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The Two Jealous Freaks In The Gym Together - The Bug Zapper Kick In
Catch up here -> Two Jealous Freaks In The Gym - What Happened
Jesse the Sagittarian kept talking and talking and talking. He usually arrives blustery and we tell bawdy jokes for a few minutes and then settle into our workouts but not today. Today he just kept talking and talking and talking.
Of course it didn’t matter because the soldier was in the pool and I felt myself starting to get pissed. What reason does he have to storm off? I thought it was a punk thing to do and I eventually got myself so worked up about it I decided to go the pool and confront him. I mean, why not? It’s not like I could concentrate.
Continue reading The Two Jealous Freaks In The Gym Together - The Bug Zapper Kick In
19
I’m Flattered By The Insult
Astrology in real life
A gal wrote to say that Pluto was transiting her Moon and ascendant… she wanted an interpretation. She got a polite form mail back explaining the question did not fit the format of my blog (I write advice rather than general astrology) and she wrote me back to say this:
“you dont seem to be into serious astrology at all,just the tea bag variety.I’ll contact Liz Green.”
I laughed when I read it because I am sure Liz Greene (spelled with an e) is standing by waiting to read this woman’s chart because she says to. But as I thought about this more I realized it was flattering to be associated with Liz Greene in any way shape or form. You’re going to write Elsa P and then contact Liz Greene? Well alllll right. Sounds like Elsa P is clear and Liz Greene has a problem and you want to know the shocking part? This woman is near 60 years old.
How do you get 60 years old and still act like this, that’s what I’d like to know.
She ended her mail with a passive aggressive “thank you” and her original mail was about having no relationship. Well gee, I wonder why.
I also want a new nickname out of this. From now on just call me, “Teabag”. Or should that be teebag?
6
Aggressive People Who Believe Themselves Passive: Astrologer Claire-France Perez On The Unconscious Mars
Astrology in real life
Last night my friend and astrologer, Claire-France Perez said something interesting. She is a double Gemini and can’t help but be interesting. She is particularly interested in women and Mars and in fact this is how we became friends. I was writing on her astrology mailing list some years ago and she was attracted how overtly I express Mars energy and that was that.
We both feel that many women (and some men) have problems expressing their Mars energy (their anger, their hunter instinct, etc) and that it wreaks all kinds of havoc in their lives and in the world. But last night she came up with a new phrase…. “the unconscious Mars”.
“Yes, many women have no awareness of their Mars at all,” she said. “They have no idea how attacking they are. They just haven’t the slightest idea.”
19
Astrology Today - Beware The Pig!
My eye on the sky
We may have a kite in sky right indicating flow in some areas but retrograde (and debiliated) Mars is square Venus in the Cardinal signs and Pigs in lipstick run amok. Passive-aggressive control freaks this would be, operating in your family or via your family.
If you have planets in the early-mid degrees of the Cardinal signs (Aries, Libra, Cancer, Capricorn) the way I do, this may be intense enough to create a 1 bad apple effect. You’ve got the whole day, the kite in the sky, the sky is blue, the sun is shining but the Pig is so effective… well it’s like stinking up a perfectly good room with a fart. 
What about you? Were you subject to a passive aggressive attack over the weekend?
29
Aries Woman Unhappy With Passive Aggressive Husband: Pluto Transit
Dear Elsa,
My husband and I aren’t seeing eye to eye lately, and I don’t know what to make of it. I thought everything was fine, but I think that I might have been in denial. Part of the story is that we broke up for a few months last year, and I don’t think we recovered from that very well.
For instance, he hasn’t touched me sexually in over a year, saying that just the thought of me being with another man “kills it” for him. I DID have a few dates while we were broken up, but as far as he’s concerned, nothing happened. I don’t understand this particular argument from him, because he cheated on me numerous times while we were together. Lately, he’s been actively seeking sex from me, and he gets frustrated when I seem less interested than I have in years past. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to be all hot and bothered now when he wasn’t touching me for over a year.
Then, there’s the instances where I upset or frustrate him somehow over something as minute as not answering him in the way he wants, or as fast as he wants. He tells me he should just leave, or that I should just leave, that we should just “call it”, and that he “quits”. He says he’s not going to ask me to stay anymore, etc., etc. Generally, I feel that this is mostly passive-aggressive b.s., but sometimes I think he just means it.
He tells me all the time that I am miserable in the relationship, but I don’t feel miserable! I don’t understand any of this. I feel so lost and unsure of what to do. To top things off, he asked me to quit my job earlier this year so that we could spend more time together (he works from home), and now he wants to get an office outside the home! I feel like he just wants to get away from me but at the same time, keep me tied to him. I just don’t know what to do.
Most of the time, we get along fine…we don’t argue or bicker. He’s a wonderful father to our kids. But, dammit, I’m tired of being told I’m miserable and that I should just leave every time he gets annoyed! Anytime I try to talk to him, he just blows up, so it’s not like I can even discuss any of my feelings w/him because he’s incapable of keeping a reign on his temper. I feel like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon - “I’m too old for this shit!” What do I do, Elsa? Are there any options outside of “sucking it up” or leaving.. do I have to live the rest of my life like this?
Bereft
United States
Dear Bereft,
Do you realize you have been writing me with this same problem for last five years? It’s the same husband, same wife and same dynamic. It is the same list of good vs evil and the same lack of resolution due the extreme indecisiveness on the part of both parties. The only thing that changes is how you sign your name. Basically you have morphed from “Unsure” to “Bereft” so that’s notable.
As to the problem in your case, it’s your Moon conjunct Pluto in Libra opposing your planets in Aries and you simply can’t decide (Libra) whether to think of yourself (Aries) or your partner and family (Moon in Libra). And your question is, “Do I have to live the rest of my life like this?” The answer is no, of course. But I do think it’s going to take an act of God to separate the two of you and one may well be coming.
Pluto will hit Capricorn in January of 2008 and aspect your half your chart and it’s safe to say this will put an end to the status quo. Thing is it’s not going to be due some small shift or new way of seeing things. You are looking at something more drastic and I don’t mean to scare you because this does not mean “bad”. It means “good” because like you say, you really don’t want to live the rest of your life this, right?
Good luck.
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2
Cancer Woman in Long Distance Relationship With Passive Aggressive Man: Saturn Transit Through the First House
Dear Elsa,
I am in limbo. Six years ago, I had a wonderful relationship with a man who was moral, honest and had extremely wonderful communication skills. We were so happy, but we couldn’t be together. He lived in West Virginia and I in Louisiana. We tried for over a year to maintain a long-distance relationship… to no avail.
Seven months ago, he found me on MySpace. After a few weeks of talking on the phone, we decided to give it another try. Things were going so well; he was making plans to move here and live with my daughter and I. But recently, things have taken a sharp turn for the worse. We are having nonsensical arguments and spending several days at a time without speaking to each other. At this point, I’m not even sure if we are still dating or not.
By way of explanation, he is passive aggressive. He never gets angry, every fight is my fault, he doesn’t take responsibility for his words or actions, he doesn’t follow through on his promises, and he never lets me know where I stand. He evades questions and dodges every issue. To add to this problem, I have recently started going to counseling for co-dependency… which, of course, means that I’m “stuck in love” and wishing like all heck that I could do something to “fix” him.
That is the real question… is there any hope here? We are both intelligent people, and I am already getting help. He, at least on some level already, knows he has some “issues” but when I spoke the words passive aggressive to him he immediately became defensive and combative. I know he’s in denial. Is there anything I can do beside walk away from him? Is there any way I can give him a nudge in the right direction?
Long Distance Girlfriend
United States
Dear Girlfriend,
Your man sounds a mess but never mind that. Forget his denial - how about your own? Because it seems you left out or glossed over some major pieces of information here, and in other places you just sound plain confused.
For example, you say you had a fabulous “extremely wonderful” relationship with a man who could communicate. Two paragraphs later you say he evades questions and keeps you guessing. Huh? That is a profound disconnect and when you are suffering this kind of confusion, you’ve no business trying to diagnose the other.
Is there hope for your relationship? I don’t think so. This sounds like the relationship that never was. Because who is grounded in reality here? It’s not you and it’s certainly not him. Making plans to be with you is not being with you, is it? I think this man is wasting your time. And that’s your fault, because you’re the one who keeps picking up the phone to take part in this train wreck. But I don’t think you’re going to be able to do it for long. Know why?
It’s because Saturn is transiting your first house, begging you to work on yourself. And you are co-operating by going to therapy, which is good. Because I’m sure you’re going to hear this same kind of message here there and everywhere. And ultimately I think this will be enough to keep you on the right path and lead you out of this.
Good luck.
~~
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9
Pisces Man - My Girlfriend’s Gone Cold
Dear Elsa,
I’ve got a girlfriend who I love dearly. We’ve been together for 7 months. It was an instant connection between us, until recently. The passion, conversation and everything had been great between us, but recently she has seemed to go really distant with me, not wanting to have any sort of conversation with me unless she starts. And when I try to talk, she tells me to “shhh” or gives short answers.
The sex is isn’t as frequent as it used to be and I’m running out of ideas on how to make her come back from being distant with me. I never shout at her and I am always nice but she still seems to get mad at me over the littlest of things, whether it’s my fault or not. She makes it out as if it is and then won’t speak or let me touch her for the rest of the night.
Can you please give me some insight in to the problem?
Boyfriend Shut Out
Dear Boyfriend,
Your girlfriend is passive aggressive. She is pissed off and you need to find out why.
Now it’s possible she wants out of the relationship but rather than tell you this directly she just going to make things completely unbearable until you crack. Then when you finally walk she’ll stand there looking all innocent as in “Who, me?” Ugh.
And if this is the case, then there is nothing you can do about it. She’ll just keep this up until she crushes you, which I think is despicable by the way.
But there are other possibilities and to explore them you are going to have to try to communicate with her. You’ll have to get her to open up and tell you what is bothering her. Is she pissed off because of something you did last month? Is she unhappy for a reason she can’t name and you’re the fall guy? Has she met someone else she is interested in, but does not want to tell you?
I’m sorry, but you need to find these things out. And if she continues to evade questions like these, I am afraid you are going to have to assume she wants out of the relationship.
Because if your partner won’t tell you what is bothering them when they are asked with love and care and open mind, it’s becomes obvious they’re not interested in working things out. And if you’re dealing with a passive aggressive person, don’t hold your breath waiting for them to tell you why. I am very sorry.
Good luck.
~~
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17
Her Boyfriend’s Sister Driving Her Nuts During Weekends Spent With His Family
Hi Elsa,
I have been dating a guy for over a year now and love him a lot. His parents are nice and treat me well however, his younger sister is a nightmare. She is malicious, jealous and goes out of her way to be nasty to me. She monopolizes his attention whenever she can, and often behaves as if she is his girlfriend and not me. She is also pretty aggressive by nature and always notices the worst in everyone. She is only 19!
Unfortunately the boyfriend lives together with his family, and has no plans to move out. I also spend weekends at their place, and come into contact with her at home and at social situations as she hangs out with his friends.
In the beginning, I ignored her behavior but it did not seem to help. Recently the situation has deteriorated. We now either ignore each other, or snipe at each other. The boyfriend just ignores it. I have explained to him that the sister’s behavior is upsetting me and that I want him to stand up for me. But he has flatly refused, saying that he does not want to get into the middle of this and that I need to stand up for myself and handle the sister myself.
I thought that maybe if she got a boyfriend that would help with the aggression and the attention that she obviously craves. But with her personality and rather average looks, I don’t think it will happen any time soon.
What should I do? I don’t want to live with this constant animosity.
Thanks for your help!
Weekends With His Family
Dear Weekends,
Here’s the deal. Your boyfriend, who I assume is your age (25-ish) lives at home and he’s making it clear to you that he likes it that way. He’s not going to move. It’s also clear he likes his family the way they are.
He’s not going to help you, because they have a family system there. And he’s part of it. Like a commune. And he’s telling you to fit in, or fuck off. I’m sorry, but this is the case. His loyalty is with his family, not with you… the outsider.
Now I expect his sister is just acting out something for the entire family. She is aggressive, and the rest of them smile in your face while she acts out. In other words, they are passive-aggressive. Because if his parents really liked you, don’t you think they’d tell her to knock it off? I do.
Take yourself out of the situation and check out this one I’m going to make up: Let’s say, my daughter brings her friend over. My son pokes her with a stick. I offer the girl candy. My son slaps her in the face. I ask her if she would like some cake. My son kicks her in the shin, so I give her a cookie.
The girls turns to her friend (my daughter) and says, “Can you make your brother stop?”
“Why no,” says my daughter. “That’s your problem…”
So what do you think? Want to be part of this family? RUN.
Good luck.
~~
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10
Pisces Stepmother Struggles With Stepdaughter
Hi Elsa!
A few months ago I moved in with my boyfriend. He has full custody of his nine year old daughter, and I of my two-and-a-half year old daughter.
I am having some major problems getting along and dealing with his daughter. To be completely frank, I think she is a spoiled, disrespectful, manipulative brat! She doesn’t think she needs to listen to me because I’m not her mother. She contradicts everything I say. She treats my daughter very poorly - taking things away from her, yelling at her, threatening her. I am at my wit’s end with her and my boyfriend is not supporting me with this. He thinks we just need to try to get along.
I am wondering if you have any advice on how I can solve my dilemma.
Thank you,
Pisces Living in Hell
Dear Pisces,
I could go and on I’m sure, but bottom line: if this girl’s father is not going to get involved, you don’t have a hope in hell of solving this. She will just keep doing what she is doing until you give up and move away. Seriously, there is no way to win.
And if you think about it, your problem is not really with HER - it is with HIM. He sounds completely ineffectual at best, but it may be even uglier. To me, he sounds passive aggressive as he allows his daughter to pick fights with you, and to pick on your daughter while he stands by whining, “why can’t we all just get along?”
If this is what he wants to happen, then why doesn’t he take some action? Instead, he is letting his nine year old act out the family anger, while he stands there, clean as a whistle. Sorry, maaan. I don’t buy it.
See, the girl’s chart is pretty good. I don’t think she is a bitch on wheels, or particularly devious or anything like that. She’s a little girl with a pretty good chart… who wants her daddy to herself, which is normal. And here you show up to compete - with a cute little baby to boot - and the fact there is going to be a problem is a given.
But it’s a problem only Daddy can solve, so this is where I would focus if I were you. Is he or is he not going to step up to the plate? Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
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