Continuing to discuss projection in relationships, the 7th house in astrology and a person’s shadow side. My friend, Ben, a progressive Aquarius rising with Uranus on the descendant opposing finds out what he has projected, integrates it and becomes even more liberated…

I project my 7th house and guess what? So do you!
update- there were a lot of questions in the comments, I have started to address them here: Astrology Q&A - What if there is nothing in my 7th house?

Dear Sagittarian,

Yes, I have suggestions but I don’t think you’ll like them. But you asked, so here they come:

First, I am suspect of anyone who suggests their partner ‘will not grow up” when they report they have displayed the exact same behavior their partner has.

Second, I suspect anyone who claims to love someone BUT. You love him if only he will conform to your dictates, which of course is not love at all. You don’t want anyone else, however he is not okay the way he is.

Now I am sorry but with this kind of attitude not only is this relationship going to fail but so will the next, the next and the next and the next. And I am not trying to say this guy is innocent. Thing is, you asked how you could get past your mistakes and the fact is you can only get by your own mistakes. And based on what you’ve written your boyfriend is on the fence as to whether he wants to salvage the relationship at all which is another problem for you to face.

You cannot control him. You want to get by your mistakes; he wants someone he can trust. He does not trust you and he does not know if he ever will and if you respected him and if you were mature yourself ,you would give him the time and space to figure this out. As it is, you sound like a General… albeit a nice one with velvet gloves.

But control is control and control is not love, is it?

If you want the man back, look in the mirror. You have a seventh house packed with Libra and you would be well advised to take your energy off him completely and work on your own issues around being a good partner. Frankly, anything less and I don’t think you have much hope.

Good luck.

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There were all kinds of questions on the 1 Minute Video: Astrology - Psychology, The 7th House And Projection In Relationship where I talked about the phenomena of how the 7th house gets projected in love relationships. I am going to answer some of them so here goes:

jamie asks:

“What if you don’t have any in the 7th, Elsa? Aries is on my Desc. (I married an Aries Moon.)“

If you don’t have anything in the seventh house you consider the sign on the cusp. Aries on the cusp of the seventh is akin to have Mars in the seventh house… PERIOD.

If you want more information you can look to the condition of Mars in your chart and so on but to keep this very simple, Aries on the cusp of the seventh = Mars in the seventh. Once you can understand and assimilate that, then go looking for more.

As an example as a Capricorn rising I have Cancer on the seventh. This is akin to having the Moon in the seventh. My partner is emotional, needy, dependent. That’s not me or anything…

What sign is on the cusp of your 7th house? Can you see how you project these qualities onto the other?

Skip to Embracing Your Shadow

In western astrology the south node, it’s house and sign describes what you are inordinately good at expressing and manifesting in your life. In contrast the opposite point, the north node, it’s house and sign represents what you should incorporate to progress in this life.

Speaking of the soldier’s challenge of manifesting his seventh house north node in Libra, I also have my north node in the seventh house. This means with our south nodes in the first house, we are both very comfortable acting independently in spite of our desire for relationship.

I have Venus in the seventh house, which is definitely going to want to partner and the soldier has Libra (Venus) in the seventh which puts him in a similar situation.

We are currently trying to work this out and I don’t mind saying that while we may love each other very much it is a great strain and struggle. So what about you?

Where is your north node and are you having any luck manifesting it? Tell us.

On the drive to New Mexico, I was thinking about Kate (Kate Mulvey Can’t Get A Date And It’s Because Of You!) and trying to fathom her and people like her. People who project their shadow onto others, that is. How do they get that way? Better yet, how do they stay that way?

How can a person be faced with overwhelming evidence there is some problem (such as every man they meet runs for the hills) yet continue to deny any culpability or wrongdoing? This is baffling to me. And it made me think of when I was a kid, playing cards.

I used to play cards like crazy when I was a kid. I played with adult men and I was fiercely competitive and ambitious. I wanted to win everything, every time and played those cards with every cell in my body. And here’s the thing about projection:

When I lost a hand, I did not imagine it was because the person across from me was inept in some way. Or better yet, that everyone at the table was flawed!

But this is what Kate and people like her do. And maybe via this analogy you can see if you do this, it is going to be absolutely impossible to progress. You simply have to deal with yourself.

We all project to some extent all the time. If you have oppositions in your chart (especially to personal planets) you are going to be far more prone but no one is immune. We all have a 7th house which is routinely projected. And if we’re talking about the shadow… well that’s Pluto, but any energy can be projected. Your anger for example and even your desirability!

What do you project? What’s in your 7th house?

This weekend I drove 16 hours round trip to spend 10 hours with the soldier during which time we had to sleep. Now I admit this is weird but it suits me and I was especially aware of this driving home.

I like to move. I like going places. I like to be alone too, for that matter and driving to meet him affords this. Guess what? You can’t bother me I’m in the car! I think I’m a knife. I think I am Snoopy on his doghouse having an adventure and I don’t have a complaint in the world.

And as I was mulling my happy feelings and aware of how refreshed and recharged I was from something another person would not even consider doing it occurred to me I was fortunate to have the awareness that a situation someone else might find untenable was actually custom-made for me. And I wondered how many people have the same freedom or permission and I think the number is low.

Unfortunately most people are out looking for what is supposed to make them happy when in actuality if they ever get it, they will be anything but. And I decided I ought to post this because I am not the only one with Venus tied up with the outer planets, am I?

I think it would be criminal to take a person like me and tell them they ought to seek a traditional relationship with a normal(ish) person. I am fortunate, no one ever did. No one ever told me I could or would or should be conventional and I just want to post this for my brothers and sisters out there that keep trying to jam their foot into a shoe that doesn’t fit. We’re all supposed to marry a doctor and what? Wither and die?

This is more of the conversation between my daughter and I on our road trip. She’s 12 and you can catch up here: Empowering My Daughter

“Do you think I’ll live with a boy?” she asked. ‘Like when I’m in college.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what you’re going to do. I guess I could see that but mostly what I see is you change all the time. You like it, you don’t like it, you like it again and then you don’t like it and then you like it so I don’t know that one man is going to do. You may want more than one and you may want a woman. You have told me more than once that you think you may be bisexual.”

“Yep.” Continue reading Codependent? So What? Love, Libra and 7th House Are Not Dirty Words

Dear Un-Partnered,

There is nothing wrong with your ascendant. That’s like saying there is something wrong with the nose on your face. There is nothing wrong with your nose. It is your nose! How can it be wrong?

But a person who believes their nose - sitting right in the center of their face - is flawed is going to feel they are not desirable and the nose is not the problem! It’s the attitude! So if you want to resolve, this you are going to have to completely revolutionize your thinking. Because what you’ve got is a belief about yourself that has become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Now there is all kinds of scare-astrology out there and whatever you’ve heard, you’ve got to put it aside and develop some other philosophy about how things work in the world. You need a new story! Because the story you’re telling yourself is hideous! Think about it. According to you, anyone who associates with you is going to be harmed. I don’t agree!

According to me, you’re a double Taurus (love) conjunct Jupiter (generous) in the 7th house (love / relationships). Further, you’re a Libra rising (more love) and I don’t know…

I think this qualifies you as an expert when it comes to love and relating to others… that is waiting to happen. And the delay?

Well your Sun, Moon and rising are all Venus-ruled and sure enough, Saturn is squaring Venus and this is the problem. You think there is something inherently wrong with you. And this is you JOB to solve. I’m serious! Learning (Saturn) to partner (all the Venus stuff) is your job in this lifetime, and you are absolutely going to have to face your fear and get out there. And if you want some encouragement, start with this little fact about you:

You actually care what happens to the “other”! Can you see that? Read your post until you can.

Now that’s a wonderful quality and this is what is inherent to you to you. And when it comes to hooking up, I can’t of a more desirable quality a woman might want in a man.

One more thing:

“Whatever you may think, it’s never your age, your weight, your hair, your height, or your abstinence from gymnasia. It’s ALWAYS your attitude.”

Jack Fertig, Astrologer

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Double.

Your Sun and Moon are in the 7th house of your chart which gives very strong co-dependent tendencies, basically because you simply do not want to be alone. And this desire to be partnered can be so strong that any relationship, even one that is absolutely horrible like this one, is better than nothing. And if you can understand this, you can begin to untangle your confusion.

See, you are concerned about him and how the two of you relate. You think of the balance and the give and take.

He on the other hand, doesn’t think of you at all. It sounds like he uses your body now and then (gee, thanks) but outside of that it’s pretty obvious not just from the porn but the entire history of your relationship that this is a very self-centered man. So self-centered that your needs don’t even enter his picture. And I have just the words for you.

Recently I read astrologer Michael Lutin’s book, “SunShines: The Astrology of Being Happy”, and my favorite sentence in the entire book was this: “A relationship… a real relationship, takes two people. Not one person and one vegetable…”

::smiles::

I am sorry, but your man is a vegetable. And it seems he has no desire whatsoever to do anything about that, so I think you ought to leave him on the next train. And check this:

Forget his porn. Who cares what he does? What about your own need to be sexually satisfied, hmm? This guy ain’t cuttin’ it!

So I say, get out there and find a man who can… and will. But just watch yourself, okay? Make sure the next man you hook up with has an authentic desire to relate to another human being because if not, you’re going to wind up right where you are now, ‘cept you’ll be another year older.

Good luck.

~~
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