The soldier was going on about Dora and her various adventures. He will tell you point blank, she is a street dog and you should never forget it.

“She’s very manipulative, P. That’s how she got where she is. That dog right there is the cat that ate the canary. You’ve got to watch her ass because she’s got her poor little ol’ street dog routine down to a T and she’ll use it to work ya.”

I thought about his Southern accented hayseed routine and smiled.

“Yeah, P, that dog has pulled all kinds of shit. One time she even got thrown in jail at Fort —.”

“She did? You did that yourself didn’t you? Didn’t you get thrown in jail at Fort —?”

He looked sort of stunned and shut right up. P laughed her ass off.

Remember the soldier’s “hayseed” routine? (Going Undercover With The Dialect) Here is a variation. This is Venus in Gemini playin’ for sake of boredom…

“I had to mess with the girl in there, P.” We were on the phone, he’s in Alabama.

“What did you do?”

“Oh well I had fill out my name on a thing and give to her and she looked at it. Then she looked at it again. And she said, where you from? Oh, well I’m from the South. Well how do you say your name, she asked me. So I told her. How do you say your last name then? I told her. Well what kind of name is that?”

I laughed.

“Oh, it’s an Italian name, I said. Well you must have had all kinds of trouble with a name like that, she said.”

I snorted.

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it. I do have all kinds of trouble because of that name. See, I’ve got a girlfriend and her name is Elsa Panizzon. She’s Italian, see, and I want to marry her. But she has a name that’s a problem too. And she’s been Elsa Panizzon for a long time and I’m worried about it. What are we supposed to do? If we get married are we going to have to have one of those hyphenated names?”

I roared.

“And if so, whose name are we going to put first? Should we put my name first and then Panizzon? Or should we let her go first because she’s a girl and then my name can go second, after hers? By now, she was staring at me,” he said. “And of course she’s a writer so that’s another thing. What if she has to write all that out for a name? Do you think it will hurt her hand if she has to do that? Write out that big old long name like that? I am worried she may not want to write all that out all the time so I’m just not sure what we’re going to do.”

“Oh, God.”

“I’d show you a picture if I had one but I don’t have one, I told her. And by then she was just sorry she ever said a word to me. She just wanted me to shut up and go away.”

Anyone else mess with people like this? Got Gemini in your chart?

The soldier is up to something. He’s been asked to do something that can’t be done which is his forte. I have watched him for awhile now and I’m catching on to his process. He has more than one plan for example. He makes several contingency plans and he works things out way ahead.

He called today to run his elaborate plan by me and I didn’t like it. I thought it was too risky with not enough reward so I made a pointed comment. He called me back ten minutes later.

“Okay, I’m going to scrap that last thing, P. I decided I can just be stupid instead. You know. I’m a dumbass. Anyone asks me something, I’ll give ‘em my hayseed routine.”

I laughed.

“Yeah, it’ll work. I got these tattoos so I’ve got to be stupid.”

“Well you have that accent too. You sound like an idiot.”

“Yep, I’m a southern boy so I don’t no nuttin’. Those northern boys think we’s all stupid anyways so it shouldn’t be too hard to pull off. I’ll just tell ‘em I din’t no no better. I ain’t from New Yoke or anything. I ain’t from a city so I don’t know nuttin’. I’s just some idyit from down ‘round, Tennessee so I didn’t know all this. You mean it goes like that? Ohhhhhhhhhh. I thought it went like this. Thanks for letting me know about that, jeez.”

I laughed.

“And then I’ll scratch my head or sumthin’ and they’ll never figure it out.”