I dressed in locker room after showering at the gym. The seasons are changing here so I put together what I thought was a summer-ish after workout uniform but as I picked up my gym bag I realized I looked stupid. Leaving the locker room, wet-haired which is usual, I glanced at myself in the mirror as I walked by and wondered just what the hell I was thinking.

My pants were red with dots on them… silk pajama pants from probably 10 years ago and I had a comfortable (soft) loose but feminine black t-shirt which would have been fine had I not spilled bleach down the back of it - Oh yeah.

Continue reading Voice Of Venus In Leo… Square Neptune: Run! Run For Cover, ‘Cause I Look Ugly And People Are Looking!!!

We went back to the gym two days later with the same plan and no expectation of trouble. The soldier was going to work out with some weights and then swim. I still had reduced energy and we still were going to stay about an hour but had no set time. The soldier told me he’d stop by my cross trainer on his way to the pool so we’d have an idea who was where so we could finish up at roughly the same time same as prior. Once in the gym we took off in opposite direction and again we didn’t touch each other.

I don’t think the soldier and I would be mistaken as brother and sister but he could definitely be a cousin and if I were in the gym guessing, this would be my guess. I would assume he was some kind of visiting family simply because I have gone to this gym for 10 years and never ever with a man but anyway, the first problem was Coffee Date, remember him? I explored the idea of dating him after I broke up with the AMF. I was pretty distraught at the time and told him so but he said we could just go for coffee so we did.

Continue reading The Two Jealous Freaks In The Gym Together - Here Comes Coffee Date?

A true story…

Dracula the Scorpio was an actor who lived in the artist section of the city, on the top floor of his building (the 13th floor). Scorpio doesn’t like to live under people; they prefer a high perch. This is not to lord it over others. They just want to maintain their own privacy, but have the ability to see into your backyard. Drac had four planets in Scorpio and make no mistake, he could really exude. His Leo rising gave him dramatic ability, and a pronounced stage presence. My Venus in Leo made a fine complement.

One night we were in his apartment and we got into a fight. Our fights were intense, passionate, and highly theatrical. We had scripts embedded in our psyches, damned near. Scenes right out of a movie and a good one, no kidding. I was thirty at the time, so a seasoned actress. Continue reading Dating Dracula - An Interlude

Yesterday, during fence repair, I snapped the picture on the blog below.

“I want a copy of that,” he said.

“Okay, sure,” I said. “Give me an email. I’ve been writing about you.”

“She said you liked to kick people’s butts,” my daughter chimed in. She was home yesterday.

“You did?” he asked.

“I did.”

“I want to read what you wrote about me. What did you write about me?” Continue reading Elsa and the Mars Figure Fence Guy: How Jupiter-ized Leos Act, Even When No One Is Looking!

With Mars hotting up Saturn (and square Jupiter and opposing Chiron, OUCH) today, the manifestations of this transit are vast and varied. For example, it is June in Colorado and I felt so cold this morning, I had to turn on the heat! And doors are closing…or at least I think they are. You know. It’s like I’m in a in a hallway (my life) and I see a door. It looks wide open, but when I try to go through it, I am blocked. “Nope! Not you. Not now!” Crap!

Feelings of rejection result. Pretty intense feelings actually. And then I learn the door is not closed after all.

Well, it may be or it may just be delay! Which is another theme. Anything even remotely having to do with a “partner” has slowed to a crawl if not a complete standstill. And as frustrating as this is, at times I can see it’s in my best interest. Because I can see things have to shake out. Things have to become apparent and then crystallize in their new form and this is something that takes as long as it takes.

In fact, this reminds me of an analogy satori used some years ago. It’s like I’ve planted all these seeds. And I’ve watered and cared for them. I am talking about relationships with people, here. So anyway, some of these seeds are going grow. Er…like an Oak tree.

Deeply rooted, that tree is not going anywhere. It can withstand the elements. But the seeds alongside it may fail. And there is nothing I can do. I can’t stand over a certain seed and root and cheer, cajole and threaten. What’s meant to be will happen…period.

When Saturn conjuncts a planet (in this case, my natal Venus) things come home to roost. Which relationships (Venus) are real (Saturn)? I’m going to find out! And it’s a bit of a terror, with Neptune involved. Some of these things are head fakes! And with the conjunction in Leo, there has got to be drama involved.

It all reminds me of Alfred Hitchcock (a consummate Leo). It’s like I’m living in this huge movie and now I get to see how it ends up! Doesn’t that sound sort of terrifying? It does to me. The movie ends, the lights come up and there I’ll be wherever I am, eyes wide and frozen in the yellow light. Crap!

So what about you? Anyone have stories they can share?

Read more…

All right! I finished that Scorpio bit and I was going to talk about taboo. I’m still going to, but not today, with the Moon in Leo. It makes no sense.

Instead I decided to write about Leo and Saturn’s transit through the sign. Because it’s gone direct, and in it’s been in Leo long enough I have a pretty good feel for how it’s playing my life so I’ll tell you and maybe you can see the same thing happening in yours.

Now I have Venus in Leo…square Neptune in Scorpio. And this is a pretty “Hollywood” combination.

On the Leo side, there is always a some glamour and drama in my relationships. There is pomp and circumstance, chivalry, grand displays of affection, etc. That’s Leo. And when you add Neptune, you get some fantasy and some delusion which is really a very nice drug. Sort of like going to the movies. You go to the theatre for what? For an escape!

And they do all kinds of things…tricky things, to make the people on the screen look better than they do in real life. What? Makeup! Lights! Camera angles! Push up bras! People who fix your hair every five minutes!

And if you are the actress, well you can get pretty caught up in this, obviously. And this is good! Because if the actors do not suspend their reality, they will not be able to suspend ours and what do you think that gets you? It gets you a lousy movie! Which I hate by the way.

So anyway, I am partnered (Venus) with various people. Don’t misunderstand. I have one lover…you will meet him very soon, but I am partnered with other people for other things (like this blog). And prior to Saturn going into Leo, these relationships were sort of glam and bigger than life.

Not just the highs, but the lows too. I said, “drama” didn’t I? Well you can’t have drama without dramatic happenings, can you?

So anyway, this is how I was living…this is how it was going and then Saturn showed up. And I’ll come back with what happened but meantime…

How would you characterize your relationships?

Skip to part two

How It Played

Eventually Billy’s friends stumbled in and Billy was visibly encouraged. He was falling down hard and apparently he thought things would turnaround at this point. Back in control, he stood up and gallantly offered me his hand. I stood and he escorted me, swishing of course, to the back of the venue to meet his friends.

Oh brother.

Shock!

Horror!

This was NOT a group of people you dress for.

And that did it. All the sudden I was pissed off. I knew it wasn’t justified, but what’s that got to do with anything! And not only was I pissed, I started to pout too. Poor Billy. Let’s see here.

The Convergence

In the car, I looked over at Billy and he was smiling. I wondered if he were a pure fool. Did he actually think he was going to pull this off? I wanted to laugh but instead I winked at him to stuff the chuckles, then smiled and touched my tongue to the corner of my bottom lip to hot him up.

He smiled his appreciation and he laughed, thank God. Because I laughed with him and I sorely needed the release. I thought about Allen Funt and Candid Camera, as we headed downtown.

Well, it got bad and it got bad fairly immediately. This was no time lapse, slo-mo situation where there is initial hope before things deteriorate.

Daddy was on the scene when we arrived, already miffed since Billy was at least one minute late. The bastard was glaring. This was a guy who looked like he hadn’t been satisfied in ten or more years, and he had a menagerie of relatives in tow, who (gasp) looked even more conservative than he did.

Who? Well, there are an Aunt, her husband, a cousin and the like. You know. God and everyone was there. And due to Billy’s request of course. He’d asked Daddy to bring everybody, and Daddy had complied.

Billy’s father was Irish. His mother was deceased, but she was Italian. I am Italian and when I finally saw a picture of Billy’s mother, it was hard to miss the fact I was a dead ringer for her, so the plot thickens, huh? And if I’d known this at the time, it might have explained the wave of nausea I saw cross Daddy’s face when he spotted me. But um…maybe that was just my imagination.

The friends were fashionably late, no doubt parked around the corner of the venue snorting cocaine. Billy and I took our seats with this family, in the second row no less, with no one sitting in the first. Spare no expense to impress Dad!

Billy was on the inside aisle. This was fortunate, because he was going to be mighty busy running back and forth trying to cover his bets all night. Conversation was minimal and highly strained. Billy kept glancing backwards.

There was a bar at the back of the venue, and some tables where you could drink and smoke and chat, and this is where Billy’s friends would gather when they showed up in their 50’s bowling clothing. He knew this, because these were his stomping grounds, and oh yeah. Did I tell you Billy smoked? Well Billy smoked, but not in front of Daddy. ::laughs::

Billy wanted a cigarette. I could see he had his Gemini hand thing going. He was twitching some, and I had to work to keep my smile subtle, as opposed to letting go and laughing out loud. Billy’s family was clearly uncomfortable, each of them looking very agitated in their own way. And me?

Well my cheeks were hot, and my head felt like it was going to explode with all the tension and angst. I grabbed Billy’s hand to ground and show unity but it didn’t help at all because he was positively clammy. It was at this point I started to feel a little ill myself.

To be continued.

skip to part six…

Three Lives

So Billy was Daddy’s Catholic son. Lets call that Life #1. And am I Catholic? Well, no. No I’m not.

Billy’s friends were going to be at the show as well. Their lives revolved around this music and the whole retro scene, so the coming of this specific artist was an event that they wouldn’t miss.

It’s really too bad that Billy forgot they were all dopers, huh? They were cokeheads specifically. As was Billy, I would learn, on the days and nights he spent with them and that right there would be life #2.

Daddy and I were both sober in all ways, so Billy was gonna have a big night here, don’t you think?

I was Life #3. Billy’s deal with me was pure Leo Theater. He was the dashing Prince and I was the bauble on his arm. I was testament to his masculinity, and his status as “King of The Jungle” and Daddy?

Well Daddy was a Leo as well. Not that there was a fight for the throne going on or anything.

Seeing the train wreck coming I asked Billy if he was sure he wanted to collide his lives like this, and he was. As a matter of fact, he thought the whole idea was brilliant, so who am I to interfere with that? I decided not to help the genius.

Instead I plotted. I had about a week to think about all this, hmm. What to do?

Well, I could try to fit in with Billy’s friends, but I didn’t do this beehive hair thing or retro dress up. I mean, come on. I decided to assert my independence, and make sure his friends understood I would not being be joining their 1950’s bowling team, anytime soon.

Remembering my sister’s words, “Wear the right clothes and you don’t need to talk,” I carefully selecting the evening’s costume. I decided since it was a fun evening out and all, I may as well have some additional bonus fun. I’ve never thought it my job in life was to make other people comfortable, anyway. I leave that to Taurus, and besides. My Leo Venus had been playing house and making casseroles for her man for awhile and the rest of me was thinking, nuts to that! I wanted to have some fun.

I picked a short black skirt. It was quite short, but not tight because I wanted it to swish. It was made from a bouncy fabric with some weight to it. and had a scalloped edge so it would swing when I walked. You’re supposed to wonder if it’s going to swing up when I walk by and I’m supposed to pretend that I don’t know this.

I teamed it with a black turtleneck body suit and a cropped denim jacket by Armani. Remember that jacket? You may if you’ve been reading awhile. It’s the one the salesman “gave me”.

I finished with black tights, sleek but not sheer. I want to be slick and dangerous and Euro but avoid overkill. I wore very plain platform pumps, nothing trying too hard, and thanks to Venus in Ego, I mean Leo, I was able to run in them no problem. This, just in case a camera is rolling and I have to dash across a city street.

I was almost ready to go but first, especially for Billy and in honor of his preference for an alternative decade; I added a vintage black and rhinestone snake on the lapel. Why? Because I figured I had coiled up serpent power and I didn’t care who knew it.

Did I look Catholic? Well no. No I didn’t.

Billy showed up and he gasped. It may have occurred to him at this point, he was dead meat. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. Billy was a Leo and this situation fell under one of the Leo rules and regulations which states:

“The Show Must Go On!”

And besides that, I looked good. And he definitely wanted promenade around with me. Why? Because if I looked good, it reflected on him and he looked good. And this was Billy’s weakness. Billy and his dapper self wanted to look good. And he was the only one of his friends who had a date tonight, did I mention that?

Laff.

See what I mean? Damned guy.

I sort of wanted to kill him, but at the same time I liked it. Apparently I was repulsed by my own Leo. Except that I wasn’t. Or I was. Or I wasn’t. Aw, fuck it. I have Libra and I can’t decide shit.

I left my hair down. It looked better put up and falling down, but I’m not stupid. I wanted to get out the door and be the, I mean see the show that night, so best to please Billy. And I admit I knew I was pushin’ it. But I also knew Billy was playin’ “Get Daddy” games. That, and I’d made so many “little woman” casseroles by now…well basically I’d decided if I he was going to serve me up, then I was going to be dish.

So do you feel sorry for Billy? Don’t bother. He was a big boy who knew exactly who he was dating. I was only delivering the drama he expected out of his drama queen and he smiled wide when I did not disappoint. He was glad I would be a spectacle and no doubt, his Gemini figured this ought to be interesting at very least. So on that note, he loaded me into his chariot, I mean his car, and we were off to the show!

To be continued.

skip to part five…

The Set Up

Gemini Hell night was of Billy’s own making. His ego got him in trouble, and his planets in Cancer didn’t help when they got all mushy and decided he could make one big happy family. His Sagittarius had a hand as well. He was just a wee tad too optimistic.

See, there was a concert coming up. Rockabilly retro type stuff. Well actually it was that guy who is young and sings like Sinatra whose name I don’t recall. I saw him on “The Tonight Show” some years later and was amused all over again. No, not Harry Connick Jr. This was someone much more fringe. A hip hep cat like Billy, and whatever his name, he did this kind of period show. Big band stuff plus some crooning.

Now this stuff was not my cup of tea. I am very modern. But I was going to be seen, which is the main thing you do when you date Leo, so what the hell? Besides that, there was always after the show, which is my exact cup of tea. So the date was made and this is when Billy sprung his news. He told me he was going to invite DADDY.

Hmm. Daddy, huh? I thought I ought to mull this.

I thought it through and I decided Billy wanted to parade me in front of Daddy. He wanted Daddy to approve of me, sure. He wanted an “atta boy” out of him, but I also think he wanted Daddy to be jealous.

See, Daddy was getting old. And I thought Billy wanted Daddy to see he was the KING now. Yep, that’s what I thought. I thought it was a fire-rising, pissing contest, and was I right about this? Well, yeah. I probably was.

Billy was confident he could pull this off, because he figured Daddy would like the music. He figured he could get away with just a little duck and dive and he was surely capable of that, being a hep cat and all.

To be certain Daddy showed, and in a classic Leo move, Billy offered to pay for everyone. It was going to cost him too, because a day later, Daddy decided to bring five or six guests.

::smiles::

Who?

He invited Billy’s entire extended family. Various aunts, uncles, and miscellaneous, this was. I don’t know who all. Relatives! He invited everyone he could round up, which was highly comical when you factor in this was a Catholic family. Yep. Daddy was highly Catholic.

But even more critical, so was Billy when he was with Daddy…

To be continued
.
skip to part four…