Seeing legions of people very unhappy with their circumstance - Here’s some reassurance and some simple, elegant and effective tips.

Dear Sagittarian,

It sounds to me as if he is telling you what is in his head but in a passive aggressive way that is not your preference.

You have Saturn conjunct your Sun which indicates your serious nature and your desire to plan towards a goal. It does not sound as if this man has a goal in common with yours so yeah. If you are looking for a live in relationship, I think you’d do best to move on.

I’m sorry and good luck.

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Dear Disenchanted,

Although you did not specifically say so, I am going assume you want advice on how to solve your problem - and if not, there are plenty out their who do so I am going to address this non-question.

Per the astrology model, when you are 30 years old (post your Saturn return) you are considered to be completely grown-up and responsible for every aspect of your life. As an adult, you are no longer able to blame others for your problems such as your parents who mistreated you or whatever.

This does not mean your parents did not mistreat you. It simply means whatever the result or inheritance of that is, it is now your problem and your problem alone to solve.

I feel your challenge in relationship falls into this same category. You have a pattern here, it is your pattern and your problem which you may or may not address. If you do address it, you can expect things to be different; if you do not, you can expect things to be the same. But the idea you are a victim of this life is never ever going to get you anywhere and unfortunately with Neptune tied up with Venus, you do have this tendency.

Bottom line is this: sober up and get to work on your negative patterns in relationship or expect to continue to feel “divine discontent” for the rest of your life.

Good luck.

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Dear Virgo,It sounds as if you are confused and authentically trying to do your best and while this may come across as harsh it is not meant that way because I really do feel your struggle, I empathize and want to help you. Things is that your marriage aside, your dating problems seem largely self-inflicted and Saturn’s transit through Virgo in aspect to most of your chart begs you take responsibility.

For example, you state you can attract men like flies and I believe you so if this is true why stop with a man who has another woman? Why not toss him and attract someone else who does not have another woman?

It is you making this choice, see. And all the friends and supportive family in the world is not going to be able to help you in the least if you do not decide to make better choices and yes, the pattern of hurt will continue, quite obviously.

As to why your make the choices you do, outlining this from an astrological perspective is outside the scope of this column but it seems clear to me you are attracted to the victim position and perhaps the feel of the edge of a knife in relationship as well.

I realize this may fall outside your current definition of self but you have to admit the facts fit and it again comes back to your Saturn transit which will force you to see yourself in the real light and if you don’t like the image you can change the frame and get a whole new lease on life in the process.”

Good luck.

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Dear Love,

You do not sound moody or irrational to me and while feelings are transient and do change, I don’t think they should ever be ignored.

Now unfortunately I can’t tell you precisely what is going on with you and this man but it sounds as if you are feeling some trepidation and perhaps what you’ve got here is a red flag? Perhaps as the real life meeting draws near, what is revealing is you are not as compatible with this man as you once thought. And there is no way I can tell you this for sure but I can tell you this much:

If it is a red flag, you are bound to see more of them so if this starts to happen I would absolutely pay attention because a man who goes “beyond your comfort level” is just that. He is a man who goes beyond a woman’s comfort level and when you are with a man like that, as far as I am concerned you are in danger.

I would also add if it is him who is telling you that you are “moody and irrational” I would certainly begin to rethink this if I were you.

Good luck.

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Dear Aries,

You have articulated your situation beautifully and I wonder if you have tried to tell your mother exactly what you just told me. Your post is balanced, it is fair, and it is full of love yet firm.

I would go as far as to say that anyone who can write and think like this is well equipped to parent so the first thing I’d suggest is you go over just exactly what it is you’re saying to your mother that might be triggering her. Are you in some kind of negative pattern, both yelling at each other? If this is the case, perhaps you can write her. And to answer your specific questions…

You can show her your love and appreciation by asking her to relinquish control to you rather than demanding it, because she’s got an investment now too. You can also thank her for being there and for stepping in, but explain that in order for you to completely heal you have got to resume your place as the mother in your son’s life.

Now as far as money goes, I hope you are using yours because if you are using hers… it complicates the situation. If this is the case and is a factor here, I would work very hard to become independent - because it is not fair you call the shots and another person finance them.

Last, do I think you can fix this? Absolutely for the reasons described in the first paragraph up there.

Good luck.

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Dear Aries,I looked at your chart and saw nothing that would signify a “troublemaker” in my mind. Your chart shows someone who is independent, freedom loving and somewhat eccentric. There is also indication that you would have some trouble perceiving how you are perceived. While this was all interesting it did not solve your problem, so I decides to consult my beau, an ex-Special Forces soldier of 16 years among other things.

I read him your mail.

“… appear like I am a trouble maker?” I said. “So that’s what she says and no, there is nothing in her chart. She says she is doing her job and her chart shows an eccentric person.”

“The Army is no place for an individual,” he said. “It functions as a team. There is no place for individuality in the Army and anyone acting as an individual is highly suspect. You’ve got to watch them all the time. If you’re in the Army and you want to have some individuality, you can have it for about a minute if you’re lucky, when you’re out and away and then it’s right back into the group.”

“So she hangs out by herself…”

“Yeah, that’s no good. The Army hates that. The Army is 2. There is you and your buddy in the foxhole. You watch his ass and he watches yours. The military must operate as a unit or you’re get your ass kicked, so yeah. Hanging around by yourself is not going fly in the military and anyone who tries to do that… anyone who tries to act individually is going to be highly suspect and considered a pain in the ass..”

I expect he knows what he is talking about so based on this, you have two options that are in sync with your chart. You can either get out of the military or you can experiment with changing your behavior and both of these would suit you.

The quitting is obvious but in the other direction, anyone with a strong Uranus (like you) loves a revolution. They also like to surprise others so if you made this change you’d shock people and you’d like that.

On another level - with Mars in Scorpio, finding out you can manipulate people via your actions of penetrating the group would also have an appeal. And manipulation is what I would call it if you decided to actually join their “army” in order to observe the group psychology.

Then there is the 3rd choice (and my personal favorite) - do one and then do the other.

Good luck.

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Dear Pisces,

I will tell you how I think you regain a person’s trust but can tell you right now if you do not completely police (Saturn) yourself, this relationship is going to fail. It is just not going to survive due some quirk or lucky break. That would be like the dishes getting washed without washing them.

First of all, it does not seem as if you did some horrible thing here so I wouldn’t worry about that. But it does sound as if it would be impossible to be in a relationship with you (for him or anyone else) and at 40 years old, this is something you might want to fix.

You can start with your language. You do not MAKE someone trust you. You behave in a way that is trustworthy and people come to trust you as a result. In your own estimation you not behave in a way that is consistent so this would be the first thing for you to conquer and your Moon and Pisces can help rather than hinder if you can come up with some compassion.

How about compassion for the person who is sleeping with you and loving you for 8 months while you flip around and go in and out of the relationship?

If you can’t manage to commit and stay consistent, then either see a therapist about the childhood issues until you heal them and can manage, or prepare to lose every relationship you ever form because it’s very simple. It’s impossible for someone to be in a relationship with you (over time) when you are not in the relationship and one more thing:

No, I don’t think your Pisces Moon is at fault. More likely it’s the opposition between Virgo and Pisces in your chart which Saturn’s transit through Virgo will surely address over the couple years.

Good luck.

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Dear Capricorn,

It is common to see age difference in couples who have strong Cancer or Capricorn in their chart. Same thing when there are a lot of planets in the fourth and/or tenth houses as these signs and house represent the parental axis and people with a focus there have parent/child themes in their relationships across the board. So I would talk this relationship serious if only it were an actual relationship - but it’s not.

This man is partnered with somebody else… period. There is no indication he had any romantic interest in you whatsoever so I have to conclude you are having a pure fantasy here which is also shown in your chart as you are a Virgo rising which means delusion… er, Pisces rules the seventh - the partner.

Now I am sorry if this is harsh but there are other things that pop out in your note. For example you say he is with another girl but you are not a girl. You are almost 50 years old and this is not a “girl” in my book.

I am glad you wrote, glad you are concerned about embarrassing yourself and I would urge you to let go of the notion you “love” this man unless of course you would like to pine. But yeah. Think hard before you say anything to him because if you do he is liable to be embarrassed, somewhat creeped out and he will almost definitely run for the hills.

I say recognize this as a fantasy and start looking for a new situation.

Good luck.

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Dear Taurus,

You put up with it because by your nature you are very fixed. Besides having four planets in Taurus, you’ve got two in Scorpio, including the Moon and on top of that, you’re an Aquarius rising. Those are all fixed signs - so basically you’re not going anywhere until and unless you decide to move, which will probably take an act of God.

I am not criticizing you for this, just explaining. Your Gemini man has his two lives he lies about, so he’s just fine. His other woman probably has a chart that craves space or some kind of thing other than the day to day drudgery of a mundane relationship, so she is probably fine as well.

You’re not all that bad off yourself, apparently. You’re the one getting the sex which I am sure you like and you have a freedom loving streak as well which also gives this relationship appeal. Because if you do decide to leave you’ve got a built in reason, don’t you?

Bottom line: the man may love you but he is not giving up the other woman, this is clear. So stay if you want and I would only have this one suggestion: If you do stay, then just stay and don’t beat yourself up about it as in why of why or who would do this. It is okay to stay just because it’s what you do.

“I am not going anywhere because I stay.”

It is also okay to leave and go find a new field of grass to chew.

“I am tired of this grass, gonna move now.”

Either one is acceptable.

Good luck.

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