Regarding my computer woes, I was talking to a friend of mine. I told her I felt the computer guys were condescending.

“Maybe it’s my age,” I said. “It’s as if I couldn’t possibly have any data on my computer that would be important to save.”

She said computer guys always treated her very well.

“Well that’s because you look hip,” I said. “I don’t look hip, I’m from the desert. You know that picture where I’m standing in my bare feet, middle of nowhere?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I still look like that. No matter where I go, I look just like that and I never belong anywhere. I’m like a thing that has landed and people have no idea…”

I have Neptune on the midheaven and without fail whoever people think I am, they’re mistaken. It is as if people don’t talk to me, but a hologram of me.

So what about you?

And what sign is on your midheaven? Is there a planet conjunct?

Saturn in Virgo is kicking up my natal Saturn (reality) Neptune problems, big time. On the way home from the gym today, talking to the soldier…

“Well I am going to try, try, try. I just have to do this stuff. I have got to get some of these things done, people have no idea.” I rattled off some details. “I look around and see this stuff and I just want to cry. I have got to put some of this stuff together so we can function around here. My kids. There is just no other option and I can’t believe no one can see the trouble I am in.”

“Well they’re judging your persona by those videos.”

I laughed. “That doesn’t matter. I can tell people what is going on in plain language and I can do it 100 times and they still can’t see it. They just cannot see it and you have the same problem you know. People can’t see you either. They have no idea how hard our lives are… what we go through.”

“No they don’t.”

“Yeah, we have that in common. I think this is why we get along. It’s because most people could stand to live even one day of either of our lives and they don’t know it but we know it about it each other. We have compassion for each other. But anyway, this is what I am going to do. I’m going to do same as you do when you have an impossible day. You focus and do not let up. I am going to do that today. I am going to just go non-stop and see how much of this I can knock out because if I do not manage… well things are just going to fail around here, that is all there is to it. It just can’t get any worse and I have no choice but to knock things back, or else.”

“Okay, P. Well you sound like you have some momentum…”

“Yep… see ya.”

We talked about this once before… it was one of the most commented blogs of all time:
Astrology and the Midheaven - How Do People See You When You’re Out In The World?

Do you think people see you or do you live as a hologram the way I do… and the soldier does? What’s your Neptune / Pisces situation?

“So anyway, this went on forever. It just drug on and on like these things do… court things, attorney things and the whole time I was trying to figure out how I could marry you. You know how I am. You call it angling,” I said.

“Yep.”

“Right. So I am doing what I do. I’m trying to figure this out the whole time. Come on, man. There’s got to be a way. How can I marry this guy?” I laughed.

“I wished you’d have figured it out. Or said something.”

“Me too, I think. I mean I don’t know. We both think things happen the way they’re supposed to, right? That’s our belief. But anyway I’m telling you, I really tried to figure this out. Hmm. How can I solve these 1100 problems I have, all of which are acute so I can marry this guy and never have him know the problems even existed? I laughed. “Surely there is a way.” Continue reading The Soldier and P - 19: Hall Of Mirrors - Venus Square Neptune on the Midheaven

Now regarding Capricorn and concern over public image, if not for this training with Ben… and others, but especially Ben who is so incredibly keen, I would never be able to write this blog. Because I put this stuff out here every day with no way to control how it may be interpreted… or misinterpreted. I mean, obviously people react to me and some of them react very badly! If you wonder about this, you ought to get a load of my hate mail. For example, someone called me a “choat face” yesterday. And I think that may be misspelled, but according to a friend of mine, it refers to a specific region of a man’s crotch!

So anyway, I read this vitriolic stuff and have no idea where it came from. I wonder how people can read what they read when it’s completely remote from what I wrote! So you can see the problem this would cause a person like me. Capricorn that is. I am moved to want to control what people think of me! Which is impossible. This is an especially fruitless pursuit for me because I have Neptune on the midheaven.

The midheaven or the top of the chart, shows how a person is viewed by the public and Neptune obscures things. It’s freakishly tricky and fogs everything up so people observing me see God knows what. And if you’re going to be standing in the fog like that, it’s makes you a very easy target to project upon. And project they do.

And if you’re me, at times it’s just crushing. Ouch! Other times I could care less! Which is Neptune of course. The tide is in. Or out! I care. Or I don’t. You see me. Or you don’t! But here’s the point:

I think that writing this stuff is my destiny. And if I were not willing or able to maintain myself in my un-comfort zone, my life would be a complete loss.

So what about you? Have you ever forced yourself to tolerate something that is nearly intolerable and reaped the rewards of that? Tell us.