Dear Elsa,

I am in love with a guy who is 16 years younger than me, I have not told him this, although since we are really good friends I have told him I love him in the way friends can. He is with another girl, and I would never do anything to break it up, but I long for him with everything in me.

Since I do genuinely love him I won’t do anything that might interfere with his life, but I cannot figure out how to stop this longing, and the pain I feel when he is with his girlfriend.

Can you advise me how to get over him or what to do? I am not immature, although in fact this is the first time in my life I have been in love. I was married for 23 years, had seven children, and loved my husband, but was never in love with him.

I do not want to accidentally make a fool of myself in front of him, or embarrass him by saying something inappropriate, but unless I get over these feelings I fear slipping up.

Five Planets in Capricorn
Ireland

Dear Elsa,

Namaste’, so here’s the dilemma. I run into recurring problems with Taurus and Scorpio energies, mostly men, some female Scorpios. For the most part there is energy harmony with these signs, however, the anger, persistent & vindictiveness baffles me when in conflictive situations. I have not found a peaceful way that paves a road to resolution and often end up in a chaos standstill as a result. The anger situations never seem to dissipate once started and I am left with a WTF on what to do because nothing seems to work with them - unless “I cringe as I type this” give in to their demands ending up often belittled in the process which is bad juju for a Cap - we too do not forget.

Both signs can be highly manipulative and often self centered with a focus on “I want what I want from you and I better get it or else attitude”. Technically all signs want what they want to a degree, but I have found these signs take their wants and needs to the nth degree. I so desire a better way of coping with the backlash from both when they do not get “their way”.

Being a Capricorn, it would not surprise me that the stubbornness factor and unwillingness to budge in all 3 signs plays a great factor in the discord that occurs. I am not one to back down when justified with my actions. I am a healer/intuitive- and I have found they often do not want to “see” the light so to speak when unhealthy and negative. I often feel toppled over in fear from the vengeful nature of both the above signs. My primary situation revolves around standing up for the right things, when one or both of these signs are in a unhealthy state and hurting people, it becomes a dangerous tango and I have found one must possess a much needed skill in walking a fine line with them- or else. I am trying to help them, but I am concerned about being “burned” in the process due to hitting a trigger point that trips the anger and stubbornness factors of the signs.

Is there a way to diffuse them when in this mode? How do I cope with this issue in relationships and work environments without being taken advantage of or mowed over by them, yet still stand my ground for what I believe in and walk away in the end unmarred by the horns and stingers they possess?

Blessings,
The Miffed Cappie
United States

Dear Elsa,

Some things that have been bothering me for a long time now have finally come to a head this week, and I feel like the Dead Girl.

Literally. I feel like my life is over, and that it ended badly. At some point in my childhood (I even remember the day), I felt so incredibly hurt by the people around me that I decided then and there that I would NEVER deliberately hurt people the way I was being hurt. It became the meaning of my entire life.

I feel I have hurt people this past year, and I just… can’t… get past it. My life feels meaningless. Everything is just a motion I’m going through. I can’t figure out how to let it go. And the relationships in question have been cut off, not by me.

There are plenty of people who love me and want me to be happy, but none of that seems to matter. I am the Dead Girl, I have been for months now, and it’s really exhausting being here.

Gemini Dimming
United States

Dear Elsa,

I am in a relationship with a double Pisces man. I am a double Virgo. We are very attracted to each other sexually, and he tells me he loves me but for some reason I keep asking myself what his motivation is. He is very sweet and we understand each other well. Is it normal to feel un-trusting towards him?

Double Virgo
Morocco

Dear Elsa,

I have a huge problem with interview nerves. Every one I’ve ever been to has been hijacked by my nerves and I leave cringing at my inability to sell myself. I have never gotten a job from an interview alone and have been lucky to have reached my age without them.

My first job was not something I wanted to do but I was reasonably good at it. It was a friend of my father who got me the foot in the door. I stayed for 14 years and progressed some but only through reorganizations. My second and last job was got thru pure luck, i.e. the person was desperate and so was I. I was informally interviewed at my house too so comfortable in my surroundings. It was a job I really enjoyed luckily but with very poor pay. This was ok at the time as my partner had a good job but now we have split and I need to support myself. I had to move out of the area as I couldn’t afford the rents there so the job had to go too. I’m happy where I am though and have been living off earnings from the proceeds of our joint property but my confidence is shattered and even applying for jobs now turns my stomach.

I’m usually ok when I get to the place but once I’m in that chair I go blank and start stumbling over my words which makes me almost start hyperventilating. This is completely at odds with how I am in social situations where I am generally pretty confident and can talk to anyone. Things are reaching a crucial stage and I really need to find employment soon or I will be in deep trouble financially. I just can’t seem to find a way of combating my nerves. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you and keep doing a great job.

Nervous
United States

Dear Elsa,

I have had a rocky marriage for the last five years or so. Here lately things have been on the up and up for the most part. But I can’t help but dwell on the things he has done. And it’s made me stray off my path. It’s made me vengeful. I’ve always been the bigger person and done what’s right. But recently I’m tired. I’m tired of being “good”. And for this I feel bad. I am doing things that I normally wouldn’t even think of doing.

I’m trying to find my way again, because I know me. And the person I have been lately is shameful. So my question is, how do I reclaim myself?

Lost
United States

Dear Elsa,

I’ve been going to psychologists and psychiatrists since I was five years old. I am now 18 and I feel it has all been for naught. I have a very obsessive nature, I have an addictive personality, and I am easily blinded by futile causes. I jump from one extreme to the other, on a daily basis. My mood swings are intense and volatile. I do things impulsively, almost as though I am being controlled by someone else and even if I don’t want to do something, I end up doing it. I lack self control and stability in my life. I am basically a trainwreck waiting to happen.

I believe it’s a part of growing up, but I am constantly in a state of sexual transformation. I identify with different sexual orientations on a daily basis. I jump from asexuality to pansexuality in a matter of seconds. Sagittarius is supposed to be opinionated, but I am too scattered brained to even hold down convictions. I have passive-aggressive tendencies which are quite frequently mistaken for laziness. I abused heavy drugs for about a year and stopped in January, but there are times when I believe I’ll do them again and at other times I despise them.

I feel like there are two forces working within me, stretching me apart, pulling me in completely different directions - and I can’t decide which way to go. I fear that this will not change with age and I fear that I can’t find the solution. I believe the answer is in my chart and not in neuropsychology. Please help me, I know the answer is in there somewhere.

Thoroughly Thera-pized
Cuba

Hi Elsa,

My love life has been a huge source of pain and frustration for me. Mostly it’s been non-existent, though I’ve had the occasional blissful but short-lived relationship. I tend to idealize men and then am devastated when the fog clears and I see the relationship wasn’t what I thought it was. I was engaged to One guy who had been cheating on me for a couple of years, and I never suspected. Another man was, I think, a high-functioning autistic who couldn’t relate emotionally, but could fake it pretty well. The most recent guy was madly in love with me–for a few months–and I with him, then he just backed away and never explained why. (And I was too afraid to hear the reason, so I didn’t press him!)

When I say I get devastated, I mean I can stew over a break-up for months and months, and it becomes my full-time job. After my fiance and I broke up, it took me 5 years before I wanted to date again. What a waste! Even when I’ve been in tepid relationships, I get wiped out when they end. Romance shouldn’t be such a life-and-death struggle, but that what it feels like it to me.

Over the years I’ve tried to be less hypersensitive and unrealistic. But even after my best efforts, I’m still alone. I’ve concluded that I need to find true peace of mind first, and only then will I be able to be in a relationship. That’s what I’m working on now, but maybe I’m being too idealistic about this too. I could use another opinion. Do you see anything in my chart that sheds light on my dilemma?

Needing Straight Talk
United States

Hi Elsa,

I met a Sagittarius man on a cruise I took. He works on the cruise ship, and I found myself really attracted to his fun and outgoing personality. I was the one that initiated the flirting with him, and then he started flirting back with me. Nothing major, mostly smiling at each other, laughing with each other, I would catch him looking at me…that sort of innocent flirting.

He’s 35 and has never been married because he says he likes staying busy and traveling and that’s what the cruise lifestyle offers him. When I talked to him during the cruise, he seemed very nice & genuine. He was never inappropriate with me. On the last day of the cruise, I wrote him a note on his tip envelope along with my email address. I’ve never done that before, because well being a Cancer, that’s just not my style. I didn’t think he would email me back, but he did.

Now we’ve been emailing back and forth for a month. He’s told me basic stuff about himself, but he hasn’t really opened up to me. He doesn’t ask a lot of things about me either. We mostly just kind of joke around, talk about travels, and sometimes flirt a little. He says he never keeps in touch with other guests, but that he liked what I wrote to him. He says he likes me and likes getting my emails.

I know Sagittarians don’t like to be tied down, and this being a long distance relationship….well that is never easy. Comparing our sun signs, Cancer & Sagittarius…well it seems we are just so different & not compatible. However, I have a Sagittarius ascendant (sometimes I’ve been told I have a Scorpio ascendant, but I identify more with Sagittarius). I love to travel, I love to laugh and joke around, I get bored easily with people and things if they don’t keep my interest. I love my independence and like doing my own thing. I’m not the typical needy Cancer. Yes I want men to tell me they love me, but I don’t need to hear it constantly. I prefer them to show me that they love me. I don’t fall in love with men easily. In fact…I don’t even think about marriage unless family/friends bring it up, I don’t really yearn for responsibility (that’s why I’m not married and have no children). As a Cancer, yes I do want to get married & eventually have kids, but it’s not on the top of my priority list. But ever since I met him, I’ve felt like we could be great and have fun traveling together.

Could he could be the one that I didn’t know I was looking for? (lol)

A Travel-loving Cancer dreaming of Sagittarius Man
United States

Dear Elsa,

Last May, I was completely devastated by a breakup with a longtime boyfriend. The breakup came from out of nowhere–as far as I could see at the time–and it took me a very long time to stop feeling miserable. Every day was a struggle, and it’s only within the last four or five months that I’ve started feeling joy in my life again and have started to find interest in new men. I’m really pleased at this change, but am trying to be careful about choosing new partners since the last breakup was so awful for every aspect of my life.

Recently, I’ve become friends with a very nice guy who works in my building. He seems interested in getting to know me better, and I certainly would like to know him better. He’s an Aries. Aries guy and Scorpio girl? I’m kind of hesitant to get involved with someone who doesn’t seem immediately compatible and the reason is that my last boyfriend was a Gemini and the ending was so awful.

I remember reading on your blog once that it’s good to have chart compatibility, so what do you think? Should I give this cute Aries guy a chance, or should I wait for a nice Virgo or Cancer guy to come along?

A Cautious Scorpio
United States