Yes, this is a best case scenario but I’ll tell you, to have someone look at you as if you are dying is an out and out ordeal.  And it was not as if he could stop himself… he has truly been disturbed and sad to his core. Just S-A-D.

And I kept saying, I feel good and have no other symptoms. Just gained 10 pounds and have cancer? How likely is that? Plus they test me for crap allllllll the time. If I were a hypochondriac, I’d be in heaven.  They check my blood all the time and do you know it is perfect. I have high… not a thing.  I am freakishly healthy but that Neptune, maan.  And when people think you are sick (very sick) you have to at least entertain the idea you may be dying, which of course I don’t care.

I really don’t care if I die but I may care very much if I have to look at a sad soldier every day. Cripes, man, I have never seen anything like it in my life.

Continue reading Elaborating On My Non-Dying Status And Your Feelings About Dying

My daughter and I, talking in the car as we drove across Nebraska after spending the weekend with the soldier…

“Sometimes I wish I had your life,” she said. ‘To write about because my life is not as interesting as yours.”

“What?” I laughed. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me. Look at the characters in your life. You’ve got one… he stands there holding a cigarette in his hand, blowing smoke out his mouth and says he’s not smoking.” I snorted. “You don’t think you can write about that? And how many times have you nearly died? You’ve spent years almost dying don’t you realize?”

“I do realize,” she said. Continue reading Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: Empowering My Daughter - Legacy, Scorpio and the 8th House And Oh Yeah, Death, Dying and Writing

Scorpio Moon chatting with a packed 8th house. This is the retired Special Forces soldier and I on the phone. He’s the Scorpio Moon, with Mercury in Aries. I’m a packed 8th house with Mars Mercury in Libra and death and dying one of our favorite topics.

“I hear all that crap on TV about Steve Irvin,” he said. “He died the way he wanted. He would have liked to die that way. What kind of bullshit is that? Who wants to die any kind of way? That’s so stupid. What kind of stupid thing is that to say?”

“I don’t know,” I said. I actually didn’t think it was all that stupid but he was on a roll and I didn’t want to derail him.

“I had a friend (he named him). He used to say he wanted to die in a hail of bullets. Can you believe that? I could never understand that. Come on, man! The last thing I want to do is die!”

“Gotcha,” I said, keeping it short so he could keep talking. But I was thinking that having a desire to die in a hail of bullets did not seem all that odd considering his friend was a Special Forces solider. That’s a hell of a good way to get your wish, right? I also registered the fact his friend is dead and died via gunfire…

“So I hope nobody says stupid shit like that when I die. They better not! There is only one thing I want people to say when I’m dead,” he said with complete surety.

“What’s that?”

“He died before he wanted to,” he said. “He didn’t want to die.”

I laughed. “And when I die, I’ll tell you what they oughta say. It’s about time! She died, finally,” I said with a snort.

He just laughed.

“Anyway, you will probably outlive me,” I said. “If there was ever someone who was hard to kill, it’s you. How many people have tried to kill you, anyway? Don’t even try to answer that. But if I’m here when you’re gone, I’ll tell everyone what it is, okay?”

“You do that.”

“I will. And if I die, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. It won’t bother me at all. So what else is going on?”