Loonsounds writes:

Lets say you are hanging out with someone new, and you don’t know anything about their chart yet. Here are some tips to help you see what their main sign-energy might be. These tidbits of information may also clue you in to the fact that he/she may not be living up to the highest potential of their sign energy. Maybe you won’t run off right away, but if you see these “signs”‘of ’signs’, you might want to give that running thing some serious consideration after all.
Continue reading Loonsounds Astro Humor: Dating ‘Round The Zodiac: Sign By Sign

satori (a Pisces) writes:

When life throws you Virgo– and you’re feeling averse to actual work– read advice lists.

I’ve just discovered a new guilty pleasure:  the lists at men’s health dot com.  Oh, the laugh out loud, squirmy goodness of it all, and not ecause they’re wrong either.  There was one particular passage prefacing a list of what not to say to women that may live on my desktop forever:  “Women freak out. Often at you. Often for no discernible reason.”

There are bits where men give advice and ones where women give advice. As far as can tell they can all be replaced by advice from the movie Field of Dreams:

Continue reading Advice From Pisces: satori On “The Moon in Virgo is besieged, caught between Saturn and Mars.”

Loonsounds writes:

Is your lover really gone for good?

Dumped by an Aries You find yourself alone, standing amidst blowing dust and flecks, strips of black tire tracks, heavy gasoline fumes, and very little else. Slowly, slowly, the sound of the roaring engine recedes, thundering silence taking its place.

Dumped by Taurus You offer extravagant food, they say they’ve lost their appetite and when you turn away from them in bed, they just turn away from you in the opposite direction (instead of poking you with their horns). Taurus: Either they’re all over you, or they’re gone.
Continue reading Loonsounds Astro-Humor: Dumping Your Lover Around The Zodiac

Eventually Billy’s friends stumbled in and Billy was visibly encouraged. He was falling down hard and apparently he thought things would turnaround at this point. Back in control, he stood up and gallantly offered me his hand. I stood and he escorted me, swishing of course, to the back of the venue to meet his friends.

Oh brother.

Shock!

Horror!

This was NOT a group of people you dress for.

Billy’s friends were disgusting and that did it. All the sudden I was pissed off. I knew it wasn’t justified, but what’s that got to do with anything?

Not only was I pissed, I started to pout too. Poor Billy. Let’s see here.

Continue reading Gemini Hell - Part Six: How It Played

The Convergence

In the car I looked over at Billy.  He was smiling and I wondered if he were a pure fool. Did he actually think he was going to pull this off? I wanted to laugh but instead I winked at him to stuff a chuckle and then smiled and touched my tongue to the corner of my bottom lip to hot him up.

He smiled his appreciation and laughed, thank God because I laughed with him and I sorely needed the release. I thought about Allen Funt and Candid Camera as we headed downtown.

Well, it got bad and it got bad fairly immediately. This was no time lapse slo-mo situation where there is initial hope before things deteriorate.

Continue reading Gemini Hell - Part Five: The Convergence

Three Lives

So Billy was Daddy’s Catholic son. Lets call that Life #1. And am I Catholic? Well, no. No I’m not.

Billy’s friends were going to be at the show as well. Their lives revolved around this music and the whole retro scene. The coming of this specific artist was an event that they wouldn’t miss.

It’s really too bad Billy forgot they were all dopers, huh? They were cokeheads, specifically. So was Billy when he was with him - I’d find out eventually and that right there would be life #2.

Daddy and I were both sober in all ways, so Billy was gonna have a big night here, don’t you think?

I was Life #3. Billy’s deal with me was pure Leo Theater. He was the dashing Prince and I was the bauble on his arm. I was testament to his masculinity and his status as “King of The Jungle” and Daddy?

Well Daddy was a Leo as well. Not that there was a fight for the throne going on or anything.
Continue reading Gemini Hell - Part Four - Three Lives And What Does One Wear To A Slaughter?

Loonsounds writes:

I recently experienced a very hard time terminating a relationship. I kept thinking that I terminated it, but no…he’s baaaaak. Then, after a day, I find myself thinking, “What on earth is this person doing in my house, and, really, where was my head when I let him walk in the door yet again?”

I thought I could use some help in this breaking up thing, and maybe you can too, so I have broken it down by sign on the DC in order to throw out some ideas for clearing out the riff-raff. Here they are:

Continue reading Loonsounds Astro-Humor: How To Get Rid Of The Riff-Raff ‘Round The Zodiac

The Set Up

Gemini Hell night was of Billy’s own making. His ego got him in trouble and his planets in Cancer didn’t help when they got all mushy and decided he could make one big happy family. His Sagittarius had a hand as well. He was just a wee tad too optimistic.

There was a concert coming up, rockabilly retro type stuff. Well actually it was that guy who is young and sings like Sinatra whose name I don’t recall. I saw him on “The Tonight Show” some years later and was amused all over again.

No, not Harry Connick Jr. This was someone much more fringe. This was a hip hep cat like Billy and whatever his name, he did this kind of period show. Big band stuff plus some crooning.

Continue reading Gemini Hell - Part Three - The Plot Thickens

The Interaction

Why doomed? Well, I may have a Leo Venus, but it’s just a streak in my personality. The meat lies elsewhere. I am an intense piece of work! Venus gets her due. She may have a little fun, promenade around a few times but the rest of me wasn’t going to set up shop with Billy, no way no how.

Not that I was thinking this at the time. I was thinking about how good we looked. Then later, I’d realize he was dating my hair and boy would that piss me off.

So let me tell you something: There are a couple ground rules for dating a Leo / Leo rising man and one of them is that you cannot cut your hair. Unless he has Venus in Aquarius in which case you can cut one side of your hair. Don’t believe me? If you have a Leo man at home, try this:

Continue reading Gemini Hell - Part Two - The Interaction

This is the first story I ever wrote… in 2001. I have written many since and while my writing has probably improved I am going to leave this as is: Vintage Elsa P. Enjoy!

The Collision

When you study Gemini in astrology, invariably you read that Gemini has two lives or is two faced. Two lives? Sounds kind of eerie. What do they mean? Do they live a past life while they live a usual one? Do they live one life and then live another later?

And what about, two faced? It sounds negative and judgmental, so only marginally helpful, unless you’re a non-Gemini out looking for dirt on your Gemini enemy.
Continue reading Gemini Hell - Part One - Elsa P And Billy Her Hero, The Collision