Is Cheating Ever Justified?

Long Distance Love

Deeply Invested In A Lousy Friend?

Dear Virgo,

I feel very bad for you. I wish I had better news but I don’t think this guy is coming back. I don’t know why he changed his mind about the relationship and I don’t think you are going to get him to give you a straight answer either.

This is not necessarily because he is secretive or wants to withhold something, though this may be the case. He may embarrassed or ashamed of his reason. Perhaps he met someone else he is interested in and does not want to admit it or feels it would hurt you if you found out.

It could be something like this but it could just as easy be that he just isn’t feeling it the way he has in the past and the reasons why that may be are endless, and not necessarily related to you.

He could be falling into a depression, seeing his energy sink for example which would make it harder to maintain a relationship at a distance. He may in a process of evaluating his life and come to discover his path is going to take him in an alternative direction. I could go on and on with the possibilities but it’s pointless. Fact is he’s left you in a terrible mess. You’ve been abandoned with no real explanation and anyone who has ever experienced such a thing can tell you the level of havoc this can wreak, so my effort will be focused on trying to help you limit the damage.

Now that you can think about this, you’re going to have to because you won’t be able stop yourself but ultimately you are not going to be able to resolved it in this way. To resolve this in your heart and mind and soul you will have to transcend him, and the situation at some point and I know that sounds impossible but it is not.

It is impossible as long as you fret over what, why, how, etc. It is impossible as long as you try to rewind things or bring him back but as soon as you start telling yourself, that he is an individual and you are and individual and he can do as he damned well pleases, you will be on the opposite path, one that will lead you to a place where you can live with this.

Final transcendence of the experience sounds something like this: “We were in each other’s lives for a reason and we are apart now for a reason. And though I don’t know what that reason is, I am sure it is a good one.”

And after you say that to yourself, fall back on your faith: that thing inside you that knows things always work out for the best… eventually.

I am so, so, sorry.

Good luck.

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Dear Libra,

No I don’t think you are gullible, because that is such a nasty judgmental word. I think you met a man you would like to partner with and it’s not working. It’s not working because he lives far away and he is not motivated - and why he is not motivated is irrelevant.

It makes no difference if he went back to his ex or if he is out shopping around. Most likely he is doing both but this doesn’t matter for your purposes. All you need to know is he has taken his energy (and his focus) off of you and in my experience once that happens with Scorpio, you’re cooked. The relationship is over.

I’m sorry but there’s no sense adding insult to injury. You tried, and it didn’t work out. In this case it sounds to me as if this is a great good fortune because this guy is squirrelly with his inability to be forthright. I say skip the part where you beat yourself up and fish another line… preferably with someone who lives in your town.

Good luck.

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Dear Lost,

Considering you are confused, I hate to be nebulous but it sounds to me as if it’s a little of both.

From his perspective: it is maddening to not be trusted when you are trustworthy and this can definitely drive a person away. It can also lead them to say exactly what has been said to you, “If you don’t trust me, perhaps we should break up,” because it is awfully hard to maintain a relationship with someone who questions your character.

On the other hand, it sounds as if he has given you reason to question him. But what it not clear is which came first, the chicken or the egg.

You don’t say which makes me wonder if you even know. It is possible this bouncing back and forth may be something in the synastry between the charts. By that I mean, he may trigger your insecurity which leads you to question him, which drives him away… etc.

This would not surprise me but even if it’s the case, your chart shows challenges on the relationship front that are yours alone, independent from him. For example, with Venus in Aquarius square Jupiter you need a lot of space which is served by the distance. But with Saturn involved, you are definitely insecure about your value and attractiveness… and scared of loss.

Bottom line, I can’t call this. I can tell you that you’ve got a fire to deal with and I can tell you that it sounds as if he fuels it. Whether he does this organically or he’s been orchestrated into it, I don’t know.

Whether you’d fare better with another man is also questionable. For example if he were close at hand and you were supposedly “secure”, you would very likely be feeling smothered and oppressed. Point being, you are really going to have to work to be comfortable in relationship regardless of the circumstance and this guy’s temper is a whole other issue. Is he a maniac or rebelling against your attempts to control? I am sorry but I can’t tell.

I am also sorry there is no easy answer but the way it’s going, if one or both of you don’t make an adjustment and get on the other’s side, I’d say you’re headed for the rocks.

Good luck.

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Dear Girlfriend,

Your man sounds a mess but never mind that. Forget his denial - how about your own? Because it seems you left out or glossed over some major pieces of information here, and in other places you just sound plain confused.

For example, you say you had a fabulous “extremely wonderful” relationship with a man who could communicate. Two paragraphs later you say he evades questions and keeps you guessing. Huh? That is a profound disconnect and when you are suffering this kind of confusion, you’ve no business trying to diagnose the other.

Is there hope for your relationship? I don’t think so. This sounds like the relationship that never was. Because who is grounded in reality here? It’s not you and it’s certainly not him. Making plans to be with you is not being with you, is it? I think this man is wasting your time. And that’s your fault, because you’re the one who keeps picking up the phone to take part in this train wreck. But I don’t think you’re going to be able to do it for long. Know why?

It’s because Saturn is transiting your first house, begging you to work on yourself. And you are co-operating by going to therapy, which is good. Because I’m sure you’re going to hear this same kind of message here there and everywhere. And ultimately I think this will be enough to keep you on the right path and lead you out of this.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Blue,

No you were not too emotional and no you did not ask for too much. You were honest and you asked for what you wanted, which is inordinately healthy regardless of how another person responds.

Now I am sorry, but I do think this man is gone. I imagine he is not responding because he feels he has already told you he is gone and does not want to tell you again. And it does seem this guy is a player. I mean, he’s got you on the line, his ex-girlfriend on the line and I bet you anything he’s got (or is out looking) for a 3rd or a 4th woman he can have on the line. So I think you’re better he’s gone and hopefully he will stay that way. Because I think it’s clear there is no future for you with him, and this is not your fault!

In fact, I think you can be very proud of yourself and your handling of this relationship. You opened your heart, and you offered your love and your friendship. You acted with integrity, and you put your money where your mouth is, so how can that be bad? I don’t think it is. I think you are a good woman taken in by a not so good man, but what does that mean?

It’s means you are a good woman and he is a not so good man! So I am very sorry you had to learn this… I am sorry this happened to you, but I am even sorrier for him: a man who engages a woman in another country, flies her in for a fling, well aware she is more involved than he is and then dumps her when she gets home. Ugh. I doubt his grandma died, see? I think he’s a liar and I am very sorry. I see your Moon in Scorpio, and know this is a tremendous betrayal.

My advice? Dump his number, cry your tears and fish another line. And definitely stop contacting him…

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Man,

It’s normal to feel vulnerable when you are in love and it’s not helpful when your friends (your housemates) undermine you. They may very well have your best interests at heart, but I just don’t like it when people discount other people’s feelings.

Now it sounds like both you and your partner have very strong feelings and have made a commitment to them, and to each other. And if I were you, I would focus on that and try to filter out the noise. The fact is, you don’t know the future but right now in the present, you are looking pretty good.

You have a man you love. You have a plan, which is essential to Capricorn. and you have hopes and you have dreams. So please try very hard not to spoil this with your fears. Because being afraid today of what may happen tomorrow is worse than a mere waste of time. It’s actually destructive to both you and your relationship.

Personally, it seems completely reasonable to me to think the two of you will get together in London and from there, who knows? Maybe you will spend your lives together. Maybe you’ll get five years and part as friends. Maybe you’ll get one year and then you’ll be hit by a truck! The fact is, nobody knows. I don’t know, you don’t know, and your housemates sure as hell don’t know.

So I would suggest you stop feeding your fear and creating misery. Instead try to stay positive and love with all your heart, while hoping for the best outcome for all involved. Because you know what? In the long run, this is exactly what’s you’re going to get.

Good luck.

~~
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Regarding this morning’s blog about the woman being wooed by a man in Morocco… it’s kind of nice to see the international community show up like this:

EuroYank suggested:

“…You are a meal ticket and a way to get into the USA, and Muslim treat their women to obey and live for them, unless he is an outcast.”

And then Hans showed with a different perspective:

“It’s perfectly possible to make such a thing work… if you are careful and are willing to make sacrifices…”

And he explains his credentials for offering this opinion:

“I am from the Netherlands, but I have been living in the US for 5 years now with my American wife (and her children). We met online in 1998.”

He goes on to say:

“While there is certainly a possibility that this person is looking for a “meal ticket”, as somebody mentioned, we don’t know this for sure, and it’s up to the poster to judge that. I know that *I* certainly didn’t come to the US with ulterior motives - the standard of living is lower here than where I’m from.”

So what do you think? Is the Moroccan boyfriend a gold digger or is he really in love?

Dear Canadian,

You sound very happy. I am happy for you and I don’t think you’re crazy. Matter of fact, I think you’re fifty years old and by now you know what you want.

I am also aware of more than one couple who moved continents for love with good result, and considering that along with the fact the friends and families are involved and you do not have a chart that shrieks, “This person deludes themselves,” I am going to take your question very seriously.

People who meet online get in trouble when they leave out enormous chunks of who they are. It’s so easy to edit your life. And although it seems you are both communicating in a way that is very authentic, the fact is your relationship at this point is still a stylized version of reality. You could compare it to an airbrushed photograph. It’s real, but not really.

And to be very candid, although three weeks is not three days, I am pretty sure it’ll be a whirlwind and this is the bottom line:

You are not going to know if you can function in a relationship with this man on a day to day basis until you are functioning in a day to day relationship with this man. And that means he has to move, if this is what you’ve decided. And if that happens, the thing will be real… for real.

And you will have to deal with his crap lying around. You will have to accommodate his actual person. You will have to cope with his moods and quirks, the fact he does not clean out the bathtub and vice versa. He will have to cope with you.

So I say, go forward. And you say you can bend, so I would exploit this talent by bending over backwards to expose this man to as much of the real you as possible. In other words, lose the girdle. Tell him, “I am this fat, I smoke this many cigarettes, I binge on ice cream, I gamble…” and whatever else you may not be reporting. Encourage him to do the same and good luck!

~~
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Dear Unsure,

How you proceed from here is entirely up to you - but I have to tell you that in my experience, liars lie. And since your man is a known liar, there is no telling what he is up to, even if he expressly tells you.

With Venus part of a stellium in Capricorn, your chart suggests the capacity for love relationship that is stable, supportive and real. That’s the potential, but the way you’re playing it is just about as opposite that as you can get.

Rather than working to ground a relationship in real life, and deriving a sense of self esteem through being a stellar partner… you are expressing the same energy in a wholly negative way. That is, you are settling for the tiniest of crumbs, out of the fear this is all you deserve.

Now if I were you, I would get my own man, in my own town, that I could put my hands on and so forth. I would also throw a liar back in two seconds, like some distasteful fish I caught on accident, and I would aim him so he landed on his fuckin’ head. But I am not you. You are you, so what is it that you want?

If you want to be in a relationship with a liar who lives in another country, well then you’ve got it! If you want something else, then lose this bastard like yesterday and fish another line.

Good luck.

~~
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