Under The Scorpio Moon… Time Trippin… OFF Track To Tell You A Story You May Or May Not Believe
Storytime
I’ve been talking to everyone I know about my recent revelations, I can’t say that I am doing a very job. It could be Mercury is retrograde, it could be that people are having their own lives and problems and don’t want to hear anything too… whatever. Bad, sad, mad or hard. It could be a combination of things but I am beginning to think that what I am saying is akin to gibberish and for a variety of reasons.
Like the soldier’s way-out-there math that no one has heard of, so are my experiences, ideas and observations. If I communicate very carefully I think I can get through but not lately. I am not even sure I can adequately explain why but I’ll try.
Somewhere on the boards I mentioned I had a miracle healing once. Now this happened, it is just something that happened in my life and I wrote about it on my original blog along with a bunch of other stories.
I was really surprised when people didn’t believe me and if you think I am naive, well you’re right. But actually a good number of people did believe me but I don’t think they would now.
At the time I was a smaller person. I was not actually smaller but fewer people read what I wrote and I guess it made it more believable… perhaps more tolerable that I would had the experience I did. But now?
Well now there is a larger group and there have been a lot of stories. The fact is they are all true and not embellished but I know I am pushing the limits of believability and I am pushing them hard,
For example I claim to relate to Elizabeth Fritzl and Jaycee Lee Dugard and I get bitched out behind the scenes for making the statement, even though it’s true. Now what if a person claims that kind of background, AND an epic love affair AND a miracle healing? Am I a liar yet?
That story is a damned good story and I have many others but I can’t tell them because I will become “not real” and I really need to be real. Bastards like that guy who wrote A Million Little Pieces make up a bunch of lies about their lives and in the process steal the credibility of people like me who have had a fantastic life… really.
A few weeks ago I was talking to my sister about this man I knew, Jim. I moved in with him when I was 15 years old, he was 35. Sounds bad, huh?
Well it wasn’t bad. He was an Italian guy with a daughter my age, she lived in New York with his ex-wife and this guy was a kick ass father. I know this because he immediately became mine.
Yeah, I lived in this hotel full of junkies and mentally ill misfits not that I knew it at the time. I had no idea, having just got to town but anyway, I took a shower in my little room one day and then went down the stars of the fire escape, hair dripping wet because I didn’t know any better.
I walked in the store that was directly below, greeting everyone cheerfully because I’m simply a happy person. I knew them all of course… I have been talking shit since I was born. I can’t tell you my vsisercal reaction when the clerk and the stockperson started bitching about the water.
“Someone upstairs took a shower again,” one of them said. He pointed at the row of buckets and pans placed on the floor to catch the water that was dripping HARD from the ceiling. He pointed up at the leak. “Every time they take a shower, we have to mop up.”
I felt a pain in my chest when I realized it was my water. MY exact thought was that the water had run off my naked body and now I was standing there with my hair wet and I was MORTIFIED.
Rational or not, that was my reaction and worse, I confessed! “That’s my water. I’m sorry,” I said. “I am so sorry…”
Well I had to move you know. HAD TO and I was really upset about it. The hotel was cheap for one thing and I had no car…Â whatever. I did not want to move but I also did not want to make people mop up my shower, nor did I want to not have a shower so that was it. I was moving.
I remember buying a newspaper to look at the ads and find a room to rent. I got the paper from a machine in front of the store and disrincly remember hating to part with the dime the paper cost because I was that poor. I saw it as a gamble, see. The newspaper machine was like a slot machine, I put a dime in and if there is an ad for a room I can afford, I win. If not, I just wasted a dime. There was an ad…
I put another dime in the payphone and called the guy, “Jim”. That’s his real name. He told me to come over so I did. I immediately hitchhiked to his house because the room he was renting cost $70 a month which was even less than the hotel ($90).
Long story short, Jim and I hit it off. I lied about my age (I was a bartender at the time) and he laughed his ass off, busting me on the spot. How he could tell my age when my employers and everyone else could not is a big mystery but I’ll tell you what happened and what he did.
I moved into Jim’s house and he totally fell into the father role. I mean he told me I would need a driver’s liscesnce and loaned me his truck so I could take the test. He let me drive his motherfucking corvette - that is how cool he was but this was the best of all…
Scott (most of you know him) was my boyfriend at the time and when he came to the door to get me in his smelly car, Jim went to the door and told Scott to come back with a decent set off wheels if he wanted to take me out, otherwise I was not going. “And bring her some flowers, asshole!” he yelled at Scott’s back.
Next day, Scott was back with his mother’s cadillliac and a dozen roses. “That’s more like it,” Jim said. “Now you can go out with Elsa…”
I told my sister this story (well about 1/10 of it) and she said I was lucky. Most 35 year old men who take a 15 year old girl are up to some shit, she explained. But when I hear something like that, I can’t parse it and this is why: Nothing usual has ever happened to me in my life.
If it makes you mad or sad or any other negative emotion to hear that, I am sorry but it is in fact the case.
No one knows all my stories because there are just too many of them. For example I could tell you several hundred that feature, “Jim” as I knew him over 10 years and if I did I wonder how many of them you would believe.
Not being believed makes me weary which is a whole other thing best left for another day but I do want to wind this up.
You know that ex-green beret, the double Scorpio I was writing last month? Well he read my original blog. I likened me to Hemingway which I was sure was a nice compliment thought not understandable since I’d never read Hemingway. He was also the first person to tell me I should write a book… this was before, HQ and I recall him saying that I should state that my stories are not embellished.
I was listening but very confused. It seems he’d heard some stories in his day (and I think he said he had told some stories as well). He said that my stories were real (he could tell) but other people would not think they were real so I should state this on the first page of my book.
9 years later and I am beginning to understand.
pictured - that is the exact hotel, my room was the 2nd window from the left, you can see the store underneath. The hotel was condemned shortly after I moved but has since been renovated and houses upscale shopping, I think. From my window you could walk out on that patio (upper left of the building) and the fire escape came down from there…
58 Responses to “Under The Scorpio Moon… Time Trippin… OFF Track To Tell You A Story You May Or May Not Believe”
so mb, how would you know? and if you don’t know shit about it why would you voice an opinion?
mb - I don’t think Elsa is comparing her experience in this particular story to that of Elizabeth Fritzl or Jaycee Lee Dugard.
mb, that’s hysterical. I am 15 years old, living on my own in a decrepit hotel with no idea what the hell is going on and you don’t find that the least bit… er.. curious?
Do you maybe wonder where I was when I was 14? 13? 12? 8? I guess not.
In whatever case, you make my point.
Wow. The thing with the water- I would have to move too. How embarassing.
True stories told in the light of day(or night) are hard for those who haven’t tasted the whole of salt and the rock of sweet. Thing is, what I get here is the whole sweet and salty.
Your point about ‘being a smaller person (then) and a bigger one now’ there’s something to suck on, i’ll tell yah!
And this, “Not being believed makes me weary which is a whole other thing”
Elsa, just keep talking. Don’t stop telling your stories. You are coming through loud and clear in every way that counts.
agree with deglet about yr coming thru loud, clear and true. some idjits wouldn’t recognize or understand the truth if it hit them with a stick.
Satori- I bet you wouldn’t say that to my face but the internet gives you big balls huh?
Elsa, I was in no way attacking you, I don’t know the specifics of your life. The part about those two women just stood out to me. I think you are an excellent astrologer and I enjoy this website.
It’s fine, mb. I know you. I know you have been around awhile and have never attacked me. As for the girls, their stories are SINGULAR and so is mine.
Just imagine one of those girls is a writer… that would be me.
And as for defending satori— that again is a fact. She will beat your ass, Pisces or no. 
I suppose this is the internet… we either believe each other or we don’t.
The story about the man Jim was a completely different story which had nothing to do with relating to the kidnapped girls/women. The thing those two items have in common is that they are both extreme and hard for people to believe.
user - no that is not what is going on here.
::shakes head::
Someone else explain if you can. I’m obviously at a loss with my plain English.
ok I’ll try:
1. here are some stories, by elsa
2. some people don’t believe them
3. “For example I claim to relate to Elizabeth Fritzl and Jaycee Lee Dugard and I get bitched out behind the scenes for making the statement, even though it’s true. Now”….
4. The story about Jim
etc.
How did I do??? Please tell me my head isn’t up my ass. But if it is I will try to fish it out.
Truth really is stranger than fiction. I think those of us who have been reading at least a while, and I mean really reading and thinking and feeling and not discounting one story and calling you a liar, know that you are about as up front and honest as a person can get. The stories of your life are not for the shallow folk, they’re deep and thought-provoking and often very painful to read, but they’re so HUMAN. I don’t know why, but I never once thought to myself “she’s making this up”. I think that for whatever reason, you got dealt one unique, remarkable deck of cards. And life really can be f-ing crazy, and those who don’t want to believe that are living in la-la land. Keep writing, Elsa!
Oh heck, I’ll give it a try Elsa!
I think what Elsa is trying to say is that the two females she mentioned have fantastic (in the sense of being absolutely out-of-the-norm) stories, both having lived a long period of time basically in isolation before suddenly coming back to the real world, so to speak. I don’t think most people who have lived relatively normal lives would relate to someone who lived 24 years in a basement with no access to anything outside of that room, or someone who was kidnapped and spent 18 years growing up as a completely different person than she was born. I think Elsa relates to that because her story is also way out-of-the-norm, and as a result, she runs into the same kind of disbelief that I’m sure those women ran into the first time they told their stories. “Your father kept you locked in a basement for 24 years? How could no one know? You must be exaggerating, or lying, or whatever!” I don’t think she’s necessarily saying she relates to the victimization aspect, though I don’t know all of Elsa’s history — maybe she is, maybe she isn’t.
Elsa has a unique story. Even if you are one of the doubters who doesn’t believe half of what she says, the other half is still pretty interesting! Personally, I choose to believe her - I really see no reason not to. I know that people can have really unusual lives — heck, half my childhood was spent saying to my family, “One day I’m going to write a book about all of this family nonsense, only I’d have to market it as fiction, because no one would believe me if I told them this stuff actually happened!”
For the record, all of my stories are real, they are not embellished and furthermore there is witness to every single thing I claim… at least for now there is, until people start to die. I have evidence of all kinds, I have pictures but by far the most supportive is the people who were there in person who are (or have been) all over this (and my original) blog. Thing is, evidence does me no good.
If someone does not believe you, you can produce evidence until you are blue and if my experience with this type thing gives any clue, the person or persons will not even look at it. In short, they don’t want the truth. I mean they just don’t want the truth because I can sure as hell give it to them.
If they do examine the evidence, they will discount it of course. “Well that’s her sister - they are in cahoots.” How about the fact my sister and I have not had a conversation in 10 years up until just a few months ago.
On the miracle healing, there are witnesses to that as well. My first husband is aware of this, he is a man of integrity. My doctor sure as hell remembers as does everyone in his office.
He told me point blank, he’d never seen anything like it in his life and he was sure he never would again. He also pointed out that I seemed to have no appreciation for what had just happened and he was right about that too. Because see… weird shit happens to me all the time so when it happens to me, why would I think it was weird? I don’t think it is weird. Someone has to tell me it is weird… like my sister told me I was “lucky” re: Jim. I did not feel lucky. I just felt like I met a guy named Jim and he was great. WTF is lucky about that, see? Too me, it does not occur.
Back to the healing, there were other people on the periphery. People who saw the injury. I had a pretty high profile at the time, unbeknownst to me of course. I was informed on that day… I mean I went to a doctor I had never seen before him my life and he KNEW ME and my reputation and I found that a lot more curious than anything else going on.
The point here is, I could trot all these people out, I suppose. I could bother them but why? What is in it for me? 1 extra person might believe 1 story? What does that mean? Do you know how many stories I have? Jeez Loiuse, I can’t count that high. But get the plot here: there is nothing in it for me. If you believe me today will you believe me tomorrow? My (vast) experience says no with the very rare exception and this phenomena is something I study.
The double scorpio popped up a couple months and I started telling him more stories. I can write freely remember? He was trying to remark but eventually gave up because the stories come cascading out of me until the person is drowned in them, do you understand? Drowned.
Regarding those girls, if you could talk to one of them… actually talk to them about a day in their life or their feelings at 9 that changed when they were 10.. nuance and so forth you mind would be blown to bits. So instead you say strange things… very strange things and the person with the experience at the end of the continuum looks at you quizzically.
I know, because I am one of those girls and because CNN didn’t tell you this is meaningless to me. I mean what the hell does that have to do with anything?
You think I am “out of line” with my remarks, I think you (people who have emailed to bitch me out) are as silly as a goose and life goes on.
one thing that’s so great about you, elsa, is your knowledge of your own ‘true north’, what’s real and what isn’t. it shines through your work — very appealing.
in the volume of writing you have done, not once has anything you’ve said not fit cleanly into the rest of your stories. taurus mercury notices these things.
someone can lie to me a couple times and i’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, but after awhilem they always tend to fray apart, and the seams show.
besides, your words have weight. if that makes any sense *shrug*
you mean you were stuck out in the middle of nowhere for years without any significant contact with external culture and who knows what happened in that time frame, but that a lot of it was unpleasant? that really sounds about right in line with the stories you’ve been telling all along.
i dunno’ though. just as you can’t fool all the people all the time, you can’t convince them likewise of the truth, either.
particularl kinds of truths people don’t want to believe and actively resist? people can fight back hard against what they’re repressing about reality.
maybe you need to decide what is important for you to get across, and to who. and where. and how. and how much. or something like that.
“If someone does not believe you, you can produce evidence until you are blue and if my experience with this type thing gives any clue, the person or persons will not even look at it. In short, they don’t want the truth.”
This I understand more than words can express. Some people see what they want to see and hear what they want.
And I will add something that I also have experienced, it is the rarest of rare .. . once they have a mind set slotted of who you are, to shift that perspective.
My friends believe as do your friends Elsa.
And know what? The ones that don’t, well fuck them and the alternate reality they live in!
I’m glad you save your pictures.
Sometimes it takes me time to understand, but I always start out believing and end up believing too. When it comes to this matter, I get it.
I was wondering though Elsa, given your post the other day about exercising your mind, and so forth.. God forbid if there ever came a time when you could not write, or put things out there yourself, would you ever consent to having someone else tell your life story. Your son, for example? And do you think someone else would ever do your life story justice?
I ask because it just that rich and deep.
Hmmm…. I never thought to think that your stories weren’t real. I am more amazed at the power of your recall to the time and the atmospere I feel like I am there with you. Your writings are truly a gift to the reader(me). Thanks for sharing them.
xoxo
What an argument!
Might be my venus-neptune trine….but I’d never feel the need to question stories as long as they contain a healing message….
as Elsa says “I suppose this is the internet… we either believe each other or we don’t.”
By the way I just want to say to the people who feel disturbed by this “DO RECOGNISE THE HEALING PART” within….
this is the content you might be denying
in a pleace like the net truth is what you belive in…If you need tangible proofs, why are you sarching them in a pleace where you cannot look the person you are talking to in the eyes?
Elsa I absolutely belive you, not only (as the taurus mercur mentioned) you are trustworth….but your story are just powerfull (and maybe someone cannot take it)
Elsa, I am not sure whether you need another response on this post, but I am going to give it a try anyway. I know why I am sometimes confused on this blog (not that I don’t believe your stories, because I do. I believe it all. I have been reading since 2002, and I have never found a reason not to believe any of it), and it’s because you talk in code. I suppose this is to protect yourself, and it’s probably a good thing- you need boundaries and you have them.
To give you an example (this is not to criticize, only to illuminate what might be going on)- on your last post on the new wild card- you make a lot of statements at to how far out on the continuum you are, that you have another wildcard, that the soldier is also ‘out there’ etc. Nowhere in the post you tell us what the new wild card is (and very likely for very good reasons!). I mentioned I was getting annoyed reading it because I couldn’t understand the situation, until I realized it must be some very dire stuff.
Something similar happened a while back when you talked about your childhood and growing up hungry. It’s very different to hear ‘I grew up hungry’, or ‘I can relate to Elizabeth Fritzl’ and believe it based on those general statements, than when the details are spelled out. When you started talking about how you and your sister went without food, even though there was enough food in the house- the eating newspaper story- it became very real for me.
You talk/write very fast and often in abstract terminology (code), and I believe you lose some people there…because you don’t tell the nitty gritty of what went on it is difficult for people to imagine. They don’t have the building blocks to build the frame of reference.
Generally speaking: I don’t get why anyone would waste their time attacking you or anyone. If they don’t like the blog, etc, they can move along but instead have a bone to pick. Misplaced anger/aggression/insecurity/whatever. And why argue with you about your past/feelings/stories– again, makes no sense to me.
And if you identify with those gals, so be it. No doubt you have your reasons and you don’t need to share it with us. I just wish some readers were a little more emotionally sophisticated — or at least following along so they understood the context.
And I don’t know satori, but I can testify that pisces can be pretty fierce! In fact, I find this is the rule and not an anomaly
Okay, I read this last night, and then decided not to comment because of the “disagreement” (for lack of a better word) that broke out. I did not see really that mb was saying your story was not true - I think she just did not get the correlation, based on what she read. It just makes me sad to see what appears to be posters ganging up on one person - it just appeared to me that is what happened. That is what is hard about just writing your comments, there is no face to face, with mannerisms or gestures to further clarify the message. If there was something else going on here that I missed, forgive me. I just did not pick up that she was calling you a “liar”. I always find your stories very interesting, informative, and always believable. I hope very much that there will not be any resentment about my comment - I am not in any way trying to fuel more discord. But I don’t think someone should be told they have no right to voice their opinion, unless of course their opinion is clearly an attack. Anyway, just my 2 cents - hope I will still be welcome here.
Dorothy - of course you are welcome here.
Ambidee - my hands are tied in most cases. Maybe you saw Cinema Paradiso. If you did then you know that the last scene is what makes the movie and it is a LONG movie, point being the the last scene while very powerful is meaningless without the back story.
I am in a position where to tell the story that would provide context where the card could be understood or appreciated, takes more time than I have available especially when you consider the firestorm and confusion. The group here is just too large.
It’s not that I can’t tell the story but if so, I would have to do so in book form where it was out there and I could go live in the desert and forget about it because this method… well it is beyond challenging as this thread illustrates (to those who can parse data which I am convinced are few and far between).
maureen - my son may very well write but if he does he will write his own story because he already has one. He also doesn’t really know my story though he will some day to some extent if he grows up and reads because I have written a lot. Thing is, I have written so much who knows what he will read? He may skip right over this and this and this or not read at all.
I don’t find it possible to tell my story to any one person. It is too drowning, as I say so I just put parts of it here or there but am now considering this may no longer be smart or even possible.
See, as I mentioned the soldier also has a fantastic life and he does not tell anyone about it because they don’t believe him. He quit talking 20 years ago while I still make an attempt. The question I am struggling with now is whether I should quit making the attempt.
This blog is an elaborate show. It takes tremendous energy and experience to create it in this form and I think the strings behind the magic are pretty damned interesting so I try to show them to you. But when I am met with a chorus of “those aren’t strings” it becomes pretty pointless.
Now I can read the living shit out of an astrology chart and I can help people. I would go as far as to say that there is probably not a person on this planet I could not help / empower if they so desired and I did not just happen on this ability or get it out of a book. I got my ability via my extreme experience, and stories to make you laugh and cry and feel but I have come to a point where it seems I’d be better off to just do the work and let people ignore me as a human if that makes sense.
Er… go under the wire and stay there the same way the soldier does. Think you can sit in a group of military people and say you went through boot camp 3 times and be believed? ::laughes:: And do you know what going through boot camp 3 X in the scope of his career is? It’s nothing.
In other words, he can’t get people to believe his little toe and I am in a similar circumstance…
** now see that last sentence? It is the same as claiming affinity with the two girls. Surely I am lying / exaggerating / blah blah blah.
It’s too bad people like me and the soldier can’t talk but it seems to be the design of the world. How to live well in the design of the world as I can see it at this stage is my current curiosity, problem or quest but it really doesn’t matter.
What matters is I help as many people as I can in whatever ways I can figure out. I mean really this is all that matters because we are all going to die believing or not believing or whatever.
I just want to do my best.
Do not quit telling your stories. Even if you stopped telling them and started writing about something different like, I don’t know, soy usage, some jackass would show-up and say that you don’t know what you are talking about.
sometimes too (in my experience) you can explain things until you are blue in the face and it does no good. You can (hypothetically speaking) bring in expert witnesses, all kinds of proof, even God himself, and it does no good. People believe what they want to believe. THey also get mad sometimes when others are bold with their truth/life/whatever. They wish they could do the same or don’t want others to do the same…
This may be a far off analogy. Yeah, probably very far off. But reminds me of homophobic people who get so angry at homosexuals. There is something in them that relates but it’s too too much for them to deal with and it turns into this twisted hatred. Am not talking about the poster here but in general…
I do feel often though that people have kneejerk reactions/responses to your blog and then they comment totally without thinking, without understanding the context (i.e. 1000’s of previous blog posts). They read something that challenges them and BAM. Sure, it’s fine to voice an opinion but at least voice an informed (and sensitive???) opinion? Be a critical thinker, a critical reader, try to understand the nuance of what someone is saying or trying to say, give them the benefit of the doubt. Eh, probably too much to ask for cyberspace. I guess it just bugs me is all. And again, about those two girls/women, if you relate to them: then you do. Case closed. Why should it bother me? It doesn’t. It only bothers me in that they lived through horrific things and I wish you also had not lived through horrific things.
And I guess (new) readers don’t realize this at first, but this blog is an ongoing story/situation– like life! It may not make much sense if you read one post. You won’t really get the depth and the details, even though you’ll enjoy it.
I think people get mad at you, Elsa, because you have guts and you write from a fearless place.
Hope some of my thoughts made sense here… there is always a gap between intention and the words, the result…..
darn, i wrote a long comment and i think it disappeared! maybe a sign from the gods haha
And i agree with Tam…
“soy usage” lol
Elsa,
(Sorry if this double posts..first one got lost somewhere!)
I read this last evening when you posted it, just your experience, not all of the following comments because your story itself really shook me. I am not easily shaken, and rarely surprised by anything, but something about your story really hit home for me.
Last night, I saw the ‘obvious’ in it for myself..I too had a wonderful ‘benefactor’ if you will, at the age of 15 when I was on the streets of Flagstaff as a runaway. His name was John. Years later I would tell people how he was my ‘angel’, and to this day I absolutely know he was. Others though, always think there was more to his intentions and I KNOW that is not true, because I have been subjected time and time again to THOSE kinds of people and their ‘intentions’.
So anyway..to read your story and see the parallel to my own, well..that shook me in a very deep way, not sure I know all of exactly why yet, but it did.
This morning though I realized something, about how it feels when no one believes you, even when there are others that can substantiate what you recount..I know quite well how it feels to have a Jerry Springer guest-of-the-day, everyday..kind of life.
You see, I have this very dear friend, who has been around these past years while I have been trying to figure out and put to rest in some way all of my past ’shit’. So, I tell him all this stuff that comes up, the stuff no one either wants to hear, or just simply they won’t believe. Now he, my friend, usually says nothing at all during the whole pouring out of ‘this was this, and that was that’. Often, even when I am done speaking, he says nada. I used to not know what to make of that, so I would say to him something like. “So, do you UNDERSTAND?”, or, “OH..you don’t believe me, do you?”…and you know what he would always say to me? He’d say, ‘Honey, it doesn’t matter if I understand or believe, it only matters if YOU do’.
That, is a real gem for me..something solid and workable that has brought me miles from where I was before I met him and he offered that to me.
Maybe for some of us, that is what it is all about..the lesson of others not believing us..maybe it is all a part of us learning to completely and totally believe ourselves, and in ourselves, no matter what. There’s a lot of healing and strength in that. I see that in you Elsa…you’ve got it in spades.
Elsa - I just want to clarify that I was talking to mb, which I should have put in my post. Other posts must’ve come in while I was typing.
I was saying something exactly like what Kashmiri said, I didn’t read this particular Jim story as illustrating why you have an affinity with those particular kidnapped women. I assumed there were other stories that formed that affinity.
I do agree that there is a “ganging up” quality on these boards (similar to what Dorothy was saying), it used to be a *lot* worse than it is now. But I don’t attribute that to you, I attribute that to the internet being what it is.
I thought I remembered that you wrote a book and were going to publish it. Did that ever happen? I’d read it, personally, for sure. Memoirs are often popular with the public as well… you can publish under a pen name too…
The “code talking” comment is something that I’ve found to be true. When you add that to the whole internet factor, it is more of a problem than, say, a printed book would be (not saying it’s right, just saying that seems to be the prevailing view in the world). I am not suggesting that you should do anything differently, only mentioning how it comes across to me, one person among millions, because you seem to be in a lot of pain about that whole situation of being understood/believed.
Anyway, my attitude has always been “it’s your blog, do what you want” for any of the blogs I read.
I’m sorry if my comment upthread was wrong or misconstrued somehow. Wouldn’t be the first time.
Actually, Tam, I think this story ends the other way. When I was a kid I tried like hell to tell the soldier of the extreme impediment I had as far as marrying him went, problems which to this day remains largely unfathomable. After a prolonged, painful and protracted effort, I offered him these words to explain:
“Why won’t you marry me?”
“Because Tucson is an Estes home town,” I said.
I never said anything more because it was pointless, he simply could not hear me so wtf can you do? The truth sounds like gibberish. Spouting gibberish offers a respite which after awhile a person had got to have.
I can’t put my life in a book. I wrote a 650 page book and did not even scratch the surface so I doubt that is the answer.
Yes but….there is someone in my life that can not see or hear me and never will. I’m still going to keep on being me.
I’m not telling you what to do, I’m just saying that there are just some people that will never understand, and some that don’t even what to. If it wasn’t important to the scheme of things, then God would have made you different. I just feel, which doesn’t mean I’m right, that is critical that you be yourself.
It just really hurts my feelings and makes me mad when someone just pops-up out of the blue and attacks you. I just don’t think it’s about the stories, I think it’s just who they are.
Like someone said above, I never really thought to question their validity. I love your stories Elsa, and can’t wait for your book…
I remember the very early public writing, Elsa, and that even then you took a hell of a lot of heat for being who you are.
All these years, and it never crossed my mind not to believe you. I haven’t had a life as intense as you have had, but I’ve had my share of “how the hell did that bad thing work out exactly perfect in the long term for me” moments. I realized a few days ago that I have had an abundance of those moments. Even if I can’t quite figure out the astrology, I know it is both a gift and a curse until viewed in hindsight.
i’ve got 1 or 2 cents to throw in here, but i gotta go to class right now and it’s taking too long to formulate. will reply later.
Reading and puzzled that anyone would disbelieve something you make an effort to share, also reading that all here do very much appreciate your hospitality and think highly enough of you to be pretty open, just not finding their way through the words, and who knows,maybe me neither.. I wouldn’t presume, but do seek to support someone who offers me hospitality here.
Although you do speak in code, so would anyone trying to keep a degree of privacy around the details of what clearly has been an intense, unique and hard to fathom experience of childhood, the one place we should be safe.
Sometimes when childhood is unsafe, there is confusion and disbelief that someone trusted to nurture could and did betray them, and that disbelief can filter through impersonal associations.
I know someone a little like that, who feels that when she talks about the stuff no-one likes to hear, but none of us should ignore, it’s as if she is behind a glass wall yelling, unheard. She’s a great nurturer,healer and a marvellous storyteller, she has a Mercury/Mars conjunction on her desc and a prominent Neptune.
In my experience,Astrologers are often born from complex personal roots, also so often healers are wounded, which is why they understand pain and heal so well.
I am hearing the data and translating it to read..many lines have been crossed, and while you are fearless and strong and obviously very giving, it is wrong that you should have had to endure what little even I have read. I could see you shrugging that off as a a tough survivor, as would my Mercury/Mars lady..she’d nip at me for being “soft” tell me she is tough..but she’s human, and a hug never goes amiss. ((((((Elsa))))) you are who you are, thank you for being you.
From my perspective I think most people walk around without thinking that they have to stop and listen to other people’s language as it were. How does a mercury in scorpio talk to a mercury in aries? It happens but true communication only comes about through patience and understanding that they are communicating from their perspective and using their tools. Easy with friends and loved ones. Can talk all day until you finally understand one another. I find it incredibly enlightening to be here and to interact with confidence in oneself - knowing we are part of a group - and yet respect of others. But other people don’t see it this way. Some people who stop by think this is just a blog on the net - somewhere to chat - to agree or disagree - and the amount of their sophistication or not comes across in how they agree or disagree. I think the majority of the group either have this ability to respectfully be part of a group (and learn more and more and more about astrology) and gravitate here, or don’t but come here to learn how to interact in this way. And it’s because it is incredibly enlightening and gives tremendous control to us as individuals.
So someone new comes and says “I just don’t think your story is the same as those abused women who had babies with father figures. You were protected! Not the same.” And Elsa reads it as being disbelieved etc. And it is true. In the language it is there “I just don’t think your story is the same”. Another may have the same mercury and be able to transcode but it’s in the sophistication.. the arrogance(?) maybe of believing that you don’t have to expand on or explain your post and that you can dismiss their experience through the simple words of “it’s not the same”. I believe that this is what is at the root of it the majority of the time. And how much you are wrapped up solely in your point of view and belief that you can spew it without backlash if given without respect, comes shining through to the other and the group who are walking around going “sorry i stepped on your pluto there”.. “oops that triggered my mars.. hope it helped in some way.. shit no.. i’ll be more considerate next time”.
So if one were wondering about the “gang” mentality here I believe it’s a direct result of Elsa’s unhooking the majority here from something in their life - something sought through the study of astrology - escape from the poultry factory maybe - and hence we are all shiny chickens running around the yard :D.
And it makes me smile to realize this. And allows me to love all the time. Love others. Love those in pain. Love myself through a tough time. Love all the signs and learn.. and through the learning love the experiences in real life too.
I want Elsa to tell her stories because it’s enlightening. Even if spoken in code or confusing to me (and obvious as day to another). Doesn’t matter. It’s when something written such as imagine explaining your deep experience at 9 and then 10 to another and having them discount it that blows my mind and reveals the depth of our isolated experiences and the challenge to integrate and form a collective.
I hope MB got something from this.
I don’t really see a “ganging up” mentality here. I do see people sharing their opinions, including their opinions on other people’s opinions. The fact that the majority of people who commented disagree with someone doesn’t mean they’re “ganging up” on that person or bullying them. If you post a comment on someone’s blog, you essentially participate in a conversation. When the comment that you post annoys or pisses off someone, well, that happens sometimes when people try to communicate.
Elsa, you’re loved by a large community here.
I hope everyone here supports you with their donations, too.
You have a true gift with a very tough job, but you enrich so many people’s lives. This is a healing space.
And I love the way you write. It’s like a beautiful puzzle that comes together more each day.
Awww, Elsa. That’s awesome!!! I can identify because according to my friends, I have one of the “craziest” lives ever. As a matter of a fact, they often hang out with me just to hear “what happens next.” To me it is “normal.” I don’t even realize it is as “crazy” as it is because it’s an everyday thing for me. I am 21, soon to be 22 and I have been through most in my short years than others have been through in an entire lifetime.
Now, if I choose to share these stories of mine with people, it’s with people I trust. If they in turn go and tell others, and other people don’t believe that the stories are true… I laugh it off and say “whatever.” It’s my life, I’m the one who lives it everyday. I think I’d know. And I’d never fashion a story anyways, I hate lying.
I started reading your blog a couple of years ago, but only every once in a while. Now I’m almost addicted haha. I love astrology and the way that you can relate it to real life matters is amazing to me. I’m no expert, but I know a few things and you make it so much easier to understand.
Just keep moving, if they choose not to believe you, and you know what you say is the truth, to hell with them.
*Waving from Texas* Hey y’all.
But seriously though, they are probably attacking you because they are jealous that their life doesn’t have something that “exciting.” Even if to people like us, it’s hardly an exciting situation to be in. As a matter of a fact, I’ll go ahead and say a lot of the situations I’ve been in lean more towards painful than exciting. But in 20/20 hindsight it’s okay. They shape me into who I’m supposed to be. And if someone doesn’t like that, or can’t appreciate that, then I don’t need them in my life. They can bitch about it until the sun turns gray, I don’t care. It’s falling on deaf ears because I’ll be onto the next “crazy” thing.
Y’all have a great day!
thanks for defending my balls, Elsa. 
they’re big and they’re brass and I currently only bother to drag them out in real life. anything I say online I would absolutely say in real life. it’s not my problem if someone doesn’t believe that.
Elsa, you have had and continue to have an awesome, energetic and miraculous life! I believe you!
Yes, I think that sharing so much, so honestly ,probably cuts into the astrology business you could have. (And I’m SURE you have a busy practice to begin with..)
It’s all a matter of what you REALLY want to share.. and with whom.
A very busy astrological practice can be energizing and is an important gift!
And then, your most close buddies and confidantes–maybe you can share the REST OF YOU with just the chosen????? (OR–write a book..?)
Just my thoughts– I am a Pisces rising and don’t share a lot of my very “out there” thoughts with too many –just a few..
And most of my astr. clients aren’t really interested in ME–it’s all about THEM..
I see my ROLE in the world of astrology as an encourager and inspire-r.. so my appts. are about that..
My OWN beliefs and life and stories? Like yours..too many UN BELIEVEABLE ONES also, - and I don’t want my past (or my miracles..) trampled on!!!!
okay,I had another thought here– not to be rude– but–WHAT IS IT YOU ARE NEEDING TO SHARE ELSA??
ASTROLOGY or–YOUR STORY??
They are two significant and magnificent parts of you– but maybe so different that focusing your blog on one or the other would be..??More productive?
Easier?
More meaningful?
it all boils down to: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH US?
I do get caught up in the stories sometimes, but then,I go looking for more ASTROLOGY–
your personal story has a lot of loose ends (Or,I do lose the thread sometimes, since I don’t read as carefully as some of the others. Yes, sometimes I am left wondering– what happened to your kids, why you went hungry,etc.etc.
but then,I try to get focused back on the astrology.
I think a BOOK (or a BLOG) JUST ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND EXPERIENCES would be fascinating -
cause you do get some of us wondering about the loose ends you don’t tie up!
But then I remind myself,I am here for astrology and I skip over some of the personal, often cryptic, stories that are often confusing..
I love your astro-insight Elsa..I get confused by some of the personal stories from way long time ago–
I think having the marriage coming up is bringing up a lot of the past!!!!
…i think the world needs reminding that life is crazy and weird… there’s a pressure to normalize everything and gloss over the unusual… i think because it’s a threat the the status quo. and people can have massive investments in that status quo (even if they hate it) beause it’s often so tightly wound in with how they structured their ego.
so “crazy” life stories are a kind of potential awakening that any number of people could feel threatened by.
we don’t have enough people sharing reality- stranger- than- fiction. exactly because of this intense pressure to conform to some boring, normalized “consensus” version of reality (the strongest currents in the collective unconscious)…
because then even unhappy people don’t think about the fact that their have infinitely more power over their lives than they think, because they’ve convinced themselves of an extraordinarily small set of possibilities…
I don’t question your stories. I love your stories. I love stories. Your life doesn’t seem so impossible. If some people have very boring lives where nothing happens then it only makes sense that others would have very busy and diverse lives.
I can’t really imagine Elsa doing Life without Astrology, or Astrology without Life — they’re interdependent, intertwined, and to concentrate on just one would, in my opinion, weaken the whole. I like that Elsa shares bits and pieces, giving us a little kaleidoscope glimpse into who she is and the events that help to form her as well as her view on astrology. She’s willing to show us the human context as well as the astrological content, and you just don’t get that everywhere. It’s a big part of why I read this site as opposed to other sites that may be more “informative” in terms of reams of content, but deadly dull in terms of context.
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I just don’t think your story is the same as those abused women who had babies with father figures. You were protected! Not the same.