On the topic of snooping, this is from today’s PostSecret blog. I read it and felt sorry for the gal but then I realized it’s all about her.

She is aware she cost herself but what about what she did to him?

Can you see the other person’s perspective? Got Libra?

Dear Girlfriend,

I have to say your last sentence is very telling. You’ve left your serious boyfriend for your friend. He has left his girlfriend and no doubt these two felt injured.

You friend/new boyfriend is confused and crying (he’s probably wracked with guilt) and you want to know if you should chuck them all so you don’t get hurt. Excuse me?

Further you blame the ex-girlfriend and her phone calls for all of your problems and I think that’s pretty convenient. I suppose she should have no reaction whatsoever to all this, right? Are you aware of your ego? With your Sun in the 12th house, I don’t think you are.

But you asked if this “thing” can work and my answer is no. No, I cannot imagine a scenario where you are going to live happily ever after with this man. As long as you blame the lack of perfection in your life on other people and deny all wrongdoing, I think the die is pretty much cast and failed relationships will be the norm.

Good luck.

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My daughter and I on a road trip en route to see the soldier. I had been listening to this band of hers for oh… about six hours non-stop with her analyzing the lyrics of his songs from all angles.

“I have another question why you don’t like this guy,” she said. “What’s wrong with his songs? What don’t you like?”

“Oh, well they all sound the same to me. He’s always complaining. He’s always a victim. He’s always angry at everyone and everything that has done him wrong and it’s not real at all. He’s a big star for Godsakes. He’s not oppressed! What’s he got to rebel against when no one is oppressing him? I don’t get it but just listen to him go on and on.”

She laughed. “Well, he does do that. He does go on and on and whine quite a bit.”

“Yep. Song after whiny song about his fake oppression and after awhile I can’t even hear what he’s saying. Know what I hear? If you want to know I’ll tell you.”

“Tell me.”

I raised my voice and started singing loud and proud: “My, my, my, my…me, me, me, me…I, I, I, I… me, me, me, me.. my, my, my, my, me, me, me, me!”

We both snorted.

“Yeah babe. That’s what he says over and over again. MY problems. What they do or did to ME. Look how bad and hard MY life is with all society does to ME. What I want or what I am going to do. It’s all a little nauseating. Or it’s a lot nauseating but this is just how I feel about it. Obviously you connect with him better than I do. I don’t connect with him at all. I run screaming from the room when I see him. I loaaaaaaaathe him,” I said with my face crinkled.

“My, my, my, my…” she started to sing herself, laughing all the while.

“Yeah, that was a pretty good one. Every once in awhile your old mom is amusing in spite of being this cranky and not hip. So I am glad you like my song. You deserve something for driving all this way. This is a long way to drive don’t you think?”

She didn’t answer. More singing instead. “My, my, my, my, me, me, me, me….”

I looked over at her and chortled. “Yeah, that guy is something else.”

To be continued.

Skip to “Giving her the goods”

Other posts - “Pluto transit to the moon - Mine”

Jem left a comment on the last blog… worth reading yourself.

Marc responded with this:

I think its a lesson that the narrative we tell ourselves of what is going on is not the same story others are living by. The same events can be experienced by different people in many different ways. In very real ways we’re all living in remarkably different worlds.

Marc, well said! I reread the post after reading Jem’s comment (and writing my response) and can easily see where she would get the impression she did. It actually reads this way (her way) to me when I use “other people’s eyes, which I did, but distinctly try not to do when I write. Because if I try to think about how people might interpret things it would have a bad effect, like poisoning a well. Continue reading Commenting On The Comments - Who’s To Say?

Dear Unhappy,

When we get ourselves into these situations (and we all do) and can’t get out, it’s because we are lacking something - and that something is variable. In some cases, we may not have the support necessary to shore us up and keep us strong enough to successfully fight our way out. And that support may be coming. In other cases, it’s right there in front of you, in the form of a friend you already have who will show up and pitch in if only you confide your situation.

But in other cases, a person may be forced to dig deep inside and find their own strength to battle their demons. Or sometimes you can’t get out, because there is still something you need to learn from the other person.

I have no doubt your situation is horrific. But if you do not stay in it long enough to acquire some understanding of the nuts and bolts of the thing, you are absolutely guaranteed to go back out there and get yourself in a similar situation, frequently even worse than the one you just left! So with that threat you are better off, long term to get out slowly, carefully, thoughtfully, etc.

Now specific to your situation, I suggest right off the bat that you lose the victim mentality. “I gave up this and this and this and look what happened to me…” Because this mindset will get you nowhere. Instead, take responsibility:

“I gave up this and this and this and I see now that these were really bad choices.”

And instead of. “I have had a lifetime of abuse…” (Poor me) Try, “I am sick of being abused and I am going to x, y, and z to correct this problem…”

As for the astrology, soon Saturn will be transiting your Sun Pluto conjunction which will pressure you to work (Saturn) to transform (Pluto) yourself and your life (Sun). I’m hoping this blog sets you on that path.

Good luck.

~~
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One of the things I’m aware of is how incredibly hard it is to break free of some deeply rooted emotional pattern. In fact, it’s occurring to me just how few people manage. You really have to slug it out. This kind of progress just doesn’t come easy. And I have been communicating this to various people.

Er… I mentioned on the last blog, I talked to one person, and frequently this is the case. However, there is more than one thing to talk about! So I talk to this person about this one thing and this other about this other thing so no one is overwhelmed.

Because when Saturn transited my 6th house (communication) while squaring my Mars Mercury (communication) I learned (Saturn) how abrasive and overwhelming my communication style could be and I have learned to temper this. Because people just don’t have the capacity I do, never mind the time and energy to try to contain the type of energy I can put out, pretty much relentlessly.

So it’s interesting to see the progression and the grand design. Because what I learned a few a years ago is now being applied. But that aside, it’s very clear if you want to break some of these patterns, you’ve got to be incredibly motivated and at least half-smart. I am both those and still find it very dicey and astonishingly, breathtakingly difficult at times.

So yesterday one of my friends told me he was a “violent narcissist” but he’d recovered. Can you believe that?

“I was very violent and a total narcissist,” he said…and I just took this in. But today I’ve been thinking about it. This is some kind of feat, don’t you think? Because I know him very well and I can tell you he is a non-violent man. And I can’t even begin to see him as narcissistic in any way. You know. Not only can I not imagine him with this sort of tag, I wouldn’t put it anywhere near his orbit.

And this is almost magical when you think about it. It’s definitely inspiring; to know these things are possible. Healing is possible. Recovery is possible.

Have you had an authentic transformation or know someone who has?

Dear Wife,

No. I don’t think your husband is purposely trying to hurt you. As a matter of fact, I don’t think he’s thinking about you at all. Go back up and read your post. I see no evidence he is thinking of anyone but himself, do you?

I think you are married to a sexually addicted narcissistic thief. But you say he’s “great” so how can I argue that?

You have Venus and Mars in Aquarius yourself. So maybe this experimental, open, sex/love relationship is just right for you. Maybe it’s interesting for you to see how far out he’ll go. And you are the only one who can decide that, but no… what he is doing is not personal to you. As a matter of fact, I can’t see how it could possibly be less personal to you.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Torn,

I am an astrologer and I have been all of my life. I look at charts. And I look at people. I look at charts one at time, two at a time, three at a time, etc. And I look at people on their own as well as how they interact with other people and over the years, which are now decades, I’ve come to some conclusions and one of them is this:

The way two people interact is the way two people interact. And two years, two miles, twenty years or twenty miles has little if any impact. So I would say that if you opt to re-involve yourself with this man, you can expect the exact same result as last time. You can expect a mixture of love and pain. You can expect to be deceived. And you can expect to be dumped on your fuckin’ head.

Because as a matter of fact, the relationship has already constellated in the exact form it was the first time. That is, he’s a apologizing…

So what it comes down to is this: Do you want to go another round?

If you do, you have the opportunity. He’s right there with his gloves on, laced up and ready to go. So do you have your ice-pack handy? Because you’re going to need it.

So there you go. This is your situation. Step in the ring and get your ass kicked, or do what I would do. Tell yourself life is way too short to waste on dickhe… I mean, negative people.

Good luck.

~~
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