Dear Virgo,

I am going to be enormously rude but it is not because I lack compassion. It is just that you are asking me how to fix this and I know how to fix it immediately and I am hoping a Virgo like you will appreciate the efficiency of this method so here comes…

Just ask yourself this: Would you beat a dog? Would you? Would you take a belt and beat an animal because this is what you are doing to your boyfriend. You are suffering, there he is and so BAM! You slap him across the room.

Now I know you are sickened and that’s the point. If you frame your behavior in this way, you are very unlikely to abuse this man again which will raise your self esteem. With an improved sense of self esteem and control, you will be better able to manage whatever it is you are going through which is obviously Saturn related.

I am sorry for the blunt trauma of this but if it works… well hell. You just got rid of a problem.

Good luck.

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Dear Saturn,

The idea something is ‘seriously wrong with you” is harsh criticism and a textbook manifestation of Saturn in Virgo. Yes, Saturn in Virgo is the only earth in your chart - which means it is enormously important you be put in touch with it which is what this transit will accomplish.

And I wouldn’t worry about how this is going to occur because it’ll just happen and when it does, rejoice. Because denying this part of you is as bad for your soul as denying creativity or emotion or sex drive or anything else.

Specific to exercise, it can be gotten in many forms. Forms like dancing. Dancing is fluid and expressive and a great body is byproduct of that. There is fun exercise (roller skating) and exercise that is meditative (walking or yoga). There is exercise where the challenge or sense of accomplishment is the thing (mountain climbing). Point being you don’t have to focus on exercise, per se. You can sneak up on it or let it sneak up on you.

Good luck.

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Dear Wife,

Bipolar is a serious mental illness and what and how your husband is doing on a day to day basis has very little to do with you at all. He has a brain chemistry thing that is going to eclipse anything you might do to try to have an impact.

My best advice is to get as educated as your can about his condition. The more you understand about what is going on with him, the easier it will be for you to detach your emotion and not be so negatively impacted by what he is doing. Because it is very likely he is suffering some kind of compulsion with the porn, rather than being motivated by dissatisfaction with you! This would be akin to feeling a hemophiliac is bleeding because you are a bad person! It’s just not correct.

So I say, get him to a doctor… or keep him under a doctor’s care if you’ve already got him there and then do everything you can to learn about bipolar. Read books, join a support group, read some of the blogs out there. Do what you can to understand this so you can begin to draw a line between you and his illness but essentially, this is a boundary problem.

You’re a Pisces you know, with Venus in Pisces, Chiron in Pisces so it’s going to be very hard for you to separate out from him. But I am sure you can do it and in fact transcend his illness but not without copious amounts of information and people to support and ground you. So get out there and look for them and I am sure the universe will oblige.

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Husband,

I feel bad for you and can’t imagine a stickier problem. Because although I think your wife has utter rights to do (or not do) whatever she wants with her body, the consequences for you are so painful it made me wince to read this. And I sure don’t have a trick to make this go away, but perhaps I can offer some reinforcement and encouragement.

You have love and that’s the main thing. And all kinds of things can happen when the love is there, so this is the first thing I would say. Just keep loving her. It sounds like this is easy for you and outside of that, since you aren’t a woman and I am, let me tell you that eating disorders are about controlling the body.

And I know you know this but what you don’t know is how incredibly out of control your body is when it is pregnant. Point being, I think your wife’s fear is justified. If she gets pregnant, the odds she is going to wig are sky high. It will be dangerous for her, so I wouldn’t try it without proper support in place. Just as if she had any other issue… if she were diabetic or whatever, some women need extra monitoring when they have a baby and she would be one of them.

Now on the odds of her ever becoming agreeable to becoming pregnant, I don’t know. I appreciate the situation with the money, and also your willingness to look into this kind of workaround… but I think the universe has put this out of reach for a very good reason. Your wife is ill and this is how that is coming to the front. But obviously you can’t take her to the water and make her drink, so what to do?

Well, I don’t think you have a lot of choices here which is good. Because once you see there is only one path, you’ll just go down it. So let’s see…

You love your wife so dumping her and getting another woman is not an option. Adoption and surrogacy? Not an option.

It must mean you’re supposed to love her until she gets to the point where she wants to heal. And you can facilitate this by being an excellent, caring, sensitive lover and continuing to let her know how important this is to you. I mean don’t go on and on because that would drive anyone nuts. You just have to be as gentle as you can… make sure she knows you love her no matter what she looks like, and beyond that all you can do is let the love work, and hope with time it will. And for yourself?

I would suggest you let go the “before I’m 30″ thing. If this is the woman you love, you may be 35 before you have a baby. Does it really matter? You’re a Pisces. And somewhere inside, you know a baby is only going to come when it is supposed to come. And that goal of yours feels like pressure to her, you know.

Love, love, love and love. There is really nothing else you can do. I hope this works out and I feel that it will.

Good luck.

~~
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I posted that last blog 30 minutes ago and already heard from a Scorpio who said he’d be disturbed if people were talking about him in the gym! I quickly explained.

I make a total spectacle of myself in the gym. I grew up with Henry! And Henry used to stand on his head in grocery stores… all the time! As a matter of routine. And the apple, or at least this apple did not fall very far from the tree!

So, sure. People are going to talk but I am not going to worry about it. I am going to be free! I am going to do whatever the hell I want.

Because how long am I going to be around, anyway? Not that long! And I’ll be damned if I am going to live crippled and compromised.

By the way, Henry, a double Capricorn had Jupiter in Sagittarius which is readily apparent if you read his letters. Haven’t read his letters?

Go see what you’re missing.

And this is a good day for it too, because it’s his birthday! Happy Birthday, Henry! Thanks for teaching me that standing on your head is always good and never bad even if you are the only one willing to indulge yourself!

This world needs some color and we don’t mind if were it! Auntie Mame, bay-bee. All the way!

Dear Worried,

You are not “crazy”. You have a mental illness like any other illness and further it happens to be utterly and completely treatable. Now I appreciate your financial situation, however you are ill and absolutely must seek treatment. And I doubt it needs to be long term.

What you are describing can be easily and effectively treated with medication that will alleviate if not eliminate your symptoms and many of the mediations available to treat this sort of thing are very affordable. And with proper treatment, you can have a completely different life and without it, you are going to be screwed; so what do you think you’d better do about this?

Your best option is to see a psychiatrist and if you have to get on some long waiting list to see someone cheaply, then just do it. Or see a family doctor, or go to a clinic… do whatever you have to do to take care of your health because this is what this is. You have a medical condition!!

And Saturn (take responsibility) is transiting your 6th house (health), so you get the picture. Saturn transits always pressure us to clutch it up and solve our problems, so make the call, okay? You and your family deserve it and the universe will always support the right action.

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Wife,

I am sorry for your husband, but I don’t think you need worry about “staying” optimistic. With your Moon in Sagittarius and Jupiter conjunct your Sun you are optimistic. Like having black hair, or a big nose, or a high arch in your foot… this is something about you that just “is”. I know it is challenging to be around a depressed person and I can understand your fear. But being optimistic is inherent to you and if you can grasp this, you can let go the worry over something that will never come to pass.

Further, you can support yourself with this knowledge. He is depressed, however you are not because this propensity is simply not part of your nature. And though this seems simple, you’ve got quite a bit of Piscean energy - which means “separation” in general is a challenge. So I can understand how you could confused about the idea his illness could bleed into you, I am telling you, it can’t. It’s as if your husband has the flu, and you have immunity to the flu!

And this is not to say you’re living in some kind of panacea with your optimism either. Because it’s another kind of hell to live happily (whether you like it or not) in proximity to someone who is depressed. And for that, I have no remedy. So I would say, do what you’re doing. Be yourself. Stand by and hope the meds get under him. But don’t waste your time and energy worrying your plane is going to go down when in reality, it’s crash-proof.

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Scorpio,

I am very sorry for your loss and I don’t mean to minimize it any way. I understand you feel your most prized asset has been compromised. And you’ve given me one heck of a challenge if I am supposed to talk a Scorpio out of feeling whatever it is they feel. And I’m pretty sure you’ve researched this by now and accessed every bit of information available.

I also know (because you’ve written me before and because you have planets in Sagittarius) that you are a faith-based person who understands there is a grand design. So what I am going to do is take this as a Scorpio problem….

I believe you are in a Scorpio pit of self-loathing and thinking in extremes. “You can never have sex again!” You are intensifying everything. You are scraping the bottom of the well and you’re going to stay there until you’ve exhausted this, at which time you will surface. And when you do surface, you’ll have gathered your power and all your resources and you will be able to work this out. So all I can do is try to facilitate this happening. Your rebirth, that is. And the best way I know to do this is by offering the pointed truth.

The truth is, you will have sex again. You know you’ll have sex again. And you will like the sex you have, and so will your partner.

And herpes? Current mourning aside, ultimately it will not be the death of you. My advice?

I have the same advice I have given you before. Get out of the well (Scorpio) and back on the horse (Sagittarius) without delay. Because people with herpes have sex every day, as do people who are HIV+, women who have had mastectomies, men who have had heart attacks, etc. etc. etc. They have good sex. They have better than ever sex. They have sex that heals and makes them know they are still whole and in this world, perhaps even more beautiful then ever with their new vulnerability. Think of Leonard Cohen, “There’s a crack in everything… that’s how the light gets in.”

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Scorpio,

Your question doesn’t really fit the format of my blog as it’s akin to a personal reading. Further, your issues are obviously complex and probably not well suited to being addressed on advice blog.

However I am going to answer your question anyway, because I feel for you and because your chart strongly interacts with mine and leads me to think I may be able to help you which I think you strongly deserve. So I’m just going to talk straight and my editor can look the other way for a day.

On the thwarted Mars energy, my position on this is very clear. Repress your sex and anger (Mars) at your own peril and in your case this is especially the case. For one, you’re a Scorpio rising, so Mars rules the chart. Nothing is more important to you than Mars! And the rising is your physical body, so when you fail to express your Mars, your body is getting jacked beyond belief.

Now consider your Mars is in Aries which obviously want to go, Go, GO and further, it is conjunct both Venus and Mercury… opposite Pluto and I have to say this is one hell of a motherfucker you are trying to suppress. And how do you think this is going to play?

It’s going to play where it sits, in the 6th house, for good or ill.

Use your Mars = excellent health. Repress your Mars and you’ll see it turn inward and eat you alive.

What do you think Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is? It’s 6th house (daily routine / the mind / Virgo stuff) run amok! Helllllo! You need to fuck! You need to fuck and fight and be heroic and you need to do this every day just to maintain your health. So let’s talk about what happened when you were 15.

15 is puberty, you know. That means there is a flood of hormones. And have you looked at the astrology back then? I did. And Uranus (experimentation) was squaring all that Mars mess in Aries. Comprendo? So apparently when those dogs got out, they went so crazy they scared the hell out of you - so let’s address that.

First, if this is something as simple as homosexuality, well for Godsakes get over it. You have plenty of company. There are legions of homosexuals out there who will be happy to have you join them, and if it’s otherwise?

So what? At fifteen years old, you think you’re the first person who ever thought of it. Well take it from a fellow Mars Mercury, okay? You’re not! And some of this taboo stuff… try it once. Face your big fear about it and what you find out is it’s not that compelling after all. You get it out of your system!

So here’s my theory:

You’re innately very sexual but there are still periods where things will flare. Like during a Uranus transit, obviously. Uranus wants to break rules! So unfortunately you encountered one of these times in conjunction with puberty which was akin to a “perfect storm” and you became overwhelmed.

And being sensitive somewhat puritan with your 6th house, you nixed this whole deal and you are now suffering OCD due the stress of repression with more ailments on the horizon, no doubt if you do opt to own this energy.

So there you go. And PS, not all Scorpios are aggressive and vindictive.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Depressed,

Yes, you have hope. There is always hope. People pull back from the brink of hell allllll the time. Especially when they’re Scorpios! Or Capricorns like you, who astrologer Jayj Jacobs characterizes as “Scorpios in suits”. In other words, you are made of some serious stuff and I highly doubt you are going to go down and stay down.

That said, you do have very significant transits to your chart, so the thing to do is adjust your expectations. It’s like standing at the base of a tall mountain. You’re going to get up it, I’m sure. But not in a day! Or a week.

And I know what you’re thinking. “I can’t! I just want to get in bed and pull the covers over my head,” but obviously you are not going to be able to do that. With your Moon in Virgo, you are being pressured to fix this, and with the emphasis on Capricorn in your chart, the way you’ll solve this is by making a commitment to methodically solving your problems and embracing the idea that the process with be long and somewhat arduous.

That much right there will help your Scorpio Sun focus. Rather than waffling and debating what to do, you know the number one thing you need to do is to get your meds right. So put your feelers out. Use your spider senses to guide you… which doctor you might call that will have what you need.

See, I really think a commitment (Capricorn) to focus (Scorpio) on your health (Virgo) is the ticket. This is how your chart is set up, and once you start living in a way that is authentic… once you find the right path, the universe indubitably will send support. The doctor who gets your meds right will give you the name of the therapist who winds up helping you, etc. etc.

So hell yes, there is hope. And help! You only need recognize you’re not getting up this mountain without climbing and once you do that, your inner mountain goat will conspire with your Scorpio Sun and your health encyclopedia Virgo Moon, and you’ll be on your way.

Good luck.

~~
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