Dear Sister,

Your problem is terrifically complicated but also very simple. First the conundrum: Mercury rules “siblings” and yours is highly stressed. It’s involved in a T-square with Uranus and Saturn which plays about million ways. Like this:

Rebel (Uranus) against your siblings (Mercury)… and vice versa.
Oppressed / Restricted /Rejected (Saturn) by your sibs (Mercury)… and vice versa.

And I could go on and on. These things go ’round and ’round, bing, bang, bing like a pinball machine. And although there are positive ways for these energies to express, this is an advanced game, beyond the scope of what can be addressed on this blog. So leaving that be, I would advise you to focus first on something much simpler. The basic way you’re living that is, because this is what is causing most your symptoms anyway.

See, you’ve got a Capricorn Moon. And Capricorn cannot thrive until and unless they are living completely above board. You must live with integrity or else… well in the case of the Sun in Capricorn, life without integrity is a dismal failure. In the case of a Capricorn Moon, you are going to be depressed! So you get my drift. It is you responsible for your depression and you who can fix it.

And your Sagittarius rising echoes this theme. Sagittarians are all about what they believe. And who are you if you are concealing your “religion” (or lack of) courtesy your fear of being rejected (Capricorn) by your family (Moon)?

I vote that you express yourself. Live free and let the chips fall. Because I’m telling you, your relationship with your sibs is going to be taut regardless. But at least this way you’ll have integrity, and with your Sagittarius standing proud I bet your mood improves.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Confused,

I think your sister has the right to feel hurt or any other way she pleases. But you did nothing wrong. The thing is: with families like yours, boundaries are often very weak. And this seems the situation here. Everybody is in everybody else’s business and nobody knows how to draw lines.

And this is frequently why families break apart the way yours did. People do it to survive. No one can seem to exist without falling into the very painful family stew so they amputate in the hopes of starting fresh and faring better. So now you’re back in and things are starting to constellate and I have some ideas that might help.

First, understand that your boundary was completely appropriate. And your Venus (money) Neptune (sacrifice) conjunction in Scorpio is a very leaky combination so I think you should be congratulated on managing to make it. And from here all you have to do is stick to guns… and hope.

Hope your sister runs through her emotions, which I am sure are complex. And hope she runs through her process whatever it may be, and she comes back to you in saner form. And there is agreement on all fronts I know of, how to best facilitate this which is nice because it makes it very simple.

The 12-steppers remind you to watch your side of the street. That means, keep yourself on track and leave others to do the same. And I have heard another analogy, about a well. Your whole family is in a well! They’re in there, man. And the idea is to get the fuck out of the well. Get yourself out!

And it’s virtually impossible to climb from the well if you keep reaching back in to grab the hands of family members in an attempt to pull them up when they do not want to go. Never mind, half of them want to pull you back in. So no! You’ve got to get yourself out and on to solid ground before you can even think about throwing them a line or no one is going to get out of there!

So with this in mind, I’d advise you stand strong and leave your sister to figure it out. Because these are facts:

Dear Sister,

It’s unfortunate that your brother acts the way he does. And it’s even worse that with Capricorn in your third house (siblings), you are feel responsible for him. Considering you are both in your fifties, I think it’s time you took a day off so I’m going to try to give you one.

Now I don’t doubt your brother has problems, but fact is that he is adept at manipulating you. He’s threatening suicide from another country as if there is something you can do about it! What a great way to make your sister feel powerless. What a way to jack her up! And I think its bullshit. There comes a point where you’ve just got to cut the rope and if you ask me, you’re there.

I don’t mean you have to cut off contact with your brother, though I wouldn’t blame you if you did. But you must detach. And you must steel your heart.

Read your post up there. You know his pattern. You’ve watched it play your whole life. What are the odds he is going to change? Virtually nil, I’d say. And this is sad. So how about you accept this? Your brother’s limitations, I mean. And mourn them.

While you’re at it, accept the fact he may kill himself. He may. And he does, it will not be your fault. And you know this, don’t you? Of course you do.

What I think you need most is permission to let go of the responsibility for your brother, a burden you have carried far too long. So here it is: your brother is not your job. He never was. Set it down and walk away. Be free… and understand you’ve earned this in spades.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Saddened,

Did you know your Venus is in Aquarius conjunct your sister’s Sun… and hers is in Aries conjunct yours? That’s pretty sweet. The love is there and that’s really nice. Regarding the whole relationship though, I do have some thoughts.

I’m going to direct them towards you, but this is not because I think you’re at fault. It’s because you’re the one asking and for all I know, she likes things the way they are!

It’s a boundary thing, see. What occurs to me is first is your sister is not unemotional or lacking in sensitivity. Not with her Moon conjunct Neptune conjunct her ascendant, she’s not. And I imagine she does not like being characterized in this way, just because she is rebellious and independent.

Bottom line: with her Sun, Venus, Mars in Aquarius, she is not going to have anyone dictate her behavior… which is where you come in. Aries is a Cardinal sign, yes? And the Cardinal signs like to control things.

If you read your post up there, you can see that you are attempting to act as the General of her life and basically, she is flipping you the bird. This is true, even if your motivation is compassionate (and I believe it is). So if you want to alter this dynamic, you will have to curb your tendency to want to run her life. Because I promise you, she will never allow that.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Confused,

There are three main issues in your mail, perfectly reflected in your chart.

Number one, you have a reality that is extremely permeable. For example, your father makes a comment and you are completely undermined. He’s wrong… but is he?

You have a reality that dissolves, which is a textbook case of Saturn in the twelfth house. There is very little you can do to defend yourself, but awareness can help. At times you will have clarity but then it dissipates without warning. It’s as if the tide is high, and then it goes out all of a sudden. And you’re left standing there on the beach wondering what you were just wondering and why. Sound familiar?

You probably wrote me during one of those times where you’re just standing there bereft. And chances are excellent that by the time you read this, your reality will have returned and you don’t need this at all. ::smiles:: But here it is anyway… for the next time.

Second, the family thing. You have a Scorpio Moon (family) which really needs to be emotionally connected. You’d be fine if it were not conjunct (hooked up with) the planet Uranus which wants FREEDOM. In this case, you want freedom from Moon things, which are family and emotion, primarily.

See, Uranus is not really of this world. And with Uranus conjunct your moon, you feel like an alien in your family. Not just your immediate family, but your homeland as well. Get it? This is larger than your family. This is huge.

And it brings me to your third point. Relationships! Divorce aside, you don’t have particular problems in love relationship, the way that plenty of people do. Your lessons and your discomfort is not really about the other person. This is all within you, as outlined above.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Pleasing,

I really had to think about this. I can tell you why you want to please people easily enough, but the twin thing threw me. Because you and your brother would have charts that are essentially identical. I had some theories about why you might suffer this way while he doesn’t, but felt uncomfortable with the idea of me (a non-twin) telling you what it’s like to be a twin.

In a bid for clarity, I emailed a friend of mine who is a twin. He said it helps to think of twins as “siblings”. One of them is older than the other, even if it’s only by six minutes! As he put it, thinking in these terms “helps unlock a lot of twin mysteries.”

That was interesting, but I still had to mull. See, you’re a Libra, and Libras are the people-pleasers of the zodiac. But it’s very superficial. In fact, the sweeter Libra is, the surer you can be that they want to smash you with a bat. But this is more complicated than that.

Because the other thing Libra does is balance. When you go left, Libra has no choice but to go right. So this is what I think is going on.

First, you try to please by your nature, to an extent. But secondly… you brother is not so willing to ingratiate himself. He acts yang, so you go yin to compensate. And the idea that you’re the little brother would support this theory.

But this is no good for you. Because you’re more than just “Libra”. There is tremendous fire in your chart. And anger!! And if you don’t find a way to express this, eventually it will make you sick. Or cause an accident! Are you reckless? I bet you are.

Anyway, I’d recommend you turn the tables on your brother. Do it like an experiment, because he’s Libra too! Assert yourself. Turn the heat way up (I know you can) and just watch him. See what you learn, because I bet he moves to make peace…

And beyond this just imagine Libra’s symbol: a scale. You have been living on one side of it. If you internalize this, it will cause you great distress, which is the point. Because once you see you’re out of whack like that, you will automatically move to balance.

Pretty cool, huh?

Good luck!

~~
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Dear Sister,

You can toss in the towel, but if you want to keep trying, you’d better try something new, eh? And the astrology here is pretty interesting.

I think you have more in common with you sister than you imagine. Both of your have enormous challenges in relationships and they’re more similar than not. Surprised? I bet. Because if you re-read your post up there, you might notice something.

The post is all about you pointing the finger at her. She’s the whole shadow and what are you? Pristine? That does not compute! I’m not saying she’s not jealous, cold, petty, etc. I bet she is. But where is your hand in this?

See, both of you have Venus in your chart, jacked up by both Saturn and Pluto. Both of you. So this story where she is the witch, and you are all pleasant - well, I think it’s an erroneous one. And I’m not trying to be mean, I’m trying to do my job, okay?

If you want a better relationship with your sister, I would stop making lists of what’s wrong with her. Instead make a list of what you have in common with her, because believe me, it’s a long one. And at that point, you may have some compassionate feelings not only for your sister, but for yourself… and a whole new tack to take, the next time you talk to her.

Good luck.

~~
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~~
pictured - Sisters, 1897 Wojciech Gerson (1831-1901), Oil on canvas, 151 x 108