“I was shocked at the doctor today,” I told the soldier. ‘I’m skinny. I am skinnier than I thought.”

“P, you are always skinny, you’ve never been fat a day in your life.”

“I have so! I weighed 187 and you were there.”

“You did not weigh, 187.”

“Yes I did. I went to the doctor and they weighed me. 187!  That’s when I decided I better do something.  You were at our engagement party by yourself and I lost the whole weight while you were gone…”

Continue reading Saturn Return Of My Fatness…

So HQ was tossing me cards, I was playing them and eventually others started to show up. I got some new friends and I started to build relationships with them. The friendships I already had got stronger and people in the gym started talking to me. All of this was slow. It was so incredibly slow.

For example, I went to the gym 4-5 times a week for almost 2 years before I lost a single pound! This is true. But once I got the weight to come off… well I was looking damned good underneath it, so big shock! I was still in the bad relationship though. I just couldn’t get out and no one could believe this.
Continue reading The Power Of Love and Friendship - Part 5: Liberation

Occasionally I get talking to someone in the gym and they’ll say something about my body. Something nice. And I am always very grateful, not just for the compliment but for the chance to reflect. Because it surely hasn’t always been this way.

“Thanks,” I’ll say. “Thanks very much. It’s taken awhile. When I first walked in here, I was really overweight. I got on one those treadmills over there and I was so out of shape, when I got off the whole room was spinning!”
Continue reading The Power Of Love and Friendship - Part 1 - Don’t Be Deceived

A year and a half ago when Saturn went into Virgo I said we were going to wind up on a collective diet and it is happening. I made those videos about portion and control and more recently have been writing all over the place about how I keep going to the grocery store to find the things I buy regularly have been downsized.

I am talking about a standard 1/2 gallon of ice cream (not any more), the 1 pound package of pasta (now 12 oz), a 3# bag of onions (now weighs 2#) and most recently, 1/2 pound of sliced cheese now weighs 6 oz.
Continue reading Saturn In Virgo: Psychological Effects Of Smaller Packaging Of… Everything At The Grocery Store

anesa writes on A Fierce Diet:

“Hi Elsa, the book you mentioned here - “Heal your Body” by Louise L. Hay - lists “oversensitivity, often represents fear and shows a need for protection. Fear may be a cover for hidden anger and a resistance to forgive” for fat issues.

Do you relate to that kind of issues? And is it in reaction to those issues that you have decided to go on a fierce diet and have you chosen a timing based on your chart?”

anesa, good question. While I don’t relate to the fear and oversensitivity Dx, with that Mars Mercury conjunction in my chart, anger is always an issue for me. You can just count me furious at all times and you’d not be far off. (Swearing below the break)
Continue reading Astrology, Diet, Mars And Anger: Hell Yes I Have Issues!

I cop to being frustrated. I have gained 12-14 pounds since the soldier moved in, fact is we like to eat. I realize I look very thin on the videos but that’s a Neptune trick. It’s a camera angle that makes me look like one of those Artlist Dogs with the big head and the little body. The problem is I eat too much and the other problem is my ability to exercise is hindered by the fact I have a hernia.

Now I see the surgeon about the hernia tomorrow and hopefully it will be repaired without delay but even then, I am sure there will be some sort of recovery time and the idea activity will be curtailed is a given. All this adds up to delay! Delay and blocks which are Saturn things of course and if you don’t push against them what you get is oppressed. What you get is depressed so today I decided I’d had enough.
Continue reading Before I Get Anymore Pissed Off: A Fierce Diet

“P, I won’t be able to leave the house in the winter if I don’t lose this weight,” the soldier explained.

“What do you mean?”

“Because if I go out all the kids will think I am Frosty. Yeah, they’ll think I am Frosty the Snowman when they see this belly and they’ll want to climb on me, sit on my belly and slide down the hill.”

I stared.

“Yep, they’ll want to ride down the slope on my belly like they do with him and I am not going to have it.”

“P, people see me and they say, hey! What happened to you? How did you beach yourself, you poor thing.”

“Beach yourself?” I asked the soldier.

“Yeah. Come on. We gotta get you back to the ocean,” he said. “But I’m not a whale! I’m - not - a - whale,” he said emphatically. “Yes you are but you worry. We’ll get you back to the ocean, you’re going to be okay.”

“You have to go back the doc.”
Continue reading Saturn In Virgo… Pressure To Lose Weight

The soldier is struggling to lose weight, he is now eating one meal a day. I can tell you unequivocally that I eat more than he does (by far) and yet he outweighs me by 50 pounds. We’ve come to the conclusion his inability to burn calories and lose weight is a result of his career, where he routinely marched 20 miles a day (or the equivalent) on very little food for about 20 years.
Continue reading Saturn In Virgo - The Slowest Diet In The World… Plus Shouldering The Collective Burden

I rarely weigh myself. Getting off a scale about 10 years ago, primed to have a lousy day due the number that registered that day, I decided enough was enough. Scales have way too much power especially for women. It was just obvious to me that I was feeling fine until I weighed myself so perhaps I should quit ruining my life? I quit weighing that day except the rare occasion like when I go to the doctor. I just didn’t like the idea a number (that changes constantly) had the power to mess up my psyche. But I did weigh myself last week.

I got on a scale because the soldier is watching his weight and encouraged me to do so. I was surprised because I weighed less than I imagined but did this do me any good It didn’t. I just immediately started eating. And eating. And eating. And that does it. No more weighing for me!

If I weigh a lot, I feel bad and if I weigh a little I start eating everything I can find. Even if I weigh just right, it’s a problem because who can keep their weight stable, hmm?

Is there something you could do away with in your life that would increase your contentment?