I was faced with this question over the weekend. I have an alcoholic friend who recently hit bottom and found her way to AA. This is the first time she has ever shown up at their door. She has been in denial about the severity of her problem but when she hit bottom, she did so with such a thud, she was in a meeting the next day and she has been going regularly ever since.

I am very proud of her and understand enough about addiction to know her sobriety is precarious and I feel very protective of her. Actually, I feel very protective of anyone who is trying to right their life so when I found out someone in this gal’s inner circle was blabbing on her… well, what to do?

The gossip was revealing highly personal details about this gal’s last night drinking and the person who told me about it was snickering. He was mocking her which told me a lot about how this information was shared. It was catty. So do I call her and let her know?

I thought about this long and hard. You don’t want to jeopardize a person’s sobriety and I wondered if this was a case of, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.” But on the other hand she’s got a fox in the henhouse, you know?

In the end I called her and she was terribly hurt. She told me she had been warned about this girl before but had overrode her better judgment… we all know how that goes.

It’s a few days later and today we spoke again. She said she dipped down pretty low, having the information but had steeled herself and said she now felt stronger and more resolved to be sober. I was greatly relieved.

I really don’t know that I did the right thing. But I realize with Mars conjunct Mercury in the righteous, up front and blurting 9th house, I really don’t have the capacity to look at a friend and withhold information that is pertinent to them. What about you?

If you know someone is talking (nasty) behind someone’s back, do you tell them? Why or why not?

Debby writes:

“My mother has a stellium in Scorpio - Sun, Mercury, Venus and Jupiter, and Pluto spects at least her Sun and Venus. Manipulative she may be, but I can’t remember her betraying me or breaking my confidence even once. I’m kinda surprised about the Scorpio/8th house reference on this thread in connection with betrayal as she has a Scorpio stellium and I have an 8th house stellium and we exchange some Pluto aspects in synastry and mutual loyalty and confidence were so natural and obvious that I can’t even remember talking about it, we just took it for granted and it was never a problem.

We also didn’t talk about how it was wrong to tell other people’s secrets - it was something I just knew. She never told other people’s secrets as far as I know, she also hates gossip.”

What about you?

My son continues to have his terrible year and yesterday he found himself in circumstances where it occurred to him his mother may have betrayed him.

Now his mother did not betray him and he would not expect me to betray him so all the more painful for him to find himself unexpectedly and inexplicably in a situation where the most likely explanation was, ‘My mother did / told what I asked her not to… and now here I am, up a creek.” And that’s pretty brutal for an 8 year old, especially a serious-minded one like my son. What does it mean when / if your mother betrays you? Continue reading Sun Conjunct Saturn @ 8 Years Old - Betrayed By His Mother?

Recently someone I have been close to and confided in showed themselves to be… unsavory. I have trusted this person but no longer do which means I now have to mop up.

“Well, I imagine he’ll ask if I’m mad. If he made me mad,” I told a friend.

“Are you mad?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I have no idea how I feel. I think it’s more like I no longer exist. There was a relationship and it’s just… erased. I can’t see bothering to figure out how I feel because I am not going to communicate it anyway. I’ve thought about this for days and determined there is no way to go forward so..? How could I possibly trust this guy again?”

“No, you definitely can’t trust him. He is not to be trusted.”

“Right. And I have no time or energy for hobbled relationships… friendships. What time do I have for something like this? People just don’t understand how hard it is to be a single parent if they think you can deal with things like this.”

“You can say that again,” she said. She’s a single parent too.

“So anyway, I don’t know that I feel anything other than I’ve left the building. Where I used to be a human being he could relate to, and I used to share myself and my life with him, I am now a ghost. And I am sure he will try to engage me. Or reengage me, I guess it would be, but it’s not going to work. He will be talking to air from here on out. And I wonder what that is like. What’s it like when your hard-core friend you could count on turns into an apparition? You try to talk to them the way you used to and you find they just aren’t home anymore in any sense of the word. Because this is what it’s going to be. I just have no other thing I can do. He’s made it impossible for us to be friends so I relent. I retreat into nothing and there is no way to bring me back because I cease to exist in any form.”

I consider my response, Neptunian, because I erase myself. How would you characterize the action you take?

Last night. We were catching up…

“Oh,” I said. “And this person and this person surface now and then.”

“They do? Well they both betrayed you and terribly. What are they doing showing up in your life now?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Who do they think they’re dealing with?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t understand people who think they can do things like that and then come back. What do they think they are going to be able to say to you? Do they think you would have them do that to you once and you’d ever let them do it to you again?” he laughed. “I can’t believe they don’t know you better than that.”

“I don’t know. I have no idea what they think. What they’re doing is independent of me so I have no idea about it. And I can’t say I care one way or the other. They’ve gotten rid of me for good.”

“Yes, Elsa, they’ve done that.”

“And as to why they come back, who knows? I don’t know why people betray someone like me in the first place so what they do next is definitely beyond my imagination. They used to be part of my life but they’re operating outside my realm now. They can do whatever they want. They will never touch me, I have already been burned. It’s too bad but I don’t worry about them anymore. They’re on their own and can do whatever they like… they just can’t do it with me.”

Are you a Scorpio? What’s your 8th house look like?

Six years ago…

“I wanted to ask you something,” I said.

“What? Shoot, Elsa. Shoot.”

“I want to write one of your stories.”

“My stories? Go ahead.”

“No, I need specific permission.”

“I just gave it to you.”

“No. I want to write something ultra personal. I’ve just been thinking about this non-stop and I think it’s something I should do. You know how your parents took your journals when you were a kid?”

“Yes, Elsa,” he said sounding solemn.

“They stole your writing. And your drawing. They took it from your room without your knowledge or consent.” Continue reading Ben In The Spotlight… His Un-Comfort Zone: Parenting Scorpio Children and Betrayal

“So did you confront him?” I asked.

“No. No I did not. I thought about it. But then I thought, why should I do that?”

I could think of a lot of reasons, but it was obvious she had her own thought process so I just listened.

“I’m not going to do that. I won’t do that for them.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s their problem not mine. They are the ones doing what they are not supposed to do. So let them figure it out. Let them figure out how they’re going to tell me, because everyone else has. Or nearly everyone else. Do you know how many people have told me what they’re up to?”

“How many?”

“Let’s see,” she said as if she were counting in her head. “Elsa, I can’t even tell you. Who hasn’t told me? Six or eight different people have told me and everyone knows. The rest of them are trying to spare me or get up the nerve to tell me, I don’t know which. But I do know it is not my soul that’s in trouble here. I haven’t done anything to either one of them. They’re the ones who are doing something so they’re the ones who are going to have to search themselves and find a way to tell me… or not. It really doesn’t matter what they do, because I already know what’s going on. So what do I care what they do or when they do it? I don’t. No, this is up to them and I wouldn’t want to be either one of them. Because one of them is cheating on his wife. The other is cheating with the husband of one of the women in her circle. And I wouldn’t want that on my shoulders, would you?”

“No.”

“Well there you go. So no. I’m not going to say anything. I’m going to worry about my own soul and I haven’t betrayed my sister. I haven’t betrayed my spouse. So as far as I can see, I’m not the one with a problem. But enough about them. How are you doing?”

I couldn’t argue her logic. You?

Dear Abandoned,

There is no way to spin this experience so that you come out less traumatized and I feel horrible for you. There is no crueler way to break up with someone and all I can do is try to give you a clear read from the outside in the hopes it brings small comfort.

First, I think you are well within your rights to do anything you want. Write, call, or show up wherever he might be to confront him if you think this will help you heal. However, I don’t think he’s coming back. And it’s been long enough now you’d be well advised to let your thinking and your feelings shift from holding out hope to beginning to accept the reality that you wouldn’t want him back. Because would you?

Regardless of what you had (and I believe it was substantial), you are a Scorpio with four planets in the sign and you must see this man cannot be trusted. He has shattered your relationship totally, and utterly betrayed and abandoned you… and what this makes him is a loser! Seriously. And tell you something else.

He won’t get away with it. If you wonder if he’s just skipping along with his new man, I assure you, he is not. You just can’t pull this kind of thing and be okay. On the surface, maybe. But on a deeper level this is going to gnaw at him until the end of time unless he surfaces and makes some effort to do right by you.

Not that you should wait for that! You have to start looking forward and as painful as this is, you are 22 years old. And you are going to have all kinds of experiences. You are going to meet better men for sure! In fact, someday you’ll look back and thank your lucky stars you got rid of this guy when you did, because anyone who would do this to their lover is worthless like a 3 dollar bill.

And I know you have to mourn but be specific about it. Mourn the fact you invested in an empty vessel, not the misguided notion you have lost the best man in the world. Because people with soul don’t behave like this and people with no soul? Well the sooner you can break with them, the better.

Be proud. You did nothing wrong. And have some faith because in the larger scheme there is a reason for this, like the universe clearing the decks, making space so the new and better man can come into the picture. Wanna bet?

You’re going to be okay.

Much love and good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

So everyone I meet starts out being trusted, but if you ever jack me up, that goes out the window and really… well, I’d rather never see you or hear from you again. And if I must, I’ll avoid eye contact. You know. It’s a total shunning. I will look right through you until the end of time.

But oddly, I don’t suffer much when I am betrayed. I tend to think it’s your problem if you betray me. Like it’s your problem if you cheat on me or some other kind of thing you are not supposed to do. I just don’t think it has anything to do with me if you’re lousy.

Generally I have 2-3 days of mourning before I shrug my shoulders and move along. In fact, I even have some good feelings come from it because I know you’ll have to make it up. If not this life, the next! And for Capricorn, this is very much like money in the bank.

And I never seek revenge or try to retaliate in any way. Or at least the last time I did was about 15 years ago (mistake) and before that I can’t even remember. To me, that would be good money after bad.

How do you handle betrayal?

Dear Sagittarian,

I don’t blame you for being intimidated. I am pretty sure I would be intimidated of me too! But if you read here long enough, I think it becomes apparent my focus is on helping whoever shows up and once you see my motives are clean, I think it becomes easier to deal with me. But on to your problem…

This is no way to live. Especially for a double Sagittarius! You’re supposed to be righteous, you know. But I see Saturn in your chart and understand your fear. You’re like that horse stuck in a hole which is a gut-wrenching picture… so I am going to try to get you out of there and if you find yourself loose - for Godsakes, run!

Now you have to play to your strengths and you have five planets in Sadge. So what are your strengths? One of them is storytelling! So how about I tell you a story?

This is the story of your greatest fear. Let’s say your man cheats on you. Not only does he cheat, but you find out like this woman did, that he is cheating with multiple partners! And not only that. One of them is your sister and the other your cousin! And one more thing! He screwed your best friend as well and your second best friend and her sister and her sister’s dog!

Oh no!

Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

But think about it. What if that actually happened? If every single thing I just wrote were to occur, what would come next in the story, huh?

Would you die?

No…

Would you kill him?

No… I mean you may want to, but you’re not a killer.

The fact is, if all this happened, it would get you FREE. Isn’t that funny? Because if he did all this… you’d just up and leave him! And further, you’d have a hell of a story to tell wouldn’t you? So you’re coming out okay, don’t you think? I think so! And I think like a Sadge! And I think you ought to think like a Sadge as well, because you’re the one with Mercury (the mind) in Sagittarius!

So can you do it? Of course. Will you do it? I hope so. And yes. Tell your Sagittarius boyfriend (who is supposed to travel) to change his password. Tell him the Sagittarius truth so you can both be free Sagittarians. Scared to do that? Think of the story…

“I told him I read his email and that was it! He left me in two seconds and after that, I…”

See? Life is an adventure and the adventure goes on. And one more thing.

If you do get your high mind back, for Godsakes when you see another sink hole… an exposed password for example, stay way, way, way back. Just keep that horse picture in your head and that ought do it.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…