“Do you still think people choose their families?” I asked my sister, we have studied astrology since we were 8 and 10. “You used to think we came in where we came in by choice.”

“It’s a theory,” she said.

“A theory? You don’t believe this?”  She has a Sadge Moon conjunct Jupiter so “belief” is the litmus test.

“It’s a theory. There are a lot of people who believe in that theory but I can’t say I have that experience.”

“Interesting.  I definitely think I picked our parents.”

“You think I picked?”

“No, I think I picked. I don’t know what you did. Just because I picked doesn’t mean you picked. I can’t imagine your experience. I’d have no way of knowing but they sure seemed to have suited me for my purpose.”

“Well, I wouldn’t trade.”

“Well that’s pretty universal. People when pushed… as much as they complain if you ask them directly they are not interested in trading their problems for another persons but that does not mean you picked. I have no idea. I do think I picked though. My life has been ideal for who I am and what I want to do. I realized awhile back it really doesn’t matter if what happens is good or bad, it’s the experience I want.”

“I’ve seen you care very much about how things go. Like your wedding. You care about that.”

I was profoundly flustered for 45 seconds which for me is 7 lifetimes.

“Well yeah, I can want things to go a certain way but if they don’t, so what? It is very important to me that something happens, it does not have to be good. If the car breaks down on the way, the drama is fine.”

“Oh, drama, yes. We do like drama, that’s why I work in the emergency room. I need some kind of edge.”

“Yep.”

Later I talked to the soldier…

“I think people have free will, P.”

“I know you do, it goes without saying. I have a lot of energy, I can use it as I please. I have a criminal mind but choose not to be a criminal. And I know you like rules to fit and be static. I know you don’t think rules should move around however there is some variance. You allow for differences so maybe your experience is not mine. For example you think you come into this life with some history and I come into this life with less history… maybe very little history.”

“Yeah?”

“So I am telling you that I am very comfortable with the idea that I chose my life. It’s a chicken or the egg thing. I am an astrologer and I have my chart and it is a map of me right there. People think things like, oh Elsa wouldn’t be like this or she would be like that or could have done that if not for this life of hers and I don’t see it that way at all. I think my life has been ideal for my purposes.”

“Well… that’s gracious, I guess.”

“What?”

“It’s gracious. I think it’s something if you can get to the end of your life and accept what your purpose is.”

“Oh, I agree! And I do accept my purpose and I like it quite a bit, this is what I am saying. How am I going to be me without all this crap? Do you think it is a psychological mechanism? I tell myself this so I don’t feel bad? People might say that but I don’t think they are right. I am telling you that I am interested in uncommon knowledge. I am really not interested in anything else and I was born this way.  My parents did not make me this way. I am this way.”

“Yeah.”

“Well I’m not kidding.  I want to know everything you can’t know or are not supposed to know and my parents were perfect in this vein. Between the two of them, they gave me a slant that would be very hard to replicate.  Consequently I know things that are very unusual.”

“I suppose. That’s true.”

“Actually, I am no different than you. You wanted to be in Special Forces.  You went through all kinds of shit to do that.  You signed up for torture. You asked to be tortured,” I said.

“Well I didn’t exactly ask,” he said with a chuckle.

“Yes you did. You wanted to advance. You wanted to be in SF and you wanted to advance that that was part of it. Come on!  You went through all kinds of crap, you starved… all kinds of crap, and you did it because you wanted the result. You this precise and very acute life to which you are suited.”

“I am suited”

“Well I am no different. I don’t see one bit of difference between what you did and what I did except I was in this at a younger age. I was born to it. You like knowing things.. uncommon knowledge, things you can only find out if you go way, way out there. So do I and we both did this. We’ve have been places people won’t even think about going and in the process we fulfilled our desire to know some strange stuff.”

‘Well, yeah.”

“OKay then. So you got your uncommon knowledge and I got mine and I’m telling you that I am as precisely matched to my parents… and to Henry for that matter. I am as matched to them as I am to you and I am precisely matched to you. Down to the fine hairs.”

“I am precisely matched to you. I know that” he said.

“I agree. Okay then. I am keeping my life, my parents, everything. I don’t want to be without even one thing I have. I could not do what I do if even one piece was missing which means my life has been ideal which leads me to accept the concept that I chose a horrible life. Or if God did it, that’s fine too. I’m just saying if I could pick a life I would pick the one I have had because it has given me a mother lode of what I wanted - knowledge that is rare. I just don’t see how it could be improved because I have no interest in anything regular that you could know.”

‘Well if I were picking, I’d have been a Hearst,” he said. “Yeah, I wanted to be born into the Hearst family, not my family.”

I laughed heartily and on that we said good night.