“She likes to rub it in your face too,” the soldier said. “Yeah, I’m thin. That’s right look at me. I can eat all day, never exercise, lie in my bunk all day and still be thin.”

I laughed.

Continue reading Dora The Virgoan Small Animal (With Boundaries)

Someone asked about, Dora today and I have been aware I’ve not posted about here lately so there she is, as of 5 minutes ago, quite comfortably resting on top my consult (as opposed to my real) ephemeris, 6 inches from the base of my chair.

I am happy to report she has not had a brush with death for months. She does need her nails clipped and her teeth cleaned again here pretty quick which means we will probably have to spend another thousand dollars when she pulls her “I’m a dying dog” routine in the vet but oh well, she’s ours and we love her.

She also got a Birthday card from her vet today (seriously). It says happy 16th birthday which means nothing since she lies about her age.

Dora gobbled a steak bone tonight and got it stuck in her throat. There is not much to, Dora so the Heimlich Maneuver was sort of out. She was walking about gagging, having no luck at all.

The soldier tried to get in her mouth, she didn’t want that so he let her go awhile but it was definitely stuck. “We have to get it out… reach down her throat,” I said.

Continue reading Saturn In Virgo: Small Animal Report - Life Debt

“Cluck is over there talking to the neighbor dog,’ I told the soldier. I was standing in the backyard talking on the phone watching Lucky commune with the dog next door through the fence.

“Dora ignores that dog.”

“Yeah, she does. She wants nothing to do with it.”

“Yeah, Dora is a snob. A snob! She must have come to Puerto Rico from France,” he said.
Continue reading Saturn in Virgo Small Animal Report: Snob

“You said you thought if we got together, we’d stay together. We’d be together through all these lives…”

“Well now, P, you take things to literal. I hope that’s the case and I think it will be but I don’t know. You could mess it up. I could mess it up. We could both wind up a pile of dust!’

I sighed.

“P, I just don’t know but I do know I don’t want that dog hanging around me,” he said.

“Dora?”

“Yeah, Dora. I don’t want to see her in future lives if I can help it.”
Continue reading Saturn in Virgo Small Animal Report: Rejection In Favor Of A Real Dog

“I am sorry, Dora lies at my feet when we fight instead of yours. She does do that.”

“Well I’m not surprised. I know she’s treasonous. I know she can’t be trusted. I felt sorry for her scrawny ass so I took her on but I never believed a word she said. No ma’am, that dog is a liar. She’ll tell you anything and I mean anything at all…”
Continue reading Saturn In Virgo: Geriatric Small Animal Report

“I hope your son has a good homecoming.”

“He’ll have everything he needs. His wife loves him, she’ll be glad to be with him, that’s all a man needs, really. And maybe a good, loyal dog but you can do without that, look at me.”

Continue reading Voice of Mars: Memorial Day

“I am going to have a DNA test and see if Dora is my dog,” the soldier said. “I don’t think she’s my dog.”

“Well she is your dog, you look just like her,” I said.

He stared.

“You’re both barrel-chested,” I explained.

He looked at me dumbfounded but I offered no more.

I didn’t get out of the ER last night until about midnight but still kept my appointment with the window salesman today which turned out to be “men” as in 2 of them. I don’t like to mess up people’s schedules, see. But they came in, started double teaming me, hard selling, calling me “Miss Elsa” and various other things that get on my nerves so I asked them to cut to the chase and give me a quote.
Continue reading Venus And Mars In Aries… Pluto Hangin’ About As Well

The soldier on the phone:

‘Well P, she is not a good dog. Dora is no good as a dog.”

“How can you say that? She has been your loyal dog for a dozen years.”

“She is not a loyal dog, she is barely even a dog. She doesn’t listen to me, she doesn’t let me pet her, she can’t hunt a thing and if burglars come in, Dora will take them right to the silverware, PLUS she dumped me in a canoe!”
Continue reading Voice Of Mars: “She’s A Disgrace To Dogdom”