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Scorpio Woman With Clinging, Annoying Friend: Astrology- Based Advice
Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
I have a friend who has already decided I am her BFF. She constantly calls and talks without taking a breath from subject to subject telling me things that I never asked her to go in to detail about. Ex. She told me she watched a movie last night and then proceeded to tell me all about in detail. I don’t recall asking her what the movie was or what it was about. I really didn’t care but she seems oblivious to normal social signals.
Continue reading Scorpio Woman With Clinging, Annoying Friend: Astrology- Based Advice
18
His Friend Is Dating Her Friend - Crisis Results: Astrology-Based Advice
I found out today - some FRAMED this. Based on that… I decided to re-run it. This is from 2006…it has swearing and it reminds me of that Billy Jack clip. Sometimes, I just go BERSERK!
Dear Elsa,
Two friends of mine have recently started dating. The male in question is my fiance’s best friend and the female in question is one of my close friends. Both of these people have been in our respective lives for over a decade.
The problem? My fiance and I have a sinking suspicion that this relationship will eventually crash and burn, perhaps spectacularly. Then what? Obviously, we do not want to lose these friends! I know a lot will depend on how our friends handle things and a lot will depend on our reaction, and since both of us have a strong Libran influence, I have faith the my guy and I can handle any resulting fallout diplomatically. I am just a little apprehensive.
My man infected me with this worry since I was content to let the other couple blithrly make their own mistakes after it became apparent that any advice I offered was usually not taken. My man, perhaps wisely offered no advice to begin with.
My man’s best friend is one of these people that feels better about themselves when partnered. All of his relationships have been long-term and he likes to delve deep. In each case he is then the dumped not the dumper, sometimes dramatically so (his last girl moved out without telling him cleaning out their entire apartment). Also, he tends to stay in relationships even when he is unhappy and thinks it’s unlikely to ever get better.
My friend has had few relationships in her life none long-term. This is in part because of her insecurity and also partly because she tends to fall for people who clearly do not want a romantic relationship with her. She also tends to idolize the object of her unrequited love which is perhaps not so surprising, all things considered. She is unclear on whether she wants marriage but has stated to me that she would like a deep committed relationship like the one I am in (her words not mine).
When it became clear that these two were growing apart got basically my friend jumped his friend on my couch one night which was the first thing anyone knew about her designs including me. I offered my advice. I let him know a little of her back story and advised them to play it cool for a while to let her easy the things. I also offered this advice since I could tell she was charging full steam ahead without caution which is not her usual MO at all! My advice was unheeded as both parties jumped into the deep and willy-nilly.
Ben developed another problem might man’s friend is a very touchy-feely guy who needs a lot of physical affection from his lovers. While my friend enjoyed this at first, after a few weeks she began to find the cloying. Instead of approaching him about it, she began edging away whenever he would try to coddle or making exasperated faces/noises, which hurt and confused him. When she asked my advice I told her to buck upand just have the conversation instead of expecting him to read her mind in the subtle nuances she was throwing out. He also asked my advice about the situation, and I let him know that she is mostly conflict — avoidant, so if he had a question/problem then you should take it to her instead of waiting for her to bring it to him.
Thankfully, they did indeed talk to each other as I suggested work this out, but I fear it is a problem that will come up again and again — neither one wanting to mention the elephant in the room, ya know?
Basically, I fear that M is searching too hard for a long-term relationship since she is the last of our group to remain single and she wants the kind of love she sees in her friends relationships. She is trying to make this relationship that what she wants it to be, regardless of what the relationship itself is, and she is more than capable enough of them see the playoff in her own mind. While S will dive deep and fast without regard, then stick around even if he realizes the relationship is futile and he is miserable. All the time one will not talk about the problems he/she is obviously having, wanting the other to ask; the other will not ask, waiting for the one having a problem to open a conversational door!
So as you can see, I’m having serious reservations about the viability of this relationship of the long-haul each once out of it, and try to let each participant know before anything serious got started. And I do not have the patience or energy to play the middle — man which everyone is quite aware of what is your take on of all? What would you do in this situation?
Friend
Dear Friend,
Girl, you need a life! What are you doing? Must you micro-manage this? He breathed and then she breathed, and then he breathed twice! And oh fuck me! Next thing you know, she’s going to breathe again! And fuck a duck, maaan! What if someone sneezes in all this? Or farts or something? Oh no! What then??
Look. You are way, way, way, WAY too involved in this. And that my dear, is the problem you should be worried about. Especially with transiting Saturn bearing down on your Sun!
I have to tell you… I don’t know what you’re trying to avoid here but it must be EPIC for you to be this focused on this couple who the whole world knows will not be a couple for long. Here’s my advice:
Get out of the way! Let these people crash in their own way, in their own time and then everyone go back to being friends.
Good luck.
~~
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15
Open Question: Leo Woman’s Aquarius Man Has Scorpio Woman Friend Who Gives Her A Hard Time: Astrology-Based Advice
Ask the collective
Hi Elsa,
My boyfriend has a Scorpio friend that he has known for about five years. She doesn’t like me. It is very difficult to deal with this because as far as I can tell nothing I have done has caused her to dislike me — I am her pal’s girlfriend and she
doesn’t like it, period. Everything I say or do is taken the same way (politely, but dismissively). She is older than both of us — much older than I am — and I am not worried about romantic attraction on his part at all — nothing to do with her age, just getting that out of the way.
I don’t really have much interest in cultivating a friendship with someone who so obviously doesn’t want one with me, but my main problem is the boyfriend. I know he is an Aquarius and all, but his attitude is to stay out of it. He expects me to act like an adult and I am trying to transcend this but it is very hard since we hang out with her a lot (they work together). It is becoming an issue because he says I just shouldn’t hang out with them when he’s hanging out with her but this strikes me as kind of unfair. I really don’t want this to devolve into a tug-of-war.
All of his other friends are fine with me. Usually I get along really well with Scorpios so I don’t know what the deal is
here. What can I do?
Motivated
Thailand
16
Her New Friend Is Cultivating Her Old Friends - Double Capricorn, Scorpio Moon: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
I’m writing you to ask your advice on a friend of mine. We both work together and have only known each other a few months, but we’ve grown close quickly… maybe almost too close. I’m starting to wonder how to handle situations with her. Let me explain.
She is a quiet girl, and doesn’t have too many friends but has a loyal boyfriend. She’s been coming with me to various events with other friends of mine and even gotten involved in some classes I’m taking and become very inspired by many new concepts through me.
When I took her to a recent party, she remarked that she enjoyed talking with a friend of mine because she could get to know the real person and no longer see that person as “Christine’s friend”. I understood what she meant but also felt a bit funny about the way she said it.
Recently, I went out with her for her birthday and brought along a close friend of mine. We were the only three people at her party, but it was still fun. Now, I am just about to prepare for a trip abroad for a month and there’s an event this Saturday which I told her about. The other night, she called me to ask me if I thought it was a good idea to invite my friend and whether I would do that for her.
In that moment, I felt very manipulated and shocked. I guess I have more respect for the friends of my friends and usually would only suggest that if we could all get together. I feel as if she doesn’t respect the fact that my friends are special to me and feels they are hers, too. I ended up giving her his contact info but feeling badly about it. Am I overreacting?
Double Capricorn
United States
Dear Capricorn,
I don’t think you are overreacting. I would feel used myself which would give rise to feelings or mistrust that would be uncomfortable.
Now I am sure there are lighter fare folks out there who would read this situation otherwise. You could be criticized or seen as a control freak for example but I see a pattern here and think your hit on this is correct: you brought her in too soon and I am sorry.
Good luck.
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19
Sun Conjunct Saturn @ 8 Years Old - Mom Sneaks A Peek At Vidroid’s Love, Belle
Astrology in real life
My son pulled his yearbook from his backpack as I was dropping him at the bus stop yesterday. “Here’s this, I forgot,” he said.
I was surprised but it occurred to me immediately, “Is Belle in here?”
“Yes,” he said blushing.
“Okay, well I want to see her.”He got out of the car with a groan like a normal 8 year old (almost 9, or 10 if he is at school) boy. I pulled up the street a bit and opened the yearbook to see the lovely Belle and well…
Continue reading Sun Conjunct Saturn @ 8 Years Old - Mom Sneaks A Peek At Vidroid’s Love, Belle
4
Losing Friends During A Pluto Transit Through The 11th House Redux
Astrology in real life
Here’s another for the Mars Pluto opposition…
Awhile back I wrote about losing friends during Pluto’s transit to my 11th house. Over the weekend the soldier was going through his stuff and he came across and old address book. He cracked it open and turned it towards me. Every name and address on the page had this written across it in capital letters that had been gone over several times:
DEAD
Can you imagine?
A long time ago an old man told me they did not aspire to live to old age because anyone who does winds up burying all their friends. I was chilled by this concept even though I was about 20 at the time so pretty safely removed from the prospect of this happening to me or so I thought at the time. I have learned otherwise.
You can lose all your friends via war or you can lose your friend via pregnancy as I outlined in the other blog. My kids lost their friends when the next door neighbors moved and there have not been kids on the block their age since. Gay men lost their friends in droves when AIDS sprung up and I could go on and on.
Have you ever suffered the loss of friends like this? How did it affect you?
31
17 Year Old Scorpio Struggles To Deal With Cancer Friend: Astrology-Based Advice
Hi Elsa
I’m a Scorpio and the closest friend I have at the moment is a Cancerian. We are extremely good friends and have a deep understanding of one another… well only sometimes I guess. She tends to frustrate me at times- so much that I often feel like running away and not being her friend anymore because in a way I feel hurt. Reason being is that I never know where I stand with her.
I’m forever given mixed signals from her. One day she will make me feel like her bestest friend then the next, she is all aloof with me. I don’t know what it is she wants. is it just me? Am I being too demanding of her? I just don’t understand her at times. I still want her friendship very much. but I don’t know what I can deal with my volatile and sometimes distant friend.
Scorpio Girl
South Africa
Dear Scorpio,
I am not positive what is going on here but I have some guesses. First, it may help to understand your friend’s nature. As a Cancer she is going to withdraw at times. She can’t help this anymore than a leopard can help the fact it has spots, so it might help to ease some of the conflict if you became aware of this.
Secondly, although you have a stellium in Scorpio you have an Aquarius Moon and you like quirky women. So in essence part of this problem lies in you. If you were pure Scorpio this would be a much simpler equation but there is conflict between the needs of Scorpio and Aquarius and they are reflected in your relationship with your friend.
Now here’s my advice: get hip to the fact this girl has moods and I don’t mean she has one or two moods, she has twelve! Keep an eye on this and you will see what I mean, each mood last 2.5 days (the length of time the Moon stays in a sign).
Armed with this information, learned to recognize which moods don’t jibe so well with you (for example if she wants / needs to be alone she is going to push you out) and when they come along, use your innate ability to detach (Aquarius) to protect your more tender Scorpio side.
Scorpio can also deal with this because it can be like a science experiment and you are not just studying her. Because what will help you most is getting to know yourself better and frankly, this girl seems a perfect vehicle on that front.
Good luck!
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3
Scorpio Woman Struggles To Make Friends After A Childhood Spent Moving Around: Astrology-Based Advice
Hi Elsa,
I’m having trouble making friends. My family moved around a lot when I was growing up, so I got used to leaving the friends I had and I think this made me stop trying. Now I feel the strong need for friends, but I just don’t know how to go about making them.
I often feel awkward around people. I even have trouble enjoying their company, just because of the awkwardness. I also feel I have little to say and I can’t joke around the way other people do.
I know the best way to learn is by just doing, but for some reason its just not happening for me and trust me, I so try! I’ve started a new program at school, and I’ve made a real effort to go against my usual impulse to not speak much, but when I talk to the people in my class, it just doesn’t come out naturally. So, is there anything different I should try?
Thanks a lot,
Scorpio Girl
Nigeria
Dear Girl,
I feel for you and while I have no magic solution for you, I have some angles that may help.
First, take a look at how you got this way. You created this defense to protect yourself. I imagine leaving your friends was inordinately painful for you so it made logical sense to not get close to people since you knew you would only be setting yourself up to be devastated. So look at that and look at the difference between now and then.
Then you were a kid, but now you are 24 and you have a lot more to say about how you live your life. You need not leave or lose your friends ever again. Even if someone moves, you can keep in touch. I have maintained friendships at a distance for decades and they are a rich and strong as they ever were. The point here is that you get very clear with the idea it is safe to invest in friendship. Because by the tone of your post, you’re lacking this understanding.
The next point I’d make is that you only need one friend. Forget about making “friends”. You have a stellium in Scorpio and you are never going to want a million friends. What you want is an “inner circle” and you create one of those one soul at a time.
For example there was a point in my life where I was down to one friend (Ben) for a period of years. For about 3 years, Ben was all I had and vice versa and we sustained each other. Eventually things shifted, planets progressed and both our lives opened up to include more people but you get my point. I would be out there looking for 1 friend, which I bet you can find. So don’t talk to everyone. Scope around and talk to the one person you really want to know.
Forget about being a social butterfly, that’s not who you are. Instead, narrow your focus and look for one person you can relate to and I think you’ll find your friend and eventually another… and you’ll pull out of this early trauma just fine.
Good luck
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7
Aquarius Man, Friends With Aries Ex-Girlfriend Does Not Like Hearing About Her New Lovers: What To Do?
Dear Elsa,
I’m an Aquarian man, and I recently was dumped long distance (over email) by my Aries gal. There were a lot of factors against us - she recently graduated from Boot Camp after joining the Navy (which I supported) for one. However, everything seemed to be going great, I was making plans for the future and she seemed to be as well.
I was the best boyfriend she could ask for - totally non-typical Aquarian. I made conscious efforts not to be domineering, to invest myself in her projects, to let her take the lead in the relationship, and to support her in everything. However, this letter arrives, claiming that she “still loves me” and “wants to be friends”, but “can’t be my girlfriend”.
Now, the kicker is this. She calls me frequently still, as a friend…but I feel like I’m talking to one of my guy friends rather than an ex-girlfriend. She tells me about the guy she is currently with, about how he is in bed, and frequently makes references to specific sexual encounters she and I had - always in a praiseworthy sense, but still - I’d rather do the typical Aquarian thing and ignore painful memories.
My question is this - I’m viewing our relationship as a fun “friendship with benefits” that simply ran its course, and want to keep her as a good friend (typical Aquarian response to a breakup). I’m not holding out hope that Aries gal will get back with me - once Aries has decided, that’s that. How can I let hew know that her nonchalance about our 1.8 year relationship hurts me, without shutting her out of my life completely? I know it’s unwise to dampen Aries’s enthusiasm about ANYTHING, especially a new love, but every time I hear her talk about her new man, it stings a little.
Help a confused Aquarian out!
United States
Dear Confused,
What your gal pal is doing with her Sun in Aries and her Moon in Leo is boasting about her conquests. Considering you have your Sun, Moon, Venus and Mars in Aquarius, just having it put that way might allow you a bit more detachment… or not. Because as Aquarian as you may be, you have Neptune exactly conjunct your ascendant, in easy (and very tight) aspect to your Moon and Pluto and this indicates some serious sensitivity.
So what I think is happening is you are trying to stay in head about this. You think you should be able to but your feelings are deep, they leak is all over the place and consequently you find yourself in this situation. And you have some choices via that same Neptune rising and here are the main three:
You can continue to transcend. You can escape this whole situation, or alternately you can try to teach this girl to be more sensitive, which is the option I would recommend. And you’re right. She may not like it. She may want it to be ME, ME, ME. It may be more important to her to be able to brag than it is to have you for a friend and if this is the case, don’t you think you’d better find out?
I’d say, yes. Because if this is the case, she’s really not what you thought she was and at that point, I bet you’ll be able to detach… if you choose.
Good luck.
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3
Scorpio Ignoring Scorpio - Is It Hopeless?
Dear Elsa,
I have a Scorpio female friend who is freezing me out for the second time. The first time, I got her back by appealing to her curiosity. I am as you see a Libra Scorpio cusp and seeing the designated thing through to the bitter death.
I love her very much although we’re just mates and the frustration is really starting to show when all my phone calls are not answered and emails not replied to. Is it hopeless?
On The Cusp
United States
Dear Cusp,
It may be hopeless. I am sure your friend did not like being manipulated back into a relationship with you; however you have what may be a potential ace in the hole.
See, you’re not merely a Scorpio. Your Sun is part of a stellium in the sign that includes Venus, Mars, Neptune and the Black Moon Lilith. Further, you are possibly a Scorpio rising as well, plus your have Pluto (rules Scorpio) tightly sextile your Moon. And translated this means that you are a Scorpio on steroids, which means one of two things in this circumstance.
Either you have thoroughly repulsed this woman and you can commence to chewing your arm off or alternately, if you can take a long enough, hard enough look at how you behaved here… if you humble yourself (Capricorn Moon) and get a better grip on your own psychology, i.e. - become aware of and watch your tendency to manipulate people - you may enjoy a rebirth in this woman’s life. MAY.
So do you want to do that?
Good luck.
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