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Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: How Do You Move Towards Resolution Post A Traumatic Event?
Astrology in real life
I’ve written a few times about the challenge of not falling into the abyss due the trauma of losing my daughter. I have tried to navigate the best I can and now with Pluto fixing the turn direct, the loss is being hammered home and it’s occurred to me I’d be well advised to make some kind of pivot here, but how? Just exactly how can I move beyond a state where I walk around in stupor mumbling, “How does something like this happen? How could it?”
You may or may not know the soldier has lost not one but two daughters. He has come to the obvious conclusion he was not meant to have a daughter and in fact when we started to come together, he thought he might get a third chance. He thought my daughter could be his daughter and we could raise her together but as you can see this is not how it played and the loss to him is staggering - He just does not get to have a daughter this life and that is all there is to it.
6
Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: How To Help People Dealing With Loss And Trauma
Astrology in real life
llama writes on Pluto Moon Back To School Night…
Sometimes, especially with grief, etc., when people DO talk you wish they hadn’t. Better for them to say nothing than say something callous because they don’t know what to say.
llama, this is a very good point. A lot of people who commented thought these people should have said something to me and they might have but I can’t say I wish they would have. It was very emotional for me going into this new version of my daughter’s old school because I had such high hopes for her. She did eventually test in the 99th percentile - the girl is a bonafide genius and it was just never supposed to turn out like it has.
Continue reading Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: How To Help People Dealing With Loss And Trauma
23
Astrology, Faith And The 12th House: When Does A Problem End And What Happens After?
Commenting on the comments
Lynn writes regarding my idea that all problems are resolved through the 12th house:
“I know from personal experience that when I pass to the 12th house without the full gut- wrenching turn of the wheel I know that someone or something will remind me that I may have thrown away the key to that karmic chapter in my life but the window is still open!
How do you know when it’s over? That it’s due for the 12th house or whether it’s one more go round the block?”
Lynn - Hi (I think you are new) and thanks for this. That’s a great question but the part about the window still being open is something that occurred to me that I had left out.
For example the fact you accept a relationship is gone does not mean it does not, will not, cannot come back into being! There (probably) really is no end. The relationship may come back in this life or in the next or the next after that. The possibilities are endless and this is the 12th house defined. Faith! Don’t worry, the universe has your back!
”How do you know when it’s over?”
In my case, I find out something is over when it comes to me on the wind. That’s what I call things that just flow in. I have no idea where it comes from but in my case the release is never gut-wrenching because I am in the 11th house before I hit the 12th. I am detached, that is. In preparation.
Can anyone add to this?
pictured: Neptune’s Steeds, Walter Crane, 1892
21
Astrology And Psychology: Saturn Defeats Compulsion To Repeat Traumatic Experience
Astrology in real life
Continuing to blather on the Church’s Fried Chicken Girl, I’ll just state this for the record: The soldier never did me dirty when we were kids and I returned the favor. Never once did we fight dirty, never once did we say, “I don’t love you” or any other nasty thing. Neither of us cheated or betrayed each other in any way… nor did either of us feel we were betrayed.
I think this is enormously meaningful (and unusual) and it’s relevant in the moment because one thing I am acutely aware since the soldier moved in (and then really moved in) is that we are utterly repeating everything.
Continue reading Astrology And Psychology: Saturn Defeats Compulsion To Repeat Traumatic Experience
11
Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: Loss Of A Child
Astrology in real life
A regular reader emailed in concern after I made a comment… this is what I said in part:
“… I am losing like a mf, I am taking losses I can and will never recover from but they are simply not on this front.”
I was cautioned to not make statements as you risk writing your own ticket and I while I agree in principal, in this case I chose my words quickly and believe I was misunderstood. I decided to put this up to clarify in case anyone else read that comment and had similar concern.
I explained to the person who wrote me that if I were to lose my daughter I would go on. I would continue to do the very best I could as I have done since I was 5 years old but I would never recover the loss. I would and could accept it but to actually ‘get over” the loss of a child I am pretty sure you would have to have a screw loose.
pictured : Rinaldo Abandons Armida, Giovanni Battista Tiepolo, 18th century, oil on canvas, detail of grieving woman
22
Astrology And The Loss Of A Child… Waiting For The Axe To Fall
Commenting on the comments
marie writes on the Pluto Transit To The Moon: Mine - Losing a Child blog:
“Can a transit portend the loss of a child, Elsa? I try not to obsess about this. When you lose a child or have a child who is gravely ill, you seek a reason for the curse because the pain is so unbearable. During a 5 month period, my sister’s only child drowned in a freak accident and my 6 year old son (also an only child) was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was discovered by accident - he had presented no symptoms whatsoever.
Continue reading Astrology And The Loss Of A Child… Waiting For The Axe To Fall
15
For Zavela From My 8th House
Astrology in real life…
Zavela writes poignantly about her father:
Could it be the Saturn in Virgo that made me to realize that I am a sinner? My father didn’t deserve to be rejected but it is too late to hug him and let him know my feelings.
I decided to write about my experience for I believe there are many people who are too proud to forgive their parent’s mistakes. But, were they really mistaken? Do we speak with our parents from the bottom of our hearts? And if we do, do we understand their hearts?
The hunt after career and to provide good living to my children became such priority of my life that I forgot my father, my brothers and my childhood. This year has brought to me, I must say, weird experiences which brought back memories from my childhood. That led me to do research on my family background. I found out that my father was Jewish. He never told me, he never told anybody. Why? I will never know. There was WWII….. I never met his family, he never spoke about his family and I never asked. It is too late now. He died last summer and my mother died when I was 10. Until a few weeks ago I didn’t realize what a selfish ignorant I am.
(((Zavela))) I am very sorry for your pain.
First, I hope you are not too awful hard on yourself for too long. Virtually everyone pulls away and “abandons” their parents in order to establish themselves as an adult. It is a normal part growing up and as parents we know this, because we did it to our parents.
We also know if our children are not aware of us in the moment or if they are supposedly neglecting us, they will become very aware later on and we love them so much they already and always forgiven without even needing to ask.
Last, we know it will be enormously painful for our children when we pass. We know this even if they do not and I can pretty much guarantee your father’s deepest desire is that you live happy and free. What else could he possibly want?
It is true you can’t hug your father or ask him about the war and other things, firsthand. However, it is also true that pieces of these things will find their way to you for the rest of your life… in affect, your father will be talking to you in this way. He will always be with you because you are part of him and he is part of you and nobody and nothing (even death) changes that even one iota.
I hope you will forgive yourself. I am sure he already has. Much love.
24
Cancer Woman’s Mother Died Suddenly - Capricorn Boyfriend Offers No Comfort
Dear Elsa
I am really at a loss about how to deal with my boyfriend. I thought that we had a strong relationship and we were planning marriage and our future. However, in February my mom suddenly died. Naturally I was very sad, but instead of helping me or being supportive, my boyfriend just seemed absent from it. Then a week after she died, he said he didn’t “know about our future anymore” and he needed to think about whether or not he wanted to be in a relationship with me. I can’t imagine who does that to someone, and even though I was completely shocked, I accepted the apology that followed and tried to remember that he was great pre-February and maybe this was just a stage he was going through.
Ever since that moment, he has gone through a cycle (usually every month) where everything will be fine and happy, and then he just decides he doesn’t love me or want to be with me. His apologies after that moment and my reaction (always sadness) becomes more intense. But, I buy into his apology and hope and hope that he won’t do it again.
I find myself increasingly becoming “needy” (as he puts it) and too nice to him (like I think if I am sweet and kind to him, he will return the favor). I feel like I am walking on egg shells with him. You see even though he is rejecting me, he won’t totally REJECT me… he always keeps me around or he never says “yes” or “no”… or just “I don’t know”. If I have all the requisite qualities of a girlfriend that he loved before, why now can’t he commit to me? I feel like I did something wrong maybe?
Now, right before my birthday, I found out (from him) that he didn’t feel romantic feelings for me and that he was in love with his ex-girlfriend. This, of course, did not stick, and he changed his mind 2 days later, telling me that he DID feel romantic feelings for me and he didn’t care about her anymore, and he told me that I shouldn’t worry about it because it was just a “bad dream”.
I feel hurt and angry and lonely. I would never treat anymore like this, so shouldn’t I deserve better? I don’t know WHY he is doing this when he used to be so different, and that is making me very depressed. How should I act towards him? What can I do to solve this problem and help myself?
Confused Cancer
United States
Dear Confused,
You’re 27 years old and you have lost your mother. I feel terribly sad for you and I want to do what you ask. I want to help you solve your problem and help yourself and the first thing I want you to know is your boyfriend’s inability and/ or unwillingness to help you through this crisis is not a reflection on you.
Also, his criticizing and calling you “needy” during a time when anyone with a beating heart would have enhanced needs is cold and uncalled for.
Now it sounds to me as if you are functioning very well. A little too well maybe and I get it. Losing your mother is a terrible blow and the last thing you want to do is lose your boyfriend simultaneously. Anyone with half a brain would do anything in their power to prevent something like this; however it may not be possible. It may be he is not the one for you and you are going to suffer a total life crisis at this juncture.
And I am sorry to say that but I don’t know how to avoid saying it - because this guy is not helping you, now when you need him the most. And does that sound like someone you want as a life partner?
Look. I am so sorry. But I think you have been staving off the grieving you are going to have to do and I don’t think your boyfriend is going to magically turn competent which means you are on your own… sort of.
You are on your own except for the fact that there are support groups everywhere… and if I were you I would get hooked up with them immediately. This is one way you can take care of yourself without relying on him and it is possible if you do this it will take some pressure off him and perhaps (?) he will be able to better respond. But either way, you will be taking a positive step and you are almost sure to make new friends - which it sounds like you could really use.
I am so sorry for your loss. Much love and good luck.
~~
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13
Difficult Charts And The Astrologers Who Read Them: Lovers Dying and Venus Opposite Pluto
Astrology in Real Life…
All this talk about calling a spade a spade when it comes to reading charts and yesterday I spoke with a new client for the first time.
Now this gal had been talking to astrologers for a lonnnnng time. She has spoken with lots of astrologers and formed relationships with them. And she has also had three… yes THREE lovers die, but nobody, not one of these astrologers in her past has mentioned the Venus Pluto opposition in her chart that is exact not to the degree but to the minute.
“How come no one ever told me about this?” she asked.
Well I would say it’s unfathomable except for it’s not. Nobody wants to talk to this woman about all these dead men. They’d rather talk about the blue sky, I guess. As if distraction is going to help something like this. Or they talk to her in abstract terms - “Your chart is very challenging” which to me is code for, “I have no idea how to help you.”
Well I do know how to help her. And awhile back I referred someone to Albert Stephens. I have referred a few people to him because I’ve felt he could better address their specific questions and right now I just want to say if you are an astrologer with no idea what to say to someone who lovers drop like flies… well my name is Elsa P and I can handle this stuff with aplomb. Which leads me to another thing… but that will be another blog.
22
Scorpio Woman With Children, Married To Pisces Man, Drawn To Cancer Man
Dear Elsa,
I am a Scorpio woman married to a Pisces man for 12 years. I love him, but I cheated with a Cancer friend from my past. My husband found out and it’s been horrible.
We have 3 kids together: 11, 10, and 7 but I have become very unhappy. My husband cheated 7 years into the marriage with his high school ex. This has caused a lot of pain. He says it is over but in 2006 when I lost a baby 5 months pregnant, he said he was finally letting her go. That is when I realized he had not done so before.
I want to leave this relationship and I’m drawn to my Cancer friend. Should I walk away from all parties and start anew? My feelings for my Cancer friend are stronger than his, and he wants me to try to work on things since I have kids. I’m lost and need direction.
Scorpio Mom
United States
Dear Scorpio,
There is no way I can make this decision for you or even offer an opinion. But I can perhaps give some clarity and that might help.
First, I cannot tell which man you love by reading this. And rather than write you back and ask for clarification, I left it this way because I think it’s important. Being drawn to someone is not love, is it? But on the other hand, you plainly state you want to leave your marriage so it does not sound as if you love him either. So considering this, the Cancer comes out on top, so let’s talk about him.
He doesn’t want you. And I don’t say that to hurt you. I am trying to help you and it’s very simple. When a man tells you to stay with another man, it means they don’t want you even if they couch in terms like “because of your kids”. That sounds like a Cancer MO to me. He’s so sensitive. He’s so innocent. But he’s leaving out all kinds of things, isn’t he? Things like that he got in your marriage in the first place.
So here’s your deal: you have a husband and a family which presumably you can turn your attention back towards. Alternately you can divorce and look for another relationship but I don’t think you are going to come up with anything better than what you’ve got without some serious soul-searching.
The option that is not open to you is the Cancer man, and I hope realizing this leads nearer the exit of this labyrinth you’re caught in.
Oh! And as for your husband’s disclosure, his timing was lousy. But fact is, that was a positive development.
I am very sorry for your loss. Good luck.
~~
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