Aries - Frankly, the process of the US elections is one of systematic discrimination against the Aries people and one which endorses flagrant suppression of the average Rams vote. We mean seriously, everyone knows that Aries Rams are astro-genetically incapable of waiting in any line which is projected to exceed more than 3 to 5 minutes wait time. Therefore, very few of Arians are ever able to cast even a single vote in any national US election, and especially not in this one! Three, four, five hours, what the fuck, who are we trying to kid here?! Therefore and clearly, our 12 percent of the US population voice is systematically suppressed and silenced every time there is a national vote which might have waiting lines associated with it. A new system should be put into place whereby, if there must be lines, all Aries voters will automatically be placed at the front of the line so that we can, and will, be in our own rightful place, namely, first.
Continue reading Loonsounds Astro Humor: Astrology and Politics - Left, right, and middle leaning voters of all signs speak out on the election processes in the US (in general), and why they have been so angry lately (in particular)

Breaking Astrology news podcasts in the post election media, world wide

Stark differences between what was reported in the exit poll results in Virginia and what really happened with the vote in Virginia brought to light the formerly unknown and/or well hidden fact that Scorpio people make up 89.8 percent of the voting electorate in the state of Virginia, or at least that is the case amongst those who voted in election year 2008. “That will show those mind fuckers with their polls and their polls of polls!” an unnamed Scorpio source was quoted as having bellowed in response to some astrological greenie having had the ballsy (and dubiously intelligent) nerve to ask.

-Loonsounds

Breaking Astrology news podcasts in the post election media, world wide

A group of Aquarians somewhere on another planet (the name of which is not yet known to earth people in the present timeline) attempt to form a focus group to discuss whether or not now is the time to make their presence known to those people who call their own home planet earth. However, as only could happen with Aquarians, the focus group soon morphed itself into some kind of large political rally for change all along the lines of what is best for the masses of the universe, green, pink, magenta, indigo, and chartreuse. The monitor of the (now former) focus group, an Aquarius herself, leapt into the fray so that she might to interject her own opinion and furthermore to cheer the group on. Yet, as the heat rose on their zealous multi dimensional post lingual and discordant disagreement about their topic, some of the Aquarian people began to exchange blows, whether or not it was upon the actual person per se, or upon his or her hologram, it didn’t seem to matter. Naturally, since they are Aquarian, no one has any idea of what might be forthcoming at the next stage of this, the possible beginning of yet one more four-light-year fillibuster for the group (whose numbers are projected to continue to rise with every passing nano-fraglet of an inkling).

-Loonsounds

Breaking Astrology news podcasts in the post election media, world wide

Without knowing why, most Libras throughout the United States today report that they just cannot shake that nagging feeling that they should have voted the opposite way of whatever way it was that they did vote in each election they voted on yesterday, or, at least, somehow, that they should have voted differently, or perhaps in more or fewer of the lesser elections. Moreover, protest rallys begin to form throughout the US in the interest of future protection of the undecided voter, namely Libra, with the stated goal of protecting the rights of undecided voters everywhere in the event that they might chose to exert their God given and constitutional right to remain undecided … indefinitely.

- Loonsounds

Breaking Astrology news podcasts in the post election media, world wide

A growing number of Pisces members of the radical ‘left-wing-right-wing’ group A.D.D.L.E.D. woke up in stunned shock today when they spied a neighbor’s television set through the window outside of their own window which seemed to be carrying an unmistakeably suggestive image indicating that election day was actually yesterday and not today, and that now, behind their backs, a new president elect has come to be. Many sounds of shuffling slippers were heard as the Pisces crowd veered, bleary eyed and yawning widely, in the general direction of their coffee making machines, shaking their heads and wondering what might have possiblly gone wrong in this, their own personal get out the vote drive. I mean, after all, that politician-movie dude did predict a great slacker uprising for the year 2008 didn’t he? So, how could this have happened?

-Loonsounds

Breaking Astrology news podcasts in the post election media, world wide

Growing numbers of agitated, confused, and formerly extremely wealthy Taurus bulls storm through bear markets much like elephants in china shops. Generally speaking, they are accomplishing nothing in particular outside of the obvious broad scale mayhem we might expect from such a remarkable exertion of movement on the part of the bull as a people. Nonetheless, sideline crowds and onlookers clap and cheer for the horned Taurus stampede, happy, of course, because everyone is grateful and thrilled to to see that the bull is finally getting out the exercise.

- Loonsounds

Loonsounds writes:

Is your lover really gone for good?

Dumped by an Aries You find yourself alone, standing amidst blowing dust and flecks, strips of black tire tracks, heavy gasoline fumes, and very little else. Slowly, slowly, the sound of the roaring engine recedes, thundering silence taking its place.

Dumped by Taurus You offer extravagant food, they say they’ve lost their appetite and when you turn away from them in bed, they just turn away from you in the opposite direction (instead of poking you with their horns). Taurus: Either they’re all over you, or they’re gone.
Continue reading Loonsounds Astro-Humor: Dumping Your Lover Around The Zodiac

Loonsounds writes:

I recently experienced a very hard time terminating a relationship. I kept thinking that I terminated it, but no…he’s baaaaak. Then, after a day, I find myself thinking, “What on earth is this person doing in my house, and, really, where was my head when I let him walk in the door yet again?”

I thought I could use some help in this breaking up thing, and maybe you can too, so I have broken it down by sign on the DC in order to throw out some ideas for clearing out the riff-raff. Here they are:

Continue reading Loonsounds Astro-Humor: How To Get Rid Of The Riff-Raff ‘Round The Zodiac