Make me think I’m crazy when I know I’m not…
(ask the collective question below)

gaslighting - wikipedia
Other elsa blogs on gaslighting / manipulation in relationship
Also on the topic of venus neptune / pisces types in relationships
UPDATE - follow up to this video is here: Why Do People Undermine Someone’s Happy Relationship?
Are you susceptible to gaslighting techniques? Can you see the tendency (or lack of) in your chart?

Lisa Martin Molinari commented on the Gaslighting video (on youtube) regarding people who come on my blog to criticize my (happy) relationship:

“Why do people do this? Is it an insecurity? I would think if they are criticizing your relationship when you are obviously happy, then they must be jealous. I have just gotten rid of several people in my life who are toxic like this. And, I do not miss their friendship…”

Lisa, what a great question. I talk to my friends about this a lot because it happens to me so frequently. Jealousy is one explanation but we have come up with some others. First, I don’t necessarily think the attacks are conscious. It’s very hard to tell. A person pointing out a flaw may actually think they are doing a service and not perceive their comments as an attack. It may be a pure lack of boundaries. On the other hand it could be completely malicious but designed to look otherwise.
Continue reading Open Question: Gaslighting Redux - Why Do People Attack Or Undermine Someone’s Happy Love Relationship

Paul Simon says there are 50 ways to leave your lover, so pick one.

What’s The Deal With Scorpio Freezing You Out, Or Amputating?

Why Why Is Scorpio Vilified For Doing The Same Thing The Rest Of The Zodiac Does?

Psychological Games and Manipulation In Relationship

Manipulation in Relationships Redux - Gaslighting

Pisces Man Loves His Girlfriend But May Fancy Men

I was talking to the soldier last night:

“People suspect your motives,” I said. “They think you are up to something… up to no good. It’s the same thing that happened when we were kids. (The Professor Of Art History in The Soldier and P) Happened in 2003 too, remember.”

“In 2003?”

“Yeah, that guy told me you were oppressing me to liberate yourself,” I said. (This is the ultimate insult to a Special Forces soldier who is sworn to liberate the oppressed).

“Oh yeah,” he said. I could feel him flare. “Why do people do this, P? Did they do this to the AMF?”

“Never. Not one person ever said anything negative about him. He enjoyed full support.”

“So what is it they say?”

“Oh, it’s all undermining stuff. They insinuate things, like I don’t think he’s telling you the whole story,” I said. “You’re being lied to sort of thing. You’re being taken down a garden path you little fruit. You na¯ve little fool. Unbeknownst to you, blah, blah, blah.”

“Oh for Godsakes. Do they not know how well we know each other? Do they not know I talk to you 7 or 8 times a day? 10 times a day?”

“No, I guess they don’t know that. I don’t know what they know. We trigger people is all. They look as us and see… who the hell knows what they see. Some people see us clearly though. They really do. And we’ve not had that before, it’s nice.”

Have you ever launched or experienced this kind of attack?

So on being game-y, my friend said she got a lot of power from doing this. She had control. And via the comments it seems we may not all be talking about the same thing, so let me clarify.

My friend would engage a man. She would be very attentive to him, leading him to believe she was really interested in knowing him. Then, as soon as she had him hooked, she would detach.

So the man would come after her… after all, she loved him yesterday, didn’t she? And when he presented himself, thinking he had forged some kind of connection with her, the day before, or two days before, she would act aloof! She would treat him with some degree of coolness which would have the effect of undermining him… on all levels.

It’s akin to gaslighting. “Didn’t she just like me yesterday? Did I imagine that?”

And the person who was showered with attention initially is now confused. It’s very painful.

And think about the position this puts my friend in. She’s got all the power, see? She can give pleasure and she can take it away and the man just has to stand there befuddled.

Anyway, she said her behavior was completely driven by her insecurities at the time and this makes sense. Because if you trust you are a desirable person you can meet someone on a level playing field and take your chances. But here’s the other thing…

Some people are enormously susceptible to this kind of thing, and I’m one of them. I’ve got Venus Neptune for starters, so how easy is it going to be to confuse me in relationship? All I need is a whiff!

Add to that my Saturn / Neptune personality… well remember, Bill Clinton’s claim around pot smoking? “I smoked it but I didn’t inhale.”

My version would be, “He smoked it and I got high!”

And is Venus in aspect with Neptune in your chart? How about Saturn?