What About Your Deficit? A Personal (Or Universal) Story - You Tell Me
Astrology in real life
I am really not sure if this is personal or universal because there is no way for me to know. Awhile back I said that I related to Jaycee Dugard and Elizabeth Fritzl and it put me in a firestorm. But let’s just pretend I have cause and reason to relate to them and let’s just say one of them got to town when they were 15. What would that be like?
By some miracle I have some insight into this. ::smiles:: And I can tell you that either of those girls would have shown up for their new life with a deficit. And if they were anything like me, they’d have merged with traffic the best they could and marveled at everything. They’d have quickly realized they were very different and learned to keep their mouth shut. They’d have tried to go native as fast and as best as they could but would they ever really blend in? Probably not. Too much is lost and if there were anything gained it is unseen and for the most part unspeakable.
So let’s say decades passed. Would there still be a deficit? Maybe. In my case there is and I had to try to explain this tonight.
I had ignored a mail from a friend the referred to spiritual teachings I am not familiar… torture, which I already know way too much about, etc. The point of the mail was that my friend was okay so I did not check the person she referenced. I didn’t go study see. I understood this much: she was okay due something the had learned from a spiritual person and to me that was a complete sentence so to speak.
Several days passed and then she wrote me thinking I might have been offended by her mail. I responded, she wrote back and I wound up sending her this:
It’s that, plus I just don’t relate. I am from another place and it is very far away. It’s sort of like when people start talking to me about tv. I sort of glaze over because I just wasn’t there and have never been interested in going there and seeing what I missed.
If I say anything people think I look down on them which is also foriegn (and painful) or that I am stupid so there really there is no win. I could study these things that many have and make up the deficit but the fact is my time is limited and I’d rather study and learn on my own track.
She understood and I wish more people did. I don’t entirely speak your language and I don’t want to spend my life trying make this not be so. I didn’t watch “Buffy”, the 60’s version or the 90’s version so I don’t know what the hell you are talking about and further, I don’t care.
As a concrete example of how this works, take Catholicism. The soldier is Catholic, in fact he is a 4th degree Knight of Columbus. He taught RCIA classes for a number of years, he has given his 10% all his life and so forth.
When we were kids he assumed I was Catholic… after all I am Italian and in fact I am Catholic. I was baptized Catholic but that was the beginning and end of that, sort of.
This was impossible to explain to the soldier when I was a teenager but over these last FIVE years we have had to come to terms with this and what he has learned is that my experience with “Catholicism” is singular. I doubt there is another person on this planet that has experience that matches mine and eventually he came to understand this.
What he came to understand is the dice were thrown in such a way… well it’s like expecting Dora to hunt. She’s not going to do it. He tried to feed her a squirrel, she is a dog after all and she just looked at him as he says, “like a hog looking at a wristwatch”.
What I am trying to say is there are deficits that are just too vast or too hard wired to bother with especially when I am not having any trouble.
In other words, why should Dora ruin her life trying to learn how to hunt just to please him? And why should I study things just because you do or more often, just because everyone does when I am not interested in those things? Whose life is this, damn it?
I told satori tonight what I am sure she already knows. I am passionately interested in various things.
I want to know what retired green berets think. I want answers to hard questions that come to me in the night and always have.
I need these answers because people come to me who need these answers so if y’all don’t mind I am going to stay on my track and my line of study as the path shows itself and the astrology?
Saturn transiting my 9th house (higher learning). I’ve got to study and by now I know what I’ve got to study so don’t mind me while I stay on task. Ultimately you will be the one who benefits because that’s just the way it is. But here are my questions:
Have you ever felt yourself to have a deficit and if so what did you do about it?
Also, is this story personal or universal?
46 Responses to “What About Your Deficit? A Personal (Or Universal) Story - You Tell Me”
Well, I don’t know if its personal or universal, but I can certainly relate. Not to your past or any of the other details particular to you… but to the fact that there is only so much I can do to try to make myself fit in with others. I’m aware of having what others perceive as a deficit, though as I get older people seem less and less concerned with my deficit.
All my life I’ve had a disconnect from popular culture, and from how normal people seem to relate. That doesn’t mean I can’t interact just fine and understand their psychology. But when I was a kid I did just have to shut up, because I literally never knew what people were talking about. I didn’t understand ordinary phrases, and would just stand and watch others with my mouth hanging open. Strange, because in my case I did have a television, and (I think) a more-or-less normal childhood. So I don’t know what accounts for it.
Things got so bad that one kind girl in highschool tried in vain to tell me how to wear my clothes so that I wouldn’t seem odd. And another girl set me the task of listening to a certain radio station, so that I could ‘get up to speed’, as it were. Needless to say, none of these suggestions worked. That second girl refused to believe that I had even tried to do as she had instructed. But I had! She could just see I hadn’t ‘gotten’ what she had tried to teach me, so she didn’t believe me. Yet I tried and tried! I remember telling my mother, I have to listen to this radio station, to learn what the others think is important. Right there, you can see that particular project was never going to work. So pathetic, huh?
Took me a while to learn that, for whatever mysterious reason, I was just never going to be the one who fits in to the popular scheme of things. I was often just going to say the wrong things, and only figure this out afterwards, from people’s reactions. Boyfriend after boyfriend would be stunned and amazed by what I didn’t know. It was never a deal-breaker (that I could tell), but my ignorance (combined with being intelligent and somewhat personable) did seem unfathomable to others. Like my not wearing jeans (which for some reason, a surprising number of people are incredibly hostile to). Not watching the right shows. Not knowing what people are referring to half the time because I haven’t seen the right movies or gone to the right events, haven’t had the usual boyfriends, and so on for just about every aspect that’s ever been targeted in any advertisement for anything at all throughout all of history. I have zero, and I mean zero, interest in celebrities. I’m just not part of my - or any - time, I guess. That used to be a huge deficit in relating to people. Now as an adult, I don’t have a TV anymore - and what a relief it is, a whole burden has been lifted off. That’s just one small symbolic thing. The larger answer is, that I’m no longer trying to do anything about my possible/perceived social deficit. I have other things I’m busy with.
StephB, thanks. That was an incredibly interesting read. I envy you in that I work in the public eye.
In relationship with clients I have virtually no problems because we are on topic which is their life. But because I write this blog people do socialize with me or try to and it is inordinately hard for me to get it right. The ultra smart intuitive types figure it out but most at disappointed I think but I don’t really know why.
It seems it is because I am not like them / don’t act like them but why anyone would think that I WOULD act like them is beyond me.
One thing I have been meaning to say…
I have a mad wrist, it has bothered me for 10 years. It hurts every day, sometimes it throbs and since I need it to write my blog and to do consultations, I don’t write a lot of emails.
So sometimes people write me long emails and I answer them short due my wrist. And I am pretty sure the mail arrives on the other end, often enough as a disappointment. But really it took me an effort to send what I did and if I have to write, “I am keeping this short because my wrist hurts” to everyone I will go insane, plus get another mail back, ::smiles::
It’s a no win situation, always. It’s like people want you to be especially interesting but also just like them and it just doesn’t work that way.
In my case people also dream me up (or down) and jeez, I just can’t hold their illusion up for long.
The soldier did not want a Dora wedding but he had one and I didn’t realize if for a few days when he mentioned it and explained to me what the deficit was from the outside perspective. I could see what he was talking about but I didn’t FEEL it.
Things other people think are a lack so not seem like a lack to me.
I for one, identify with this and I loved this entry. Beautifully written, Elsa. I guess I understand this from a different dimension. A a mega-Pisces, all my life I have had people try to mold me to be hat they wanted. From watching the shows they want me to watch to trying to convert me to another religion (happens all the time, I’m Italian and Catholic too, no theeenks Mormons, proud though unenthusiastic). I’m a natural studier and I am every thankful to Virgo and 6th house influence in that I just won’t waste my time on shit that doesn’t matter to me and I don’t try to make other people give a shit about what I think they should. That’s really an annoying personal crime.
There are definitely deficits and they are universal. Isn’t that the point of everything? I’ve been reading a book about the cultural history of the penis and while it presents no strong argument for having one or not, it raises interesting points. Some people have a dick, some people don’t and we spend our lives trying to reconcile because neither side can really ever understand what it’s like as much as we try to.
Fascinating topic, I’m sure to be thinking about it all weekend.
Elsa, I love Buffy even though I am a guy. Lol, lol!
No, but back on topic. I think the smarter you are, the easier it is for a person to have their own mind.
I’m not calling people who fit in dumb. I’m just saying that alot of smart people are at least ‘internally’ misfits until they die.
But maybe intelligence has nothing to do with fitting in. Maybe you either do or you don’t?
There are some ways where I have a deficit, and others where I blend. I’m learning to be smart enough to keep my mouth shut and block out the yattering instead of telling people to take their inane chatter elsewhere to someone who gives a damn. Heh — Saturn in Virgo taught me sumpin’ I suppose. 
Hey, Char, are you reading “A Mind of It’s Own?” That book was wonderful!
How funny, I was talking about this with my therapist today. I just can’t fit in. My deficit is not being able to follow any trends, watch any tv show for too long, have boyfriends, go out as much. And at 25, I’m just entering a phase where I’m learning to get used to it. It’s a difficult adjustment. And thank you for the post, but I don’t know about the word “deficit” since to me it implies a debt or something that is lacking. I mean, it’s just something different, but I don’t think we’re lacking, you know? You’ve replaced that so-called deficit with yourself. But at the same time I can see how it can be a deficit in others’ eyes. In that case, the word is very poignant-pinpoints the sometimes sadness of being a weirdo!
As a Pisces, I have done my fair share or adapting to the perceived expectations of others over the years, and while I haven’t stamped this behaviour out completely, I do notice when I’m being dragged into it nowadays, and generally speaking I am able to resist it and remain myself.
But looking at it from another angle, have you ever been disappointed to find out that one of your heroes (movie star, musician, author, etc) is in fact an arsehole, and more to the point a raging egomaniac? I used to feel like this, till I realised that a) very few people reach the heights of fame without being self-obsessed, it’s entirely logical, and b) that my expectation that they were good people whom I could like or respect with impunity concealed a rather childish hope that they would like me if I met them…
It’s a little convoluted, I know, but the bottom line is that we feel validated when we meet someone who has the same interests as us, who agrees with us (hence the fury expressed in so many blog and Youtube posts, etc.), and diminished somehow when they don’t. So the secret is to expect everyone you meet to be totally different to us and accept that, and then if you do happen to meet someone whose ideas resemble yours it’s an added bonus. Because we can only accept ourselves as we are, I think, when we have come to accept others as they are. That’s it, pontification over and out.
Sorry, got confused in the last paragraph; it should read:
…but the bottom line is that we feel validated when we meet someone who has the same interests as us, who agrees with us, and diminished somehow when they don’t (hence the fury expressed in so many blog and Youtube posts, etc.).
It could be universal in the sense that people will feel a deficit if they are exposed to a set of people or an idea they cannot relate.
I have definitely felt such deficits in my life, so they have been personal too.
Personal and universal.
People don’t hesitate to share their ideas of my deficits! Not this enough, not that enough, etc., everything that’s wrong. Feels like that kind of world sometimes.
“People don’t hesitate to share their ideas of my deficits!”
That’s interesting. People do hesitate to share their ideas of my deficits probably because my surpluses are towering. Ha ha ha.
Well, I do believe my surpluses are towering 
I have Sun/Mercury/Mars square Jupiter
This morning, a man gave me his theory of why I wasn’t married (yet). His words were cruel and unexpected. As well, in his world, marriage and motherhood are a woman’s only true goals/purpose.
So my deficits change depending on who is doing the “sharing.” I circulate in some pretty intense communities and people have always had strong feelings about me –
I can relate, though I am working on my confidence to just run MY life, and not be overwhelmed by people/ systems/ ideas about how life ’should’ be.
oh I have thought myself to be solely one big deficit, unfortunately. self-loathing is brutal. however I do think it’s universal rather than personal. Lots of people experience this… Never thought I was good enough for anything: God, happiness, success, love, whatever.
I came to the personal realization (10+ years ago) that this self-loathing was like a reverse and perverse form of egotism. Also that I could waste my time here on life hating myself or loving myself. I can be stupidly hard on myself (Cap Moon in the 1st) when I fuck up but remembering I’m not supposed to be perfect helps.
“But maybe intelligence has nothing to do with fitting in. Maybe you either do or you don’t?”
I think that’s probably right, Toni. I’m guessing this has to do with the prominence of uranus/aquarius in one’s chart? The more prominent, the less likely to fit in…?
But then again, seeming intelligent may be in a funny way wrapped up in all this. I know it’s caused no end of misunderstanding of me, people attributing certain intentions where there were none, etc. Because I might seem intelligent, it doesn’t occur to people that I am actually deeply clueless. Or, the opposite: they write me off because they think I’m clueless and vapid, and then are surprised when I turn out to have something to say that is insightful about something (usually them).
Hmmm, I don’t know! All I can say is that this whole topic is elusive, a mystery, to me. I’m often dogged by the sense that I can’t win for losing.
“I’m often dogged by the sense that I can’t win for losing.”
I know that feeling but eventually you realize when you win you lose. It’s a damned head fake (Saturn/Neptune which I know you are) so long as you’re living well. Time is wonky too so losing often means you haven’t won “yet”.
Thanks, Elsa. Interesting thread.
[And off topic... Maybe you should train those computer voice-recognition software programs (like Dragon Naturally Speaking) to recognize and type out what you speak out loud, so that you can produce writing without typing much. And, what about setting up an Amazon wish-list for you? Some people might like to buy you gifts...] You don’t have to answer!
StephB, I have that software (HQ bought it for me) but have not been able to quite make the transition. There is a disconnect when my hands are not involved. This is something I am going to eventually have to overcome. I do use the software but not unless my wrist is out to lunch.
On the Amazon list, I do have one but mostly people who want to gift me use the tip jar. For example, some sent wedding presents that way which very much appreciated.
I definitely feel like my deficit in life is not fitting in with traditional female interests with regards to home and family. I just don’t get how everyone else finds that to be lovely and warm and snuggly good inside. I’m pretty well broken even between the yin and the yang planets, but my interests aren’t very yin and I just don’t LIKE having conversations for hours about cooking or whatever.
I’ve never really fit in (Uranus rising) anyway, but it’s weird because I’d rather hang around with women than macho men (can’t stand macho attitude) and I am perennially left out every time “female” topics come up in conversation. Blech.
We are in a time in history when male/female roles are in flux and what we think of as society is crumbling beneath our feet. It’s difficult to maintain any kind of perspective on anything.
Own yourself.
There’s this: “If I say anything people think I look down on them which is also foriegn (and painful)”
Followed by this: “I didn’t watch “Buffy”, the 60’s version or the 90’s version so I don’t know what the hell you are talking about and further, I don’t care.”
The second statement sounds quite dismissive to me. It sounds like you are saying “I don’t care about what’s important to you.” Which may be true, but there are a lot of ways to say that, and this is said in a way that it does (to me) look like you are looking down on them.
It’s fine with me if you look down on them, or not (and who cares even if it isn’t fine, I’m nobody), you’re free to think and say whatever you want.
user, it’s jumbled up and out of context and you cut me no slack at all. Let me clarify this for you.
- First I cut and pasted a private mail sent to someone I trust to be able parse my meaning.
- She had referred to a spiritual source of her strength, a name I was not familiar with. I registered that she drew strength from this source but I did not research the source. I took for granted our commonality. She has her sources, I have mine as we both have been put through a wringer that is out of this world.
- When I stated people would think I look down on them… there is a risk of that when someone shares something personal with you and you don’t research it. But I did not have the time or inclination to research it so do I mention this? No.
My other choice would be to act like I knew what she was talking about which I would never do because I have no false self that could do something like that.
END MAIL.
As for Buffy, no I don’t care about that. I was dealing with something brought to me by a friend who I care about when I wrote the mail.
I don’t care about Buffy. I do care that people have places they go or people who they access for strength or information when their motherfucking life is coming apart as this gal’s is… when they have suffered what may be the worst string of events I have ever heard of befalling a person in my entire life. So yeah. That was one thing and whatever is keeping this gal above ground is not DISMISSED by me even if I don’t understand it.
Disney girls shaking their ass across the stage? No I don’t care about that and I DO dismiss it.
I hope this clears things up for you, user.
i dunno, if buffy’s that important to you, then i’m not inclined to be that curious about the rest of what you find to be hugely valuable.
(and i adore buffy… off of dvd. can’t watch tv. fills my head up with trash.)
me, i hear these conversations that start with “did you see the latest [insert brand name] commercial?” and my brain just turns off. something just inherently wrong that brand propaganda and psychological attempts at manipulation are viewed as a form of entertainment.
not to be snipey… it’s just perspective. everyone’s is different. like a map. we’re all different countries with different ecologies and countries in our head, and some have more in common than others.
i think life is too big to keep track of everything, so i focus on what matters to me. i don’t look at my gaps in zeitgeist awareness as deficits… more like choices (conscious and unconscious, intentional and not) about what to absorb.
Judging by the comments a lot of people got something out of my writing this but when I mentioned this to the soldier I told him if someone tells me they were saved by the *insert church*, I don’t question them but I probably won’t go study and join the religion.
I learned this from Henry who used to have religious people over ALL the time… for debate and just to expand himself. I don’t have that gene but I definitely understand that people have their own way of getting around or getting by.
My problem is that common references i.e. cultural literacy is a short suit for me and it causes me (and others) problems. However uncommon knowledge is a long suit, I have a knack for amassing it and I don’t think I should shirk my duty here.
Yeah, that is clearer, Elsa. You’re under no obligation to explain anything to me, if you don’t want to. If you do, that’s fine, I’m happy to read it.
I walk on eggshells in several areas of my life, which is fine because it serves the greater long term good in those areas. But I don’t feel a need to walk on eggshells here. I apologize if that came across as not cutting any slack. I have Saturn Mercury, and we all know how easy it is for Saturn Mercury and Mars Mercury to get along.
Well, user, a person shows their extreme vulnerability and you take the opportunity to try to pick them apart and frankly I just don’t get it outside I know it’s wrong.
((Elsa))
I feel like I can hardly relate to anyone anymore, since my experience is so singular right now, and that is weird.
(((Jilly)))
You have become me when I was a kid. You just don’t know where to start and whenever you try to say anything people just look at you. No matter what you can’t convey and even if you could you know it would do no good anyway.
It is really is possible to suffer so much trauma you’re no longer quite in the world and yet we live here don’t we? ::smiles::
Yeah that is so true.
yes, it is possible to be the kid in the class who has truly left the world, or maybe never made it all the way in to begin with.
The difference between me and you is I’ve known anything else which… I dunno. I would not like to trade places with you, I’m sorry.
It’s like walking around dead though, I do know that. Someone is in a vacuum, is it you or them? I think it’s what you call, “the shits”, LOL.
Yeah. I had bad %#*@ as a kid from about age 5 & wasn’t really totally incarnated for a long time is the best way to describe it.
Thought I had already gotten past the crapfest part of my life LOL but this is worse.
“Every time you reference those two girls someone attacks you. Not that you shouldn’t reference them, it’s your story but it happens every time because people just can’t believe that kind of thing has happened to someone they know..”
a pal tonight
Jilly, I felt the same way when I watched my daughter fail. I remember being in the hospital when a nurse came out and told me that my daughter had “gone around the bend”.
“You mean she’s not coming back?” I asked in shock and confusion and horror and terror and stupidity and pain.
She nodded her head, no. And I didn’t say a fuckin’ thing. But I was thinking, are you fucking kidding me? You’re going to give me this card? Do you fucking know who I am? Do you know what I have been through and now you’re telling me that my baby is gone..?
And right there you just submit because when people die they die as you are well aware. And as I am well aware.
“Can I see her?” I asked.
“You can see her.”
Later that night I went home to my hate mail.
It’s undeniable. Some of us carry more than others but I’ll tell you something. I’d rather be the person with the load then the person who put another brick on the person with the load.
This is another thing I know way too much about.
It’s interesting that so many Elsa readers - including me - don’t have TV now and grew up without it.
Sorry about that wrist Elsa & Jilly, well… I don’t know you, so anything I say might be intrusive and foolish but sorry too…
As for the original question.
I’ve only got a handle on some of my own deficits now, with the hindsight of middle age. Essentially, I came into the adult world with no clue about how society worked. I knew about please and thank you and stuff, and where to put my napkin, but not about being kind, respecting difference, choosing a career, maintaining boundaries or nurturing secondary relationships. All stuff that I had to learn and which is kind of useful.
I don’t know where that is in my chart. Could be Saturn in Pisces (H7) opp Uranus/Pluto, I guess.
As for pop culture and being perceived as a misfit - who cares, right? I have a bouncy Uranus too. They can keep… hang on, I can’t think of any 70s TV shows.
“It’s interesting that so many Elsa readers - including me - don’t have TV now and grew up without it. ”
I’m not surprised! This blog is way better than TV!!
no kiddin’…though i did grow up with 2 channels on a teeny b&ww…used to bug my sister because she’d watch the coloured lines after 6pm when nothing else was on, ha ha
“It’s undeniable. Some of us carry more than others but I’ll tell you something. I’d rather be the person with the load then the person who put another brick on the person with the load.”
Totally agree. I’d gladly even take a brick from you if you’re overloaded, you know, but to throw another one on. That’s pretty evil.
Thanks stina - & I don’t watch much TV because I have to be careful of what pictures I put in my head.
“Totally agree. I’d gladly even take a brick from you if you’re overloaded, you know, but to throw another one on. That’s pretty evil.”
I don’t know if it’s evil or not but I know for sure it’s foolish. This shit comes back to you and it’ll take your breath away.
I spent about 4 years with my daughter in and out of doctors and hospitals,my family barely surviving. I continued to give the whole time. Give on my blog, free astrology, I gave my actual blood and gave my money and I didn’t go two days without someone whomping me on the head.
It’s very strange and may sound like a lie but I felt so sorry for them because I knew as it was happening they were hitting the wrong person. Not because I am going to do anything about, jeez, I was completely underwater but you just don’t go slappin’ Jaycee Dugard and think there will not going to be repercussions down the road.
I let the universe take care of this stuff back then - what choice did I have. But these days I am able and able-bodied and if you want to poke the bear, I am going to smack you into the next state.
This is a service by the way. There are a lot of women around here who take a lot of crap and if they see me not take crap they are sure to think, hey! If she doesn’t have to take crap maybe I can stand up too.
It is a service to the perp as well. It’s a fuckin’ wake up call because fact is the planets have left Sagittarius.
well i will not pretend that i can fathom the weight of someone else’s burden, but i do remember when your daughter ‘went’ (sorry the word is so crude but i can’t think of a better one) and i remember (whatever small fraction) of the shit i saw thrown on you on the blog, too…
the fact that there was even one iota of shit thrown at you at all hurt. i learn so much here, i do have a lot invested in your happiness, it’s why i sent a keyboard, because i thought ‘hey this person gives so much, what is this? to me, it’s small, to this person, it may make a difference’
Elsa you are unique and I deeply appreciate your ability to share stories, I learn so much from other people sharing their stories (Sag ASC) I can’t say enough
oh and ((((your wrist)))))) too
hopefully the pain will let up when saturn gets off your mercury/libra ass
Thanks ((Elsa))
i do have the deficits and alien history. my experience is singular, but no where near the degree of anomaly of some others - just much smaller. i have seen enough of some others to know that.
never intentionally add to another’s load, either. that’s not who i want to be.
I don’t know if deficit is a word that I use in this day and time. There was a time I would have because I have experienced it that way. I spent my entire senior year in high school high, because when I was high I didn’t care that I was so very different from everyone else that I could not relate to my peers in any way. I liked the same music, I learned the latest dances. I love music and I love dancing and I like parties immensely. I am a social creature. But the things that were important to me, they had no clue about. And the things that were important to them were frankly rather distasteful to me. I had one intellectual peer (not in terms of intelligence level, but in terms of intellectual interests) and he was seven years older than me. I would drop by his job to talk with him about various subjects and on those days I didn’t need to get high. But the rest of the time? Oh it was crucial that I removed my dissatisfaction with life from my immediate awareness. I have heavy duty Neptune contacts so escape is knee jerk reaction.
And it’s not like my differences and individuality wasn’t noticeable because I have heavy duty Uranus contacts too, and I am an Aries so I had to wear each and every idiosyncrasy ten feet in front of me and so invited the derision and censure of my peers. For all of you Harry Potter fans, think Luna Lovegood crossed with Hermione. That was me. The only time I could make a reasonable effort to shut up and fit in was when I was bombed.
These days I really don’t care how people process me. I have one tv and no cable. I do like some popular shows, but I am more of a PBS person. I follow my interests and I actively like myself and my choices. And just like I want people to leave me the hell alone AND respect my choices even if those are radically different from theirs. and, I have learned to do the same. It makes life much easier.
Jilly, Elsa, others who suffer or have suffered from severe trauma, sometimes trying to judge you is the only way small minded people can feel safe around you because you gain such power from what you have survived or are surviving. It’s a chickensh^t shot and from a small mind, that judgemental stuff… I’m sorry.
Annalisa
Ha ha, meet my sister’s Sadge Moon… conjunct Jupiter.
But she’s earned the right to talk, I can tell you that.
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“Poor you. It’s reasonable to cook a dog a squirrel and have them eat it but not Dora.”
“It’s reasonable to have a dog do dog things, yes. You’d think she’s be some junk yard dog, but no. She’s a pussy. And she’s a snob. That dog acts like she’s got a ped-a-gree.”
“You had as much luck taking me to mass as you had putting Dora on a leash.”
He snorted.
“Why does this happen to you?”