“What was the name of that place you took me to, anyway? It was out in the desert,” he said. “It was somewhere out there. It was some old mafia place?” he asked. “A mafia hideout or something?”

“Rancho Diablo. I took you to the Devil Ranch. How’s that for a Catholic girl? Hey! Let’s go to the Devil Ranch. Let’s go to the No-Tel Motel! Let’s go to the Biker Bar and while we’re at it, I want you to take me to this other place, even though I’m not supposed to be there. And if you get caught, you’ll go to federal prison but never mind that. Take me out there anyway, because I want to go! Jeez man. That’s some Catholic girl you’ve got!” Continue reading The Soldier and P - 20: Rancho Diablo and the Biker Bar - Cardinal Grand Cross in Synastry and The Fortress Effect

Dear Fiance,

I don’t think your request is necessarily unreasonable but I also don’t think it’s wise. And I’ll explain but before I do, I want to say I’m not sure my opinion should matter. Because fact is, this is your boundary and a person’s boundaries ought to be respected. So you’ve drawn this line and all I can advise is you might re-think it… in light of how things are going, and also because this is driving you crazy.

So considering that, you might ask yourself why you don’t want this woman in your house. Because she is not just “the ex-wife”. She your fiance’s children’s mother and she will never be anything less. And fact is, children do frequently invite the other parent into their home. Because from the kid’s perspective, they are living two places! And it’s not that they are trying to cause a problem. For example, sometimes they have something they are proud of at one house, and they want to share with the other parent. So what if you prevent this?

Well just think about it. Everyone has follow the rules. Your rules! Everyone has to conform to your standard, less you’re going to be pissed. Do you really want to come across this way? To be seen like this?

Before you answer, ask yourself what benefit you derive. Do you get your fiancÆ’

Back when I was pregnant, I had this gal cleaning my teeth. She was about my age, maybe a little older and she chatted as she worked.

Having finished the horrible scraping part of the procedure, it was time to polish. She said she had several flavors of polish and since pregnant women are sometimes queasy, she was going to allow me to choose the flavor.

“You can have pina colada, cherry or mint,” she said.

I thanked her and I picked cherry, feeling kind of puffed up because of my special (pregnant) status.

“You don’t let people pick unless they’re pregnant?” I asked.

“Right. I pick. I get to pick.”

I smiled, because I thought she sounded like a four-year old. “Okay,” I said.

She finished my teeth. I left with my mouth full of cherry.

The next time I was in, I was no longer pregnant. She finished scraping and was ready to polish.

“I am not pregnant, so you are going to pick the flavor?”

“That’s right.” she said.

“Pick something I like, okay?” I said with a chuckle. “Can you do that?” I felt a little flustered. Like I lost my privileges, or something.

“I may,” she said, making sure I knew who in control.

“Well I hope you do,” I said. I could hardly believing this was happening.

“If you’re lucky.”

Well I am lucky. I am not that sensitive and don’t really care what flavor is in my mouth, but I did think this was bizarre. Your mouth becomes infused with the taste and it seems if there is a choice, the owner of the mouth should make it! But only if you’re pregnant!

So if you’re a man, you’d be wholly screwed apparently. Always! But anyway I didn’t protest because I didn’t care which flavor and this was interesting for me to observe. People and their quirks.

But eventually it did bother me I switched dentists over this. I just didn’t want this matronly-looking dominatrix dental hygienist making these life decisions for me. But what would you have done in this circumstance?

And what about the astrology?

I figure this gal was a Cancer. She was worried about a pregnant woman… dressed like a “Mom” and wanted control.

Having a Capricorn rising, I like to run my own body so there you go. Conflict arises. A

So what about you? If this would trouble you, are you strongly Cardinal (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn)?

I was talking to a pal last night; she’s a Pisces with a Capricorn Moon.

“If you can’t bloom where you’re planted…” she said. And she went on to give her opinion on this. And I thought about it.

I consider myself inordinately adaptable to whatever the conditions and this allows me to have a pretty good quality of life. But what if you don’t have this skill? What if happiness is elusive? What if it is contingent upon some special circumstance or on the chance that the stars line up just so?

“I will bloom if and only if, blah, blah, blah happens…”

I think a lot of people are like this. Maybe half? A quarter? Three quarters? I’m wondering, so I’m asking.

And are you predominately a Fixed sign (Leo, Aquarius, Taurus, Scorpio)? Mutable (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces)? Or Cardinal (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn)?

Thank you.

Dear Daughter-in-law,

No, there is not universal incompatibility between Aries and Libra - however they are both Cardinal signs and want to be in charge. Further your Moon is in Cancer, another Cardinal sign and I am sure that quite rightly, you would like to be acknowledged as the woman in charge in your home. And then here comes this bitch.

And I do see it that way. I deplore women who want to micromanage their sons or control their son’s partners. Wanting to continue to be primary in their son’s lives, they just refuse to step aside and let the younger woman establish herself and this is what I think is happening to you.

Now here’s the dilemma. I don’t think you’re going to get this woman to relent. If she ever does, it will occur due a shift that originates with her and I would not hold my breath waiting for this to happen because the odds it will are abysmal. So what to do?

Well it sounds like you’re good with your husband and that’s the main thing. And since your mother-in-law is living in another state, your exposure is limited so be sure to keep it that way.

Outside of that, this really is a fight you can’t win. You try to control her, she tries to control you, then you try to control her and no one gets anywhere. So I would practice detaching when she’s around. And it won’t come naturally but it will ease some of your grief if you consciously decide to defer to her every desire when she’s around - knowing full well she can only be around for a week or so and that’s it. This is the extent of her reach.

And it’s not a perfect solution, but if you choose otherwise you’re just going to chew yourself up. So just tell yourself that someone crazy is coming to stay with you, and act accordingly. Because it is crazy to insert yourself into your adult child’s marriage like this and we all know that crazy people can’t help themselves.

And one more thing. Has your husband told her to back off? Because he should.

Good luck.

~~
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We’re on the phone…

“Yeah, I showed up at the party, but here’s the thing. All we ever did was everything we weren’t supposed to. Whatever line there was, we crossed it! We broke every single rule….we were completely lawless and then you tell me not to come to a party, and what do you expect? Of course I’m coming. I’m not taking orders from you!”

“I know, I know. You showed up all right. In that green flight jacket and you were drenched! And you were wearing your yellow pants! You had on those yellow pants and everyone felt sorry for you. Poor Elsa!”

I laughed.

“And I just wanted one night with the boys. Because we spent all our time together as it was. We were together night and day. Not that we didn’t have fun. We had all kinds of fun, but my boys were on my ass. Why are you with Elsa all the time, they said.”

“Yeah.”

“So I wanted this night off, but anyway you walked in and you were just dripping. In those pants of yours with that jacket I gave you. Remember that? It was green. And everyone felt sorry for you, because you were standing there drenched.”

I snickered.

“And I tried to tell them, don’t feel sorry for her! She could have stayed home. She was supposed to stay home. It’s her own fault! But oh no! We all feel sorry for her. Poor Elsa, she’s dripping wet. And everyone thought I was the biggest asshole in the world.”

I laughed. “Well I shouldn’t have done that but on the other hand, it was my nature. You should not have been surprised. I don’t like being told what I can and can’t do and either do you! And you’re still like this…”

Ten minutes later, he’s talking about his (adult) son. Who has achieved a high degree of status…

“He told me not to wear my hat. Don’t wear that John Deere hat of yours in New York!”

I roared.

“I told him I’ll wear anything I damned well please in New York…”

Ha ha ha. We both have strongly Cardinal charts. Nobody can boss the bossy, you know? It just doesn’t work.

Dear Libra with Seven Planets In Cardinal Signs,

Look. With nearly your entire chart in Cardinal signs, (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn), you are a total control freak. Do you know that? And what you are really asking here, is “Can I control this man?” And the answer to that is NO. Obviously you can’t.

You have already played your power card. You made him your dependent, yes? Why did you do that? So that you could have control. And then you threatened to withdraw support. Why? As a means to control him, what else? And this isn’t working is it? It isn’t working and this is why you’re pulling your hair out.

Look. You are not in love. People who are in love do not try to wield control over their partner. They do not play power games. They do not worry about “leaving first” as to not be made a fool and so on. They do not “decide” whether or not to stay emotionally connected - they are emotionally connected. Are you getting’ this?

There is only one thing for you to do. There is only one path to happiness and it is not in finding a way to control this kid or anyone else. It’s in learning to control yourself!!! Because believe me, you are out of control. You are completely around the bend and I highly doubt you find your way clear without help, so this is my advice: THERAPY.

Good luck.

~~
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