4
Murderous Thoughts, Emotional Crisis, Caustic Comments: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
Bloody murderous thoughts / depressive reminiscences about my partner of 8 years - major emotional crisis, seems to go on forever - can’t reach a ‘happy medium’ for more than a day, fighting or arguing all the time or exchanging caustic comments ’bout each other. Long for the past when we were so madly in love……..
Double Leo
England
Dear Leo,
You sound like an addict and I am not trying to be insulting, I am trying to help you. Because you are killing your love here, a propensity shown in your chart courtesy your Venus Pluto conjunction and if you don’t stop this immediately and refocus on healing I am sure you will kill this love and then what? Chew your arm off?
The addictive tendency is also shown in your chart courtesy the Neptune squares… so what are you going to do here? Are you going to clean up your act or yearn for a situation where your act is cleaned up?
You have the power (in spades) to turn this around. It’s simple. Shut the hell up with your nasty comments. Protect your relationship (also Venus Pluto) by getting a therapist and yelling at him or her for a change while you get to the bottom of your problem here because judging by your last sentence there… I think you were far happier in love than you are in hate.
Good luck.
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21
Her Boyfriend Says He Is Confused - Pluto Transit: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
My boyfriend and I are taking time apart because he’s confused. He’s not sure if he’s in love with me and wants to get married. He loves me more than a friend. He wants me in his life always but I told him if you decide that you aren’t in love with me and don’t want to be with me again, then we would have to cut off all contact. I love him very much.
He does tell me he loves me back and misses me but that’s not what the time apart is about. He’s very confused and for the past 2 months, we haven’t had sex. It’s only been a few days since we’re are taking time apart but I am miserable without him
Double Libra
United States
Dear Libra,
I am very sorry you are hurting but I don’t think this man is confused and I can’t imagine he is coming back. What he is doing cutting you off and waiting for you to figure it out. He may be telling himself he does not want to hurt you but his game is cruel - and I strongly suggest you not only stop waiting on him and his supposed confusion, but that you cut all contact so you can cry your tears and begin to heal.
As for the astrology, you have five planets in Libra and besides your Saturn return coming up, you are facing a Pluto transit that will last for the next 15 years. Translated, you are heading into a very demanding time where losses like this will become a way of life. It is very important you learn to let go of what is not viable (what is dead) and this relationship is an introduction to this. In other words, your relationship with this guy is over. What you have is a corpse so walk away and pay attention when you do. Force yourself to be conscious of what you are doing (choosing to leave the dead thing) - This will help you.
Again, I am very sorry. Much love and good luck.
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20
Aquarius Woman “Building Strong Relationshp” With Gemini Man
Dear Elsa,
I was dating my Gemini boyfriend for 10 months when we went on a trip to visit some old friends. While there - my ex contacted me and was texting me when my boyfriend walked up. My first mistake was trying to hide it from him - which only angered and confused him, as we were in the process of building a strong relationship.
Later that night, we were all up at a party hanging out and after consuming way too much alcohol - he slept with a random girl that was at the party. He immediately stumbled and told me and we left the vacation. I dropped him off at his house and he called everyone of my friends the next day to apologize for his actions and to take full responsibility. He also called his sister to inform her that he made a mistake and did this out of anger, insecurity, and drunkenness.
We spent a couple of long months in counseling with the church and finally started to relax again around one another. We have had a few blips along this road - stemming from my insecurities and his guilt - but we love each other and want to get past this dark time in our lives. I tell you all that because we are now engaged. I feel like we are strong and solid, otherwise I wouldn’t have said yes. However, like any human, there is a little doubt in the back of my mind — wondering of the past.
Any advice? I would greatly appreciate it.
Motivated In Love
United States
Dear Motivated,
Yes I have advice. Slow down. Slow way, way, down and I don’t mean this in a way that is condescending. And I don’t mean it as if “she’s going to grow up or out of this… or the relationship is going end sort of way.” I mean it as an astrologer looking at your chart. Slow down in love because this is the speed that is organic to you.
Now I don’t care if you are 25 years old. You have Venus in Capricorn and Saturn tied with Mars and your 7th house and this love thing is serious business to you. Your email reflects this and I think that’s a wholly positive sign - so what I would encourage you to do is get even more on your game via self awareness.
Aquarius Sun aside, be aware that when it comes to love, you are a like a wobbly kneed mountain goat trying to reach the heights. And for a skinny-legged goat to manage this, there is no choice but to move slowly and carefully up the side of the mountain. And when you get to certain points… well you might want to take a rest, plot your moves before taking the next step so you can have a sure foot. This is your game and there is nothing wrong with it.
So that’s my advice. Go forward, absolutely. Don’t dare give into the fear but make your moves only when you real reasonably sure it is safe, understanding that for you what is ‘reasonably safe” is probably ultra-safe and bullet proof for most. 
Good luck.
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5
She Found (And Lost) True Love At A Young Age: Moon, Venus, Black Moon Lilith in Pisces
Oh, Elsa
I am so at the end of my wits that I am writing someone I do not even know. I have experienced true love at a young age (18 to 22) with someone I hurt enough to drive them to leave me. After the break up, I reflected and grieved and cried and laughed and realized there was no one in the world that could affect me like he did.
Problem was, after 2 years of complete loyalty, not obsession, after 2 years of being happy by myself and self improvement, spiritual awakening, etc… he still did not trust me and himself to get back together.
So I moved on. Moved half a country away. Kept in touch. Then did not. Met someone else that treats me like gold and loves me as much as I loved my soul mate. I am now with a wonderful man that wants to worship me, have babies with me, marry me, spend time with me and simply adore me … but he’s not my ex.
I need to know if my thoughts, that randomly come up about my ex, are still warranted. I know we had a rare bond… but, now, 2 years from now, 5 years from now… say we got back together… would we be able to beat the odds that seem to be stacked against us, self inflicted or not? Or should I let go of all thoughts, and want, and yearning and focus on my current relationship that is solid and loving yet still seems nowhere close to the degrees of passion that I have experienced prior?
Thank you,
Still Wondering
Romania
Dear Wondering,
Some might say you got what you deserved but I feel very sorry for you because it’s obvious you are deeply pained. I also feel sorry for your current man because he is in love with a woman who is in love with another man. But mostly I feel sorry for you because 18, 19, 20, etc. is way too young to expect a person to recognize, appreciate and manage real love and there is no pain in the world like losing your true partner. I am very sorry and I will answer your specific questions the best I can.
On judging the thoughts of your ex that come to you, don’t bother. This is out of your control. You have your Moon, Venus and the Black Moon Lilith conjunct in Pisces and square Uranus and there is no way you’re going to be able to repress that. The yearning (Pisces) is part of your nature as is the random eruptions (Uranus). You’d be better off to accept the fact you’re going to feel and think about this guy for the rest of your life.
On the question of you and your ex beating the odds, I would vote thumbs up on that because I believe true love is unstoppable.
On the idea of letting go the yearning, by all means do so. Just don’t be surprised when it comes back the next day, the next week… etc.
I wish I had a magic solution for you but I am afraid this is your nature. I would not marry and have babies with someone I did not love. No one deserves that. And don’t get to thinking this man who wants to marry you is this only other option out there because this world is vast.
Much love and good luck.
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14
Am I Destined To Be Unloved? Venus In Scorpio Square Saturn Ruling The 7th House
Dear Elsa,
I am constantly being disappointed in love. The men whom I could love simply don’t love me back. The only guy who ever stuck around for me was the one I wasn’t in love with. When I was a child my father rejected me, and ever since then the same thing has been happening with the men that I care for.
I fall for hypnotic, charismatic men who know how to influence their surroundings. They are capable of deep and powerful love. Unfortunately, I am never the person who receives it. To make it worse, two men I fell for are now madly in love with the same woman, who is ten years older than me. At the same time, after all this time I still don’t feel like I’ve met the person who can truly sweep me off my feet.
In other areas of my life I am independent and in charge, but in love I just feel like a victim. I’m starting to believe I have this terrible deep inadequacy that can never be erased. I need a lover who is as strong as I am, but my partners never seem to recognize my best qualities. What can I do? Am I simply destined to be unloved?
Unloved
United Kingdom
Dear Unloved,
I don’t believe anyone is destined to be unloved, but I know for sure that loves comes easier to some than others. And with Saturn ruling your 7th house and Venus in Scorpio square Saturn, you are clearly one of the others and for that I am sorry and I will try to help.
Saturn tied to Venus delays love in most cases, and if you read around you’ll be told that love comes later in life but I’d say there is no such guarantee. Love comes later in life to those willing to work for it. And I am sorry but this is just a fact and thinking otherwise is sort of like believing we all get rich in the end. Er… no we don’t!
So yes, Venus Saturn can love and be loved but you have to accept the conditions which most people just will not do. And I don’t mean to make this about me but I am going to use my personal life to illustrate this because I can’t see any other way to offer you something of substance that might actually help.
I don’t know if you read my blog regularly but I have a great love with a man I call the soldier. And our relationship is basically impossible. We are constantly thwarted. We are pounded in every way you can possibly imagine. With Saturn highly emphasized in both the synastry (aspects between charts) and the composite, we are delayed, screwed, blued and tattooed on a routine basis but we love each other and we hang in.
And we have found that by accepting the conditions and the limitations, the universe does support the relationship, but hey! No whining. No whining when sometimes weeks pass and we can’t see each other. No whining because other couples have it easier than we do. No whining even though we are pretty sure it will probably be years before we can actually be together. Getting the idea? Who would sign up for this?
Well you would if you were smart. Because the love is real and it is deep and with a chart like yours anything less well never satisfy. So here’s the point:
Forget the love that other people have because it has nothing to do with you. Be willing to redefine what it is you think you want because as you have noticed you’re not getting it. If you are consistently denied what you want, it might be productive to want something else.
For example, I want convenience! I want a man who lives right down the street who loves me like the man who does not live right down the street. And I want this new hologram man to be of the same quality of the man who comes with all the challenges and guess what? Too bad! That man does not exist. So I can pine for this thing that doesn’t exist or I can live in reality, yes? And you can do the same.
Ask the universe to send you a real love, not a fantasy love. Ask for something singular and hand-picked to challenge you. Then commit to doing absolutely whatever it takes to feed and maintain the relationship. And accept that pain is part of the deal. With a chart like yours, relationship at times will be absolutely grueling. You will be made to face your fear when you are scared to death but I can tell you firsthand the reward is in proportion.
What you’re doing is working the deprivation side of Saturn. No love is safe, see? No love = control. You’re going to have to work much, much harder. Believe it or not you’re shirking your duties here. It is much easier to say I don’t have or I will never get, then it is to go out and work for it.
And I am sorry but if I wrote this any other way this would have been crap for your purposes. La la la, you’ll find love late in life just isn’t going to cut it. The love is there, you’re just going to have to swim upstream to get it but here’s the trick: if you decide to do this you will find it exhilarating and incredibly satisfying. It’s the difference between working for your money and being handed it. Which of those experiences do you think is peak? Come to recognize you’ve got no interest in tutti-fruitti easy-peasy light-fare love and you’ll be on your way.
Good luck.
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7
Loss Of Relationship: Saturn Transit To Leo Moon
Dear Elsa,
I have recently broken up with my boyfriend whom I truly believed I would marry one day. We had a wonderful relationship; however, we began to fight and miscommunicate until he called it quits. I am shocked and devastated. I also greatly realize the mistakes I made during our time together, for which I am hurting badly.
In the three weeks we have been apart, I have been looking deeply into myself. I have discovered that Saturn is in conjunction with my moon, which apparently is a time of great self-criticism. I realize that is could be a good thing in the end, that I will grow and learn from this time. However, I am confused about a couple of things.
Is this influence a karmic thing? Does it mean this break up is punishment for my mistakes? I realize I need to change things for myself, but I never intended to hurt my boyfriend in the time I was with him, and was truly loving of him. I understand what this influence means, but I’m not sure why it has occurred.
Any help you can offer would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
Thankfully,
Heart-broken and Learning
Australia
Dear Learning,
I am very sorry for your loss. Your pain is palpable and I will try to help. First, a Saturn transit to the Moon (your Venus is also involved) is one of the most challenging transits particularly for the young and you are just 23. And I don’t think it’s helpful for you to think in terms of karma and punishment. It is clear you are suffering and at this point, you want to work to feel better not worse. And though this will also be challenging, it can be done.
Essentially what you are doing is grieving, which is a process. And having identified all your shortcomings (ouch), it is now time to shift your focus away from that and try to move towards acceptance. Accept the loss. Accept the price you paid - but instead of going backward and beating yourself up, try to focus on the future and figure out how you are going to incorporate what you’ve learned.
This can take the form (Saturn) of making a commitment (Saturn) to never again perpetrate whatever it was you did. Commit to doing “the right thing” in relationships. Commit to acting as an adult (Saturn) and you can even go as far as being grateful you have learned these lessons now, because you know what?
There are people 10 and even 20 years older than you, still acting the fool.
Much love and good luck.
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31
Will Her Boyfriend’s Parents Judge Her Because She Is Divorced With Children? Venus in the 10th House Trine Jupiter
Dear Elsa,
I am currently in a relationship with an Egyptian guy, and he seems to be very much in love with me. He wants to settle down but he has to make his parents aware of our relationship and in a way seek their consent.
I have been married and divorced and have 2 kids. He is aware of this and still wants to move forward with our relationship. My fear is that he will somehow be convinced by his parents that I am not the one for him considering the fact that I have been married. He on the other hand has never been married.
Am I wrong in thinking that he is different from all the others or am I going to end up hurt and alone?
Single Mother
South Africa
Dear Mother,
You’re scared and I understand why but no I don’t think you are going to wind up hurt and alone. Venus is well aspected and elevated in your chart. It is also trine Jupiter (love from a foreigner) so I can easily see this working out. However your concern is really only the tip of an iceberg that I think you’d be well advised to address.
That is, you appear to be buying the idea that having been left by a man with your children, you are somehow damaged goods. In reality, it is just the opposite. You are a responsible person taking care of your children regardless and I feel you should hold your head high. And I am telling you unequivocally, with Venus in Leo the 10th house, if you do this you will command respect.
On the other hand if you hold your head down and buy this other story (a Jupiter word) about your value (Venus), you may just have a self-fulfilling prophesy on your hands so please…
Work to replace your fear with the confidence you earned. And if this man lets his family talk him out of his love… well he’s not the man for you, is he? Try not to worry. I think you are going to be all good one way or the other. And here’s another tip and Jupiter trick:
Change your perspective! Are you lowly because you’ve been married, or he is lowly because he hasn’t? See how this is?
With Venus in the 10th, you are prone to judging love. Instead seek (Jupiter) real (10th house) love (Venus) from the heart (Leo) and you’ll have no problems at all.
Much love and good luck.
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pictured: Venus and Mars with Cupid, BORDONE, Paris Bordone, 1559-60 Oil on canvas, 118 x 130,5 cm Galleria Doria-Pamphili, Rome
25
Capricorn Woman in Love With Serially Monogamous Pisces Man
Dear Elsa,
I’m deeply in love with a Pisces male. He has a pattern of being with women for about five to six months, then it’s over. I’ve known him for a year now. We are not together yet but since that year he’s been with 3 women, now he’s expressing his love for me and wants to be with me. I have watched him go through these woman but somehow it’s different for me. They are chasing him but he is chasing me. Should I expect the same? I truly believe he loves me and not those other women.
Capricorn Woman
United States
Dear Woman,
I hate scaring Capricorn but I have no choice but to suggest you take care with your heart because this doesn’t sound all that good.
First he’s got this pattern and although I appreciate it appears he is on a different track with you, I am skeptical. People only break patterns with great effort and if he loves you, what’s he doing with these other three women while you stand by and witness?
You also say you are not together “yet” which makes me wonder if you ever will be. See, you have Venus in Pisces which loves to pine and dream people up. You yearn for and believe in a fantasy love.
This tendency is massively enhanced by a square from Neptune in Sagittarius (that’s the belief part) squaring Venus. And although your feelings are inordinately real, I am not sure the potential for relationship and living happily ever after with this man exists in reality at all.
Time will tell and I very much hope I am wrong.
Good luck.
~~
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23
Aquarius Man Carries Torch For Aries Woman: Can He Win Her Back?
Elsa,
I’m an Aquarian man who is hopelessly in love with his ex-girlfriend, an Aries. We broke up over two years ago and we are both seeing other people… but I still love her dearly.
I’m not one for divination or tarot cards or astrology, but recently I have started reading into the zodiac and I was amazed at how much birth signs impact a person’s personality. When reading the attributes for my birth sign and my ex’s, it was surreal. Everything was almost dead on. If I had known this stuff years ago I would have been a far more considerate and loving boyfriend and would have chosen to work on the relationship instead of defiantly just letting it go.
I think about her all the time, and more than anything I wish that I could have one more chance with her. I would treat her the way she deserves: with love, respect, and support, instead of being such a narcissistic ass like I was. I would spend the rest of my life with her and not give it a second thought. I was too young to realize how much of an incredibly dynamic person she was and she had an indelible impact on my life.
I’m a very logical and methodical person, so this is very difficult for me to ask the advice of a complete stranger. I just wish someone would tell me something different than “forget her, just move on, things are different now…”
I love her a lot, and she still is cold to me and only wants to communicate via email - but even just writing to her made me feel amazing. What do you do when you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with a person who has moved on? I would do anything to get her back, and two years later I still dream about her. I m not psychotic, and I realize that I’m not the first person in history to feel this way, but I don’t want to give up. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and if it takes me fifteen years to get her back, then it was worth every second.
I would greatly appreciate your words.
Sincerely,
Aquarian Man
Canada
Dear Aquarian,
I’ve thought about this a lot and realize no can advise you because you don’t want actually want advice. You are running your own life which is appropriate and you sound utterly committed to loving this woman… indefinitely and regardless of any circumstance.
I am not going to tell you this is a bad idea because I don’t think it is. For one thing love is not an “idea”. Love is a feeling and if you love someone then you love them and that is all there is to it. And although there are any number of things you can do with the love, you feel it seems you know what you want to do with yours - you’re going to try to win this woman back. You have a commitment and with Saturn conjunct your Mars and square Venus in Capricorn, I don’t think anyone is going to dissuade you from goal!
I will say your chart shows hard karma when it comes to relationships, combined with a very idealistic vision of love. One manifestation of this would be to dream this girl up and then be deprived of her, which describes your current situation. But I can’t say it could not be possible; you could create a dream partnership with this girl through commitment to making a sustained effort, because for all I know you can. And though I am not sure I know any better than you do how to win this girl back, I will offer this:
Aries needs a challenge. So if you are slobbering on this girl’s doorstep she is not going to be moved, except in the other direction. So if what you’re doing is not working and it sounds as if it is not, I would seriously (Saturn word) consider pulling my horns in and waiting/seeing if she comes to you, even if this takes 15 years. Because if you can’t get her to come to you, then you can’t get her.
Good luck.
~~
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3
Gay Man In Love With Gay Man Who Is Heterosexual? Leo Sun, Moon, Rising
Dear Elsa,
I am a divorced father who came out of the closet about 2 years ago. Over the past year, a co-worker who is about 10 years younger quickly became my best friend and moved in with me. We had sexual encounters almost immediately upon getting to know each other well and I soon developed very strong feelings for him.
We have been there for each other during some very difficult times and we have had some very passionate sex, the most passionate I’ve ever had. He has told me that he loves me, but like a brother. He told me not to fall in love with him because he isn’t gay. Now if I even look at him, he thinks it’s sexual and gets very upset. Admittedly, I want him more than anything in the world, and I am fairly convinced that he is gay and just can’t accept it yet - after all, it took me over a decade.
My parents think he’s gay, and all of my friends agree. Even casual acquaintances have asked both of us if we’re a couple. He tells me that he wants me in his life forever, even to the point of talking about me living with him and a wife in the future. At times he’s indicated that he wanted the sexual nature of our relationship to continue, at other times he says he regrets it ever happened. My mom tells me to be patient; she thinks he will come around. Some of my friends say move on. We even were ‘boyfriends’ (his idea) for about a week once, then he suddenly declared that it was too much for him.
I feel very confused and feel like he’s sending me very mixed messages. I would have never thought that I would be this confused at nearly 33 years old. I love him with all of my heart and soul. I have been more open and intimate with him than anyone ever in my life. I want him in my life forever in whatever capacity possible. However, it’s painful to think that I’m going to be around him forever and have this unrequited love.
I’m really unsure how to approach this situation. I don’t want to be hurt, I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want to lose him. All of the potential solutions just seem so much easier said than done. Please give me some advice.
Gay Man
United States
Dear Man,
I tend to agree with your mother and think that you know everything there is to know about your situation - except how to feel okay with it “as is”, and on that I have some ideas.
Love is love, it does not go away. And it seems pretty obvious you really love this man, so I would discard the advice of your friends who suggest you abandon him. Why in the world would you do that? Are you really writhing around all that much? He lives with you!
I’ll tell you what the problem is here. You’re a triple Leo. That means you lack the attributes of the sign opposite (Aquarius), and if you cultivate Aquarian qualities it will go a long way towards solving your problem. Number one thing to develop? Detachment!
And you are almost there. You get this intellectually so you only need try to focus on that. Get in your head (Aquarius) and stop with the hurting (Leo) heart. I think you can do this pretty readily, just keep the COLD FACTS in mind…
Heterosexual men do not have passionate sex with other men.
It is hard for many to accept homosexuality, especially their own.
Etc.
Also, give this man SPACE. Space is another Aquarian concept and I’m thinking that if you detach and give this man some room, he’s very likely to come clawing for you. And how did I figure that? With my head, not my heart.
I can’t stress this enough. You’ve got too much Leo. Study Aquarius and incorporate what you learn and you will see all your relationships and your life in general improve dramatically.
Good luck.
~~
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