Dear Aries,

I feel very sorry for you because with 5 planets in Aries all ruled by Mars in Aquarius, I am sure that patience is not a strong suit. However this is the dismal situation for people like you (and I am one of them). We can’t just leave! We think we can and we wish and hope that this is the case but what we find out is you can’t get out until you get out and I can tell you right now if that time had come you would not be asking me what to do, you would already be long gone. This said, it does not mean you have to stay with a man who is sleeping with another woman and if that does not make sense to you, I’ll explain.

You can leave. You can get your own place and you probably should. You can tell him not to contact you until he has come to decision and you should probably do that as well. Just don’t mistake this for being “out” of this relationship because that will not be the case.

You have a long history with this man and you have his baby growing inside your body so you are nowhere near done but yeah. If I were you I would get my own place, take some space for sure. And quit fighting with him while you’re at it. Believe it or not, he will probably miss that… as no one spends 10 years with 5 planets in Aries and doesn’t like the heat.

Good luck.

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Dear Teenager,

Reading your story and looking at the five planets in Capricorn and the Moon in your chart I am going to assume you’ve had a very rough start in this life and I have a lot of empathy for you.

Now you sound like a kind and responsible person. You don’t want to hurt your husband but on the other hand I don’t think it is fair you be held to a life decision you made when you were 14 years old.

And you are probably afraid as well. Afraid of everything, that is which is okay. It is normal. I know I would be scared to death if I were you. If you do this, then that. If you do that, then this. However the universe is forcing your hand.

The universe is forcing your hand in the form of a Pluto transit to your Venus in Capricorn. This transit virtually guarantees change in your relationship status so I would do what Capricorn does best… plan and execute slowly.

If you are afraid to talk to your husband today, then don’t talk to him today. Start by committing to talk to him as soon as you get your nerve up and then look at what steps you can take each day that will move you closer to where you want to be.

For example, how will you support yourself (and your child / children if you have them)? If you need training, get it. I am thinking if you start taking the steps like this, you will in effect be committing to your eventual independence and considering you are a Sagittarian, eventually you will blurt the truth to your husband in a way that is natural.

For what it is worth, I have a lot of faith in you. Although you have and had had a very hard row I am sure you will land on your feet and I promise you life will get sweeter as you go.

Much love and good luck.

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Dear Wife,

I don’t blame you for not trusting your husband because he has been lying and with a stellium in Sagittarius, the truth and your spiritual beliefs are very important to you. You sound very clearheaded about who you are, how you feel and what kind of parent you want to be - so let that sink in. It will help lead you to a decision.

Though “addiction” may be overstating the situation, it is clear your husband is repeating a pattern that existed before you came into his life. This shows that without a doubt his porn use has nothing to do with you or your desirability although we know he likes to place blame. Let that sink in as well.

Now you know I can’t make this call for you but with all your Sagittarius you have an innate eye on the future and I think you can see what is coming if no change is made. Unfortunately your husband is the one who has got to change and this is not likely at least in the near term when his main way of addressing this is to lie, deny and make counter allegations.

That’s a pretty solid position by the way. It’s a very strong defense and I do not think you will be able to defeat it without some kind of intervention. A therapist for example or maybe someone from your church. And considering you have a baby on the way I surely wouldn’t break up your family without taking this step. And I know there are people who would say that your husband has the right to look at all the porn he wants and this is true. But you have rights as well. You have the right to be in a relationship that supports your self esteem and you have the right to raise your daughter in an environment you think is appropriate and you definitely have the right to a husband who does not lie to you.

I would also add, the fact he told you he didn’t love his ex-wife and this is why he used porn plays here. Since he still uses porn, you must wonder how he feels about you and this probably exacerbates your bad feelings. If you go back up and read what he said to you… every time he looks at porn he is sending you a subconscious message that he does not love you and is not attracted to you. I am not sure this is actually the case so just be aware what is being triggered here.

Good luck.

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Dear Wife,

I feel very sorry for you and wish I had some magic remedy but I think you’ve got this situation figured correctly except for the idea this other woman is your husband’s true love. She may be, but it is more likely they are making you (and her husband) pay - and I mean pay in spades - for your affair.

In fact, the chances are if you were to pull out and walk away, their relationship would crumple as it would have outlived its usefulness, which is to punish you for as long as you allow.

Now this does not excuse you. You are absolutely culpable for the state of your marriage however I see no reason to berate you because you have already been and continue to be punished by the universe, the powers that be or whatever you want to call it, by this little thing called, “reality”.

Reality is a Saturn concept and with Saturn in Virgo set to transit your Venus in Gemini and Moon Jupiter in Pisces you can expect to become more and more aware of reality over the next year which will be a curse… and a gift.

A gift because you state you are falling apart. Well, you will not be allowed to fall apart during a Saturn transit. You will be pressured to act as an adult and take responsibility for your emotions, your beliefs and your actions in relationships which is exactly what you are doing. And that’s it. From here you just keep doing what you are doing - doing the right thing while letting your faith support you.

You have an innate knowing that things turn out for the best, so keep that in mind. Hold that perspective as you go through this process, which does look to be grueling and protracted - but hey. Is there any other way? There is not, and one more thing:

On your friends telling you to leave, never mind them. You will leave when and if you leave on your own terms, under your own conditions and on your own timetable. This is another Saturn lesson, see? Boundaries. I get so sick of people telling other people what to do. They don’t have to live with the result, you do. So make your own decision and take your time to do this because when Saturn is around, slow and careful beats impulsive action every time.

Good luck.

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Dear Mom,

Yes there is something in your chart that explains this. You have Uranus (experiment) in Scorpio (sex) square a 10th house (conservative) Sun in Leo (who me, the Queen?), and that’s just for starters. Your chart is full of this contradiction, so what to do?

Well first, a new frame will help. Quit calling yourself “dual-natured”. You’re no Gemini. What you are is an upstanding citizen with a wild streak. See? All one person. But one person who judges themselves rather than accepting themselves and here’s how to fix that:

You know how when you go to the eye doctor, they show you two images and you are supposed to merge them together? Overlay them? This is your task. Because there is such a thing as a mother who loves sex. There better be because if not, then what am I?

As to your husband, if he is completely unaware of your proclivities, I would slowly introduce yourself to him. I am sure the thought is terrifying but much less frightening then living a dual life when you’re one person. And here’s some reassurance:

People don’t meet by mistake. I doubt your husband freaks out especially if you are sensitive about how you go about this. Matter of fact, the way you are living now: part of being ‘wonderful” means he has to hold up your fa§ade and while this may seem okay on the surface, on a deeper level it is oppressive to him, I am sure.

So bottom line, I think relief lies in merging the two personas rather than trying to balance, which is what you’ve been attempting.

Good luck.

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Dear Pisces,

I imagine most who read this will think the same thing I do, that you are going to fare no better in a different relationship. And considering your first point is that you love your husband, I would just forget all ideas of leaving him and commit instead to fixing this - which most definitely means fixing yourself.

Astrology supports this in the fact that your chart is enormously challenging. And understanding that you will constellate these problems with anyone, anywhere, this is exactly what I would do: I would get a therapist and let the games begin.

Point is that if you play this out in therapy, it will take the take some the pressure off your husband and your marriage and give you a fighting chance. Because as it stands, the two of you in a vacuum are doing nothing but consuming each other.

I also want to mention that most of your chart is in the mutable signs and with Saturn going into Virgo, you are looking at 2 1/2 years of hard labor. You’re just going to be pressured to take responsibility for your behavior, but first you have to see the behavior and going to therapy will facilitate this. If you find yourself having the same issues with your therapist that you have with your husband, then it must be you and you can get to work on what’s dogging you. And I am not trying to make you feel bad. Just would like to see you find your way out of this and can’t see that happening without outside support.

Good luck.

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Dear Bereft,

Do you realize you have been writing me with this same problem for last five years? It’s the same husband, same wife and same dynamic. It is the same list of good vs evil and the same lack of resolution due the extreme indecisiveness on the part of both parties. The only thing that changes is how you sign your name. Basically you have morphed from “Unsure” to “Bereft” so that’s notable.

As to the problem in your case, it’s your Moon conjunct Pluto in Libra opposing your planets in Aries and you simply can’t decide (Libra) whether to think of yourself (Aries) or your partner and family (Moon in Libra). And your question is, “Do I have to live the rest of my life like this?” The answer is no, of course. But I do think it’s going to take an act of God to separate the two of you and one may well be coming.

Pluto will hit Capricorn in January of 2008 and aspect your half your chart and it’s safe to say this will put an end to the status quo. Thing is it’s not going to be due some small shift or new way of seeing things. You are looking at something more drastic and I don’t mean to scare you because this does not mean “bad”. It means “good” because like you say, you really don’t want to live the rest of your life this, right?

Good luck.

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Dear Perplexed.

You think you’re perplexed? You ought to be me reading your post. I was thinking, how can this woman put up with this?

So I put up your chart and could see at least a hundred reasons. And obviously outlining them is beyond the scope of this blog. So rather than worry about trying to untangle what all is driving you, I’ll just give you my read on this.

It seems to me your boyfriend is obsessed and carrying a torch for his ex. If that is true, there is no way in the world you should marry him under these circumstances. I don’t even think you should date him. You know. Call me when you take down the shrine, dipshit!

Second, I would pay mind to the way his friends are reacting. It’s not good. It seems they strongly suspect he is careening ‘round the track in his car, destined to crash and they are probably right.

Last, the mother. Look out! Mothers tend to know their sons and I am sure this one knows her son is in love with the other woman… or with the memory/hologram of her. That she is rushing to get you a ring scares the hell out of me because I think you are being used.

Are you supposed to be the duct tape that holds her son together? Are you supposed to be the barrier that prevents her son getting back with his ex? These things are scary.

I see and appreciate the fact you want to keep your ego under control, etc. But I don’t think you are reading your Pluto transit correctly. In the simplest terms, I think what you’ve got here is a shadow side to your love and it’s (Jupiter) enormous.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Wife,

I feel for you. This is about as clear as mud and your husband appears to have lost his mind. Here’s what I can tell you from astrology:

Your husband has five planets in Libra and apparently he really cannot decide. The funny part is that he’s not the one that is going to get to decide. Because he can’t decide, you are going to decide and it sounds as if you already have. You aren’t sharing him and I don’t blame you. So here’s the reality of the situation:

You husband is pinned to the pat. You can just imagine him tacked up on a dart board because that’s where he is. He’s impotent in the situation and his chart reflects this. Won’t or can’t, indeed. He is powerless and don’t you forget it.

You, on the other hand, are mobile. And it doesn’t matter if he is too disabled to figure out where the lines go and draw them; you are suffering no such impairment. And although I realize this is gross… I don’t think you have a choice but to send your husband to this other woman. Why? Because he won’t let her go! And that’s not okay with you, remember?

And I would also point out he is asking for this situation to occur. “If it doesn’t work out with you…” He is making sure it doesn’t work out with you by keeping the other woman in his life, wouldn’t you say? And can you stop that? You can’t. So it only leaves you this one option. Let him go try to “make it work” as he says. And you know what?

I bet it doesn’t work very well! Because your husband is generally very responsible as I am sure you know. And his daughter is going to be saying, “Hey dad, what the hell?” which is a very good question. So I think you’ve got a good chance to save your marriage but not unless you make a decision for him because remember? He can’t do it.

One more thing….

Your husband has no transits indicating divorce. He’s on the dartboard, remember? I’m not kidding about that. He is going nowhere. You on the other hand have all the energy. You are the one with the heavy duty transits and I’ll tell you what that means.

It means if you leave him, then he will be left - not the other way around. It means if he leaves you and goes to her, he will still be on the dart board. He will accomplish nothing, but you will be infused with energy.

I hope you get this and on the chance it helps let me spell it out one more time in the plainest language I know:

You - Hard on
Him - Flaccid

You win.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Scorpio,

There is no way I can make this decision for you or even offer an opinion. But I can perhaps give some clarity and that might help.

First, I cannot tell which man you love by reading this. And rather than write you back and ask for clarification, I left it this way because I think it’s important. Being drawn to someone is not love, is it? But on the other hand, you plainly state you want to leave your marriage so it does not sound as if you love him either. So considering this, the Cancer comes out on top, so let’s talk about him.

He doesn’t want you. And I don’t say that to hurt you. I am trying to help you and it’s very simple. When a man tells you to stay with another man, it means they don’t want you even if they couch in terms like “because of your kids”. That sounds like a Cancer MO to me. He’s so sensitive. He’s so innocent. But he’s leaving out all kinds of things, isn’t he? Things like that he got in your marriage in the first place.

So here’s your deal: you have a husband and a family which presumably you can turn your attention back towards. Alternately you can divorce and look for another relationship but I don’t think you are going to come up with anything better than what you’ve got without some serious soul-searching.

The option that is not open to you is the Cancer man, and I hope realizing this leads nearer the exit of this labyrinth you’re caught in.

Oh! And as for your husband’s disclosure, his timing was lousy. But fact is, that was a positive development.

I am very sorry for your loss. Good luck.

~~
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