Dear Fence,

Yep, you have a profoundly commitment-phobic chart here (so does he) and I don’t know there is any way you are going to be completely content and satisfied. And I don’t meant this in a critical way. It’s just you want something that does not exist. You want someone you can count on, you want to be special to someone but you do not want any baggage with that. It’s as if you do not want a commitment, but you do, but you don’t and I don’t think there is a cure.

Say this guy commits. Next thing you know you’re moving into his place or he yours. You’re going to merge your lives and it’s going to him, him, him and him. Are you panicked yet?
Continue reading Over 50 and Commitment-Phobic: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon Baby Boomer

Dear Hat,

I have no idea what your signature means but I left it intact for others to puzzle over while I try to crack your problem, which I feel is far more common than the people realize or care to admit. And the cause, and the specifics from person to person are endlessly varied. But what you have in common is this: You have cracked 40 years old and you are alone. And I’ll tell you exactly why I think this is.
Continue reading Commitment Phobic In Her 40’s: What Now? Astrology-Based Advice

Dear Grand Cross,

You should probably hit the road running if you’ve discovered you want to nest and have children, because he’s told you he doesn’t. But what bothers me more is this guy’s attitude - “something is missing”. It suggests something is missing with you, and though I appreciate he’s always has this problem and apparently has copped to same…well he must like it that way. He must like running through women, because otherwise he’d be trying to figure it out and fix this.

What it sounds like what he’s figured out, is that he likes to be non-committed and this is his story. “Something is missing,” he tells the women. Well hell. I’d say this guarantees the woman will walk at some point which I think is exactly what he wants and ultimately, exactly what he’s going to get.

Sorry and good luck.

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Yesterday I brought up the gazebo conversation to the soldier…

“Yeah, because I’m not a… not a… what word was that I used last night? People think I’m a… did I say hyena?

He snorted. “Hyena?”

“Yeah, is that the word I used?”

“No it was like shrew or something. Oh yeah. Banshee. People think you’re a banshee.”

Continue reading The Gazebo In Sound Of Music - Uh Oh, Reality Intrudes On Neptune

Dear Libra,

It sounds to me as if you don’t like this guy’s passivity and neediness - plain and simple. Never mind he is so badly wanting to partner that he is ready to propose marriage to someone he has known for a month. But you may also hate your own passivity, since you are dating someone you decidedly did not want to date and I think the latter may be as much a problem as the former, as this type conflict is vividly shown in your chart.

You have an Aries rising so are not going to take very kindly to wimps; however you also have a Libra moon in the seventh house which wants to partner just as bad as this guy does. This may be why you started dating him in the first place. Hate to be mean to people.

The situation is further complicated by Uranus in the seventh conjunct your Moon suggesting a healthy dose of commitment-phobia and understanding all of this if you go back up and read your mail to me, you can see this guy is more a prop in your movie rather than someone who is driving anything. Basically you want to detach (Uranus) from anyone who is nice and wants to partner (Libra), even though you are nice and want to partner.

Good luck.

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Dear Love,

It is not unreasonable or selfish to want your own space but it probably is completely unrealistic to think you are going be able to have this while living with a woman, three children and a dog unless you can afford a house with a separate wing… which it sounds like you cannot.

I think you will probably be miserable if you move in with your girlfriend and also that you will make others miserable… so the fact you are looking at this in a harsh light is good. Because she has a responsibility to her kids and if she is counting on your to pay half the rent and you are ready to balk… well I think you should tell her right away that you are having your doubts.

And don’t think I don’t see your side! I have Libra you know. And it sounds like when she promised her kids they would each have their own bedroom… knowing your conditions, well as far as I am concerned, she sold you out right there.

So no. I would not recommend you move. You are too independent and kids are fixtures, you can take my word on that. Your girlfriend is also telling you one thing (you will be accommodated) but taking opposite action, so you know. Looks like you’d be jumping into a fire to me.

Good luck.

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Dear Pisces

What you describe is normal for you. I don’t know that you are ever going to ground for long - you are simply not built for it. So what will help most is redefine what “getting your personal life together” means.

To me, “personal life” means exactly that. It is personal to the individual. And it sounds to me as you are trying to cram your foot into a traditional shoe that really has nothing in common with the shape of your foot. Coming to terms with this seems the task at hand and your fear of loss and regret is also part of your nature.

To be in a state of “divine discontent” is uniquely Piscean and I don’t see how you are going to avoid these feelings. For example, marry this girl, and pine about what might have been. Don’t marry this girl and pine for what might have been. The fact is, there is no perfect solution or panacea. You can only flow and have faith that what is (ultimately) best for all involved will be exactly what happens… because invariably this turns out to be the case.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Broken,

I am sorry but I agree with your friends. And I would go even further to say you are not “meeting your father”, you are your father… and you are projecting these negative qualities onto your partner, at least to some extent.

Now I have no doubt your fiance and your father were angry men, but with your Mars in Aries in hard aspect to your Sun, Moon, Ascendant, Uranus and Pluto, it is clear you have copious amounts of anger yourself.

And being a double Capricorn, I am sure you like to see yourself as the mature, responsible one. And having your Moon in Libra, it is you who is nice - however, this is a myth. And reading this may come as a shock, but you are going to blink and be 40 years old. If you want to resolve your relationship issues and be able to partner, you are going to have to come to terms with reality.

For example: you can’t have a loving intimate relationship while being hard to nail down! Does that sound feasible to you? Does it sound reasonable?

You are nearing 40 and all the problems can be chocked up to the fact you keep “meeting your father” and this is what? An accident you are not responsible for? Are you a victim here?

Look. Your chart is enormously challenging and at this point, it doesn’t have one thing to do with your father, your fiance or your other various father replacements. What are you going to do about your restless anger? Because you have it like Green Eggs and Ham. You have it here and there and everywhere. You have it on a train or in a plane. On a boat and on a goat you have this rage!

And commitment issues? Control issues? Yep, you have those too. And that’s fine as long as you own them and that sounds like this:

“I don’t want to marry you because I don’t want to be married! It is just too damned hard for me to maintain a relationship.”

And not like this:

“I don’t want to marry you because you are broken and I am not…”

What you need most of all is a mirror. Everything you say about your partner is true of you and I mean everything. If you want to fix this, you are going to have to scrap everything you’ve got and start from a completely new foundation and somewhere inside you know this is true.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Girlfriend,

Insight? Yes I have some. You committed prematurely to a man you didn’t really know and don’t even seem to like, most likely because you think this is all you deserve.

Further - rather than recognize the error and cut your losses, you’re spending your time scrutinizing yourself wondering if there is something wrong with you or if there is something you could do differently to make your relationship with this man tolerable. Tolerable?

At best: if you bust your butt, turn inside out and cut off an arm, you might be able to stand this guy. But why, tell me, why would you do that?

I am sorry but I don’t think your relationship is viable. It is a mistake pure and simple and with Saturn transiting your 7th house, it begs you learn from this. And hurry… and I mean that.

I am sorry to hit you so hard but the best thing that could happen is this blog cause you a crisis that ultimately forces you to take a serious look at your behavior in relationships. Because Saturn is at the end of your 7th house not the beginning and if you don’t get hip…. well it will be like graduating from high school illiterate. So here is a crash course:

You met a guy… finally met a guy. Feeling desperate and lonely you pressed for a commitment and if you read through the rest of your post, the whole thing is a bid to control to avoid the doom you are sure is coming! And I ask you, is this any way to live?

Now he is hopeless as far as an honest relationship goes and there is nothing you can do about that, but you can work on yourself and this is what I would do. Get a therapist! And please don’t be insulted by that. I had to get a therapist! And thank God I did, it was the best money I ever spent!

I’ll apologize one more time, but I can’t stress this enough. Forget the guy and get some help. You’re heading into your Saturn return, in the 8th house no less and this stuff needs to be addressed. When? Now. Just get yourself to a therapist and tell them what you just told me and you’ll be on your way.

I know you’re scared but do it anyway - because your life and happiness are at stake and you are worth it. And for the record, you can totally and absolutely heal and pull out of this. You just need the right associations and this guy is not one of them.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Girlfriend,

Saturn is transiting your Sun in Leo and are you humbled yet? I don’t think so. It sounds to me like you have given this man a very hard time and I am pretty sure your fears are justified. He probably does want out. He probably does want the other woman. Do you blame him?

And I don’t say this to hurt you. I say it because if you want to have a shred of hope of keeping this man, you’re going to have to apologize and be a hell of a lot more humble than you sound in your mail when you do. And I am pretty sure if you can’t manage this, you will lose this man if you have not lost him already. So do you want to keep him? Or not?

If you don’t want to keep him, just do as is. Sit there and think of yourself. Hope and pray he doesn’t leave you because of what it will do to you. Meantime, this other woman will treat him like a human being and I am sure he will find the door here pretty quick.

On the other hand: if you want to keep him, you best get down on your knees and start apologizing and you better mean everything you say. Grow up, as in yesterday and deal with this man in a way that is responsible. Cop to what you did, and why you did it. Tell him how you are not going to do it anymore and what steps you are going to take to insure this is the case so that you might possibly regain his trust.

Are you up to this? I don’t think you are. I think you’re going to sit there and wait for him to fix it for you, rather than clutch it up yourself. But feel free to get mad as hell and prove me wrong.

Good luck.