What if I’m telling a tenant of the house that he needs to pay rent and he needs to actually clean in accordance with the cleaning schedule.

I’ll admit I kind of went off on him. I got tired of the childish tantrums and personal attacks I get every time I ask him for rent or ask him to wash his dishes in the sink. He’s a scorpio with an aquarius moon and a cancer asc. He’s also the youngest in the house - 22.

I’m the one who is the house manager. I collect rents and use it to buy house supplies and pay utilities and get the repair guy out etc. etc.

I did use the “you need” language and “now” … is that an inappropriate situation to use such language? I will admit that I’m pretty angry at this guy as he’s pretty much a freeloader and has used up a great deal of goodwill with me.

It probably wouldn’t be so difficult for me to stomach if he weren’t - at the same time - so much complaining about other tenants and demanding of me to do this or that right now with regards to things getting changed at the house (it’s old and needs lots of work)

argh. sorry. pluto mars is still in effect for me!

while I understand what Mud is saying I do believe Elsa is still correct (and I am guilty of using “you need” statements). I think when Mud says “you need” what I see is that Mud needs this guy to do these things, rightfully so. through the tenants actions, or lack thereof, the tenant is saying, “no, screw you, I need to be a total douche with no regard for anyone else.”

“you need” is power-tripping language that can trigger knee-jerk reactions in others. the best way to avoid that trap is through “I” statements. I seriously have to watch my language or I can “you need” myself into passive-aggression and a power-grabbing standoff.

Well, this is rather a Mars-Pluto issue, because Saturn is about limits and this kind of people don’t know them. And the stronger Pluto in terms of exerting power telling others what they need to do, the more our Mars becomes enraged. It may be a good idea to send them to the 12th house too, total immersion, washed away - So, I need to…what did you say?

In fact, i severed a relationship here the day Pluto went direct for just having had it with this person doing that to me. I have seriously done my best to edit it out the “you” in conversations, especially heated ones that can devolve into finger pointing. nasty business, as in the rhetorical “Who elected YOU god?!”

Martha Stewart said “It’s a good thing.”

“It’s all good” is something I believe started as African-American vernacular and then became generalized.

I thought I should update because I complainted so loudly here. They guy that didn’t want to clean or pay rent. He moved out this morning.

I almost feel guilty for holding him accountable. But… His family came to help him and he and his father spoke with the owner of the house - my SO. My SO is home only about 1/2 of the month at most, which is why I manage the house. I, of course, give him regular updates and he was aware that there has been a problem for sometime now.

In any sense, he spoke with my SO who asked some valid questions. They guy kept answering no, while his father stood to the side shaking his head in disbelief.

So there you have it. He’s gone. We’re screening for someone who will pay rent and clean on the cleaning schedule. Here’s to hoping.

I think this is the first time I’ve used my anger in a self-righteous, self-protecting manner. I usually stuff my anger when it’s something having to do with me. I am only ever good at protecting other people. So this is an uncomfortable feeling. But, in trade for getting to use my energy to protect myself I promise to not tell anyone “You need” for the next two years, but instead to ask them “what do you want?” and “does that make you happy”

Those are the words I want to come out of my mouth!!

I KNOW!
This is just what I’m going through right now. Everyone wants to live my life for me, or tell me how to do it “their way”. It’s so unbearable!

Ana, I don’t think you really mean “stop doing your part”. Knowing your boundaries is important, but projecting onto others for not recognizing what you contribute will only lead to disappointment and resentment, which is when someone is most likely to give up. Otherwise, I agree with you.
I think Blair makes a good point, what we often do not get from others is support and that is perhaps all we need.

thanks Ana… and MudLS, I hope I didn’t give the impression that I was expecting you to disempower yourself. I totally support you in telling everyone, loud and clear, “I NEED!” I’m really glad you’re on your way to getting a housemate you can live with!

My mom, an Aquarius, says something akin to “to each his own” and has a friend that tries to force on her what she needs to do.
On that note, I kind of disagree with this rant because with a packed 6th house in Cancer, I’m trying to help people do what they need to do. If I feel like there’s nothing I can do for them, I give them advice. I believe that if there’s some small way I can help people do what they need to do without having them schlep it out, I’ll do it. P.S. With Saturn in Virgo, people are turning my attention to the “brain to mouth filter” as a kid I know with tourette’s coined it. A friend of mine with whom I was having a conversation about his new healthy regimen told me that he has a back mind that comes up with fresh ideas and a front mind that censors and edits them. He thinks that when he repeats the ideas of his front mind, they lose their original integrity and become stale. Maybe he’s trying to edit over the editing to go back to the original product?

This was an eye-opener for me. I have been watching what people say (ans what I say) since you first posted this blog, and it’s pretty awful. Especially now I’m sick people ALL know what I should do and should not do. Not that they’re willing to just cut some slack.

Hi Elsa,
I just recently left a three year relationship that felt very “Saturn”. He was constantly telling me what I needed to do….drove me bonkers!! I totally understand what you’re saying. It drives me nuts too!!

This is my husband. OMG. He’s a Capricorn, and since he thinks he’s so good at managing things, he thinks he knows what’s best for…me. It drives me up the wall.

I tune him out and go on with my own plans. Drives HIM up the wall.

My Aries ASC and Libra Jupiter square his Sun very closely. IMHO, Aries (of course) and Capricorn, unlike Cancer and Libra, aren’t subtle about how pushy they are. It’s always fun at my house, as you can guess.

Sounds more like patronising “I know best” Pluto in Sag more than anything else. Maybe Saturn in Virgo is the backlash..

dolce … a friend of mine has a saying that amuses me: “Don’t should on yourself”

Please do! I keep it around to remind me about my attitudes. That and a little bit of sparkly dust for when I just need to be silly.

Faith Popcorn, the futurist/trend forecaster mentioned a few years ago that it’s a trend for us to have more people becoming quasi-experts on everything even though they may not have direct experience, because of how much info is available to us online (ie. google).

I have a particular asteroid in virgo as well as mercury in libra which I attribute to really wanting to get feedback from people. As independent as I can be for the most part, having people give me advice is really nourishing to me; I like a variety of input, but I don’t like to be told what to do per se. I love when people ask questions or present options too. Some people are not like this, but I am.

I’ve seen this video before. I laughed my ass off both times.

“It’s all good…” I remember when my younger brother started saying that and I was like “What the frig are you talking about?”