7
30 Year Old Man Craves For Love: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
Many people think single men don’t crave love. On the surface, people all think I have it all: a swinging bachelor with a good career and a loving family. The truth is, I need love, to find the woman who feels the way I do. So far, there’s only one relationship that I went on for about two years, in which I was cheated on eventually. I just don’t seem capable of meeting someone who will treat me seriously.
Those that I fall for take me for granted. Many woman tell me I am kind, attentive and loving but none would really want to love me. In the end, I feel resigned to staying single for the rest of my life.
Disenchanted Man
Singapore
Dear Disenchanted,
Although you did not specifically say so, I am going assume you want advice on how to solve your problem - and if not, there are plenty out their who do so I am going to address this non-question.
Per the astrology model, when you are 30 years old (post your Saturn return) you are considered to be completely grown-up and responsible for every aspect of your life. As an adult, you are no longer able to blame others for your problems such as your parents who mistreated you or whatever.
This does not mean your parents did not mistreat you. It simply means whatever the result or inheritance of that is, it is now your problem and your problem alone to solve.
I feel your challenge in relationship falls into this same category. You have a pattern here, it is your pattern and your problem which you may or may not address. If you do address it, you can expect things to be different; if you do not, you can expect things to be the same. But the idea you are a victim of this life is never ever going to get you anywhere and unfortunately with Neptune tied up with Venus, you do have this tendency.
Bottom line is this: sober up and get to work on your negative patterns in relationship or expect to continue to feel “divine discontent” for the rest of your life.
Good luck.
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2
Attractive Virgo Woman’s Pattern Of Dating Brings Misery: Astrology-Based Advice
Hello,
I was married to a man who was triple Libra. He left me for another woman. He had already been with her but telling me I was his world. A year later I felt healed enough to start to date again.
Unfortunately my dating relationships over this new year don’t last more than a month or two. I can easily attract a man. I am thin and fit, fun to be around, pretty, kind, sweet, generous, intelligent and ambitious. I have a great family and close friends who are dumbfounded at the problems I am having.
I am far from perfect but the men I have dated (more so fallen for) fall at my feet and repeatedly tell me they wish to give me the world… Sadly, this isn’t the case. I seem to get involved with men who are balancing two women- another and myself. I usually find this out after and the other women win out. Two of the men have returned since, almost sheepishly, to tell me they messed up. One went as far to tell me that I would make the
perfect life partner for him (Taurus).
I am at a point where I am frustrated as the Scorpio just disappeared with another woman. I am expecting his call and apology some time in the near future. Will this pattern of hurt keep going? Is there something in my chart that draws these men to me or me to them?
I feel like they want a revolving door but my rule is once they are out they don’t get a second chance. I am not looking for a shoulder to cry on but some realistic advice on my chart- things I can possibly change.
Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon
Canada
Dear Virgo,It sounds as if you are confused and authentically trying to do your best and while this may come across as harsh it is not meant that way because I really do feel your struggle, I empathize and want to help you. Things is that your marriage aside, your dating problems seem largely self-inflicted and Saturn’s transit through Virgo in aspect to most of your chart begs you take responsibility.
For example, you state you can attract men like flies and I believe you so if this is true why stop with a man who has another woman? Why not toss him and attract someone else who does not have another woman?
It is you making this choice, see. And all the friends and supportive family in the world is not going to be able to help you in the least if you do not decide to make better choices and yes, the pattern of hurt will continue, quite obviously.
As to why your make the choices you do, outlining this from an astrological perspective is outside the scope of this column but it seems clear to me you are attracted to the victim position and perhaps the feel of the edge of a knife in relationship as well.
I realize this may fall outside your current definition of self but you have to admit the facts fit and it again comes back to your Saturn transit which will force you to see yourself in the real light and if you don’t like the image you can change the frame and get a whole new lease on life in the process.”
Good luck.
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30
Is Double Virgo Woman In Long Distance Love With Double Pisces Man Irrational?: Astrology-Based Advice
Hello Elsa,
I have been chatting over the phone and internet with a double Pisces man for over a year. We hope to meet in a few months. Up until recently we have felt completely in love. Lately however, I feel the gears have switched and he is more fixated on the erotic aspect of our relationship. Though he is still naturally sensitive and kind, I find myself angered and at a loss when he is more intent on asking for “kisses” than I am comfortable giving. I do feel turned on by him, but when he is slightly demanding in his want for kisses, it makes me feel used. Am I being moody and irrational or is there something more behind this feeling?
Virgo In Long Distance Love
Morocco
Dear Love,
You do not sound moody or irrational to me and while feelings are transient and do change, I don’t think they should ever be ignored.
Now unfortunately I can’t tell you precisely what is going on with you and this man but it sounds as if you are feeling some trepidation and perhaps what you’ve got here is a red flag? Perhaps as the real life meeting draws near, what is revealing is you are not as compatible with this man as you once thought. And there is no way I can tell you this for sure but I can tell you this much:
If it is a red flag, you are bound to see more of them so if this starts to happen I would absolutely pay attention because a man who goes “beyond your comfort level” is just that. He is a man who goes beyond a woman’s comfort level and when you are with a man like that, as far as I am concerned you are in danger.
I would also add if it is him who is telling you that you are “moody and irrational” I would certainly begin to rethink this if I were you.
Good luck.
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7
Scorpio Woman Broke His Trust And Wants It Back: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
How can I make him trust me again? I moved to a new city, found a new guy, and lived with him for 8 months. He felt very intensely in love with me. I slowly fell for him but resisted it all the way - I believe because of childhood intimacy issues etc. I moved out last December - broke up with him - told him to move on.
He did. He dated another woman, but all the time he kept in touch with me via phone/e-mail, telling me how much he loved me. I finally got clear and begged for him back but he refused three times! Finally last week he broke up with his girlfriend and said he will “try” with me but that I broke his trust.
How the heck do I regain it? Can I? Is it my dang Pisces moon that is causing me to go back and forth?
Pisces Moon
United States
Dear Pisces,
I will tell you how I think you regain a person’s trust but can tell you right now if you do not completely police (Saturn) yourself, this relationship is going to fail. It is just not going to survive due some quirk or lucky break. That would be like the dishes getting washed without washing them.
First of all, it does not seem as if you did some horrible thing here so I wouldn’t worry about that. But it does sound as if it would be impossible to be in a relationship with you (for him or anyone else) and at 40 years old, this is something you might want to fix.
You can start with your language. You do not MAKE someone trust you. You behave in a way that is trustworthy and people come to trust you as a result. In your own estimation you not behave in a way that is consistent so this would be the first thing for you to conquer and your Moon and Pisces can help rather than hinder if you can come up with some compassion.
How about compassion for the person who is sleeping with you and loving you for 8 months while you flip around and go in and out of the relationship?
If you can’t manage to commit and stay consistent, then either see a therapist about the childhood issues until you heal them and can manage, or prepare to lose every relationship you ever form because it’s very simple. It’s impossible for someone to be in a relationship with you (over time) when you are not in the relationship and one more thing:
No, I don’t think your Pisces Moon is at fault. More likely it’s the opposition between Virgo and Pisces in your chart which Saturn’s transit through Virgo will surely address over the couple years.
Good luck.
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18
Lost Her Father 21 Years Ago - Seeks Father Figures In Relationship: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
I keep choosing men who are like my father. My dad died 21 years ago. The type I have to be with is an older very social person (last one big drinker). I have attracted so many other men but I won’t give them the time of day. The only good thing is I am very slow at becoming physically intimate with anyone too fast. The last one we dated about six months; it didn’t work out, but we never had sex. Is this normal? Will I just not be happy until I find another father figure?
Virgo Daughter
United States
Dear Virgo,
This is an inordinately interesting question. The short answer is that happiness comes from inside and nothing in the world is going to make you be happy if you are just not happy. Father figure, baby man, orange, yellow, green, pink… none of this is going to come to your aid so on that note, you are barking up the wrong tree. But as to your specific question, no. Finding a father figure is not going to make you happy. It hasn’t worked so far, right?
For 21 years you have been trying to replace your dad and while this is understandable, it is getting you nowhere. The fact is, you are your dad and processing his death is what is going to lead you to happiness.
As for the astrology, you have significant Scorpio and Pluto conjunct your Sun. You have inherited your father… he is right there with you and if you can see this, you can see that looking around outside yourself is not going find you anything. Instead get his picture out and look in the mirror.
Find the features you share with him. Your eyebrows, your mouth, the curl in your hair or whatever it is. Seeeee him in yourself and work to integrate the fact he is always with you because once you do this, you will be in a whole new land and probably much happier. Good luck.
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4
Murderous Thoughts, Emotional Crisis, Caustic Comments: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
Bloody murderous thoughts / depressive reminiscences about my partner of 8 years - major emotional crisis, seems to go on forever - can’t reach a ‘happy medium’ for more than a day, fighting or arguing all the time or exchanging caustic comments ’bout each other. Long for the past when we were so madly in love……..
Double Leo
England
Dear Leo,
You sound like an addict and I am not trying to be insulting, I am trying to help you. Because you are killing your love here, a propensity shown in your chart courtesy your Venus Pluto conjunction and if you don’t stop this immediately and refocus on healing I am sure you will kill this love and then what? Chew your arm off?
The addictive tendency is also shown in your chart courtesy the Neptune squares… so what are you going to do here? Are you going to clean up your act or yearn for a situation where your act is cleaned up?
You have the power (in spades) to turn this around. It’s simple. Shut the hell up with your nasty comments. Protect your relationship (also Venus Pluto) by getting a therapist and yelling at him or her for a change while you get to the bottom of your problem here because judging by your last sentence there… I think you were far happier in love than you are in hate.
Good luck.
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12
Capricorn Woman Dating, In Love With Older Scorpio Man: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
I’m currently dating an older Scorpio man and feel as if I am in love for the very first time… truly in love. We communicate very well, have similar interests and ideas, and are intimate in a way I have never experienced. It feels so good and so right, yet I am having a hard time understanding him emotionally. He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and all that, but sometimes I wonder about him. He gets really moody and acts rather cold to me sometimes for no good reason. I am five years younger and lack the same sorts of sexual and dating experiences and this sort of intimidates me.
The other night I went to a bar that had wi-fi so that I could take care of some classwork for an internet course I am taking. I sat in a booth by myself and only went so far as to order a beer from the bartender. It was a slow and quiet night and I was merely there for business. When I got home, he was asleep. The next morning, he woke up in one of his moods and said that when I came home and got in bed, I smelled like another man. I told him that was silly because I wasn’t near a man at all. I know what I did while I was there and felt very offended that he would make any sort of accusation. He kind of made me feel as if I did something wrong, but I know for a fact that I did not. I don’t understand him at all.
He’s also very private. He gets phone calls from people all the time and goes places while I am school. I ask him casually, where are you going? or what are you doing? and he says “none of your business.” I have called him out on his behavior, telling him I don’t mind that he’s going, but would at least like to be respected enough to receive a polite or cordial answer.
It seems to odd to me that whenever I am in a sort of depressive slump, he completely ignores me when I say it has nothing at all to do with him, but he always says stuff like “Do you still love me? I don’t feel that you want to be with me” or “you act like you don’t like me?”
How exactly should I be responding to him? I have no doubt in my mind that I love him and want to spend my life with him, but I am really tired of having to clarify myself over and over again. I’m always afraid that he’s going to start looking elsewhere because things aren’t just right at the moment. I don’t know what to do about him and would appreciate any advice.
Capricorn
United States
Dear Capricorn,
I am very sorry but this sounds ominous to me and nothing but. And I appreciate your feelings. I know how deep Scorpio can set a hook but based on what you report… well it makes my hair stand on end.
Now here’s the astrology, or at least a taste of it. He is 5 years older than you but it’s a very important gap astrologically because he is post his Saturn return, while you are heading into yours. In English, this means his character is formed while yours is still under construction. So let’s look at his character because guess what? At this age, WYSIWYG.
He is clearly emotionally manipulative. He keeps secrets, makes unfounded accusations, withdraws, broods and he is emotionally needy. I appreciate the idea he can communicate and connect sexually, but so you can you!
Now you may not believe me short term but I bet you this guy will escalate… everything. More accusations, longer periods of withdrawal and so on. You’re tough so you can hang in as long as you can stand but I’d say the odds are low you are going to teach or train his man in any way because he’s just not interested. He’s got his game. He’s defined it and it’s called “torture and manipulate the woman”.
The reason you don’t understand him emotionally because he doesn’t want you to understand him emotionally, this is how he keeps you off your game. You state you are afraid he is going to leave you and this is exactly how he wants you to feel because it is the weak (powerless) position. Stick around for more evidence if you want but please make like a Capricorn while you’re at it. Have an escape plan because I think you’re going to need one.
Good luck.
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3
Leo Woman Has Affair With Married Scorpio Man, Wonders If She Is Being Played: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
I worked with a Scorpio man for 7.5 years and couldn’t stand him! I made friendly peace, then he flirted with me and I was GONE. This is very bad, he’s married. Arranged marriage, not happy but still bad.
Anyway we had lots of hot phone talk, made plans, I kept putting him off and then mistakenly hurt him, apologized, wrote a hot and heavy letter about how much I wanted him, we made plans again. But he never came through. He just played me for weeks like a cat and his mouse until I finally said forget it to him I can’t do this anymore.
This whole thing with us was only supposed to be about sex, but it has become more than that for me and I did tell him not long ago that he had my heart. Now yesterday I spoke with him briefly over the phone at work and he told me I love you. Wouldn’t let me off the phone till I said it back. I’m totally confused and can’t figure out if he’s playing me, lying, entertaining himself? I do love him and I don’t know what to do. Please help with some advice. I care enough about him to put my lioness on the back burner!!
Leo Woman
United States
Dear Leo,
Reading your post was surreal. Of course he is playing games and entertaining himself! But what do you think you’re doing? You’re playing games and entertaining yourself! You are playing the kind of games where people wind up hurt and do you expect us to believe you don’t know this?
You may as well be someone who slaps their kid 100 times and then wonders why their face is bruised. Cause and affect for Godsakes. If you pour gas on yourself and walk into a fire, you will be burned. And once you’ve done this you are not going to be able to say, hey wait a minute! New game. I want to be an unburned maiden now.
With Jupiter conjunct your Sun in Leo, you have an inflated ego. You also like to play. You have Mars in Scorpio conjunct Neptune… you love to seduce and sneak around but jeez man. Stop with the complaining when the bill comes due.
You have Venus conjunct Pluto in Virgo as well. Virgo the maiden spoiled by the nasty Scorpio. Come on now. You set this whole thing up. You are no more his pawn than he is yours and if you don’t like the game, then quit playing it.
Good luck.
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5
24 Years Old And Never Been Loved: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
I am having a bit of a crisis with what I want and with what I outwardly project. I feel like I’m a fairly happy individual, except when I think about love. You see I’ve never been in love or in a real relationship. When I was in high school, the guys never presented much of a challenge so I wasn’t interested in the whole teenage f***athons (screwing whoever you could get your hands on).
Then when I went off to college, the men that pursued me or found me attractive were men I couldn’t have a relationship with (they were off limits). I kept telling myself I was too busy to focus on relationships and school at the same time (and there were also very few men who caught my interest). Finally, I met someone that really made me want to let my guard down, sparked me intellectually, emotionally and physically. But then he moved abroad, and I died inside because I finally let someone see my vulnerabilities and in the end whole thing was just aborted, the death of a potential is the worst.
I find that men like to look at and play with pretty things, but nothing that takes time to actually figure out and put together (except if it’s an electronic appliance). And I can’t accept being played with then discarded. And now I’m in a graduate program with plenty of men. A fellow graduate student (male) says I can have any guy I want: he say I have the body, the looks, and the brains to attract anyone. But I don’t see myself the way he sees me. I feel physically awkward, socially reticent, and mentally reclusive. Add to that a strict and demanding upbringing, and I have a whole value system that I want to shrug off but I can’t.
So you see, I’m mentally promiscuous, and physically disciplined. Sex to me is not a physical act: it really comprises everything I do. All energy is sex energy to me, I was aware of this when I was a child. But I was made to feel so ashamed of it. And now I just feel like I want to die, then be stuck in this sexual vacuum. Perhaps, I’m asexual because all the women I known who are single are desperately trying to pair off and here I’m having gone through life without ever being in one and the sad thing is I could probably be writing you 5 years from now with the same complaint. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, love seems so accessible to everyone, relationships so common, so easy to enter into and out of for everyone around me. Perhaps I’m just not meant to experience the common denominators of life: love, relationships, true intimacy. I want these things and yet they bypass me or I them and I can’t figure out whats wrong. Maybe my chart isn’t a very sexual one. Maybe I internalized sex so much, that I have physically stunted my sexuality. Perhaps I radiate a persona that repulses others and makes them want to keep their distance. Or perhaps I’m so sexually messed up, that the universe has intervened and is keeping me from entering into relationships because I lack what it takes to make it work….
Loveless
USSR
Dear Loveless,
You are awfully hard on yourself, a tendency that shows up on your chart. There is also clear validation of what other people have asserted; you can definitely attract a partner.
But I agree with you. You will absolutely be able to write this same letter in five years (and then some) if you do not make a fundamental change in the way you view both yourself and others. What you need is a new story (Jupiter) and luckily (Jupiter) you have Jupiter in Sagittarius and alternative perspectives are your stock in trade.
And if you doubt this, just re-read your post. You are nearly purely pontificating and while your sermon may be true (more Jupiter), it is disastrous to your personal life and therefore against the will of the universe as far as I am concerned.
Because rather than looking down, you could be lifting up and with a Pisces Moon supported by Jupiter in Sagittarius I think this would be a much better expression of your energy than anything that smacks of victimhood.
If you change your story, you will change your life.
Good luck.
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26
Pisces Man Leaves Aquarian Woman - She Wants Him Back: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
I know it takes a lot of courage for a Pisces man to break up with someone. Even though he told me that he still cares a lot about me, I know it’s just to make it seem less difficult - or maybe he’s trying to make himself feel better.
Either way, he just told me he has all these fantasies about love and how it would be filled with “butterflies.” I understand that Pisces are about the imaginative things but butterflies?
I believe that we can get anything/anyone we want in life with the right approach. How do I get him to come back?
Faithful Aquarius
Thailand
Dear Aquarius,
You can get anything or anyone you want in life? I am afraid I disagree with you. There are legions of people out there who have lost a friend or a lover, wished for and wanted them back… and failed to have this manifest. The other person has something to say about it.. The other person has free will and as an Aquarian, you should inherently understand this. That people are going to do what they want, that is.
This guy apparently wants to fantasize about butterflies. He might like to see them flying around his beloved’s head… or perhaps they are in his stomach, I don’t know. But he does not want to be in a relationship with you, at least not the one you imagine.
Now here’s a tip: you have Venus and Mars in Aries. You also have planets in Capricorn, Saturn in the first and you wish to control things, especially others. So now you want to get this guy to do something, and I would not be the least bit surprised if this were at the root of why you lost him in the first place.
People don’t like to be controlled and manipulated (Pluto in Scorpio in aspect to Venus and Mars) so when they meet someone controlling and manipulative, they tend to make like a butterfly and fly away.
Good luck.
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