Hi,

I used to date this guy I met 6 years ago. We were inseparable during internship and I started to like him as we got to know each other more. I was cautioned by my friends that he might be gay.

During one drinking session with our friends, he dared me to bite his upper lip in front of other people… as I played along with the dare, he grabbed me and we torridly kissed in front of all my friends. Ever since that night, we started to became really close but never really made out… after our month-long internship, we kept in touch by sending cards and calling each other… we always ended up our phone conversations with, “I love you and always will…”

As the months went by, I did start to fall for him… however, I somehow ended up frustrated because I felt he didn’t reciprocate how I felt for him. He left for the US while I stayed in the Philippines but as the years went by, we managed to keep in touch.

Six years later I found myself in the same neighborhood where he is currently staying… I sent him an email. We met up for dinner and found out that he now has a guy live-in partner and is in love. We have been spending a lot of time together and we have so much fun. Up until now, we have this indescribable attraction towards each other that makes me think if he is Gay or bisexual.

I don’t think his partner knows that we kissed before. There are times I can sense that his partner is envious of the chemistry we have as close friends though my friend tries his best to make his partner feel secure and that his love and attention is all for his partner.

Even though I have a boyfriend who is back in the Philippines, I end up with dreams of kissing my gay friend again and being intimate with him. It is hard to be away from my boyfriend like this, as I know I can feel some sort of attraction towards my gay friend. I feel that he is bisexual but i can’t really say. I’m so confused. I think it would make me feel better if I could find out that he is not bisexual… how will I know if he is gay or bisexual?

Lusting

Elsa,

I’ll start by saying that I lived in Texas for about five years prior and dated a woman for four of them. We became very close and she always seemed to care about what I thought… but we had problems. I caught her coming -very- close to cheating on several occasions.

Due to money constraints, I was forced to leave college and her in Texas, and move to New York to live with my parents (so that I would be able to continue going back to school at some point). The second day into traveling to NY I had found she had already found another, or quite possibly had another lined up, despite her being very emotional when I said goodbye.

I think I should also note this was my first serious relationship. When I arrived in NY, I was crushed and isolated myself from my family and social events in hopes that the pain would subside. Seven months later; it hasn’t. I’m worried because I either lost my drive for anything else (college, a career, dating, anything) during that relationship, or I’ve lost it as a result of losing that relationship. I know find myself continually isolated and resorting to escapism in the hopes that I don’t have to deal with the more cruel side of human emotions.

Why am I feeling this way? I honestly don’t understand. How can I force or push myself through this to get on with my life socially, professionally, and emotionally?

Thanks,
Adrift