Okay here’s a problem for y’all. I’ve got a gal trying to break a long-standing pattern of opting to go with Danger Boy. You know the type. He’s got an edge, might be moody, definitely non-committal, intermittently withholding, secretive, etc.

Her problem is pervasive and multifaceted. For example, she has Venus in Aquarius trine a Moon Uranus conjunct in Libra which is clearly going to resist commitment so choosing these boys serves in that fashion.

Beyond that, she has Mars in Aries opposite Pluto in Libra so she drawn to the intense challenge and perhaps the pain as well but here is what she’s asking:

Has anyone out there ever successfully weaned off Danger Boy in his various forms and established a stable partnership?  If so, please us how… and if you’re inclined, what drove you to change your ways?

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Dear Aries,

First I would say if you are attracting someone with Uranus in the 7th house, you are probably somewhat commitment-phobic yourself and sure enough, I see a tight aspect between Venus (7th house) and Uranus. Never mind you are an independent Aries with a detached Aquarius Moon!  But to answer your question, I think it is fine to marry someone with Uranus in the 7th house and you may even be able to stay that way if you give them lots of space.

You will have to deal with their impulses, which becomes possible when you can deal with your own impulses. And these relationships to tend to work best when there is regular separation.

The example that comes to mind is astrologer Stephen Arroyo’s remarks in one of his books.  For a time, he worked near an Army post and had a lot of Army wives as clients. He states he could not help but notice 70% of the women had Uranus in the 7th, so you see how this worked for them: their husbands were not around interfering with their freedoms.

Closer to home, when the soldier and I were together as kids, he went to work for 24 hours and then was home for 48 or some such schedule. This meant I could look forward to his leaving LOL and of course more recently, he has been driving a truck!

What we will do now remains to be seen but we will have to do something because like you, he has Venus in aspect to Uranus himself and the energy is going to play one way or the other.

Bottom line, I would say marriage to a Venus Uranus person should be avoided unless you are highly independent yourself.  But this is no negative reflection on the person with this exchange. You should also not marry someone really horny unless you like to screw, right?

If you like eccentrics who are unpredictable in love, if you do not wish to be bored and you can provide your own sense of security, then Venus Uranus is probably your ticket.

Good luck.

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Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto have recently moved into Earth signs. What have you noticed post this shift?

Dear Libra,

It sounds to me as if you don’t like this guy’s passivity and neediness - plain and simple. Never mind he is so badly wanting to partner that he is ready to propose marriage to someone he has known for a month. But you may also hate your own passivity, since you are dating someone you decidedly did not want to date and I think the latter may be as much a problem as the former, as this type conflict is vividly shown in your chart.

You have an Aries rising so are not going to take very kindly to wimps; however you also have a Libra moon in the seventh house which wants to partner just as bad as this guy does. This may be why you started dating him in the first place. Hate to be mean to people.

The situation is further complicated by Uranus in the seventh conjunct your Moon suggesting a healthy dose of commitment-phobia and understanding all of this if you go back up and read your mail to me, you can see this guy is more a prop in your movie rather than someone who is driving anything. Basically you want to detach (Uranus) from anyone who is nice and wants to partner (Libra), even though you are nice and want to partner.

Good luck.

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Avery writes on Part 9- Conclusion:

“I’ve been reading your archives lately and you’ve stated a few times that marriage makes you miserable. Do you think it could work this time?

Sorry if this is none of my business, but I’m curious to find out how you plan to work it!”

Avery - that’s a good question. I can be married, I just can’t be bored. And I just can’t be civil every minute of the day either. Sometimes I just have to fight and if I am deprived of this, I am going to be miserable.

Continue reading How Can A Commitment-Phobic Type Be Married? Good Question, Avery

Yeah, yeah the full moon. But what about the T-square between Venus (in Virgo, the unmarried woman), Uranus (Freeeeeeedom!) and Jupiter (don’t fence me in)?

Tell me I’m not the only one with itchy feet! Thankfully I will travel this weekend. I feel ready to turn into the Hulk! Who would attach to that guy? Yeah, that’s the point!

Anyone one else got Uranus tied up with Venus or the 7th house? Testify!

Dear Cappy,

The birth time you gave me was approximate, but if it is accurate within an hour in either direction then you are actually a double Capricorn. And even if you’re not, you have a stellium in Libra… planets in Aries and what amounts to an ultra- cardinal chart.

The Cardinal signs want to control things and if you read through your post you can see the thrashing about is all due the fact you cannot be in love… or have a relationship of any kind without all kinds of compromise and accepting imperfections of all kinds and types. So this is a challenge for you just in general. To live in a world in which you are not able to dictate every dot and every i.

But what further complicates things is your Venus in Aquarius in aspect to Uranus which is also conjunct your Moon. That’s your commitment-phobia and it’s not going anywhere. So the way I see it, you’ve set up an impossible situation here. Let’s see…

Your lover lives in a different country. Money is important to you but he is poor. To fix this, you want him to give up what he does… because he is younger (?) so that you can stay home and do what you do, even though you don’t think any of this will work. Well I agree with you! It’s not going to work. It’s not going to work because there is not love in this equation. There is the idea of love but it is ungrounded - and it appears doing what it would take to ground it is impossible for you, so you get the idea.

Without fundamental change, this relationship is going up in smoke as will the next and the next. And I would apologize for saying this but hey. If you wanted otherwise you would re-think your thinking and come up with new priorities. As it is your priority is to stay safe and in control in an unsafe and uncontrollable world, consequently you are working towards a goal that can never be realized.

Good luck.

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Dear Man.

I am sorry but I don’t think you can catch this gal - simply because as you are well aware, she has no desire to be caught! It sounds like you’ve got her figured completely. You know the odds are, she is going to run with this new guy right up until he tries to hold her… at which point she will jump the fence and come back and tell you all about it. If she gets engaged, she will get disengaged. If she gets married, she will get divorced.

You need only wait and you’ll see this manifest. And though I understand you are sick of this and want the pattern to change, chances are it never will. That’s right. I said NEVER.

Because I’m a gal like your Sadge and if you’re 25 and you’ve known her for 10 years, it sounds like you met her at about 15. Well I am decades past 15 and I have to tell you I haven’t changed much since them. I value my long term friends more than I did when I was younger but I still don’t want to be tied down and balled and chained for even five minutes.

And I’ll add that I was also involved with a Cancer man over the course of 30+ years who felt very similar to you and this was irrelevant to me. And I don’t mean that I was insensitive to his feelings. It’s just a person cannot remake their nature. I am a free bird regardless of what he is.

But to answer your specific question, I don’t think you can catch her attention any more than you already have, because she is always going to be scanning the horizon. You may want to move on or you may want to watch her do her thing for the rest of your life. But is she going to reform? I very seriously doubt it and to quote Jessica Rabbit: it’s not her fault, she’s just drawn that way.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Broken,

I am sorry but I agree with your friends. And I would go even further to say you are not “meeting your father”, you are your father… and you are projecting these negative qualities onto your partner, at least to some extent.

Now I have no doubt your fiance and your father were angry men, but with your Mars in Aries in hard aspect to your Sun, Moon, Ascendant, Uranus and Pluto, it is clear you have copious amounts of anger yourself.

And being a double Capricorn, I am sure you like to see yourself as the mature, responsible one. And having your Moon in Libra, it is you who is nice - however, this is a myth. And reading this may come as a shock, but you are going to blink and be 40 years old. If you want to resolve your relationship issues and be able to partner, you are going to have to come to terms with reality.

For example: you can’t have a loving intimate relationship while being hard to nail down! Does that sound feasible to you? Does it sound reasonable?

You are nearing 40 and all the problems can be chocked up to the fact you keep “meeting your father” and this is what? An accident you are not responsible for? Are you a victim here?

Look. Your chart is enormously challenging and at this point, it doesn’t have one thing to do with your father, your fiance or your other various father replacements. What are you going to do about your restless anger? Because you have it like Green Eggs and Ham. You have it here and there and everywhere. You have it on a train or in a plane. On a boat and on a goat you have this rage!

And commitment issues? Control issues? Yep, you have those too. And that’s fine as long as you own them and that sounds like this:

“I don’t want to marry you because I don’t want to be married! It is just too damned hard for me to maintain a relationship.”

And not like this:

“I don’t want to marry you because you are broken and I am not…”

What you need most of all is a mirror. Everything you say about your partner is true of you and I mean everything. If you want to fix this, you are going to have to scrap everything you’ve got and start from a completely new foundation and somewhere inside you know this is true.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Love,

I would not call you “dysfunctional” in relationships and I would hope you would not tag yourself in that way either - because it’s a judgment and a negative one. It sounds to me like you’re functioning just fine. You just happen to be a person who gets bored in relationships and you have lots of company on that front. Lots of people struggle in similar and same fashion - so how can it be dysfunctional when this is as common as having brown hair?

So you’re not dysfunctional but you do have a problem: you have a stellium in Libra (which wants to be partnered)… but you also have Uranus ruling the 7th house, which detaches and wants to be liberated from relationship. And this is what you are acting out, and why you are having this same experience over and over again.

So to answer your question: no, there is no “right one” who will disappear this conflict for you but you can find a way to live with it. That is, you can own and accept the fact you do want to be partnered, but also own and accept the fact you need an inordinate amount of space and freedom in relationship. And this has nothing to do with the qualities of whoever it is you are involved in.

It may sound daunting but the fact is that there are legions of people out there feel exactly the same way. And if you can get yourself conscious about this (know yourself) and find someone who has some consciousness about themselves, you can be just fine having a partner that does not restrict you and being a partner who does not restrict…

But dysfunctional? No. In reality, you are firing on all cylinders so just get to know your cylinders. Look under the hood, you know?

Good luck.

~~
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