Ms. Scarlett asks on People Who Marry You When They Don’t Even Like You:

“I just wanna know how does someone smash a wedding ring? There’s an omen if I’ve ever heard one.”

Ms. Scarlett, he pushed me, my hand flung back and it smashed against the wall. It was a cheap ring  that was meant to be stand in for a big honkin’ heirloom ruby promised by his family. He actually took the ring and got it repaired. Made a big display if it. He made all kinds of big displays for me… you’d have never guessed he didn’t like me, I’ll tell you that. This guy would take me on dates you wouldn’t believe.

Continue reading Voice Of Uranus In The 7th House: On People Who Marry You When They Don’t Even Like You

Still on this topic, with Saturn transiting my 7th house (relationships), I am learning about how people relate. And I didn’t mean to, but I came across the name, John Gottman who is a psychologist who wrote among other things, “The Mathematics of Marriage”.

Now this guy studied the hell out of relationship in an effort to be able to predict who would divorce and who would not with very limited data.

And he came up with a super effective formula. If he listens to a couple talk about *anything, for an hour, he can predict with 95% accuracy if they will be married or divorced within 15 years. If he listens for just 15 minutes, he can still predict this with 90% accuracy.

Now eventually he got so good at this, he found he could eavesdrop on a couple eating dinner in a restaurant and have a pretty good idea where they were headed.

In short, he found that marriages have a sort of DNA. In other words, the way we relate to another is hardwired! And in terms of astrology, this is very interesting.

I thought of the composite chart as the DNA of a relationship. Because it’s my experience if you are hooked up with someone, the composite chart is inescapable. For beginners, a composite chart is a chart of the relationship between two people.

And I just thought it was cool science is making now making the same kind of claims astrologers are punished for. That is, that these things are predictable! And I don’t know why this makes people so uncomfortable.

Personally, I’d just as soon have this guy listen to me talk to my lover and tell me in advance the relationship was going nowhere! That it was not going to satisfy!

And if he said, “You two are very fortunate,” I would like that as well! In whatever case, I think this is enormously interesting and what do you think?

How do you feel about a guy being able to predict the future of your relationship after sharing lunch with you and your partner?

What about an astrologer looking at a few charts and doing same?

Dear Stuck,

People move and move on at different speeds. They move when they damned well please and I don’t think you’re going to be moving anytime soon.

I base this on the fact you stayed married to a man who terrorized you (and your children) for 36 years. I base this on the fact that you state outright that you have no intention of backing off until and unless. And considering this, to be completely candid, I would not be surprised if you stayed attached for the rest of your life.

Don’t like that? Well then you will have to start thinking along the lines of cutting your losses. But right now, you’re not willing. You do not want to think about how much this is costing you in pain. You’re used to pain I suppose. You’ve had forty years of it!

So if you want to think about easing up somehow, or letting something go, or seeking happiness as opposed to victory, then this could wrap up very quickly. But right now, you are determined to fight to the death, and I expect this is exactly what you’ll do.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Divorcee,

Yes your conflict shows up very clearly in your chart. You have Saturn (commitment, serious) tied up with Venus (love relationship) that battles your Venus in Virgo (an unmarried woman) and your Aquarius Moon (Freeeeeeeeeeeeedom!).

So the new man shows up to highlight this conflict. You’re just getting out of a contract and here’s a guy who wants a contract… ::laughs:: And you can see the beauty here, right? It’s called “get to know you!” And I don’t know how you’re going to handle this with this guy or the next or the next, but I do know this is very common problem.

We are all ambivalent around relationships to various degrees. We want the safety that a contained relationship affords, but at the same time, we want to have our options open. For many of us “I do” feels like a death, but no one tells you that when you’re young.

Instead, conventional “everything” is presented as if it is the only path, which is why so many people wind up living lives that feel just miserable to them. It’s because they are like you. Or they are like me. They have a queer shaped foot that not just any shoe is going to fit!!

So I think you are on the path towards coming to terms with your situation which makes it possible to resolve it. You want freedom and commitment, for chrissakes. And so what? This is okay. It better be, because there are legions of us out there who feel similar.

And if you make this conscious and learn to articulate your feelings to your partners or potential partners, you may be very surprised to find they have similar challenge and at that point you can start to innovate. You can work to structure (Saturn) your relationship (Venus) in a way that gives you both freedom and security. You’re committed, but live in separate houses. Or you’re committed, but Thursdays are “Independence day” and you both go out to run amok. You’re committed, but short term. 3 months and the see if you want to re-up. You get the idea…

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Overwhelmed,

Let me read this back to you, simplified, with my perspective added:

You have met someone new, and your life is in flux. This new person is supportive and has you energized; however he is a human being, with various patterns and quirks. The bastard doesn’t go left, left, left, left. No. He goes left, left, up, down, left, left…

Discovering this is part of the process of getting to know someone.

“Ah ha! My new friend is sometimes fatalistic! How interesting!”

Can you think like that? Of course you can. You’re an Aquarian with a Gemini Moon! So use your God-given air sign ability to detach and see this intellectually.

What’s messing you up is your Venus (love) in Capricorn (serious). You think you need to be building a partnership. You don’t want to make a bad investment! You don’t want to be doing anything frivolous!! And I say you ought to rework your Capricorn, so it sounds something like this:

“The reality (Capricorn) is that, I adore (Venus) this guy. And I can see how much the relationship and his love (Venus) supports (Capricorn) me.

So rather than be frightened I am doing the wrong thing (Capricorn) by loving (Venus) this guy, I think I will take my time (Capricorn) and see if this relationship (Venus) can grow into a real partnership.

“And if the relationship is not permanent, I will still value it (Venus) for what it taught me (Saturn).

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Virgo,

No it’s not obvious you should dump this man. You sound very level-headed for one. You do not sound as if you are suffering from denial, for two. But beyond that, it sounds as if this guy is doing a splendid job of meeting your needs. Outside of this one glaring issue that is. Money.

And why dump your great sex with a man your kids like, because of one problem he’s got the ability to fix? Who would do that? It makes no sense. If it were me, I would definitely keep the man and try to solve the problem. But how?

Well first, regarding your question, no I don’t think you are being pushy, asking him resolve his divorce. But I also don’t think he’s responsible for your choice to get involved to the level you have. You’re the one who is a Virgo. You are the one with the need to find people who need your help, yes? You’re running a hospital there, and now you’ve got a patient… so no bitching!

You need him as much as he needs you. Matter of fact, I bet if you dumped him, you would be out looking for one just like him within a week or two. And knowledge like this can only make you more effective and more resolved. And this is what will help. Commitment that is. Because here’s the astrology:

You have a Saturn transit to your Venus. This is serious (Saturn) relationship (Venus). Money (Venus) is limited (Saturn). Your partner (Venus) has baggage (Saturn) and the way I see it…

If the love (Venus) is real (Saturn) then you must work (Saturn) it out. And can you do this? Yes, I think you can. Good luck.

~~
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