“You’re slimmin’ right down,” I told the soldier. “Look at you.”

“Yeah, right. Slimmin’ down. That’s why China called. Hey can you reduce your portions some so some of our people can have something to eat?”

I roared.

“Europe called too. Hey can you do something about that belly? You’re blocking the sun over here. You’re messing up our sciencitists. They thought there was an ecclipse!”

More laughing.

“And how come when I wear red, all the kids yell KOOOOL-AID, huh?”

The soldier, last night on the phone:

“I’m done with my dinner,” he said.

“What did you have?”

He rattled off the menu.

“How do you feel?”

“Oh, I’m semi-full, I guess.”

I laughed. “Didn’t get quite enough, huh?”

“Well, no. You know how I like to eat, P. Dang. They gave me a full dinner so that means I’m semi-full.”

You hear sometimes that Taurus is embarrassed of their greed. This is true, especially when it comes to food. For example, if eating out with a Taurus, it’s important their food is better than yours, less they get pissed off.

They won’t say anything of course. Taurus appreciates grace and tries to be pleasant at all times but you can just tell. Like when I went to a Chipotle with a Taurus, once. That’s the place with the giant burritos. McDonalds bought them and I think these restaurants all over now but this was a dozen years ago when they new and it was his first time there. I ordered the vegetarian burrito, he ordered the chicken. I saw him very slightly raise his eyebrow at me and I knew he was thinking I lacked taste.

So our food was served and my food was twice as big as his. I saw the shock and horror cross his face before he was able to collect and console himself. I could tell what he was thinking too. Mine was big but surely his would be more flavorful. But it wasn’t. He took a bite of his chicken burrito and it was clear he was disappointed. You can tell when Taurus is disappointed in the food in their mouth because they look just like a bull who has been clubbed over the head. Meanwhile, my food was great and I was raving about it so I offered him a taste and he accepted it.

My burrito really was lovely, he agreed and when I saw him glance down at his own meal, he was so plainly distressed that I had no choice but to trade plates with him. I didn’t ask. I just took his plate and gave him mine and you should have seen him. He was visibly relieved. Whew! That was close. Almost had to eat inferior food. And this is why Taurus likes Elsa, by the way. I understand what is important to them (food and sex)… ha ha ha.

Can you relate?