Dear Hat,

I have no idea what your signature means but I left it intact for others to puzzle over while I try to crack your problem, which I feel is far more common than the people realize or care to admit. And the cause, and the specifics from person to person are endlessly varied. But what you have in common is this: You have cracked 40 years old and you are alone. And I’ll tell you exactly why I think this is.
Continue reading Commitment Phobic In Her 40’s: What Now? Astrology-Based Advice

Dear Sagittarian,

Yes I have some insight. Get out and get out now because the way you are behaving in this relationship is the worst possible expression of your chart and I’ll tell you what that means. It means you do not want this man!

To live and not live true is as perversion of Sagittarius energy. To hang around when you’ve been rejected… and to refuse to face reality in relationships is a perversion of Venus in Sagittarius. Last, to be more concerned with what another person is doing than with what you are doing is Mars in Libra at it’s worst, and I guess you’re getting the picture here.

And please understand, I am not trying to hurt you. It is just that you are near 40 years old and you’ve no time to waste imagining a man is going to show his interest in you by being game-y, never mind being game-y yourself while claiming to hate it. Here’s the trick:

Do and be things that you love and guess what’ll happen? Love will find you and guys like this will leave you alone and as for how to get out of this, check Wednesday’s post, “Scorpio Man Kisses Taurus Woman, Biting Her Lip As He Takes His Leave”. Two nasty Scorps in 3 days. What can I say?

Good luck.

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Dear Sagittarian,

I had a hard time fathoming your question and I finally gave up. I just don’t get it. How is your life in limbo without your express consent? If you have done nothing, learned nothing, and gone nowhere in six long years… whose fault could that possibly be besides your own? What are you waiting for? Who are you waiting for? Why are you waiting at all?

Fact is, 40 becomes 45 very quickly. 45 becomes 55, quicker still. This is assuming you make it to 55 because people drop dead all the time, don’t they? So I’ll ask you again. Why are you waiting to make yourself a life that satisfies you? And why would you wait to be 40 to make a change? Why not 39 1/3? I don’t understand this!!

You have a blessed chart compared to most. You’re a Sadge (lucky) with your Moon conjunct Jupiter (lucky) and you have a Capricorn Mars for Godsakes. That’s the best Mars in the zodiac, so why don’t you use it? Obstacles? There are obstacles in your life?

You know what? Everybody has obstacles. Everybody! And I would bet that most people have obstacles far more challenging than yours and they do not let this stop them. They find a way! So if you’re going to let your obstacles stop you, how can we feel sorry for you?

Bottom line: if you want 40 to be a turning point in your life than make it a turning point in your life! This is a personal choice. But if you are waiting for God or who knows who to take you to the promised land and it’s smooth sailing and open range between here and there… well I just don’t think this exists! But let me answer your question:

You will “achieve this” if you try! If you do not try, you will achieve nothing. And I hope this pisses you off. Because if you get mad enough you might just do something, which can only help.

Good luck.
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Dear Loveless,

If you keep doing whatever it is you are doing, you are going to get what you’ve always got. In fact, Benjamin Franklin defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.” You are solidly in your 40’s now and if you want to see a change, you are simply going to have to take it upon yourself to transform your life.

Because when something happens over and over and over in relationships with others, when a theme repeats, this means it is you with the problem. Because you are the common denominator in all the various scenarios. And if you are not willing to go deep and put yourself in the shop for a major overhaul, then most definitely your past is going to predict your future.

But what if you do want to get your ass in gear? What if you do want to get proactive? What if you do want to take a hard look at yourself? Well, then I think you can fix this. I do not count anybody out, ever. There is always hope. But at 45, you cannot afford to wait for someone to solve this for you. So do you want to know where to start? I’ll tell you what I glean, from just the one paragraph you wrote.

You identify as a victim (”they just leave me in tears…”) without any words about the part you might have played in these relationships. This also indicates a lack of taking responsibility for your life in general.

You write, “I have good friends, that’s all, nothing more…” which shows a marked lack of gratitude and appreciation. Having good friends is an enormous gift. There is also a lack of humility, as well as a sense of entitlement.

You say life has only delivered you these few friends, but you don’t speak to any efforts you have made or plan to make. You’re just lonely and miserable. You’re a victim of life who has gotten the short end of the stick. And I don’t know if you can see this or not, but I can’t imagine anyone in their right mind would sign on to put up with this, out of a woman in her 40’s.

So I hope you get to work on this. Because it doesn’t have to be the way it is, I promise you that. Good luck.

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