of there and be clear which is something he just can’t understand.
Continue reading Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: “Oh Got”

I’ve written a few times about the challenge of not falling into the abyss due the trauma of losing my daughter.  I have tried to navigate the best I can and now with Pluto fixing the turn direct, the loss is being hammered home and it’s occurred to me I’d be well advised to make some kind of pivot here, but how?   Just exactly how can I move beyond a state where I walk around in stupor mumbling, “How does something like this happen? How could it?”

You may or may not know the soldier has lost not one but two daughters. He has come to the obvious conclusion he was not meant to have a daughter and in fact when we started to come together, he thought he might get a third chance. He thought my daughter could be his daughter and we could raise her together but as you can see this is not how it played and the loss to him is staggering - He just does not get to have a daughter this life and that is all there is to it.

Continue reading Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: How Do You Move Towards Resolution Post A Traumatic Event?

Venus, Mercury and Mars are tightly conjunct in Libra at the moment and it’s causing me a lot of unexpected grief.  The intense focus on the sign almost demands a person be civil.  The sky wants fairness and balance and pleasantness and this is so hard to deliver with Pluto stationing in aspect to my Moon.

I told a pal yesterday, it has occurred to me these next 10 days or so promise to be some of the most intense of my life and I just don’t feeeeel (Moon) very social.  And it reminds me of something my sister told me 20 years ago.  She is also an astrologer and she said that Libra always had problems with me.

“Why? Why is that?” I asked always curious of her opinion.

“Because Libra doesn’t like pits in their cherries, never mind pits in their stomachs. And you, Elsa, give people stomach trouble like none other.”

My sister has a Sagittarius Moon conjunct Jupiter and she will tell you what she thinks.  I understand what she said then better today than I ever had before because *I* have a pit in my stomach and *I* wish to be able to join the gay party unfettered. However, no such luck.

 How are you faring with these planets in Libra?

submit your own open question

D. wrote on Pluto Direct in Sagittarius

“You’re scaring me o_o…”

D. I am sorry, I don’t mean to scare. If you read the original blog on this (or search Pluto transit 11th)you will see the explanation for all this and it’s all just life. Stuff like you have a baby and lose your friend who do not have kids.

Things like the situation with my daughter which became so dire no one could cope and I became isolated. This was a function of Pluto’s transit to my Moon!

My experience is not liable to be yours although I did lose my hopes and wishes and dreams too. The kids in the picture there embodied them and that family no longer is. Again, a function of Pluto MOON.

I also have a pretty serious Pluto placement natally, activated by the transit which should also be considered. Let’s face it: I am prone to wipe out.

I went walking today because I just don’t have that much to say (publicaly). This is the gift of a Pluto transit to the Moon over a Pluto Transit to the Sun. When Pluto transits the Sun, everyone can see what is happening. You just can’t hide the pain, people can see your transformation as it takes place which intensely uncomfortable at least it was for me.

But with the Pluto Moon it is much easier to burn in the background which I guess is what I am up to today and I’ll tell you why.
Continue reading Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: Snakes And On Being Repulsive

There is a slight bubble in the linoleum on my kitchen (Moon). Last night I dreamed it was moving. It was sort of bubbling up further and eventually I could see it was someone’s back pushing up from the crawlspace below trying to break through the floor.

As soon as I had that thought, I could see this was for sure the case and further, the floor was so bowed they were definitely going to be successful.
Continue reading Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: Dream

Pluto has slowed to a craaaawl and will turn direct on September 9th. I thought I’d remark on how this feels, the transit in tight aspect to my natal Moon.

I am sick most the time. My stomach is roiled up this is, especially when the Moon transits the late degrees in one of the mutable signs. I really look forward to the end of this sort of like being 9 1/2 months pregnant, at that point you’ve had it and you just want the baby out of you.

I wonder if this will be like a pregnancy in that once the baby is born, you’re looking at another 9 months to recover, at least. And what about post-postpartum depression, hmm?

I didn’t suffer that when I had children and hope I am able to ride the wave down a third time. Could I be that lucky? It almost seems improbable.

(yes, those are my kids)