Not everyone can be an Aries!

satori writes:

“I was just printing out my new car insurance card (and freaking out about the fact that I had previously been driving without it,
unbeknownst to me) and remembered this fall at the licensing office when I registered my son’s new used car. The woman who sold it to me told me we could write in whatever value we wanted and greatly reduce the tax paid. I told her no, I wanted to do it as written. She was really peeved for some reason and incredulous that I would pay more when I didn’t have to. As much as I’m a people pleaser and didn’t like the fact that she was looking down on me I held my ground. My integrity is worth far more than a few hundred dollars…

Continue reading Astrology And Integrity… Libra Co-dependence And A Criminal Mind

Speaking of Moon Venus in Libra, I was talking to my friend and astrologer, cf Perez yesterday and she got my attention when she made a statement about inequity in relationships.

She said that when one person in a relationship gave far more than the other, the person who was indebted filled in with anger. I was stunned with this simple observation which I think is entirely correct.

For example, take the alcoholic / codependent relationship. The codependent gives and gives and does the alcoholic appreciate it? Hell no! They grow to loathe the person doing the care taking. The more they receive (that they will never be able to reciprocate) the angrier they get. The more you give, the more they hate you and I’d say this makes a compelling argument against giving too much.

Have you ever been part of a relationship out of whack like this? How did it wind up?

Having a fairly strong Libra / 7th house signature in my chart I have always been uncomfortable with the crusade against co-dependence that began in the 80’s. How can Libra (codependent) be all wrong and Aries (independent) be all right?

Masaru Emoto (the water crystal guy) writes in his new book, The Shape of Love: Discovering Who We Are, Where We Came From, and Where We’re Going :

“… Dependence requires getting closer to someone, and this requires courage. I am positive that you can find someone you feel natural and comfortable with to build such a relationship. Once you become comfortable depending on someone else, you will be able to let others depend on you.”

I like that he has married the opposition between Aries in Libra here by asserting it takes courage (Aries) to relate to the other (Libra). Do you agree?

Is it more courageous to stand alone, or alongside another?

This is more of the conversation between my daughter and I on our road trip. She’s 12 and you can catch up here: Empowering My Daughter

“Do you think I’ll live with a boy?” she asked. ‘Like when I’m in college.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what you’re going to do. I guess I could see that but mostly what I see is you change all the time. You like it, you don’t like it, you like it again and then you don’t like it and then you like it so I don’t know that one man is going to do. You may want more than one and you may want a woman. You have told me more than once that you think you may be bisexual.”

“Yep.” Continue reading Codependent? So What? Love, Libra and 7th House Are Not Dirty Words

To update the TV show, it has not been forgotten. We tested some software that would allow me to broadcast and though it seemed to work very well, I guess it didn’t work well! Because it sucked up all the CPU on my computer leading HQ to conclude we needed to use a web-based… whatever it’s called. We need a web-based solution.

Now this was with Mercury retrograde and you have to figure it was just as well we didn’t launch even though I looked good that day and as I suspected I have not looked that good since.

So having hit this snag, coming up with the web-based solution has been the next task. It has been being developed and from what I understand we will be testing it later today. So that’s that.

Now meantime, I have all kinds of idea for this thing, many of them wild. It very much feels like when I started blogging in 2001. I was blathering something fierce back then and oh my God, I am still doing it.

And this is how I feel about this show. There is no end to my ideas for it, in spite of having no idea what exactly it is I am going to do. I imagine it depends on what you do, huh? I am such a co-dependent…

Which is something we could talk about, huh? Is being co-dependent the end of the world. I don’t think so! I could state my case and you can state yours, and you other person can state yours, and you other person can state yours… we can all argue and make jokes about Libras and that’ll be it! Today’s amusement! La, La, La, Libra!

All you Aries could come slaughter us. Get blood all over our doilies… ha ha ha!

So this is the disturbing story of my stoopid, lousy Libra Mars in action…

I was with ‘the other”. It was lunchtime and I was feeling hungry. “Are you hungry? I asked.

“No,” he said. I waited but he didn’t ask me if I were hungry. How rude is that?

An hour passed.

“You hungry?” I asked.

“Me? No, I’m not hungry.”

I stared. How could he not ask me if I were hungry? How?!?! Is he missing a lobe of his brain?

Another hour passed.

“Are you hungry?” And come on people. By now it should be obvious I am hungry, right? I was starved out of my mind!

“A little. Not really.”

::smiles::

Now I thought about saying I was hungry but I wondered just how thoughtless this guy could be. And how could he be so stupid and rude, too? How is it possible to be this insensitive!!! You know. How ruuuuuuuddde, says Libra.

I almost wanted to find out how long he could go without a thought for my well-being… and long story short, eventually we ate. And then I got home and I started thinking about this.

Why is it that when I’m hungry, I have to ask if the other is hungry so that I can eat? Why not just say, I’m hungry, I am going to eat. Or, I’m hungry, let’s get something to eat? Good God, could I possibly be more co-dependent?

But I never noticed this before because guess what? The AMF had Mars in Libra as well and we sounded like this, with the bits of conversation interchangeable:

“You hungry?”

“No, are you?”

“A little.”

“Oh, then we better get you something to eat.”

See that? We were both taking care of each other all the time, so no problem. But if you have Mars in Libra and you are running with Aries you better learn to say, I AM HUNGRY - FEED ME NOW or you are going to starve. Starve and then get pissed about it? Starve and then say it’s their fault?

Is it the other person’s fault because I can’t manage to say, I’m hungry? What kind of jacked up social pleasantry thing is this? I’m hungry so I ask if you’re hungry so you will ask if I am hungry?

::coughs::

Never again. From now on (unless I am running with tribe aka another Libra Mars) when I want to eat I am going to say, “I want to eat” and see if this doesn’t simplify things for me.

Do you ask people if they are hungry because you want to eat?

Dear Libra,

I don’t know why this man drifted - details are scarce. We don’t know how long you knew him, or how long he’s been gone. We don’t know if he is a generalized flake, married to someone else, stumbled on something that turned him off, met someone else… we don’t know.

But your post is enormously revealing and I am sure there is something you can learn here. So I am going to focus on that and meantime, maybe the Pisces will come back with some more information.

I noted your thoughtfulness regarding what you feel your partner needs. But I am afraid I also detect - via your writing and your chart - that underneath the niceness, you want to control. In other words, if you do this… then he is supposed to do that. And he is not doing that. And this may be the reason why not.

And I don’t mean to say there is something wrong with being thoughtful towards your partner. You must be considerate of your partner. But to deny what is driving you… to deny that you have wants and needs… demands of your own… is like walking around with one eye open. And if you do that, you’re going to miss a lot. And I fear this is the case here. That is, this man had cause to want to escape but you can’t see it because you can only see how nice you are.

As far as what you ought to do, I would examine this. Because what you were doing - being a thoughtful humanitarian without a speck of shadow - did not work and in fact, it is more than a little suspect.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Woman,

Your man is doing all the classic alcoholic/abuser things and if you go back to him in any capacity, you will be doing all the classic co-dependent/abuse victim things. So is this what you want? I don’t think so. But you need support. Because what you are trying to do is very challenging. And I’ll get to that, but first let me answer your questions…

Yes, it is possible someone can recover from this level of pathology - but I would imagine it might take five years (give or take) of diligent effort consistently applied and the odds this guy is going to do that are virtually ZERO.

And you can loop around with him as long as you like. I am sure he will go ’round with you as many times as you will allow but personally, he sounds ultra-dangerous to me and I would urge you not just to stay away from him, but to take any means possible to secure your safety.

Because he’s choking you, okay? And he’s probably in blackout when he does it. Who knows! He’s in an altered state. He is out of control. And your showing up at a session with a therapist is going to do nothing but waste your time. Don’t you have enough problems? I think you do.

We’re talking about a 45 year old man, here. You don’t think he can figure it out? You think it’s your job to figure it out for him? I disagree.

Look. Get yourself hooked up with Al-Anon. Get yourself hooked up with support for battered women. Get yourself this excellent book with a very stupid and misleading title, "Getting Them Sober"because it is the best book in the entire world for a woman like you (read the reviews).

If you have trouble finding Al-Anon in Costa Rica, you can participate online here: Al Anon Family Group Message Board

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Double.

Your Sun and Moon are in the 7th house of your chart which gives very strong co-dependent tendencies, basically because you simply do not want to be alone. And this desire to be partnered can be so strong that any relationship, even one that is absolutely horrible like this one, is better than nothing. And if you can understand this, you can begin to untangle your confusion.

See, you are concerned about him and how the two of you relate. You think of the balance and the give and take.

He on the other hand, doesn’t think of you at all. It sounds like he uses your body now and then (gee, thanks) but outside of that it’s pretty obvious not just from the porn but the entire history of your relationship that this is a very self-centered man. So self-centered that your needs don’t even enter his picture. And I have just the words for you.

Recently I read astrologer Michael Lutin’s book, “SunShines: The Astrology of Being Happy”, and my favorite sentence in the entire book was this: “A relationship… a real relationship, takes two people. Not one person and one vegetable…”

::smiles::

I am sorry, but your man is a vegetable. And it seems he has no desire whatsoever to do anything about that, so I think you ought to leave him on the next train. And check this:

Forget his porn. Who cares what he does? What about your own need to be sexually satisfied, hmm? This guy ain’t cuttin’ it!

So I say, get out there and find a man who can… and will. But just watch yourself, okay? Make sure the next man you hook up with has an authentic desire to relate to another human being because if not, you’re going to wind up right where you are now, ‘cept you’ll be another year older.

Good luck.

~~
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