1 minute astrology

Dear Elsa,

My fiance and I have been together for about 2 and a half years now. I am also pregnant with our first child. We have had our ups and downs but we finally got an apartment together and were starting to make it a home for our son who is due in less than two months. I am very concerned for my son and myself because of my fiance’s addiction to porn. I do not want my son to grow up in an environment where his daddy sits up and tries to sneak looking at the garbage.

As for myself, I have always had weight issues, but before I found out I was pregnant I was almost (about 2 sizes away) from being exactly what size I wanted to be. Now that my stomach is getting bigger I am really starting to become depressed because of the porn. I understand that what is inside of me is beautiful and special, a brand new life that God has created for me to be a part of, but he really seems lately to not want anything to do with me or the baby. I go to doctors appointments by myself or with my mom, I have to literally beg him to come put his hand on my stomach to feel the baby kick, and on top of that, he does not find me attractive anymore. He does not hold me at night like he used to, or kiss me just to kiss me, hug me to hug me, he just doesn’t touch me. All he does is wait until I fall asleep then comes back into the dining room, turns on the computer and looks at porn.

I’m tired of feeling like I am never good enough for him because those tanned, skinny girls are so much better. It has gotten to the point to where he has caught me crying about it, but still continues to try and be sneaky the same night, knowing almost every time he does look at it he gets caught because I either wake up to it or obviously have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night… I’m pregnant!

When I try to have sex with him he tells me that he is too tired from work that day. I am also concerned because he has been very snappy lately. I read somewhere that when a person has an addiction they tend to lie, snap back, start fights, and have a tendency to cheat. I have no clue what to do. I pray to God every night that He can help him realize that this addiction is hurting our relationship and will ultimately end up hurting our son.

20 Year Old Gemini
United States

Dear Elsa,

I have been seeing a Scorpio man for five weeks. When I first met him, he was very intense. Apparently, he travels a lot for his work. I like him a lot and feel like there is potential for a wonderful relationship.

The only thing he is hot and cold all the time. He began to pursue me intensely, bought me two expensive perfumes and a $600 spa treatment for Christmas. We have had a couple of communication bumps and I realized that he was sensitive. We have not had sexual relations until recently, this past weekend.

He has mentioned me to his family but when he does not like what I say, he criticizes my way of expressing myself or at least makes note of it. It seems like I am under a microscope.

He mentions that he thinks he would like me to meet his friends in Wisconsin, since he is here on business for four months but then he gets cold and I do not hear from him for 4 days or I do not know if we have plans for the upcoming weekend.

He has three female friends that call him regularly. One is a coworker, another a girl from this hometown who is unhappily married and another in Wisconsin. When I make a comment about them, he said, they call him, he doesn’t call them.

He has been open with me about his life. He is presently taking medications for various problems, an antidepressant, a anti psychotic medication and a patch for ADHD.

He was drinking a lot in his life and his job sent him to a program to get help. He has confided in me that the programs never worked in the past and that he has a biological problem and would drink because it made him feel better. At one point he was drinking from 10am to 4pm. To his credit, he has been honest and in fact has shared just about everything with me. He seems to want to be successful in this program.

I guess, I am a bit confused. I decided to stop calling him. He was calling me, then we had a bump and now I call and he doesn’t. Last weekend we were together, he cooked for me, took me out to movies and spent the entire weekend inside with me but he has not called me since.

Double Libra
United States

Astrology in Real Life…

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Dear Elsa,
I’ve been dating a 31 year old Pisces man for six years now. We undeniably have a strong and inseparable emotional attachment to each other. We’re best friends and there is a mutual love between us but there are a few problems.

Even though he’s very affectionate, he’s very secretive and is an alcoholic. After he left the clink, for the past two years he has lived with his parents and I’ve lived in an apartment in this tiny retirement town in the middle of nowhere. Even before all of this, he never could pay his rent on time. His mother and I are both Cancers. Since he’s moved to his parent’s house, even though he’s still sweet to me, he doesn’t spend very much time with me anymore.

I’ve explained to him that I do not want to constantly visit him at his parent’s house and pretty much stay alone at my apartment. He is also in denial about his alcoholism. I’ve read books on the subject and am trying my best to handle it appropriately. He’s a “live for the moment” kind of guy. We love spending time with each other but he does not want to face reality about how to be self-reliant.

A few weeks ago I caught him drunk, and making out with a girl from his job. After tons of tears between us both, we can’t stand the thought of splitting up. I explained to him that I can’t trust him yet. He thinks that since it’s been a few weeks, I should already be forgetting about it and never bring it up. I can’t, not yet. I asked him if I could check his cell phone but he hates giving up his privacy. He says I’m too jealous of other girls. I then tell him I wasn’t before, but now I just want to trust him again.

He is a great guy and I want him to have other friends, guys or girls (me too)! But I also want to trust him. Then he changes the subject. When we used to work together, he never left my side but I didn’t make him. I believe he’s sorry but he can’t seem to face reality about how trust is earned. What should I do? I feel I’ve found true love but not a real relationship. Thanks in advance, from one watery mess.

Cancer Woman
United States

Astrology in Real Life

Dear Elsa,

I fell for a Scorpio female a few years ago. We quickly felt a connection between us. The whole “opposites attract” thing. It escalated quickly and she has taken me deeper and deeper into her life.

Being passionate people, it was not long before our relationship took a physical turn. This has been going on and off. I helped her save her house from foreclosure. I have spent thousands keeping her head above water financially yet she is still in over her head. These days she has no use for me physically. All of a sudden she says she doesn’t know why it has stopped but she cannot give me what I need.

Now I am starting to believe that I have just been a useful resource all along. She says she loves me and I am everything to her and she cannot see her life without me. But I do not know what to believe. She is such a damn enigma that I do not know what to do. I want to make love to her so badly but at the same time I want to strangle her for using me.

How can I get out of this tangled web? I have loved her like no other in my life. Given her everything but my soul and I am fed up.

Stellium in Taurus
United Kingdom

Hi Elsa,

I’m currently living in Costa Rica, Central America, but am originally from Toronto, Canada. I have been in a year long relationship with a Costa Rican man who is 10 yrs older than me, but have recently left him. I am still trying to “make it” in Costa Rica if I can.

The main reason I left was because he got drunk and coked up one night and freaked out on me. I wasn’t in that state as all. I’d had a half a beer and I don’t do cocaine. He is an alcoholic that has been trying to take it easy. He has done cocaine, admits to liking it, but claims that he is not an addict.

The reason he ended up freaking out: he became physically aggressive, grabbing me, cornering me into walls, seeming like he was going to hit me, and spitting on me. He also wrapped his hands around my neck and put a little squeeze on it; he claims it was to “calm me down”. He admitted to all these awful things, and begged and cried for my forgiveness amongst other things.

It wasn’t the first incident with him but not to that degree. I knew getting into the relationship with him that he had issues, but thought that old cliche that our love would fix everything. Now I am in a situation where I am in a foreign country where things are just different then what I am used to. I do love it here and want to try and make a life.

The thing is this: I’ve only had email contact with him and 1 phone conversation over the past 2 weeks. He is doing all that classic textbook stuff, liking begging me to come back, he’ll change, he loves me more then anything. etc. etc. He wants to go to counseling and I am somewhat considering it. My question is this: can men who have drinking issues, anger issues, jealousy issues and have also been physically abusive BUT seem genuinely willing to change… can they change? Really?

I do love him but I’m at a crossroads. Do I just move because he really won’t change? Or do I give it a small go and at the very least try and attend one session with a therapist together, so that he can truly understand that what he did was unacceptable and he ever wants happiness in his life he needs to work on these things? I know that I am not perfect but know I deserve a good man, I feel like he could be in the future if he really works on himself but am confused.

Does any of this make sense?

Abused Woman in a Foreign Land
Canada

Dear Elsa,

I’ve been married only one year, and my husband is addicted to porn and has anger issues. He’s always lashing out at me. He has drastic mood swings. He goes from being the most wonderful loving guy in the world to being completely non-respondent.

He keeps telling me he is erasing all of the porn from his computer. And then he picks a fight with me to use it as an excuse as to why he went back to the porn. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore so I left!! I’ve tried to help him, only to have him him throw the blame off on me. I’m his 3rd marriage. And I have had it, even though we have a 4 month old together.

I feel so much happier and better now. Things are going good. And I don’t have to deal with all of his sicknesses anymore. Well, now he is begging me back. He wants to go to counseling, he is taking anger management classes, and he looking into getting help for his sexual addiction. He is pleading with me telling me I am the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and he now sees how screwed up his life and he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life this way.

What should I do?

Virgo
United States