A reader asks:

“My question focuses on how to deal nicely with obsessive people. In the course of internet dating, a man who knows very very little about me has fixated on me obsessively. He seems like a really nice person who probably gets a lot of brutal rejection based on his M.O. I would be happy if there was a way I could be friends with him, he seems very smart and very very lonesome. Is there a kind method to use in dealing with someone who is obsessive/obsessed with the idea of you?”

Personally, I can’t answer this without a chart or other specifics but I am thinking others out there might have some general advice or guidelines so if you do please advise because it’s a really good question.

How can you deal nicely with someone obsessed with you?

submit your own open question

Speaking of hair, here’s an old story…

I was dating a guy once, a Sagittarius with a Scorpio Moon. He was a very good example of both Sadge and Scorpio. He was well traveled and he read everything, particularly psych and self help up to and including Dr. Laura which pretty much floored me.

A Dr. Laura book in someone’s bedroom might normally indicate a conservative bent but in his case it was expansive. You don’t have to agree with someone. It can just be interesting to read their views. That right there is textbook Jupiter. It’s how you stay out of a vacuum which is the job of all Sagittarians but anyway he also has this Scorpio Moon all twisted up and bent. Continue reading Hair! That Damned Hair Of Mine! Astrology, Obsession, Scorpio (Moon) and Hair!

Dear Elsa,

Obsessed Virgo
Canada


Continue reading Open Question: Astrology, Fantasy And Obsession

Dear Tortured.

Yow! You’re obsessing. And this tendency shows up very clearly with your chart with your Mercury (mind) square Pluto (obsession).

So here’s the bottom line: your tendency to obsess is hard-wired. So waiting for this to stop (or end or shut off) will be fruitless. You will obsess, but what you obsess over is within your control.

So at the moment, you tend to focus on your relationships to the detriment of all involved. And why do that, when there is a whole world out there?

The square involves your 9th house (international… all things big and positive, education) and the 6th house (service). So how about you take your mind off all this crap, and apply the energy to something positive and high minded? Go study something really damned hard, for example. Or think late into the night about how you can serve in this world on a large scale. Read a book (Mercury) about the Black Death. Think about that all night!

The point is, the energy is there. What you do with it, is up to you. Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

~~
pictured: Illustration of the Black Death from the Toggenburg Bible (1411)

As far as I am concerned, there are two kinds of Scorpios. Those who trust someone, and those who trust no one.

If you are a Scorpio who trusts no one, you are going to be one miserable son-of-a-bitch. Because Scorpios need love too! You can go along for awhile chewing up everything in your path, but eventually you’re going to get to the end of that road… and you’re going to want to open up to someone. And you’re going to want someone to “see” you. To see your flaws and love you anyway.

Like the AMF does when I spike up like a jealous freak! He sees it happen. He sees my dogs get out so to speak, and the next day he loves me… even more. And this is where healing lies. It’s healing for him when he withdraws on a three day brood and there is no hell to pay on day four!

So how do you go from trusting no one to trusting someone? Well, it’s easier than you think. You only need trust yourself.

You can learn trust yourself to be able to discern who is trustworthy and who is not. It’s easy enough, once you factor out your paranoia. You know. You have to get rid of the “no one can be trusted” mentality, because this is simply not true. And I am living proof of it. I’ve never betrayed anyone in my life. Further, I never will.

So if you can accept there are some people out there who would never betray a friend, then you can go looking for one. And I admit it may take some time.

Ben as an example again. I’ve known him about twenty years now and recently we were talking about trust. He told me he trusted me completely, to which I just shrugged. Why wouldn’t he trust me? He’s been watching me operate for decades. But then he told me something that truly shocked me.

“It took a while,” he said.

“What? Really? How long?” I asked.

“About twelve years,” he said.

I almost fainted. I trusted him from day one.

He went on to tell me the exact instant he “trusted” me and I was purely flabbergasted. The event was insignificant to me and in fact I don’t even recall what it was at the moment.

And my point is this may take some time. But maybe not as long as Ben. Because no one told him what I am telling you now. No one told him it was possible to know someone, to have someone in his life who would not betray him.

So about this man of yours. You say he’s done nothing wrong. And it’s possible he has no intention of ever doing anything wrong. It’s possible. So you can start today. You can start trying to manage your paranoia, for one and you can imagine that it’s at least possible, this guy is not the betraying type. That it is not in his nature!

You can also start coming to understand your own ability to screen people. Your famous Scorpio gut. You’ve got one don’t you? Use it! Trust it.

Most important of all, you can start to acknowledge your appeal, and not just your shadow. Because this is imperative. After all, how do I know my jealous feelings are irrational? How do I know The AMF will not betray me?

It’s because I know I am an excellent partner. This is a fact. And I know we have something very rare and special. And half of it is me! And if I refuse to see that, I’m going to be fucked. You must do the same. You must own your value if you are ever going to get on top this. So I hope this helps. And one more thing.

The AMF is a painter and guess what he paints? Nudes! At least from time to time. And what do you think that means?

It means women come over to his place and take their clothes off and pose for him. ::laughs:: Yes! And I cope. Pretty easily too.

So don’t tell me that jealous feelings cannot be transcended. If I can do it, you can do it. And when you do, you will really begin to feel your power.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

As for motivation towards striving to contain yourself, this is the bottom line: if you don’t, then all your fears will manifest!

Seriously, they will. How could they not? Take the jealousy. I’ll use myself as an example, okay? So you can have some distance.

I am a jealous motherfucker! At least I have been in the past. And these days I transcend my jealousy for the most part, but it’s still there!!! Just yesterday, the AMF and I were talking about some gal sniffing around him.

“And I was going to tell her, you better stay back,” he said. “Stay away from me, because my girl will kill you.”

I blushed. “That’s right!” I said. “I will kill her with just one evil glance.”

And we were kidding… sort of.

The point is, I have jealous feelings too, from time to time. But I recognize them as irrational and have learned to toss them off. And I have definitely learned not to act on them.

And I don’t just mean I don’t bug my man. I don’t bug myself! I talk myself down instead. Like this:

“Yeah, so you’re jealous. And you know it’s ridiculous, so knock it off. There is nothing stupider than what you’re doing so just let it go… let it pass.”

And I have learned to do this. Reliably! And if you can do the same, I’ll tell you how it ends up.

Well, first: if you don’t learn to do this, you actually are doomed. You will drive your lovers away one after another, when the heat generated by your paranoia and accusations becomes intolerable. On the other hand, if you do… well your energy is very powerful. It’s very alluring when it’s not cutting someone’s throat. It attracts people and that’s all there is to say about it. Magnetic is the word!

So basically you will always be able to pull someone in. But if you can take responsibility for your intense feelings - manage your dark side, that is - then you will be a compelling partner. You will be a person someone will be overjoyed to have located and when this happens, you will not have to worry about them leaving you - ever. And Ill tell you how this works.

I want to run with The AMF who has four planets in Scorpio, half of them square Pluto. As part of the package, I can expect him isolate on occasion. I can expect him to spend days brooding from time to time, regardless of what I am up to. I trust him not to blame me for his dark days. He trusts that I’ll still love him when he’s not what he calls, “yippy skippy”.

He wants to run with me. He can expect me to have a jealous spike, from time to time. He trusts me not to go crazy with it, etc.

See how this is? We’re both jacked up, along with everyone else on this planet. But we have something very good. So I just want you to know it’s possible. But how do you get from here to there?

It’s going to take me one more blog. Tomorrow.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Need to catch up
Okay - to combat your feelings of unworthiness, you are going to have to use your mind. You are going to have to come to terms with the fact that your psyche turns on you. And when you feel sub-human, the people around you are not part of this equation. And I will tell you a story about my friend Ben, to illustrate.

Ben is a cellist and I remember the first time he played to a standing ovation. Think he liked it? He didn’t! He almost fainted. He stood as the people clapped and felt as if he was dying. He wanted to puke. He wanted to be anywhere but where he was and did the audience know this? Of course not.

Ben was supposed to go to the after party and get his accolades. Fat chance of that! He slipped out the back that night with his heart pounding. He drove home as fast as he could, went inside, locked the door, shut the windows and unplugged the phone.

He stayed like that for a few days, feeling “not fit for human consumption”. And would anyone have agreed with him about that? Of course not. People love Ben. He is charismatic as hell.

And this is what I am trying to get you to see. Because I really don’t think you will ever lose these feelings. You will have to accept them as part of your landscape, but you can certainly limit the damage they do. And my friends and I can help. Because we are twenty plus years older than you, and have learned to contain this stuff to an extent. We do the best we can, and I am happy to tell you how.

Ben and my man (who I may as well introduce… The AMF, which stands for “The Appealing Motherfucker) both isolate. They try not to “get it on anyone.”

I keep moving while I wait for it to pass. Sometimes I communicate. Sometimes I write about how I am feeling, but what all three of us have learned is that no matter what you do, you don’t want to feed this stuff. And I will use Ben as an example.

That first standing ovation left him reeling. It left him feeling like he wished he could die. And he had to deal with his feelings, but he did not have to exacerbate them, did he?

He did not have to fuel the feelings by telling himself the people who witnessed this (the audience who heard him play that night) were all disgusted too! He didn’t have to imagine they went home vowing to avoid Benjamin like the plague from that day forward - and further, call their friends! You know. To talk about him. To discuss his worminess…

Because what would happen if he did that? It would increase everything. And isn’t it bad enough as it is? Well he’s in the dark unable to surface, so yeah. I think that’s bad enough.

Are you getting the idea here? Some of this stuff is organic to you. Some of it you are manufacturing… and you need to find where that line is and stay on this side of it.

And I’m not suggesting this is an easy thing to do, but I do think I can motivate you to try like a motherfucker. And that’ll be tomorrow’s blog.

To be continued.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Dear Miserable,

You are absolutely not doomed to be alone and yes, I do think you will get over your jealousy but only because you want to.

You have a Scorpio Moon and Pluto in Scorpio, and no one is going to tell you what to do. So how about I just talk to you and if we’re both lucky, something in here will help.

First I want you to know you are not the only one with these type feelings. You are not the only one who feels self-loathing, who feels as if they are some kind or ogre who is universally repulsive, especially to the self. It happens to me, too.

There are times I feel like anyone who interacts with me will be besmirched. I feel as if I am covered in boils and everyone has just found out! And I feel so hapless. I walk around like that, for God and everyone to witness, because I don’t think there is any way to help or change this reality… that is, that I am a monster.

It happens to my friend Ben (a Scorpio) who becomes what he calls, “subhuman”. And when this happens, he isolates himself in his apartment, lying under the covers with the door locked, the phone off, and the shades drawn… until the darkness lifts enough he deems himself “fit for humans again”.

It also happens to my man (another Scorpio) who goes into what he calls “a spider hole” where he will not communicate for days. He does not talk much after one of these periods; he keeps his process very private.

It happens to anyone (like you) with significant Scorpio/Pluto/8th house energy in their chart. Periods of intense self-loathing are part of the package. And if you wonder what this has to do with your post, well it is the basis of your fear. Of all of your fears! Think about it.

You have someone who loves you, yet you expect doom around every corner. You expect they will wake up one day to discover you suck! You expect them to realize you are a horrible slimy repulsive creature, when chances are; this is the furthest thing from their mind.

Further, you expect that eventually someone else will cross their path and catch their eye causing them to leave you… in pain that is unspeakable and almost unimaginable. But you know what?

If you can get on top of this, you will have no problems attracting (and keeping) a partner and none of your fears will manifest. The feelings of self-loathing may be non-negotiable, but the rest of this is - and I will come back tomorrow, and start drawing you a map.

To be continued.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

I’ve had two questions come in over the fast few days, very similar in nature and both from Scorpio Moons. I have great affinity and affection for these intense types and I want to handle their questions as skillfully as possible.

Thing is, that kind of writing can’t be done “on demand”, at least not by me. I have to absorb the questions and incubate them. I have to let the questions hang out in my mind or my psyche until something emerges and ultimately crystallizes, at which point I can communicate.

Well, that’s not accurate either. At that point I must communicate, even if it’s difficult or in some cases, excruciating.

So that’s my process. And this is what is going on, behind the scenes. But meantime, this story keeps coming to mind. It’s about a gal with a Scorpio Moon. I initially posted it in serial form but have moved it to one page where it can be read in order and easily linked: Sonia

So this is my offering on this subject at the moment. It’s meant to feed you and buy me time.