Here’s a good bit for Mars (anger) square Venus (love):

At 65 years old, feminist writer and activist, Vivian Gornick writes in an essay titled, “What Independence Has Come to Mean to Me: The Pain of Solitude. The Pleasure of Self-Knowledge”

“… much of my loneliness was self-inflicted, having more to do with my angry, self-divided personality that with sexism. The reality was that I was not alone because of my politics but because I did not know how to live in a decent way with another human being. In the name of equality I tormented every man who’d ever loved me until he left me: I called them on everything, never let anything go, held them up to accountability in ways that wearied us both. There was, of course, more than a grain of truth in everything I said, but those grains no matter how numerous, need not have become the sandpile that crushed the life out of love.”

This essay is part of a compilation of essays, The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage

What do you think?

Last night someone told me what they said didn’t count because they said it when they were mad. I disagreed, feeling you are responsible for what you say, regardless of your mood and having Mars (impulsive, angry) conjunct Mercury (speech), I have learned this the hard way. Matter of fact, every regret I have… every single one is over something I said that I didn’t mean and always when I was hotted up and angry.

Having suffered profoundly over what came tumbling from my mouth when I was younger I have learned to make sure I say what I mean and mean what I say, sometimes less but never more. Having the conjunction in the 9th house… well I better believe (9th house) what I say (Mercury) or I am going down. And I have gotten really good at this.

Matter of fact, I have gotten so good at this, I have become a precision instrument people can’t believe it.

“You didn’t mean that, when you said it. You were just pissed.”

“No, I did mean it. I meant exactly what I said and I stand by it. Not only that, I will say it all again if it will help you be clear.”

Today I feel really proud of this and I have two questions. Do you mean what you say?

And secondly have you ever been so badly burned and bled so much courtesy a part of your personality you had no choice but to re-work it?

Pictured - Mars and Venus United by Love, Paolo Veronese, 1528-1588, Oil on canvas, 205,7 x 161 cm, c. 1570, Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

Mercury’s dance with the Jupiter Uranus square followed by its opposition to Pluto has really brought some things to light. Personally, I have been inundated with information. I’m talking to the soldier here. It’s very obvious my Mercury (thoughts) are is conjunct Mars (sex and aggression).

“I realized something,” I said. “I get pretty stupid at times. Like when I am happy and having a lot of sex, I get positively docile. It’s as if I can’t think at all. No need! But just as soon as I feel threatened, you better look out! All the sudden my brain fires up and I become… well, I become freakishly brilliant. All the sudden I can think up, down into the ground, and next thing you know a persons is screwed, blued and tattooed. I have them wrapped up tight and this is all done before it’s even occurred to them I might rise from my slumber. That I might have any ability at all. But until I’m threatened? Nothing. I appear to be some kind of pure fool.”

“I’m not threatening you, am I, P?”

“No, no. I just had this realization. The lights go very dim at times. So dim it’s easy to forget they can come on. I just appear to be stupid. Dumber than dumb. But when the lights come on the display is spectacular. So much it surprises me. It’s as if I have forgotten how well I can think if need be. But back me into a corner or threaten me in some way and you’ll find out. And I am pretty sure if people realized the level my mind functions at when under attack, they would never mess with me. So what kind of animal is that?” I asked. “What animal appears innocuous but if you piss them off they become freakishly keen?”

“Kangaroo,” he said.

“What? Kangaroo? I don’t want to be a kangaroo,” I said.

“Well that’s what animal does that. They’re just hanging out but if you piss one of them off, they’ll feet you.”

I laughed. “They’re plant eaters, right? And they’re peaceful unless… you mess with their babies or something?”

“Eucalyptus. But yeah. You sure don’t want to piss one of them off because if they get their feet going on you, you’re gonna to be hurtin’.”

Know any kangaroos?

I was talking to Scott about his transcendent nature.

“Well, you never write anybody off. Most people, you can hit their limit. They say, that’s it! I’m not going to have any more of that! And they mean it.”

“I rarely get that pissed off,” he said. “In fact, the only person I have ever been that mad at is you!”

I laughed. “I know. And then you got over it. That’s my point. You decided I wasn’t that bad after all, or whatever it was that you decided. And we started talking again. And this is what I mean. I really don’t think you can write anyone off for any reason. It’s just not in your nature.”

He concurred.

So what about you? When you’re done, are you really done?

I have Mars in Libra so I naturally balance things. If I tell 10 people I don’t want anything to do with them anymore, I mean it half the time! ::shakes head::

What can I say? Mars in Libra is an embarrassing thing to have.

So what about you?

And where is your Mars?

Dear Wire,

Yes, you can absolutely harness the energy because it yours. The idea it is coming from outside of you is false. That’s a mind trick - and one you need to overcome, if you want to get on top this.

See, your Sun in Pisces and your Moon in Virgo are part of a T-square with Mars. And this is a configuration with tremendous energy… of the raw male/anger type. And it is apparent from your post that you are identifying with the yin parts of this, and denying the Mars.

Like this: your Pisces Sun absorbs. Your Virgo Moon wants to be productive. The other energies (Mars) you claim come from outside you. In other words, you are a victim (Pisces) who wants to do good (Virgo). And that’s fine.

But guess what you need to defend yourself? Mars. And what about being productive? That’s Mars too! Mars is your “get up and go.” How can you get anything done if you don’t act? Mars is about action!

So here’s my advice: give up the idea that you are fired upon, because it’s not real. Instead get comfortable with the fact you own a gun - a big one - and force yourself to learn how to use it.

See, all that stuff you unleash on the innocent? That’s you shooting your gun all over the place. And when you do that, who’s the victim, hmm?

Think of it as three points in a triangle. Virgo, Pisces, and Mars in Gemini. AKA, you, you and you.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Dear Sad,

Yeah! You’re a danger, all right. Let me fill you in on the astrology.

As you know, people are walking around with their various complexes. And in your business, you’re aware that some events can occur which trigger the complex and all hell breaks loose. Same thing in my business - except timing is foreseeable because it correlates with transits to the birth chart.

Now in your chart, there is a big fat honkin’ complex. It’s composed of Mars (anger), your Moon (emotion), Uranus (unpredictable) and Pluto (explosive). And further… all those planets are conjunct your ascendant, which means we can all see the veins pop out on your forehead.

This whole mess is in Virgo, Mercury’s sign (communication) which is why you yell like a motherfucking drill sergeant, I bet. So there it sits and then along comes a transit, in this case from Uranus. The effect is like putting a cattle prod to this thing, and the result is your email!

So here’s what I can offer. First the timing. Forget about quick resolution. You will be dealing with this in your face into early 2008. It’s not going away, so you need to align. And you can do that if you understand the underlying purpose, which is your liberation.

Now Uranus wants to experiment. Out with the old, in with the new - and then out with the new, and in with the newer new. And you see what you’ve done? You’ve moved home on impulse. And now you have another impulse. And as disruptive as this may be, it has a purpose.

Because think about it. Do people necessarily know what they want? They don’t. Sometimes they have to experiment. They have to try different hats different ways and this is where you’re at now, due to arrive circa 2008. But with all this Virgo, you want to be perfect! You want order! But you’re not going to get it. You’re going to get the cattle prod. And as soon as you try to settle, here comes another impulse.

The fact is, you don’t want anyone telling you what to do! You don’t want restriction of any kind! You want to figure it out yourself and if you will be able to reduce your suffering dramatically if you get complexly conscious of this and embrace… even celebrate this process.

Because this transit is releasing all this energy - but over these next months you will learn via experimentation, all about this weapon you have. You will learn about the knife that you are. And with a little bit of luck, you will become a brilliant (Uranus) psychotherapist (Pluto) who helps (Virgo) heal (Pluto) the emotionally (Moon) injured (Mars). And it will all be worth it.

But you asked about keeping your friends and your lover, and I think you’re already doing quite a bit. You’re aware you’re packing an enormous punch and looking for appropriate ways to discharge. You can also communicate; this is Virgo’s forte. Explain that you need a lot space right now. You need a lot of freedom, but this does not mean you don’t love them.

Outside of that, I would look for some bulletproof friends. People who can take your heat, because your heat is fuckin’ hot. And you are very Virgo, so you don’t want to hurt people. You want to help them. And this is why you feel sad. Because you know people are blown off the planet by you. So it would be nice to have some thick-skinned friends. Some people “hard to kill”.

Indiana Jones comes to mind. You come at him with your rage, he’ll just shoot you and go on with his day! In fact, that wouldn’t be a bad idea. Arm your friends with (squirt) guns and tell them to shoot you if you’re too far over the line.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

This comment on “The Cellist” post was sent to me privately by my oldest friend, Scott. Scott is a pianist I met when I was 15. He was 18. Instantly attracted, we fell into a relationship that has endured in one form or the other, for almost 30 years.

By that, I mean we could never maintain a romantic relationship for more than a few weeks at a time, but this did not stop us from going on and off like that for 17 years!! But now we’re just friends. More like family, actually. We are deeply bonded and his being a Cancer against all my Capricorn, there has always been a “family” type connection between us anyway.

So I thought of him when I wrote for the cellist, because I felt these two men has similar energy. Scott is also biracial, and outside of this, he can speak for himself. I am posting this excerpt of his email with his permission.

~~

Scott writes:

I was going to comment on this post when it first was published a few days ago…but, alas, I’m not as young and agile as I once was and needed the requisite time to gather my thoughts in my old (or at least, “older”) age.

Like your poster and even more so, like your description of his inner life, I was once young, impetuous and severely frustrated. When I was young I was a simmering repository of frustrated sexuality, just boiling-below-the surface rage and more talent than I knew what to do with. I was extremely accomplished in my field and on the way to, if not the very top, at least close to it. I also had both real arrogance about myself in relation to the world mixed with a good measure of false bravado. I barely suffered fools and thought everybody was dumber than I was; or, at least that no one was really any smarter or really much more gifted in my chosen field. (Actually, the field was chosen for me, but that’s another story).

This exchange makes me wonder: does repressed sexuality breed anger or does repressed anger breed simmering sexuality? Or are they a 2-way symbiotic street? It’s one question I never did figure out though I have come to peace with myself in my old (er at least, “older”) age. The tremendous anger along with the almost pathologically strong sexual drive I had when young frustrated me to an incredible extent back then and caused me enormous pain.

I’m not sure I honestly believe when you try to relieve the pressure valves of enormous anger and repression you don’t lose something artistically. There is an inherent relationship between suffering and artistic creation and integrity. I know I’ve said that perfectly well-adjusted artists have produced great art as well as tormented ones, but at 1:42am in the morning, listening to Beethoven, and thinking about all this, I’m not so sure.

Scott Leather

~~
So what do you think? Does angst fuel art?