Dear Elsa,

I’m a lesbian. Yes. It was hard to swallow at first, but I began to accept that fact after trying to form many relationship with guys who were interested in me. Nothing came out of any of those ‘normal’ relationships accept the fact that I became more attracted to girls.

I’ve been in love with someone who claims she wants to get married to a man who is able to give her a child she’s craving. She persistent in convincing me this her only reason to ‘be’ with a man, to have a child of her own. I can feel her love for me after she bravely went through many obstacles for wanting to be with me & keeping our relationship a secret (as her family & society would not approve of this relationship of ours). Deep inside, I have doubts of her promises to me.

Do I succumb to her ‘need’ to be a mother and share our time together with her soon-to-be husband? She promised to divorce him as soon as the child is delivered and continue to share her life with me. I know she is just using him for that personal reason of hers.

She told me that if I became lonely while waiting for her…I could form another relationship with other girl, as long I don’t give my heart to another.

Double Libra
Malaysia

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Dear Elsa,

I have been single for a couple of months and was pretty happy being single. But I started thinking that I wanted to get back into the dating game or attempt to maybe find someone special. I am not really into the gay scene with going to gay bars and such, so I decided to use the internet.

I signed up with this site and within 5 minutes a really good looking, down to earth guy started messaging me and boom we started talking. I lost track of time but it was for a long time on the site then msn then eventually the phone. He was really sweet and it seemed we really connected and there was potential chemistry. He was like I’ve never met a guy like you, you’re really cute and awesome. The day after we decided to meet for coffee.

During the meet we still managed to have that same intense chemistry that we did over the net. I was pretty excited. Then he wanted to show me his car and we kinda went joyriding up and down a street in his brand new car. He then brought me back to my car but before I got out, he grabbed me and started kissing me. I have never felt an intense kiss in my life. It was so passionate, intense and chilling, one of those kisses that makes your spine tingle. So after about 20 minutes of making out, I left and then he called me at home. But he was a little strange and he told me that he had to tell me something and he had to be honest.

He told me that he was dating someone for the last 10 months and was in a serious relationship. My whole world collapsed, I know it’s strange that he loves someone so much but yeah kissed me but I confronted him about and asked if he really loves his boyfriend and he said he does, but doesn’t know if he’s the one. I was very upset but he was practically begging me to continue talking to him and that we could stay friends. Even though my heart wrenched I agreed.

So for about a month now we just been texting back and forth saying hi and meet for coffee here and there. Thing is I am starting to fall for him and I know it won’t work because he has a boyfriend and I would think if we start dating, whose to say he won’t do to someone else what he did to me. So I have been kinda off avoiding him. I didn’t hear from him for about a week and then he texted me saying if I was alright and if I was mad. I know I should have told him the truth but I lied and said I was just busy with school and work and just going through ’stuff’ he said that If I needed someone to talk to he would be there for me. Another three days passed and he messaged me again saying he wanted to know why I wouldn’t talk to him and give him a reason. I again lied and told him I am not mad just busy. I don’t like lying but I don’t know what to do. He is one of the coolest guys that I have come across and I don’t want him to go regardless but I know hes committed to someone else. But its eating me up inside I really want to tell him but I am scared that hes just gonna say sorry I am taken and we can’t talk or hang out anymore. I think…I am in lov with him.

What do I do Elsa help!!!

In Love And Confused
Canada

Dear Elsa,

I am a gay man and met a guy in Feb this year. A few weeks later, he told me he could not have a relationship with me as he had found out his mother could be dying of cancer. Therefore he could not be happy whilst his and his family’s world was falling apart. I was devastated as I had already fallen in love with him.

Over the last few months we have stayed in touch and I have found out he has been seeing other guys, which has been really upsetting. I confronted him as to why he is seeing others when we could be together. He basically said he didn’t want a relationship with me or anyone at the moment and denied sleeping with anyone. At one point in May he decided that he wanted us to try again. I was happy with this but very soon he closed up again and said no.

I have been patient yet hurting all the time. In October his mother sadly passed away. I saw him and tried to support him although I still know he is busy dating other guys. I have tried walking away but cant. I’m still in love with him. For some reason he wont walk away either.

Is there any hope for us?

Aquarian
England

Dear Elsa,

I am living with my boyfriend of four years in his very small hometown while we take a break between college and grad school. His best friend since childhood lives a short trip away so we see him often.

I think the best friend is in love with my boyfriend. Neither has ever expressed an interest in the same sex but when they are together there is such energy and chemistry. I hadn’t thought of it until my mother visited and was concerned because when the two of them are together, they kind of gang up on me. The teasing starts to have a really mean edge sometimes.

So now I can’t stop thinking about it and noticing little things that I didn’t before. My boyfriend is an Aquarius.

Should I ask him straight out if he might be gay? Or if his friend might be? Should I first try to figure out whether my own insecurity is making me jump to conclusions? Or wonder if my mother’s ‘concern’ is actually sabotage?

I don’t want to jeopardize the relationship with damaging accusations, but I’m starting to feel lonely and unattractive and that’s no good!

Virgo Girlfriend
Italy

Hi Elsa,

I have been dating a guy for 3 years and we just split up last week. Since meeting, we clicked from day one and have been great the whole time. The problem is that from my point of view, he never puts in enough effort into the relationship and any time we do anything special it’s because I arrange it. Weekends away, movies, dinner, holidays, even going to the beach! For the first 2 years he was clueless enough to forget birthdays, Valentine’s day and even recently asked what date our anniversary is on (coming up next month). It’s on the 15th, the same day of the month as my birthday.

I am guilty of putting him down which I regret doing and I know he doesn’t deserve that but little things he does frustrate me and I told him I needed space and that was it. I know he loves me, and I love him, but I just don’t know if I’m expecting too much or if I really am just asking for a little more respect and caring in the relationship. I know we could get back together, but have agreed not to communicate and give each other space for a few weeks. Move on or go back???

Gay Man
Australia

Hi Elsa,

A few months ago I started seeing this Aries woman who identifies as bisexual. I see only women. We had a few casual encounters but nothing came of that since she was seeing several other people at the time. When we did see each other, it was due to her persistence. I liked her but was afraid of getting too close.

This summer we both ended up living in the same city. We started seeing each other again and moved in together. Everything seemed perfect and we got along great. When I headed back to school, she confessed that she had fallen in love with me. At this point we had been rather exclusive for nearly three months, although technically we were in an open relationship.

Based on my track record of not doing serious relationships she predicted I’d be scared off, but I wasn’t. As a matter of fact I realized within the week that I was in love with her as well, though I never had a chance to tell her. Right around this time she started becoming more distant, calling and emailing less. The subject of whether we were exclusive or not came up. I wanted to be exclusive. She didn’t. We ended it over the phone but decided to still remain friends.

I visited her not long after the break up and we ended up hooking up. I thought we’d start seeing each other again but this didn’t happen. I was really confused and still am. One week she’ll call me multiple times a day, the next I’ll be lucky to get an email. Yet every time I see her in person she tells me that she really desires me and loves me. Last time I did see her in person I resisted her advances because this is not the type of relationship I want with her. I really love this girl but the mixed signals are driving me insane.

Sometimes I think she really does love me but is hoping to somehow persuade me to be in the kind of relationship she wants, one in which she has me but is free to see other people. I’m willing to stick it out if I somehow know that we’ll get back together when she is done sorting out her business. I hear ultimately Gemini and Aries are a good match. Is it worth it or should I just move on? Am I delusional?

Gemini in Love
United States

Dear Elsa,

My girlfriend is an early Cancer. We’ve been dating off and on for about 2 years. We’re thinking of living together in 4 months or so. I have no kids but she has 3 boys and currently going through a new separation with her husband of 16 years.

I am very protective of my belongings, some being very personal and expensive. I also need my space especially with 3 kids and a dog to contend with. I told her I would need to have my own room out of the 4 rooms in the house. She is moving next weekend. I need a room to store my expensive things and for my private “get away” space to assure a more tranquil living environment and prevent issues with her very busy touchy feely kids. She already promised her kids they would each have their own room unfortunately and this may be a deal breaker for me. The garage is not an option as a safe space for me and my things.

If I move in I would be paying half the rent in the house. I don’t wanna be selfish but this may prevent me from being interested in living with her as, as you have read, this is an already tricky situation being that we both are women and this is her first same sex relationship. I know this is a loaded situation here but is requiring my own room or space silly? Should I by default, allow my things to get broken and tampered with by her kids to prove I love her and capable to make this commitment? Her kids are 18, 10, and 7. OMG!

Aries In Love
United States