Awhile back, HQ outlined the difference between the way Asian people make deals and the way the Western word negotiates. Basically, the Asians come up with what they thinks is fair to both sides… they come up with their best offer and they go to the other party and make it.

In contrast Westerners come in with a low offer, the other party makes a high counter-offer and the two settle somewhere in the middle. I think this is interesting. Either system seems to work fine as long as everyone understands what it is.

So I was thinking about Italians (as I would with Pluto uprooting my Moon / roots) and we have our ways too. They are Mafia-like, let’s face it. Continue reading Jupiter In Sagittarius: Cultural Differences Between Asians, Westerners and Italians

I have Jupiter in aspect to my Moon so with Jupiter in Sagittarius it follows I would expand via FOOD and sure enough this has occurred. I have learned to cook Asian, something that previously seemed out of reach and I can manage chopsticks now… fluently, thanks to HQ (1/2 Japanese) and his wife (Korean) who insisted I try when I visited them in New York.

Today I was back shopping Har-Mart, the Asian grocery superstore. Remember the Asian gal who quizzed me over the spaghetti squash in my cart? She wanted to try something new. She wanted to learn to cook something exotic to her and hitchhiking on this, since meeting here, every time I hit this store I try to leave with something new (to me).

So today the jackfruit caught my eye. They sell cut into chunks and I’m very curious about it. There is an international audience her so can someone tell me how to cook and/or consume jackfruit?

Tell me and we’ll all know - Thanks.

Speaking of how the Asian culture is now in vogue, this came via a tip from reader, Dani:

How To Be Asian - Part Three

CaKaLusa writes:

With a major influx of Asian influence on Western lifestyle and entertainment, it’s no wonder so many people are trying to pick about a few highlights of Asian culture. But what you see on TV isn’t all there is to being Asian. Sure, Yan Can Cook, and Tiger Balm ointment might tickle your fancy, but what a majority of non-Asians don’t see are usually too hidden for the public to see…

Go read his tips, they’re hysterical!

Regarding home food, I virtually never serve it. If I am cooking it is invariably for a man and since I am a man’s woman I cook whatever they want to eat. I cook their home food. And if I am eating with a woman, we go out! But my home food is pasta, which was odd because I grew up in the desert and there were no other Italians, anywhere. And I mean, not even one so where I grew up… and when I grew up, no one knew what pasta was.

So when we were kids we learned to say “spaghetti” when we went to school, or better yet, not to bring it up. But then in the early 90’s everything changed. I wrote this blog about it in 2001: Continue reading Jupiter In Sagittarius - Let’s Eat, Redux: Various Cultures and Trendy Food

I was telling my coffee date about the Asian women in the gym (18 - 80 years old) who have fascinated me for years. They travel in a pack, coming in early in the morning. They don’t workout that I know of. They just use the steam room.

“I am fascinated with them and have been for a long time,” I said. “And now I finally have the time… I just started having the opportunity to use the steam room and they are just incredible. It’s a real education.” Continue reading Jupiter in Sagittarius - The Asian Women in The Gym

One of the ways Jupiter in Sadge is manifesting around here is the food. I am learning to cook Asian. And I can thank Kathy, the boy-girl for this, who got me accustomed to eating Thai and now I have cook it. Or learn to cook it, that is and I am slow. The Solider called a few weeks ago.

“What are you doing, P?”

“Eating stir fry.”

“Stir fry? What are you doing eating stir fry?” he laughed. “Italians don’t eat stir fry!” Continue reading Jupiter in Sagittarius: Mashing The Cultures, This Time It’s Food

On the subject of cultural differences, Miss Cilantro… who outed herself on the last blog and I discussed the difference between what we do, or would like to do when we visit a new city. She, being Korean liked to see all the sites. Allllll the sites! So being my hostess, she was standing by ready to research and make the most of my trip and I just had no clue how to take advantage of this kind of grace.

It’s not that I didn’t understand. And I certainly appreciated her offer. It’s just that I am so different. I am pretty much completely visceral and I struggled to explain. I couldn’t quite get it said… how it did not matter in the least, what we did or where we went, but yesterday I was writing, HQ and it crystallized for me.

I told him I could be standing in front of the Eiffel Tower and I would surely look at it, but what I would most aware of is the energy of the person standing next to me. That and how the air or the sun or the chill felt on my skin or the side of my face and this is a fact.

So in the case of Miss Cilantro… well she has five planets in Scorpio so am I happy or what? I’m in the room with a force of nature.

And their cat was all over me. The one who hates everyone, especially non-Asians. So if you think about that and understand me at all, you can imagine how happy I was. I was thinking about the cats in my past and the wine in my glass, feeling totally blissful and all beneath the wire.

When you go to a new city, what do you like to do? And do you think your culture influences this?

I was in New York this weekend to visit my editor, HQ and his wife who is Korean. Though I met her at their wedding, I’d never spent time with her otherwise and the weekend was an ultra-pleasurable education on many levels. And perhaps I’ll have a chance to write about some of the subtleties… she’s a Scorpio with five planets in the sign but this blog is going to be a cilantro.

We went out for Korean BBQ… she took the time to find a restaurant that still uses wood-burning grill. She likes to cook and so do I. Italians use a lot garlic and I was surprised to learn Koreans do as well… as we chatted over dinner both of us crunching on whole cloves of garlic I had to pick up with chopsticks, which is a challenge for me.

I told her I could cook anything but Asian and had become committed to learning, so after dinner we went to a Korean grocery in K-Town so she could show me around and pick up a few things she needed… this, that and cilantro, but guess what? No cilantro. The store was sold out.

The next day we walked to brunch and then to various places around the city before stopping in another grocery store to get the cilantro and various other sundries. I followed her through the produce section… watching her carefully select a few apples. She peels and sections them before she eats them… I’d just chomp, I had noticed this the night I got into town. Her apple-peeling actually looked artful to me, but anyway she went for the cilantro but no luck. There was only one bunch and it was wilted.

She shook her head and looked dejected. “I need cilantro,” she said. “I need cilantro.”

I followed her down the aisles wondering if I should speak up because watching her was painful and since I am me, obviously I did.

“Um… do you ever… did you ever… do you know you can just ask the produce guy to look in the back for some cilantro that is fresh? They probably have it. Chances are.”

She just looked at me.

“Koreans don’t do that.” HQ explained. He was there, pushing the cart.

“They don’t? You don’t?”

“I wouldn’t do that,” she said. “I would never ask something like that.”

“You wouldn’t? Well I would. I do it all the time. Look, produce people know their produce. And they know when it’s lousy and actually appreciate someone who appreciates good produce. Seriously. You can get to know them. They just know you are someone who doesn’t like to eat junk.”

She seemed interested. Like I made sense.

“I can ask, if you want. Would that bother you? Would you mind if I as because you can’t use what they’ve got out there and you’ve got to have some.”

She said she didn’t mind. I made a beeline for the produce man.

“Hey there, hi,” I said smiling. “We need some cilantro and the bunch you have out there looks pretty sorry. Do you have any more in the back? Would you mind looking for us?”

A couple minutes later, he came back with several bunches of cilantro.

“Thank you,” I said, as she shopped them and picked the finest. “Thank you very much for that.”

Later that evening we talked about this. She reiterated she would have never asked something like this. She said she’d have walked 6 blocks to the next store and hoped they had some.

“But would you ask now?” I wondered.

“Yes.”

“Good. Well that’s good. You can just pretend you’re Italian, get away with stuff like this and save yourself all kinds of time!”

And I felt so good about this. I hope she easy access to fresh produce for the rest of life. Wouldn’t that be cool? Meantime I’m going to make some soybean paste…

Would you have asked for the cilantro or walked the six blocks?

Dear Lost In Love,

Yeah, I have some advice and so does my editor, HQ, who I consulted on your question because I consider him an expert on this subject. Half-Asian himself (and married to an Asian woman), he came back with this learned advice:

• The man has to be prepared to endure a lot, over the long haul. If he is a good man, the mother will almost certainly come around. It may take 10-20 years though… not everyone is prepared to endure that. On a practical level, he needs to be prepared for the family to completely reject him at first. If he sees it as just the first step in a long journey, than it’s much less painful.
• It’s true that the mother will never be able to fully connect to someone who isn’t Vietnamese. But there are other ways to create commonality.. he will have to work hard to find these. For example, maybe she loves Music… or Education. These are things that he can connect over.
• Finally, it seems like the parents hold all the cards… but that’s not true. If the parents love their daughter, they are going to want her to be happy. So that’s one thing in his favor. The other huuuuuuuge advantage that he has is babies. If he can hold out until they have a baby together, her parents will almost certainly accept him. After all, who can reject their own flesh and blood? Once they have a baby, then he is part of the family by definition.
• So basically, he has to be prepared for a waiting game… but time is on his side.

~~
So that’s that, and here’s my bit:

I would also expect problems. Your mother has made it very clear how she feels about this and like HQ, I have personal experience with these issues from the other angle.

I am an Italian who married a man whose family of WASPs who were dead set against this, in spite of the fact his sister had also married Italian and been enormously happy for fourteen years, with two children.

So when I traveled to meet my future in laws, I met this sister and her Italian husband first, who were obviously very supportive of our relationship. And when we pulled up in front of their house, the husband ran out to meet up on the sidewalk, fell to his knees in dramatic Italian style, kissed my hand, stood up and hugged me, swung me around and nearly threw me up in the air he was so gleeful.

“Finally!” he said. “Finally one of my people! Please tell my wife I’m not yelling,” he said in his loud Italian voice.

I laughed. He was Aquarian.

“Tell her this is talking, not yelling! I have been trying to explain this to her for 14 years!”

I looked over at his wife, who was grinning ear to ear. These two were in love, see. “He’s not yelling,” I said in my loud Italian voice that matched his. “THIS IS YELLING!” I bellowed. The Italian guy roared and covered in kisses.

“See? What I tell you?” he said. He was an immigrant, see. She’d met him in Italy and imported him.

But anyway, later over dinner the conversation became more serious when he explained that even after fourteen years of making his wife the happiest woman in the world… “I am still an outsider in this family,” he said. And it pained him. “Look at these beautiful children,” he said. And they were. Those kids were gorgeous and he could not understand the lack of heart in this family. So considering this, I think you and your man are going to have a real challenge. But here’s the thing:

I looked at your chart and you have an Aquarius Moon. You very much want to be liberated from your family. There is a part of you who wants to shock them as well. And you also have some serious Sagittarius so you are going to favor “foreigners” and fare well with them. So it’s my opinion that a marriage like this is part of your destiny. I just don’t think you’ll be happy with a traditional situation. You crave expansion which is not what you get when you marry someone who looks like your brother… and your other brother… and your other brother too!

So I say, go forward. But it’s very important you stand with your partner when and if your family move to trash him. Because they very well might. And if you are willing to do this… well go back and see HQ’s advice. Because I think he’s on track.

What do the rest of you think? Anyone else have experience with this? Tell us.