23
It’s Like Talking Into A Fan Redux
Astrology in real life
This is an adjunct to the last post, Story You May Or May Not Believe which has taken on a life of it’s own and I should probably be glad of that. To cut to the chase, the new chase I am currently assimilating the situation on this blog and in my life so that I might make adjustments that are sensible and I thought I’d give you an idea what I am up against on the chance someone can see this clear.
A couple years ago I wrote a series about “talking into a fan” which is what I feel I am doing much of the time. I say something and rather than have it be understood or parsed, it is blown back at me for a variety of reasons I tried to outline at the time.
Now nothing ever changes, at least not if you are me so this is still going on. As an example some gal on the boards wrote me privately some days ago to question me and complain. He note was long and detailed and she challenged me to respond.
I took her challenge and spent 20 minutes offering my honest feedback which I thought was generous at the time as I usually charge for this degree of focused attention. Do you understand? I was investing in this girl.
She also lectured me in the mail about how I could never have a good community if I required people to agree with me which did piss me off. For one thing, where was her community that is better than the one here but outside of that, her remark made no sense.
I told her that I had taken 2 polls on my blog and found the WIDE majority here (roughly 70%) were left leaning while I (who lean right) was in the very small minority (roughly 14%) on my own blog! Actually, I voted in those polls so the minority is probably more like 10-12%, and I thought this was definitive as far as challenging her analysis of me and my character etc, the idea being I could not tolerate people disagreeing with me.
I really thought she would read that and think, “hmm” but no. She wrote be back, ignoring everything I said, to reiterate her viewpoint (I suck), and then she asked me to delete her account… got to distance herself from a piece of shit such as me.
I deleted her account with a sigh of relief which was of course meaningless because the odds she is here right now and reading it roughly 100% but here is my point:
Let’s say I get a few hundred mails like this a year. Should I respond to them on the chance that one in the few hundred might be able to add in new information and come up with a different conclusion? Should I? Because if I am doing that, I cannot write this blog can I? If I am doing that, I cannot work with clients which means I cannot eat.
It is the same with the storytelling. Can I afford to be controversial? That is a good question right there, because the fact is I am one kick ass astrologer and if I just shut the fuck up and read charts for people I am surely going to have a career. Is this not better than being a shit magnet? Which job would you take?
32 Responses to “It’s Like Talking Into A Fan Redux”
one of the things i noticed early on in reading your stuff was that you DIDN’T expect people to agree with you and welcomed a diversity of experience. in fact, i’ve always been impressed by the degree and have worked to become more like that myself because i respect it.
i don’t know what to say. some of us do track, but we ain’t writing you bitchy emails about how you ought to run your site or your life - or telling you what YOUR experiences have been. the amount of crud that’s tossed your way continues to amaze me (and i know i only see the tiniest glimpse of it)- it’s stupefying to witness. i would guess it’s exhausting to field as well.
i doubt there’s much to be gained by responding to the critics, but doesn’t mean you won’t ever choose to do it. i wouldn’t blame you if you decided to ditch this gig…but i sure would miss ya.
If people have the choice and the time to comlpain to you and aspect you to answer for free you have 10 times as much the choice to delete them right away.
YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING HERE.
and if people do not get it they do not deserve your time.
This is how I run my businnes…and how I’m slowly selecting people who do appreciate my art work and who want to support me.
Pretty much what dina2 said.
There may, from time to time, come a comment or criticism that might actually be important to you. Then you are well served looking into that, like with the composition of your community. It might (emphasis on might) improve your blog.
Just be sure you are settling the issue for your own sake, not for someone else’s. Your time is too precious for that.
I think that approach should actually help you stay ever truer to yourself, rather than getting diverted by people’s insecurities. Ultimately, if they don’t like how you do things, they can start their own blog.
Wow..the fact that you lean right while I lean left and I am able to express it here, not to mention a myriad other of my thoughts/feelings, only makes me feel stronger and more comfortable in my own skin. It’s more challenging in some ways, but the outcome (feeling more empowered, broadening my experience) is exactly what happened in my consultation with you. Don’t think for a minute I’m not aware that we are INVITED to share here. That, among many, many other things, says tons about the high quality of this blog..
Damn, you ARE a shit magnet…. I wish that weren’t so.
P.S.–one more thing I just thought of:
If it’s important enough to address, then it should probably go on the blog publicly (keeping the emailer anonymous, of course). That accomplishes several things.
It settles the issue once and for all; if people still complain, then obviously it wasn’t important enough for them to look for the answer, and it’s not important enough to warrant your attention.
It shows other people how responsive you are.
In the case of your community composition, public posting strengthens community identity. If you spend time on it, it might as well be blog-worthy material.
Lastly, it’ll make people think twice about emailing you stupid crap. Even if their identities are anonymous, they’ll be less likely to argue with the community as a whole than just you. There’s something about transparency that affects people’s behavior.
wanderingstar, i think perhaps you underestimate the intractable nature of ignorance. or maybe you’re just more optimistic about it than me.
Wow. I never realized that the blog stuff was detrimental to the astrologer career stuff. I thought the blog fluffed up new people to get their charts done. But I can see what you are saying that it might actually do the opposite in this case.
Well, if it’s a choice between those two, then personally I would choose the career. That way, you get what you need, plus fans can still get their charts done. It’s not like you’re disappearing completely. Just disappearing from daily free public view.
One thing is for sure. There will always, always be angry people on the internet.
LOL
Trust me, i can be pretty resigned to some people’s need for stupidity, especially on the internet. My post wasn’t about them, it was about Elsa, to find constructive ways of engaging it. That’s pretty much the best you can hope for.
WanderingStar - thanks. I agree with everything you said.
maureen - I am in the tiny minority on my blog. That you guy allow ME to exist is the amazing thing.
goddess - I have no intention of ditching this gig but I am sure you notice there are things I don’t write about anymore and let me stress that it is not because of the people here. This phenomenon exists in my life… all my life and constellates in my most immediate inner circle. If you want evidence of that check this:
Couple weeks ago I called Ben who I have known for almost 30 years. We have a very intimate relationship, we talk of things at a deep level.
“The cops called Annalisa yesterday about the murders,” I said.
“What murders?”
“I never told you about the murders?”
“What murders?”
My mind raced backwards. “I did start to tell you but it was too hard so I let it go. Do you want to hear about this now?”
Match that up with me at 17, lying in bed with the soldier, after having just organized and filed a lawsuit at least a decade ahead of his time and not mentioning it.
I can track this stuff all the way back to when I was 5 years old, maybe 4 1/2 but people who have read my blog for a week think they know me better than I know me. ::laughs heartily::
Weren’t you, at some point, going to have a form letter response to send to emailers or am I thinking of something else?
People. *shakes head* Why do they get all torqued up over minor differences, especially on the web. Definitely there’s something about the internet that affects people’s behavior. As in makes them certifiably nuts.
Sometimes, when I declare someone wrong, it might occur to me later that *I* am the one who’s the monster, projecting my shadow. That’s a kick in the head, for serious. Hopefully, in that case, I’ve got the tits to face it and adjust my behavior accordingly. Fair’s fair.
FWIW, I always liked talking into a fan when I was a kid. I found it entertaining. 
there was a form letter for folks being dropped from dispatch, jilly. that may be what you’re thinking of.
ok
maybe you should have another one haha
Jilly - yeah, I do have a form letter. I responded to this person as an option. I just decided to meet my mind with hers. It was not necessarily my normal MO, but I decided to expend this energy on that day for a variety of reasons and I don’t regret it.
I mean it leads me to think which is what I am doing right now and I am pretty sure this track of thought will result in something.
Elsa - thanky thanky!
And you should definitely keep up your blog. After reading your blog, I was inspired to find out my birth time, so you can do me a reading! I can’t wait!
I still remember that “Don’t Go Away Mad Song” you played and were going to use! Not that I ever thought its absence meant you weren’t still going thru all this junk.
Still, I thought that song was a hoot.
Elsa, this reminds me of your post the other day when you said “One should never get in the way of a person trying to live their life in any way”.
You live by this mantra, and to have someone come along and poke their nose in and try to tell you how you should be, well, to put it mildly is unreasonable!
Crackers, me too. I just don’t have time to fuck with these fucks anymore but here’s that song…
http://www.elsaelsa.com/archives/2008/11/04/finally-oh-its-a-sweet-day-for-elsa-p/
ha ha ha
alicia - you’re right and this occurs to me all the time. Fact is, if you are actually doing something with YOUR life, you’ve no time to concern yourself with fixing mine. This is a song as old as time. Those who can do, do. Those who cannot, criticize!
It’s really simple. Before you complain about me and my blog, please provide me a link to your superior operation. So far no one has done this - big surprise.
The person who wrote that wanted attention (on the boards). She didn’t get it because she didn’t warrant it (as judged by the community) and somehow this was thought to be my fault… my unwillingness to tolerate people who don’t agree with me.
now that logic is faulty anyway you turn it but she’s the type where her theory trumps facts that disprove her theory and I don’t know what to say about that except for it is common.
Heh. Those of us who have been around a while know better than to feed trolls 
Thank you Elsa - for being you, and for being here so we can all participate in the community. You know, the one YOU put together? Yeah. <3
Bah I shoulda quoted. That first paragraph was in response to this:
The person who wrote that wanted attention (on the boards). She didn’t get it because she didn’t warrant it (as judged by the community)
Websters says liberal means “tolerant of change; not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or tradition” so you can still be liberal and lean any direction you want, can’t you? Just don’t lean too close to the ‘fan’ in case the shit hits it. And keep on being Elsa, Elsa.
i’ve got a million different ways of saying the same damn think but hey i’m jupiter conj mercury in gemini OK?
the way it seems to work around here is it’s like darts. for every 30 darts you throw one or two will hit someone’s understanding. or like a monumental game of jacks where the jacks are queen sized but the hand is that of an infant’s.
or… okay. so let’s take this pareto principle that you speak of. i reckon that for every 20% that pull some actual (binding, meat on the bones) understanding from your blog and work it out in their mind to help themselves, there is another 20% of that (.04) that can actually grasp what it might mean in relation to You. & i don’t mean that as an insult. it’s just that while you speak in straightforward language, there is a forcefield around your words that a very few can feel out just by nature of the beast. it’s like on top of the 4th dimension that your words get to us by, there is a fifth dimension that sits behind them to be read between the lines, if only one has the ability.
i thought of a story that illustrates this. you go to the zoo and you’re sittin by the lion’s cage and you start to hear his voice. he’s speaking to you telepathically and you look around to see if anyone hears him. no one does. you sit staring at this lion for hours every day while he tells you stories of where he came from, the battles he’s been in (quite natural to him but terrifying to any human), the fucked up shit that the zookeepers do to him that no one will ever get wind of, yada yada yada. you feel a sense of awe and closeness to this lion. but eventually, something’s gotta give. you start thinking that you’re crazy or you bring someone else to validate it and they think you’re crazy, cuz everybody knows lions don’t speak, lions don’t have these powers, lions don’t lament. or you go to the zoookeepers and try to convince, “no you don’t understand! this is a Magic Lion! let him go! shit, i’ll take him” and of course they laugh and throw you out. the operation is out of everyone’s hands, cuz it’s so below radar. so the lion has to wait until the next person who can hear him comes by knowing damn well that it’ll probably end up the same way. but he’s gotta keep telling his stories, if’s he’s gonna be cramped in this damn cage all day he might at least spread himself out metaphysically. so what’s he gonna do? he’s gonna keep telling his stories until he dies, cuz he’s not getting out of that cage anytime soon, evidentally.
see how all i can do to describe this is talk in metaphors? it parallels you trying to simply speak the truth! whether you do it in real time, or you write it in a book, or you make a video, whatever, it’s gonna get a little (a lot) skewed. so in terms of this blog here… you’re the busdriver and we’re the passengers who don’t realize you’re drivin us all around town until you say “hey! i’m sick of driving you guys everywhere! you trash my bus, you throw things at me, you don’t notice that we’re driving through paradise/purgatory cuz you’re too busy bickering, you think you know the route better than i do, and you try to sneak off without tossing a dime my way! i’m finished!” cue the whining! nooo elsa stayy stay!! how am i gonna get to where i need to go without you! i thought i knew but i was wrong, i’ll pay you double, triple, i didn’t realize how far you took us until i tried to walk the whole way my damn self and now my feet are all twisted!” hahaha i am taking this so far. but i get that you wanna just shut up and be a silent knower. but with your bluntness, urge for large-scale communication, and ability to build truth upon truth over time and probe/shock while simultaneously keeping the exterior attractive (your words elsa, your words) you’ve got the best blog around town. so i hope you stay. see ya!
I’m just amazed that someone would think it ok to email you privately for anything other than a consult. How naive am I. Ignore ‘em, they must have the manners of an alley cat.
i come here for the fresh air, the openness, the edginess, and the sense that people won’t get flipped out by talking about heavy stuff.
and the energy. it’s a good place.
others may have their own reasons. but if someone wants your blog to be something you don’t want it to… they can go find or write that blog they want somewhere else.
i just don’t get. the difficulty of some people to engage in dialogue. instead turning off their ears entirely and waiting until a pause so they can make their next soundbite.
Thing is, occasionally there is something on here that makes me wonder…hello, what’s this…but at the end of the day I feel that it’s none of my damn business why you do or say what you do. So I pass over it and enjoy the rest (ie 99%). You are not me so why should I expect you to be me, think like me, talk like me, have the same hang-ups as me? It’s the fact that we are all so different that makes life so interesting. And there is no way I can make an accurate assessment of anyone’s motivation or reasoning from words online, for God’s sake. To try and do so seems to me to be obtuse in the extreme. There is a little thing called ‘giving the benefit of the doubt’ of which these people might care to take notice. Etiquette, Netiquette please people. God I’m going all Saturn in Libra and it’s not even October yet.
How anyone would expect me to write almost 7000 posts (on this blog alone) and not fuck up is beyond me. You guys realize I am one gerbil on a wheel here, right?
Absolutely. And you know, I’m fairly new to this blog and recently have been trawling through the tags for info on various placements and aspects. Elsa there is such a RICHNESS here! I can spend a couple of hours reading and go away feeling like I’ve really got to grips with whatever it is I was researching, just on the answers to the quick questions.
You are so loved, Elsa. Beloved. Please don’t forget that. Sorry to be sappy– I know love doesn’t pay the bills, but it remains nonetheless.
“I’m just amazed that someone would think it ok to email you [Elsa] privately for anything other than a consult.”
I’ve done it, for things other than when this was “the advice blog.” There was once a pic I wanted info about, and at least one other time — but that’s seeeeecret. Shhhh!
Just thought about that over the weekend, actually. My mission is still unfulfilled! *wails* Ah, well… I claim divorce-brain. Back on the manhunt *looks at calendar* Tuesday, I suppose.
These emails are weird- what do these people expect? that you change your life and ways to please them? My guess is these emails are all about them and they don’t even know it.
In any case, every time you get one of these don’t forget you have a (quiet) majority on the blog (even if they don’t agree with you all the time).
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This is one of the exhausting aspects of having a popular website/being an authority and/or high profile web personality.
I don’t think you should have to defend yourself to annoying people who have nothing better to do with their lives than challenge you.
If they don’t believe your stories, or if they don’t like what you have to say, then they should go away and find someone else’s blog that is more in line with their thinking.
Seriously, unless people are writing to ask about a astrology consultation, they should politely fuck off.
The major problem with the web is the lack of boundaries. It’s okay to not reply to these people. They are abusing their privilege of being able to access you.